People say that in life you get what you give, what you do in your time is surely what you will receive. That if you treat people nice then you are bound to get what you gave back because that is how the world works. The problem is I don't recall all the long nights, all the beatings, and all the nights laying in bed pinning every situation on myself.

By God I have to whisper to myself as I lie alone crying myself to sleep because of the strength I have to hold during the day that leaves. The moment the door closes I can feel the tears slowly drip down my chin and I look the other way to hide them. The night becomes the only witness to my tears as I bite my lips and back the silent sobs that I refuse to allow anyone to hear.

Why? Why must people be afraid to cry? When did crying become weakness? Where does the thin line start and break to where we are allowed to be truly happy. Happiness it seems is so temporary because it seems karma always come by to break it with just a touch of a finger. If you are truly happy then you shouldn't have to cry but sometimes when something makes you happy you cry because you know it is temporary.

People like me don't deserve happiness long term because I haven't earned anything but the scars that I wear around like a battle wound. I keep them hidden like I do the pain that is deep in my chest every time that I think about what I have to hold. It occurred to me one day that I really did have nothing to call my own because of the years of letting go of my opinions. We silence our lips to keep people happy but then we realize looking into their eyes that we are the ones that are unhappy.

Judgmental looks and people who don't understand that we cannot pick and chose what and who we love because everything happens for a reason. If you believe in God then he chose it, if you believe in nothing then it is coincidence, and if you believe in neither than you are dead. We make our own decisions but sometimes our hearts make our decisions and our mind follows without much thought. Maybe that it was our problem is;

We think too much. We second guess ourselves so much that when we look at people we judge them by their stature or the brand of clothing they wear and not them as a person. We come to our own conclusions without facts which leads to global turmoil and young generation mass suicide. That is what our world is, a ticking bomb, and it is amazing how we look at the death rate and you see the young woman you made front of last week on that list.

Happiness is temporary. Even during events like marriage it is temporary because we all forget that someday all of us are going to die. You may die happy but you will always be terribly sad because you know that you will be alone. We all go out the way we came, connected with our loved ones and alone to continue of the sick cycle called life. No one can live life to the fullest because everyone life is different, but still we insist there is a way to do so.

People say overeating, cursing, and dressing like sluts is living life to the fullest, but yet we are not allowed to murder, rape, and steal which could fall under said category. I am not saying that we need conformity because such an act would be near impossible because of the opened minded people. I am saying that our system is nothing but hypocritical and corrupted making more and more people suffer for no reason.

Happiness is temporary. Even during events such as childbirth that darkness lingers as a young mother dies or a family loses a child they held so dear. Babies die every day and they curse God for making them lose their child, but in reality they are unfit to raise children because they curse God. They cry but they should be happy that the child did not suffer as much as it could if it were to live for any longer. Everything happens for a reason and that should make them realize that they can try to have more children later.

The world is unforgiving, the world is cruel, and the world is sick. The world takes lives that were made to stay there so much longer by making them jump off of buildings. The world makes people who have no food or money live on the streets and let people spit on them. The world makes people get shot because they have a different view or are a different race. The world is full of politicians that lie because they are unable to fix the system because they are selfish. The world is a lie, because everyone has different opinions on God, work, and children that grow up corrupted.

I guess that the world is responsible because the world is full of people and people love to hurt other people.