In a cloudy afternoon after my class, I headed to the cemetery to visit my mom’s grave. However, when I was about to leave the cemetery, I saw my name in a grave stone, and it was written that my death will be tomorrow’s date. . .

     My hands were trembling as I caressed my hands against the carved letters. The pressure was rising to my throat. I bit my lower lip, trying to suppress the sobs. The wind just got colder. And the gloom started to wraparound my heart.

     This can’t be true! Fuck. I am not going to die! Who the hell created this grave?! I can’t just die because of this!

     “Relax, Via, this is just a dream,” I even convinced myself. But seconds passed. . .and everything seemed so real. I slumped myself at the grass, trying not to lash out. I precluded myself at doing anything stupid.

     I’m on my twenty-first year of living. Months later, I will be graduating with the degree program of Bachelor of Arts in Communication.

     I’m halfway through my dreams. I wanted to fulfill everything I have always imagined doing.

     “Gosh.” My tears began falling. Without even thinking, I immediately get rid of those. “Stop crying, Via. Just contemplate,” I voiced out my thoughts.

     I feel all emotions at once at this moment. It was overwhelming. My chest was starting to constrict and I suddenly felt the difficulty to breathe.

     “Think, Via, think,” I profusely told myself.

     I had plans since I was a kid. I even listed my bucket list, because I had long known that life’s a journey, and there is a corresponding destination.

     So, I thought that I can’t reach my destination yet without having a blissful journey.

     I have already jotted down itineraries of places I wanted to visit years ago, picturing myself enjoying the ravishing sceneries they acquire.

     Countries like Canada, Korea, Singapore are on my list. I would also love to satisfy myself going to Egypt, Brunei, Israel and China because of their sumptuous ancient civilization.

     Above all those spots, Japan was my favorite. I’ve always dreamed about catching cherry blossoms in midair. I also wanted to try their specialties, since I have discovered that regarding to cuisine, they have so much to brag about.

     Minutes goes on. . .and on. . .and I just pondered about those things. Because maybe just in my mind, I could think that they were simply memories rather than a dream.

     “Shit,” I muttered. I fished my phone in my pocket, having the thought of dialling someone.

     “Hello?”

     I burst out to tears upon hearing her voice.

     “What the hell, Via? Why are you crying?!” Sudden annoyance hit me, so I put away my phone from my ear. Her voice’s too high-pitched.

     I continued sobbing, hugging my knees using my arm. “Trish, take care of my Dad.”

     “You’re talking as if you’re gonna die tomorrow, Via.” I could even imagine that she rolled her eyes.

     I bawled louder. Redundant as it may seem, but it was the proper way of describing how scared I am about my life.

     “Please take care of him. . .”

     “Stop, Viatriz! I’m not in the mood to hear your nonsensical remarks.”

     “But—!”

     “I’m hanging up. I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Bye! Love yah!”

     I pressed my eyes tighter, and more tears streamed down my face. How can’t she recognize that I am seriously going to die tomorrow?! Even if I’m in my last hours of my life, she’s still pretty annoying.

     The wind blew again. For the last time, I shot a glance at my mom’s grave.

     “Mom, I just can’t believe this.”

     Biting my lip hardly, I tasted something metallic.

     “I had always wanted to be with you wherever you are. But not now, Mom. I have goals and plans. I’m getting there, and then this?” I sighed. “But maybe this is the time. . .”

     While fixing my things, which was scattered because I threw it before I started having my life and death situation, my heartbeat got faster and faster.

     This is it.

     I decided to surrender my last words to my Dad. And most especially. . .to him.

    Not wanting to waste any seconds, I ran fastly as I could. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead as I seize this memorable moment of my life.

     I reached the main entrance of cemetery for about an aeon. I heaved heavy breaths because of exhaustion.

     And then, I realized that I was stupid for almost curtailing my life span.

     By just running ceaselessly.

     Great.

•~•~•

     “Dad!”

     When I reached home, I immediately called dad. But no one answered. I almost felt my heart skipped a beat.

     “D-dad?”

     I tried to search him in every corners of the house. Driven by panic, I almost tried to see if he was on the slightest gap of the walls.

     I checked backyard, but no to avail. I checked the roof, thinking if he was suddenly in the mood of appreciating the sun’s glory. But still no one was there.

     Where the hell is he?! Gosh! This is the first time he hasn’t responded instantly.

      I thought I am the one who’s going to die! But it seems that my father was the. . .god, I can’t even imagine living my life without him.

     Again, I cried. I laid myself to the floor, wailing my heart out. I regretted that I arrived late! If I just came earli—

     “Via! What are you doing?”

     I averted my gaze to the door. And from the door’s frame was my father’s figure. He looked at me with profound confusion.

     “D-dad?”

     “You are getting weir—” I cut his statement off when I ran to hug him tightly. “—der.” And then he also enveloped his arms around me.

     “Daddy.” I sobbed against his chest. “I thought I lost you,” I admitted.

     “Silly,” he replied while chuckling. “I will never leave you, dear.” He ruffled my hair.

     He ushered me to the kitchen. I willingly come with him, but he had the hard time walking because I didn’t let go of my hands.

     “V, don’t make yourself heavier.”

     “Heavier?”

     “You’re pretty heavy, it is innate.”

     I screamed because of his annoying remark. He just boisterously laughed and then kissed my hair.

     “What are you cooking, Dad?” I asked as I smelled the pleasing aroma coming from the kitchen.

     “Porridge,” he replied.

     I frowned. “Seriously?” I expected something more delicious than that.

     He get rid of my arms before answering, “what’s wrong with porridge? I craved for this food since the season’s becoming cold and windy.”

     I kept my mum. Dad’s a competitive man. He always wants to voice out everything that seems competition for him. Luckily, in a cool and calm way.

     After cooking, Dad invited me to eat with him at the backyard. But, I know better. He just wanted someone to help him set the dinner table.

     When all things were set, we started eating the food he had cooked. Honestly speaking, it was really delectable more than my judgment.

     “Not delicious, huh,” Dad said while smirking. I just stuck out my tongue to him.

     We were feeding ourselves silently under the trees in the backyard. While eating, I always glance at my father’s face. He looks so serene.

     “Dad. . .”

     He glanced at me while smiling. The spoon’s still inside his mouth.

     I swallowed the lump inside my throat. He’s making it harder for me to leave, because I can’t erase that euphoric smile.

     He looks at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world. Since my mom died, it had been difficult for him to move on.

     And now that he’s done at that state, I can’t just give him another burden. He had enough.

    “Dad, what’s the greatest meaning of life in your own understanding?”

     I suppressed the uncontrollable sobs.

     He caressed his chin. “Hmmm. . .life is living, V. And if you just exist, then it is not probably worthy enough to be called life.”

     “What’s the difference, Dad?” I asked, even though I actually know the diversity between the two.

     “You are a communication student, V.” He took a spoon of porridge. “Don’t ask as if you don’t know.”

     I scowled. “Dad! You are so mean!”

     He just laughed.

     We talked about lot of things. Specifically, about life and death. I always end up frowning because he has his effortless ways of diverting the topic. And he? He always end up laughing.

     Why can I leave someone if I’m the reason of his happiness?

     “Dad. . .”

     He was laughing really hard.

     “Dad. . .what if I die tomorrow?”

     In a blink of an eye, he grew silent.

     “That’s not a good joke, V,” he seriously said. “Enough.”

     “Just what if, Dad.” I rolled my eyes to him. “What you’re gonna do?” I uttered, almost a whisper.

    His breathing become labored. And I could even see the stiffness of his body. “V, I don’t want to talk about those things.”

     “Da—”

     “Shit.”

     My lips parted. That was the first time I heard him cussed. He never uttered a profanity in his entire life. Have I already mentioned that he’s the type of man that always goes in a Christian church every Sunday?

     “Why do you talk like you’re saying goodbye?” He bit his lip. I have never expected to see him broken by just a single question.

     My heart sank.

     “Dad. . .”

     My thoughts were clouded at the sight of him. I attempted to speak, but instead of words, sobs became my substitute.

     “It’s been five years since I lost your mom. It was excruciating, do you know that? I talked to God about how painful it was. Since then, I prayed that if it’s possible, he could prolong my life until a hundred years.”

     It became harder to breathe in because of his confession.

     “And those prayers are because of you, V. I have always wanted to see you everyday of my life. I would love to see you arriving home, with your face exhausted because of your schoolworks. And then, when I kiss your hair, you’ll begin to smile.”

     I finally let go of my sobs when tears fell from my dad’s eyes. I reached for his trembling hands and enclosed it with mine. He seems more afraid than I am. And his eyes continued to twinkle because of his tears.

     “I just can’t lose you like that, dear. Not yet.” And I began feeling the pain more when I saw his shoulders shaking because of severe dismay.

     I wanted to laugh at how horrible his face was. But how can I laugh when I’m not even sure of tomorrow? What if it really happens?

     “Dad, you’re cheeks are like crushed tomato,” I cracked a joke. His face was so reddened. “Stop crying. I won’t die tomorrow. As you said, not yet.”

     His face brightened a bit.

     But I was lying.

     That’s what I hate good-byes. It can’t guarantee you that after it happened, that person will return.

     After our heartfelt conversation, Dad decided to fix the mess we inflicted. We started fixing the utensils and the table before we headed back inside.

     I jumped out of surprise when I saw a man sitting on our sofa. Dad didn’t even look shocked.

     “Oh, you’re here, Zyron,” Dad acknowledged. “You are pretty confident to sneak inside our house, huh?” Dad smirked.

     I slapped Dad’s arms.

     “Ouch.” He chuckled. His face was back to its cheerful state. “I didn’t say anything wrong!”

     “Good evening, Sir.”

     My eyes were fixated to Zyron who stood up formally. I mean, where have he been? He looks so formal with his long-sleeved polo. And god. . .his haircut shouts decent aura.

     Dad rushed out to the living room and accompanied Zyron. “You look so handsome today, Zy.” My father even had the guts to wriggle his eyebrows!

     Ugh! He’s embarrassing me in front of Zyron!

     “Thank you, Sir.” Zyron brushed his nape. “My pleasure to have your compliment.” He bowed his head.

     Dad kiddingly punched Zyron in his stomach. “Silly, formality doesn’t suit you, lad.” And they both chuckled.

     Suddenly, Zyron’s gaze landed upon me. I quickly averted my attention to my Dad, whose arms are on Zyron’s shoulder, wiggled his eyebrows. . .again.

    Gosh, they’re both annoying!

     “V-via!” Zyron called my name.

     I hated how it sounded so dearly.

     “Guys, talk,” Dad simply said. But it was meaningful. “I’ll leave you two.”

     And the atmosphere got heavier when Dad finally left outside the picture.

     “Why are you here?” I asked him.

     “Can I talk to—”

     “No, Zyron.”

     Heart beats faster.

     Hands getting colder.

     “Sorry.”

     It takes one word to stop my world from spinning. Fuck.

     “What the hell, Zyron?”

     He heaved a deep sigh. “Please, talk to me privately.”

     “Fuck you.”

     He chuckled with a hint of. . .sadness? “Yeah. Fuck me.”

     In the end, I resigned hardening my heart. I invited him to come with me at the backyard.

     “Talk.”

     “V, I’m sorry.”

     I scoffed. “Sorry for what?”

     I can’t understand why he made his way here just to fucking say that he’s sorry?!

     My breathing was hitched because of suppressed anger. I can’t see his face right now because it’s getting dark.

     “You are wasting your time, Zyron.” Gods. My heart’s pounding real hard. “What’s done is done.”

     But he stepped closer.

     “Gods. I want to kiss you right now.”

     And closer.

     “Stop this madness, Zyron.”

     And closer.

     Until we’re just inches apart.

     He bit his lip. “Forgive me, please.”

     “I already did, Zyron.”

     His eyes glistened. I could comprehend the depth of his loneliness whenever I looked in his eyes. “But does it mean that we should be together again?” I asked rhetorically.

     “Via. . .”

     “I’m going to die tomorrow, Zy.”

     His lips parted. And it parted more when I caressed his cheeks. “I love you, Zy. But this isn’t enough.” I caressed his eyebrows.

     “You’re lying.”

     “Both of my statements were true, asshole.”

     And then we both chuckled.

     “Why?” he asked. He looked a bit uplifted. “How do you know that you’re going to die?” He seemed also afraid.

     “I just know,” I alibied. “Don’t tell anyone about this.” Because I don’t want to give them nightmares.

     “Why?”

     “Stop asking whys.”

     He seemed doubting.

     “Promise me, Zy,” I pleaded.

     He held both of my hands. Tears were pooling in his eyes. And suddenly, I found myself praying to God to prolong my life.

     I wasted so much time having grudges to him. I realized that after all, I still want him. . .us.

     “Yes, I p-promise,” he stuttered.

     I tiptoed, just enough for me to plant a soft kiss in his cheek. It tasted salty when his tears fell to my lips.

     And another rainstorm in my eyes was formed when I felt his arms around me.

     When the hug broke, I flashed a genuine smile at him before telling him that he should go.

     He seemed hesitant. “Via. . .”

     “Goodbye, Zy,” I uttered.

     He crashed my body to his. And then I felt his lips on my forehead. “Shit. I will miss you.”

     After that, when midnight came, I was just staring at the window. My face was being lit by the moon. Just as my body was blanketed, I also felt the heightening fear and loneliness.

     I waited while crying. I pondered about my memories in the Earth. So that, just in my death, I thought of something blissful.

     But hours came, still, the pang of death hasn’t devoured me yet. My eyes were already bloodshot and puffy. I could also feel the sleepiness.

     “Maybe, I died already without even noticing it,” I said to myself. And then I bawled again. “Goodbye, Earth!” I was sobbing uncontrollably. “Gosh! Maybe I was asphyxiated between my cries!”

     I silently went downstairs. I found Dad reading a newspaper while sipping his cup of coffee.

     My knees were wobbling as I slowly stepped frontwards. I will surely miss him.

     “Dad. . .” I unconsciously uttered.

     He lifted his face. “Oh, good morning, dear! Sorry, I didn’t notice you instantly. The news were immersing.”

     I gasped dramatically. “You can see me, Dad?” My eyes went wide.

     He creased his forehead. “What are you talking about?”

     I reached for his face. While he, on the other hand, looking at me with confusion. “You are weird.”

     “D-dad!” I broke down to tears, again. “Gosh! Am I dreaming?!”

     “Enlighten me, young lass.”

     “The grave said I’m going to die this day!”

     He got more confused. “Grave? You are creeping me out, V,” he said gravely.

     “The grave right beside Mom’s.”

     The confusion was immediately transferred to me when he guffawed.

      “What the hell, Dad?!” I haven’t said anything funny! “Stop laughing!” I hollered.

      “There’s funny!” he even said.

      “What?!”

      “That isn’t your grave!”

      “H-huh?” I incredulously uttered.

     He was wiping his tears off. “That’s your cousin’s grave, you brat!”

     “How?!” I don’t even know that I had a cousin whose name was same as mine.

     “Before your birth, your aunt gave birth to a child. And that child died on this day.”

     “What about the name?”

     “Your aunt named her baby Viatriz. But when the baby died, she requested to name you after her late daughter. Good thing, we haven’t named you at that time yet.”

     “Is that even possible?”

     “Your mom passed out after giving birth! But before that, she already warned me about her passing out. If that happens, according to her, she told me not to name you until she wakes up.”

     But the year. . .

     “You’re thinking about the year, right?” He laughed again. “You just overreacted that you forgot to look at the year.” He laughed harder.

     “Dad! Your laugh’s insulting!”

     “I love you, dear, but it doesn’t make you less stupid.”

     “Argh! Stop insulting me!”

     He broke again in laughter.

     This was the humiliating day of my life! Gosh! I think it’s better if I really ceased to exist than to live with this shame!