Akala ko'ay magtatagal pa ako sa ganoong kalagayan nang may marinig ulit na paparating na mga yapak at tawanan. Hindi ko inasahang isa sa kanila si Dean ngunit ano na lang ang iisipin nila na may estranghero dito sa studio?

Karera ng mga paliwanag ang nagpangyari sa utak ko. Ang bigo kong labi na hindi nahalikan ni Dean ay nagbukas-sarado.

The door opened spitting the other members of the band. Mas lumakas ang ingay sa kanilang pagpasok. Kung bakit mas dumikit pa ako sa pader ay hindi ko alam. Maybe for the sake of thrill?

"Dammit, Sky! My ass is not your drums! Stop beating it!"

Sira ang mukha ni Cash sa kanyang reklamo sapo ang kanyang pang–upo. Tinatawanan siya ni Sky na pinaglalaruan na ngayon ang drumsticks at pinapalobo ang bubblegum.

Total silence enveloped as Cashiel halted. Dahan dahan ang ginawa niyang paglingon. Kita ko ang kaba sa mukha niya na tila umaasang makakakita ng hindi kaaya-aya sa dako ko. Oh dear, ginawa pa akong multo.

"Ruth?"

Sa pagsasalita ni Sky ay bumilis ang paglingon dito ni Cash. Shock is undeniable on their faces.

"Hi." Ngumiti ako ng tipid at ganon rin ang aking kaway.

"H-how..."

Umingit muli ang pinto sa pagbukas nito at niluwa si Wilmer kausap ang nakasunod sa kanyang likod. A man same as their age I'm not familiar with. Natigil sila nang nakita ako.

"Paano ka nakapasok? I mean, how did you know about this place?"

"I told her," tugon ni Wilmer sa tanong ng kapatid. "Pakitawag si Dean..."

"It's okay, Will," putol ko sa kanya. "Dito na siya galing." I said it as if it's nothing.

Katahimikan ang kumain sa paligid. Sa mga tingin pa lang nila sa akin ay ginawaran na nila ako ng tanong upang idugtong bilang sagot ngunit wala akong masabi. A proper conversation didn't happen, anyway. So what is there to say?

"Uh...and?" Cashiel raised his brow as he voiced out everybody's silent question.

Kibit balikat ang tangi kong tugon. I couldn't think of any words to describe it. I couldn't even lie about it. It's not awkward at all but intense. Kung pagbabasehan ko kung paano niya akong tignan na parang sa susunod na pagkikita namin ay dadalhin na niya ako sa aking huling hantungan, hindi pa ba marubdob iyon? For the lack of a better word?

Hinihila na ako ng pinto upang makaalis. Hindi ko na kailangang mag-effort ng dahilan kung bakit dahil iyon naman talaga ang balak ko pagkatapos ng aking sadya rito. It might not be like what I pictured in my head, which involves screaming at each other and crying, but I still have more chances of this now that I know where to find him. Dito lang pala sa Makati.

"Kailan ang balik nila Mommy sa U.S tour?"

May isa pang pumasok na lalakeng hindi ko kilala. He looks as authoritative as these men in the room. Kami lang ni Sky ang mga rosas.

Lahat ng mga mata ay nakatuon sa kanya, parang nakikinig din sa sinasabi sa kabilang linya. Kumunot ang noo niya nang makita ako. I looked away, stat.

I really have to leave now that almost everybody is here. Mula noon pa naman ay parang hindi na ako kabilang sa ganito. This is the music scene I could never find myself fitting in. I never really belonged in a group. I never had a close relationship towards Dean's friends dahil sa tuwing magkasama kami ay kami lang talaga.No trimmings. Walang sabit. It's always the whole two of us.

Suminghap siya nang matapos ang tawag. Pulses kicked and I don't know why. Maybe I was terrified that they would send me away like an oppressed in the society.

Kaya bago pa mangyari iyon ay ako na ang maghahatid sa sarili ko palabas.

Abala na sina Sky at Cash sa laptop kaya napalitan ang kanta. Magkaharap naman sina Wilmer at ang dalawang lalake sa gilid na ang isa'y nakahalukiphip. Seems like they're just going to ignore me.

Walang kadamot-damot ang mga hakbang ko at bahagya pang yumuko upang sana'y ilihim ang aking pag-alis. Bahala na silang magulat na wala na pala ako.

"Anong sabi?" mababa at malamig na boses ni Wilmer.

"They won't be back 'til the end of the month." The new guy huffed. Mukhang hindi nagustuhan ang balitang 'to.

Nakita ko siyang pumameywang bago ako tumingin ng diretso sa pinto na mga limang hakbang na lang yata. Eyes on the exit, Ruth.

"So you'd be our manager for the mean time, then."

"Yeah sure," nonchalantly, he said. "Sino 'to?"

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako biglang tumigil. Sa pinagsamang tanong at tono niya pakiramdam ko isa akong pulubi na hindi bumabagay sa mansiyon at gusto na niyang ipakaladkad sa kanyang mga guwardya.

Sa aking paglingon ay naabutan kong binubulungan siya ni Wilmer. All eyes were on me now that made me seem like their anticipated guest of the day. Nagliwanag ang mukha ng lalake na tila nakasagap ng ginintuang tsismis.

"Oh!" Mabagal siyang pumalakpak habang nilalapitan ako. Namimilog ang mga mata at may gulat na ngiti sa labi nito. Tinuro niya ang laptop, sinabayan ng hum ang tugtugin mula roon. He slightly headbanged, too. "Nanana....Ruth...less. You sound like a nightmare but feel like a dream...You're often so ...nanana ironic as you may seem..."

Nagtataka kong binalingan ang iba at naghahanap ng kasagutan sa tanong na hindi ko mabuo. Tinakip ni Cash ang kamao sa bibig at lumolobo ang pisngi sa pagpipigil ng tawa.

"Hear that?" The weird man is already infront of me. He spreaded his arms as wide as his Chesire grin. "Lady and gentlemen, here is the famed muse of thy Rock Prince!"

Ang halakhak at palakpak niya ay bumubundol sa bawat sulok ng studio at tinamaan pati dibdib ko. His dark laugh intensified my wanting to get out of here. Damn.

"So, Miss Seventeen is real, huh? Akala ko ay likha na naman siya sa pilyo at mapaglarong imahinasyon ni Dean." Tumatawa pa rin siya, ngayon ay mahina na.

"Twenty four na po ako ngayon," pahayag ko. Miss Seventeen is the band's latest hit that topped the charts in four countries in Asia not just in the Philippines.

"But once in your life, you'd been seventeen, I'm sure."

"O-of course..." sabi kong halos natatawa. Ano bang pinaglalaban ng taong 'to? May itsura pa naman.

Kagat niya ang hinlalaki habang pinapasidahan ako. I feel like a mouse who's about to go through the process of experiment.

"Hindi ko masisi si Dean. A hottie like you? Mahihirapan talaga akong mag move-on. Those curves, man!" He traced a coca-cola body in the air.

I would have been happier if I have to hear this firsthand from Dean. Pero kung ito man ang nahalata nila sa kanya, then it might mean the same thing. He hasn't moved on from me.

Ang akmang pagngiti ko ay inusungan ng malalim na kunot noo. I'm not that ignorant not to notice. In the shameless journey of this man's eyes, he's probably seeing what's underneath my clothes.

My God. I meant to dress as demure as I could eh huhubaran lang pala ako nito sa paningin niya. Nag-effort pa ako. E, kung naka bikini strings ako, ano nang makikita niya? X-ray ng dibdib ko? Bungo?

Tumikhim si Wilmer at lumapit. I somehow thanked him for cutting this weird man's blatant eye trip on me.

"Marcus..."

Tumabi ito sa kanya at inisang tapik ang balikat. Wilmer's dark eyes didn't stay long on me as he turned to their acting manager.

"Gaano kami ka-busy this week?" pormal niyang tanong. Ang pagiging dominante ni Wilmer ay umigting pa dahil mas matangkad siya kesa sa katabi niya. He's the tallest here. But if Dean's around, he's just nothing.

The man, Marcus, recoiled. Ang salubong nitong kilay at mahinang tawa ay para bang turista sa ibang planeta ang tanong ni Wilmer.

"This week?" Tawa pa nito. "You mean for the whole four months!" Umiling siya at nagbibilang sa mga kamay. "Guestings, music video shoot, radio promotions, nationwide and Asian tours, and Dean's going to be the most hectic as he has this offer again for a clothing company and a music-related movie."

"Hindi niya tatanggapin iyon, I'm sure," agap ni Wilmer. "Napilitan na nga siya sa Jeans commercial at perfume."

"Yeah, I can already see that coming. But it wouldn't do any less to his active schedule. I heard nali–link siya ngayon sa kapatid ko. I can already envisioned an incoming ambush interview for that. If not, a live interview."

"I bet it'd be live. The news trended nationwide. Siyempre, kakagatin iyan ng network para mag-trending pa lalo."

Umusad na sila sa usaping schedule habang ako'y natapilok pa sa binanggit ni Marcus na na –link si Dean sa kapatid nito. Who could that sister of his be?

Ayaw ko nang alamin. For the past years of following the band, never did I ever click on the headlines that involves Dean and another woman. I don't want to spell out my fears. I don't want to read every paragraph of my pain.

They said that what you don't know won't hurt you. So bakit ko pa hahayaan ang sarili kong ungkatin ang totoo kung ang masaktan nga ang iniiwasan ko? Yet for the most part, curiousity will really get the best of us.

I have a clue on what the news would be all about. I don't want to further draw a damageto myself. I know we cannot always dodge the hurt but we should at least try not to have ourselves be struck by it.

Their on-going conversation was an open portal exit for me to lead my way out. Tinignan ko sina Cash at Sky at sinenyasan na aalis na ako. Walang niisa sa kanila ang tumango, mukhang nagulat pa nga na iyon ang gagawin ko.

They have no choice but to let me leave. It was never in my plan to stay longer after my encounter with Dean, anyway. After all, babalik naman ako. This won't be the last time.

"Uhm, excuse me. I have to go..." I said as I totally realized that it's rude to leave without a slight goodbye. I learned the hard way.

Tumalikod na ako at binuksan ang pinto.

"Wait lang, Miss..." another voice stopped me. This might be the other guy. Iyong mas disente ang mukha 'di tulad ng isa.

I turned to them slowly.

"Your Dean's ex, so..." Mabagal ang pag-abante niya habang nagsasalita. He stopped in between behind and beside Wilmer. "You must have been very well acquainted with his demands, I guess."

It was a conclusion that he is half-sure of.

"Oh, come on! She's so seven years ago, Patrick!" Natatawang sabat ni Wilmer, like what he said is worth to be ridiculed. "Iba na ang panlasa ni Dean. And those are the tastes that she's currently not acquainted to."

"I'm aware, but let me finish." Ang seryoso at nagtitimping tono nito ang nagpatahimik sa lahat.

If they behave like this towards him, he must be a man of respect. I didn't exclude myself doing so. Tumiklop na rin ako. I don't know him personally so leastwise I have to boast my manners.

"Hindi ka susulatan ng kanta ni Dean kung hindi ka naging importante sa kanya," anito, nanatili ang panunuri sa akin.

"Hindi siya susulatan ng kanta ni Dean kung hindi siya nasaktan sa kanya."

"Shut up, Wilmer." I snapped. Numinipis na ang litid ng paseniya ko sa kanya. "Why don't you tell them what you did that prompted Dean's hate on me?"

"Everybody knew. But what I did wasn't the why he hates you." He looks so chill at nagawa pang makapamulsa. Tamad niya akong tinignan.

Nanliliit ang mga mata ko sa kanya habang umiiling. I will never spend my lifetime understanding why he hates me. I will never do to other people who has the same sentiments as his, too.

"Okay guys, lumalayo na tayo sa usapan..." bahagyang pumagitna si Marcus.

"What do you think, Marc? I mean, I'm into Patrick in this one." Wilmer crossed his strong-looking arms as he smirked which never promised anything kind. "Kung makakatiis siya. " He darkly chuckled.

"Anong insekto ang nasarapan sa malamig mong utak, Wilmer?" halos pagwawala ni Cashiel na halos sugurin ang kaibigan. "Patrick! What the hell?"

"Well she's desperate!" patutsada ni Wilmer. "And we didn't say she should. It was just a suggestion. So calm your pansy ass!"

Kung maka-desperate 'to, ha. Sinong mas desperate sa amin na nagawa pa niya akong halikan para magalit sa akin ang kaibigan niya? Just because he thought I was going to take Dean away from the band! His overthinking skills just dialed up to the highest setting! Unbelievable!

"Anong work experience mo?" Sa kalmadong tinig ni Patrick ay tila nakalaklak ako ng pampakalmang tsaa.

I don't understand any of this right now. Can they at least tell me what this is all about? Anong inaakala nilang sinadya ko rito at nagawa nilang tanungin ako sa work experience ko?

Malakas ang kutob kong magtatagal pa ito at isipin ko pa lang iyon ay nananabik na ako para sa isang upuan.

"Answer the question, Ruth," Wilmer demanded.

Inirapan ko siya at magalang na hinarap ang iba.

"I'm currently working at my uncle's construction company as a company nurse."

I didn't bother tell that I mostly do admin works in the office. Nagagamit ko pa rin naman ang kurso ko para sa pagpapahalaga sa kalusugan at kaligtasan ng mga trabahante. Though it doesn't happen as often as how I face paperwoks and payrolls.

"Ilang taon ka na sa trabaho mo?"

Kumukulo man ang pagtataka ay sinagot ko pa rin.

"Going one year." Agad akong kumambyo nang mamilog ang mga mata niya. "Well I have three years experience as a staff nurse in a tertiary hospital."

"Staff nurse lang?" Mahaba ang lubid ng kanilang pang uusisa.

"Operating, Emergency room. I had covered the whole area. Kahit ang morge."

Mukhang natakot sila sa huli kong sinabi. Nanahimik, e. I've seen dead people, yes. I've seen people die, uhuh. Kung iyon man ang nasa isip nila.

"So you have practiced your patience, then."

Tumango ako. Believe me, that has to be my new expertise now. Sa naging karanasan ko sa trabaho ay kailangan kong sanayin ang sariling magpasensiya. That pretense of patience, now I can just wear it everyday like a skin-toned underwear.

"If she's going to consider, might as well we'll inform her ahead of time. It's do or die."

"You mean she's gonna die once she's gonna do it."

Ikinatuwa pa ni Wilmer ang naging komento ni Cashiel. May binulong ito kay Sky at parang inaaway habang tinuturo ang kapatid niya.

"Pwede bang ipaalam niyo muna sa akin kung para saan 'to? Why are you asking me questions about my job?"

"Ruth, upo ka."

Nabalingan ko si Cash at nakitang inaayos nito ang kaisa-isang silya sa harap ng desk kung saan ang laptop. I didn't stall at tumungo roon. Mahina akong umusal ng pasasalamat sa kanya bago umupo.

"Dean has a lot of demands." Pumwesto si Wilmer sa harap ko at humalukiphip. Mas pinapamukha sa akin na teritoryo nila ito at dapat ako ang mag-adjust.

Nasa gilid niya sina Patrick at Marcus. Sky and Cash are standing behind me.

"Kaya minsan ay sinusukuan na siya ng mga nagdaang P.A's niya. Marami pa rin namang naga-apply, but they have no idea about the war they're going to face with the in-demand rockstar."

Tumango ako, mukhang may ideya na. "Continue."

"A loud number has attempted for the sake of being with the rock prince believing the job is just a kid's stuff. If those women think that being with Dean is a fairytale, they have to think again. Giving them an overdeveloped sense of hope is mental. You'd be just his assistant, that is all there is to it for him."

Nilapit niya ang kanyang mukha sa'kin. "He won't ever treat you as his first love."

Inatras ko ang mukha ko at tinapangan ang aking ekspresiyon. Kahit nakaupo lang ako, I still have to look like I am the braver one.

"Binabantaan mo ba ako, Wilmer? Pinapamukha mo namang papatayin ako ni Dean sa oras na hindi ko masunod ang gusto niya. What? You're making Hitler look like the good guy here." Bahagya kong tawa.

"A lot have given up as his P.A, Miss Seventeen." Si Marcus tapos ay natawa. "Ano ba kasing inasahan nila? That being his P.A would also mean his one night stand? Oh c'mon! the dude is busy. Getting off isn't one of his priorities and he has probably done more hand jobs than—"

Pinalo siya ni Wilmer sa tiyan kaya natigil ito sa pagsasalita. Umiiling si Patrick at mukha siya pa ang mas nahiya.

Si Marcus ba talaga ang magiging acting manager nila? Mukhang mas bagay ang posisiyon kay Wilmer.

Tumikhim siya. "So there, you've heard it. I wonder how would it go for you lalo na at..."

"Stop pushing that it's my fault now, will you?" iritado kong anas bago pa niya maituloy ang sasabihin.

I know he's going to be at it again, blaming me for everything when he's the one who has played the part of the villain.

He only smirked. "Patience. Let me remind you. You needed that in this job. Sa akin pa nga lang ay parang hindi ka na papasa."

"Malamang. You're provoking me."

"I have to. It's a test, Ruth. Make this as your initial interview."

Inikutan ko siya ng mata. "Hindi pa nga ako pumapayag ini-interview niyo na ako."

Bumulanghit ng tawa si Marcus. "I like her! Pwede...pwede 'to. It's going to be a battle of lions. August babies, damn! Parehong hindi patatalo."

Hindi niya yata nahalata na siya lang ang tumatawa rito o baka wala lang talaga siyang pakialam. Hard to believe that this man's entrusted to be the acting manager given his looks that is so contraditcing to how he acts.

"Hindi ka ba talaga papayag, Ruth? Dean's going to be helluva busy for the approaching months so accommodating your whims would be near out of the question. Working for him, however, would be the only option I could offer to help you. See? I'm not really the bad guy here."

Humagikhik si Marcus at hinawakan siya sa balikat. Wilmer smirked with their manager slash friend, whatever.

Kahibangan na nga siguro para sa iba kung sasabihin kong lulusubin ko ang karerang ito. My reason is not that commonsensical compared to those who are really in desperate need of the job. Ngunit base sa binanggit nina Wilmer, those who had attempted or has been in the position only wanted to be with Dean, not for the job.

We share mutual reasons but with me, there is more than wanting to be with him. There's a sentimental connection even hate is in between. We had a history that's always been claiming my memory.

But if I have to make being desperate as a reason, I think that would be more of a powerful one than having no reason at all.

So if they were to ask me if I will go for this job? Yes, I will. If they will ask me if I'm sure? Honest to God, no. But I will take the risk. I have already had my rest from my fears. I've gained my might and would put it to good use through bridging a reconciliation.

Kung ito lang naman ang tanging paraan, bakit hindi, 'di ba? Kung ang pagiging desperada ang pwede maging susi para gibain iyang pride ni Dean, aba'y ito-todo ko na!

"Natuto na akong magpasensiya all thanks to my previous work experience. So doing this job...I think I can live." Nagkibit ako.

"You mean you've practiced being patient. But how about hard work, Ruthzielle? Have you gotten used to strive for something impossible? You should have worked on it , too. You will deal with the living, not with the fragile and the dying."

Huminga ako nang malalim at pinagkrus ang aking mga binti. Inignora ko ang panay vibrate ng phone ko sa aking clutch bag.

"Do you really want me to work for him, Wilmer? Parang pinagbabantaan mo na ako. Then what? You'd expect me to just wiggle out after hearing your threats?"

Nag-iwas siya na tila ayaw ipakita sa akin ang katotohanan sa kanyang mga mata. He's not easy to read but man, he's so obvious and predictable to me now. Kasi simula nang araw na iyon, ang palagi ko nang inaasahan sa kanya ay pinipigilan niya ako sa lahat ng gusto ko.

"Tone it down, Will." Hindi pa nagsasawa si Marcus sa kakatawa. Kumikislap ang mga mata nitong nakatingin sa akin animo isa akong chubby na bata na may pisnging gusto niyang pisilin.

"Right here, is the one who you should owe your music careers to. Hits skyrocketed to Asian charts, people have your lyrics tattooed on their skins, words being screamed back right at you in concerts all because of Miss Seventeen! We always thank the ones who break our hearts for we owe our chart topping hits to our heartbreakers. The subject of our harmonies, and gut wrenching metaphors you wouldn't understand especially if it's coming from Dean's playful and creative mind!"

"Anong pinupunto mo, Marc?"' tanong ni Patrick mula sa likod na mukhang nababagot na. Tinatakpan ng kamao nito ang kanyang paghikab.

"She's an asset. So be good to her." Ang kaninang ngisi ay naging seryoso. Hinihimas nito ang kanyang panga habang pinanliliitan ako ng mata. "Hmm...now I wonder how Dean's going to write this about you. Would it be entitled...Slave for me? Ex's and Services? Oh, I'm so stoke! Momma' is going to be so proud of me!"

Ngayon ay humahalakhak na muli siya. I shook my head for the unbelievability of this all.

"Excuse me? But I will never sell myself to your company just to be the band's next album. Matagumpay ang banda dahil sa pagsisikap at talento nila, hindi dahil sa kantang tungkol sa 'kin," satinig ko sa aking saloobin. Halos tumayo ako.

Though the songs are part of it but considering this in general, it's all on them. They are responsible for their successes!

Nagtaas ng kilay si Marcus sa pagkamangha. Ngumuso si Wilmer. Pumapalakpak si Sky at Cashiel sa likod ko.

"Finally! Someone's got it right!" si Skylar.

"Do I still need to train?" I asked. "Kung ako ang tatanungin papayag ako na training muna. Wala akong experience bilang P.A. but if it's as close as my previous working background, I don't think a further deliberation is needed, right? Suggestion ko lang. At alam ko namang kaya ko, e."

Kung saan man galing itong lakas ng loob ko ay pabebendisyunan ko talaga.

Sa harap ko ay ang mga mas nakakaangat sa akin at nasa likod rin ng tagumpay ng banda. They deserve the respect, at least. Ngunit ang nailahad ko'y ang aking ugali at pagreyna-reynahan ko. I just can't help but be bossy. Gusto ko nasusunod din ang gusto ko na naaayon sa aking karapatan.

Wilmer's smirked came back with a vengeance. "Let's see. That actually depends on the last judge." Tumango siya kina Sky at Cash. "Send Dean's ass here. He has to know about this."

Oh well, fuck!

Naghiganti ang pagtiklop at inaapakan na ako ngayon. Wala akong maramdaman kung 'di purong panghihina na isa akong paboritong putahe sa panay na pag-kain sa akin.

They asked for my number. Sa likod ko ay kinokontak na nila si Dean. Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko sa pag iisip na babalik ulit siya rito. I can already imagine the scenario. Hindi ko alam kung babalutin iyon ng lamig dahil sa boses niya o init dahil sa intensidad ng mga mata niya.

Sa harap ko ay parang wala lang na nag-uusap ang mga boys tungkol sa debut ng isang teen actress kung saan imbitado sila. What do you expect, Ruth? They would sympathize with you? It's crazy to assume that. At ngayon, ayaw kong pansinin ang mga taong insensitive sa nararamdaman ko.

"He's not answering the call pero nag-text siya." Nilingon ko si Sky na nasa likod ko pa rin. She's reading the text. "He's in Studio C. Papunta na siya rito."

Her eyes turned to me. Ang concern sa mukha niya ay pinapalambot ang puso ko sa kabila ng aking pagkakaligalig.

Oh...well, I thought he's left the vicinity for he doesn't want to get involve with any traces of me around. That's just one of my expectations.

Sa totoo lang ay umaasa rin akong hinihintay niya ako. At kung hindi ko man siya makita sa paglabas ko mamaya sa studio, ay ina-assume kong nagtatago siya sa kung saan at pinapanood akong umaalis at nilalamon ng itim na gate palabas.

Thinking this might not come true poured dread all over my hoping system. Tila naging gaas ito upang maging mas uneasy pa ako. Regardless of how spacious the stuido is, it seems that it is enclosing me in hanggang maipit ako't malagutan ng hininga.

Tumayo ako. "Saan ang restroom?"

Si Patrick ang unang bumaling dahil siya naman iyong nakaharap sa akin. Will and Marcus continued their cheerful conversation.

"Paglabas mo sa hamba, left side." Muwestra niya as if may ginuguhit siyang mapa.

Tumango ako. I think that's the one facing the glass tinted door. Iyong pinasukan ko at doon kahanay lang yata sa madilim na corridor.

Hinahanap ko ang aking cellphone sa aking bag habang binubuksan ang huling pinto sa studio D. Kung sino man itong panay na text at tawag sa akin ay marahil importante ang sadya.

Then a sudden memory bumped my head. May usapan pala kami ni Erika ngayon!

"Ow! Sorry."

Madali akong yumukod upang pulutin ang mga nahulog kong gamit. Inuna ito kesa ang alamin kung sino ang nabunggo ko.

Thank God I haven't found my phone yet at baka iyon pa ang unang nahulog kung iyon man ang una kong nakuha. Notes in thin paper, checks, receipts for reimbursements that I haven't handed yet to the Accounting scattered all over the hardwood floor at isa isa kong pinupulot.

Natigilan ako pagkakita sa pamilyar na combat boots. Bumundol ang kaba sa aking dibdib. It warmed my chest in anticipation.

Nag-angat ako ngunit tumigil rin agad sa nakakapanindig balahibo na dahilan.

My eyes is directly pointing at a man's...crotch. Seeing it as not just a simple bulge under the dark jeans made my hairshafts reach for the ceiling. Tagtuyot sa aking lalamunan. Parang...oh my God. Inasahan kong malaking tao ang nagmamay-ari nito. Hindi ito madadala ng isang patpating tipaklong lang! This one seems...hung!

Isang tikhim ang tuluyang humila sa pagaangat ko.

Hanggang langit na ang tindig ng aking balahibo nang matagpuan muli ang mga mata ni Dean. Being with him in the same secluded room a while ago has already terrified me. Now looking down at me as if I'm his favorite slave to torture, hell has arised.

"So you're still here, huh." His grated rasp made me feel rough hands caressing my skin. Shivers on my spine loves it that they electrified my backbone more.

Umawang ang bibig ko. Nang napagtanto ang ginawa ay alisto kong tinakpan ang aking bibig. My God! I've just let my mouth hang open infront of his...

"It's ten."

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi inaalis ang kamay sa bibig. "Anong ten?"

Ngumuso siya sa baba na hindi binibitawan ang posas ng pagtitig sa akin.

Namilog ang mga mata ko at sa hindi sinasadayang pagkakataon ay parang hinihila ang paningin ko roon. Ten like...ten, you mean, the...it's ten...

"Ten seconds, lady. You've been staring at it for ten seconds. Pero kung inches naman ang inasahan mo, well, hindi ko rin maitatanggi iyan. I can even assure it's longer than that."

Parang nilublob sa kumukulong tubig ang aking mukha. Nararamdaman ko ang aliw niya habang iniiwan na naman ako ritong lutang at nag-iisa.

The door of studio D closed as he went in. My ears strained for his footfalls before he opened the second door. Ginigitgitan ng pawis ang mukha at leeg ko.

Fuck! Will I really survive this? Bakit parang nagdadalawang isip na ako?