Sumunod ako sa loob na walang maintindihan sa nangyari. His reaction painted several questions in my head. Naisip ko na baka bawal ang paggamit ko ng cellphone sa oras ng trabaho. Maybe I should apologize.

Or maybe not. Malaking bahagi sa akin ang nagdidikta na hindi iyon ang dahilan. I don't fool myself like that. If I'd rather step on that larger part of my supposition, I would only be confronting him about it. Which is ill-suited at this moment since timing and purpose aren't aligned. It would distract him for their performance.

Katabi ni Dean si Marcus habang nakikipagkamayan kay Cindy. Her handheld foamed microphone is ready, habang hinahanda na ng camera man niya sa likod ang video recorder. They're talking about some random stuff as I neared them.

"Water, Dean." Abot ko sa tubig.

Tinanggap niya ito nang hindi ako tinitignan at abala sa pakikipag-kwentuhan kay Cindy, probably the reason why he didn't lash out at me for not handing him coconut water. The interviewer's voice is not hateable unlike those girls with their girly, trying-hard-to-be-cute giggly voice. Kaya masasabi kong propesyunal ito.

Umikot ako sa likod at inabutan din sina Wilmer at Marcus ng tubig.

"Thanks, Ruth." Ngiti ni Marc sa 'kin sabay tanggap ng mineral bottle.

"Thanks." Tipid ang kay Wilmer.

Huminga ako nang malalim at ningitian sila. Nasanay pa yata ako dahil noong nagta-trabaho pa ako sa ospital ay sobra sa kung anong kailangan ng mga paseyente ang binibigay ko. I don't just give them their medicines on time. I clean their sheets even when it's not necessary. I learned how to give too much even when it isn't needed. I learned to give too much without asking something in return but seeing them happy and well is enough. Sobra pa sa natatanggap kong sweldo ang pasasalamat nila sa akin bilang nag-alaga sa kanila. The appreciation and their smiles.

"We didn't stay for long. But I hope available kayo for a magazine shoot. May iko-conduct din kasi si Joan para sa isang magazine scoop. Would tomorrow be part of your schedule in MOL? Or this Friday?"

"Marcus, what's beating our ass for tomorrow?" tanong ni Dean.

Nasa likod ako ng tatlo at napansing medyo humaba na ang kwentuhan nila. I glanced at my watch while my left foot is restlessly tapping. Maybe they can carry on with their schedule talks after the break.

"Ruth,"tawag ni Marcus na nakalingon sa akin.

Eyes were on me except from the hazel greens. Nakahalukiphip siya at nakayuko, tinitignan ang tumatapik niyang mga paa alinsunod sa pagda-drums ni Sky sa stage. Cashiel is joining her with the rhythm guitar.

"May lista ka ba ng schedule? I forgot, I didn't have it with me." May pag-aalala sa mukha ni Marc habang tinatapik ang mga bulsa. Umiling siya, disappointed sa sarili.

Binuksan ko ang aking bag at kinuha roon ang aking planner. I knew this would be a life saver. Hinanap ko ang petsa bukas at nakita ang oras ng kaganapan.

"Morning show guesting and performance at eight o'clock," basa ko rito saka sinara ang planner."That'd be like for three hours so available sila sa hapon."

"That's great!"Cindy's eyes and smile sparkled. "We'd be expecting you at two, then."

Tumango sila sa pagsang-ayon.

"Uhm, Cindy," magalang kong sabi. Marcus was kind enough to slightly step aside. "I think you should be starting the ten minutes now. The show's to start in forty."

"Oh, right! Sorry." Nahihiya siyang tumawa. She fixed her visitor's passed and readied her pink foamed microphone. Sa gilid nito ay isang logo na may letrang MS. "I really enjoyed everytime I chat with you guys. This is why you're my favorite band kahit hindi na uso ang mga banda sa panahon ngayon."

"There are still existent famous bands. It's just that they no longer play the music the way they used to," satinig ni Dean.

Tipid akong napaigtad sa magaang hawak ni Marcus sa aking siko. The brush of his breathe in my hair and ear told me how close his face is to mine. Hindi agad ako nakalingon nang siya'y magsalita.

"Ruth, ikaw muna bahala, you oversee the interview while I'll have to stay for the other two. Baka rin kasi may kakailanganin pa sila rito, so it'd be better that I'm here."

Ang agaran niyang pagtalikod ay nagbawal sa kanyang makita ang aking pagtango. May minamanduhan siyang crew na buhatin ang isang spare speaker.

Papaliko na sila nang muli kong makita. I quickly jogged next to their trails that leads to the ivory-walled Theatre Lounge in mezzanine. Doon din yata gaganapin ang meet and greet mamaya. Their music chats sustained leaving no room for interruption.

Dean and Wilmer settled at the white cushion sofas while Cindy sat in between the guys. Inawat ko ang pagrerebolusyon nang makita na may tamang distansiya pa rin naman sa pagitan nila. A friendly distance not to the point of squeezing which would invite flirtation.

Ang camera ay nakatapat sa kanilang tatlo. Dean was brushing something off the collar of his unbuttoned casual coat. Pinasidahan niya rin ang puting shirt na nakapaloob upang walain ang kulubot sa tela. All the while he's still holding the mineral water I handed to him. Binuksan niya iyon at tipid na ininuman tapos ay tumawa sa pagbibiro ni Wilmer.

They haven't figured out that I'm here. Umaatras sa dulo na hindi kita ng camera. Maybe I'm wearing my invisibility cloak properly, or they're just really that occupied with the conversation.

I really don't think I'm needed but just in case they do, I'm here ready and accessible. I understand that we have our times of being unnoticed, or if not, ignored.

"I'm gonna put that in this scoop." Cindy's girly laugh but professional. She made a hair-flip on her straight hair then turned to the camera guy. "So let's start. Emil, camera's set?"

Nag-isang thumbs up si Emil na nasa likod na ng video camera. May sinenyas ito sa kanila saka nagsimula. I pressed something on my phone to set the timer to ten minutes.

"Hello guys! This is Cindy Jones and you're watching Music Squeeze TV, and I'm here with Dean and Wilmer from The Metaphoricals for their Acoustic Night show." Lumingon siya kina Dean at Wilmer. "It's great to have you back again, boys."

"Thank you, Cinds."

"Thanks for having us back."

"It's always been really the two of you who gets to face the interviews. I never had the chance to have Sky and Cash alone. Kung hindi naman kayong dalawa, kayo namang apat. It's never Sky or Cash."

Binaling ni Cindy ang mic kay Wilmer nang mahina itong tumawa at nagsalita. "I think they're just faking to have a sound check just to get away from interviews. They're camera shy."

"They're not photogenic." si Dean.

Nasa dulo na ng pagtawa si Wilmer nang binalingan nito si Dean. "And you are?"

Nagkibit si Dean at aroganteng ginagalaw ang paang nakadekwatro. He looked at the camera then smirked and winked. Nagtawanan sila. Napailing na lang ako sa kayabanagn niya.

I've always like humble people. But why do I want to end up with this arrogant man?

"Being a fan since 2014, I've never been so proud of you guys with the recent success of your sold out concert last Saturday. If my memory didn't fail me, it was the year where you snatched your big break and started propelling the forefront of music charts."

"Yes, it was 2014. But the band formed in 2008," si Dean.

Medyo nawala ako sa pinakikinggan habang binibilang sa isip ang taon na hindi sila naging banda. No, they were still a band but Dean had to leave for Spain and spent four years in Valencia. So noong bumalik siya, they played music again. So they'd skyrocketed to fame in the same year that quick?

The internet source isn't that much reliable so maybe I'll just have to ask one of them. Hindi ko ma-imagine hangga't hindi nalalaman kung paano iyon nangyari.

"With your new album out tomorrow, can you guys tell us more about your recent baby?"

Nang magpahiwatig si Dean ng pagsasalita ay sa kanya itinuon ang mic.

"I think this album is what we can call the epiphany. The coming of age of our perspective towards viability in general and how we shape the words into something that not just ourselves can connect to. It reaches out to everyone who's been in similar juncture. It's our newborn baby, as you said, but the most mature. I say, we can finally call ourselves a band with this album."

A ball of pride hit me in the chest. Tumatango ako habang sapo ang dibdib kong humahapdi sa saya at kaba.

"Hearing the first two singles which earned immediate requests and airplays, I actually kind of noticed the changes. And since I have mine pre-ordered ..." Cindy's smile held some meaning. Mukhang nang-aasar sa mga bibili pa lang at sa mga hindi makakabili.

"Wow, thank you." Dean looked a bit surprised.

"I get to listen to all of the songs. This is one of the most intriguing part for me..."

Binagsak ni Dean ang likod sa backrest at inangat ang kamao sa bibig saka tumikhim. Ang natatawang si Wilmer ay parang alam na ang mangyayari.

My eyes focused solely on Dean. His hard features didn't lie that he's on edge.

"Ten out of the twelve tracks..." Our attention's on her. Tumango si Cindy sa kanilang dalawa sa makahulugan nitong ngiti. "Yes guys, I counted it. There are several indications which I certainly think is all about a girl in which didn't happen in your previous songs. Does it tell something?"

"That question should be on Dean. He's the lyricist." Tapon ni Wilmer.

My pulsing hope is so loud I can't almost hear what Dean is saying. Huminga ako nang malalim upang kalmahin ang alon ng nakakalunod kong kaba. Ang panunuyo ng aking lalamunan ay nagpahiling sa akin ng tubig.

Dean is slowly rubbing his jaw that looked so rough even from afar. Ganito siya kapag malalim ang sisid ng pag-iisip.

"We can make a particular song our own from how we regard the words and adhere them to our experiences, not just from the songwriter's point of view. You'll never know, this song might just only be about my cat..."

Hindi maiwasang matawa ni Wilmer sa gilid. Putol putol na ang sinasabi ni Dean dahil natatawa rin ito. Cindy joined them but it didn't last long. She nodded, urging him to talk about it some more.

"... or the movies I've watched and just made a song out if it. The girl in the lyrics might be pertaining to something that fucks us up. A mention of someone in the song doesn't have to be necessarily about, " he lifted his fingers to make a quote on air. "A human being."

Tango ng paghanga galing kay Cindy at dinala ito sa video camera. "Hence, The Metaphoricals, ladies and gents."

"You're being defensive. Hindi mo sinagot iyong tanong niya," sabat ni Wilmer.

"Shut up."

"Yeah, let's do this for the fans. Just this one." Cindy's being genuinely cheerful. Unlike others who fakes their glee. "I'm going to ask you as Dean Ortigoza, the lyricist. Is 'I'm still going to put a ring on your finger, Miss Seventeen,' a song about your cat?"

Sumipol si Wilmer at pigil ngiting tinignan ang kaibigan. Mukhang iiwan niya ito sa ere.

"That's tougher than Math, man."

"Help me, Will." Umiiling si Dean, nagulo ang buhok pagkatapos sapuin ang ulo.

Nagtawanan ang dalawa na parang pangkaraniwan na ito sa kanila. She's glad to have them back, that alone speaks that she's done previous interviews with the band.

"Ikaw ang sumulat ng kanta." Natatawang si Wilmer. "The hell I know to whom it's all about. I'm just all about the bass, man."

Laughing might swerve my attention away from him, so I maintained my silence as I await for Dean's words.

"Uh..."Pinasidahan niya ang buhok bago hinaplos ang kanyang panga. I can actually read him trying to figure out an answer that doesn't give away. "Do you censor the bad words? I kinda' like saying them right now."

"I think you've already said 'fuck'..." Humina ang tinig Wilmer at lumingon sa camera.

Cindy laughed.

"So, It's about a 'she'." That sounded more like a conclusion.

Dean wasn't looking at anyone even at the camera as his lips frown. Nagkibit siya at angat ang dalawang kilay. "Maybe. Maybe not."

Binusog ang panghihina sa paglamon sa akin nito. Well, obviously, Ruth. He doesn't want to broadcast in the public a song about a girl he's hating.

Sinilip ko ang aking relo. I feel like going back to the backstage but I can't leave them in this interview. Five minutes left before my need to stop them. Bente minutos mula roon ay sisimulan na ang pagpapapasok sa mga tao. I doubt it woud take just twenty minutes.

"I don't feel like torturing you guys with personal questions so let's move on to the next intriguing part of this album."

"You're scaring me right there, Cindy..."biro ni Dean habang kinakamot ang kanyang braso. Dumestino ang kamay niya sa dulong hibla ng humahaba na niyang buhok hanggang batok at pinaglalaruan iyon.

The woman laughed at his comment. "I just can't help my curiosity with this. Wait it's right here. " She's scrolling something on her phone. "I copied this from your album jacket. Great album cover by the way."

"Credits to our dear friend." Wilmer said.

"Well, I don't know the proper way of saying whatever language this is. Uhm..."Napapangiwi siya na natatawa habang hirap sa pagsasalita. "I-is ceol mo kroy..."

"Is ceol mo chroí thú elleizhtur..." Dean confidently corrected. The accent is spot on. It doesn't sound French to me but I think it's something European.

"Is it a bad word?"

"The exact opposite of a bad word," bulgar ni Wilmer, mukhang ganadong ilaglag ang kaibigan.

Mabilis ang hatid ng masamang tingin ni Dean sa kanya. Wilmer laughed it off.

"Take note of the nam—"

Mas natawa pa si Wimer nang pinutol siya nito sa pagsasalita.

"We won't spoon feed the listeners with song facts. I'd rather they interpret it in their own way. That's music. It doesn't t only speak to a single individual but one song connects to every soul. You've heard of Kpop music. You can't grasp it in your head every single word they're singing but people dance with their songs, sings the lyrics like they know what it means. You know, that's what I'm trying to say. You have your interpretation of the feeling through the emotions you've felt through that song even if it's sung in another language.You made Music the language itself expressed in any forms."

And that's coming from the man who did not only studied music but lives with it with a burning passion up to this day. Bilib din ako na hindi niya ito nagawang bitawan. I've seen a lot of people let go of something they used to hold on to like a lifeline.

"You're known to have a loud rebellion against mainstream. But haven't you realized that you're also a part of an established pop culture being in an independent band at that?"

Ilang segundong katahimikan habang pinagiisipan ang sagot. Wilmer seems to have an abundance of opinion in his head ngunit napapansin kong palaging si Dean ang hinahayaan niyang magsallita.

Maybe out of respect that he's the eldest? Or likely the awareness that he is the most vocal about this issue.

"I hate it." Tipid-iling nitong sabi na tila may gusto pang idagdag ngunit hindi maisaboses. He's scratching his jaw again.

"Except Cashiel," sabi ni Wilmer.

"Yeah, except Cashiel. While Sky's being neutral."

"How about you, Wilmer? Do you hate it like Dean? Mainstream, being famous..."

"Sometimes." Bahagyang siyang tumawa.

"Well, fame sounds appealing to the ears but it doesn't feel good for me." Si Dean. "It's an entrance portal of pressure. Upkeeping the vogue makes you maintain the image the masses admired about you, that shot you to notoriety, even when you want to do other things that you know might dim the light of a star. So it's an invitation of closing the ideas of change. I'm not saying this in general but that's what I notice how the society runs these days. Fame isn't really how we want for us to stay relevant in the music industry."

Tumango si Cindy at nilipat ang mic kay Wimer nang magsalita ito.

" As long as there are people who still listens to our songs, people we continue to inspire, it's how we feel relevant and we took that as one of our motivation to perpetualize the creation of music."

"Vey well said from the both of you, "Cindy praised. "I heard that you're good friends with the guys from Neon Theone, who is an alternative quartet from a major label."

Tumango si Dean. "And they'd be with us in the show tonight."

I'm not familiar with the band which only created an excitement from me to meet them.

Pero sa pagbanggit ni Dean tungkol sa mamaya, muntik ko nang makaligtaan ang pagsuri sa orasan. Masyado akong naanod sa pakikinig sa kanila.

Three minutes. Napapatapik na ako sa aking paa.

"Have you felt the kind of pressure where you have to change your sound because people might not be into your usual style anymore? The two bands might fall under the same rock genre but let's face it, we all have our tastes and styles. Aren't you at all terrified that one day, they might get sick listening to monotonous music now that rock is a rare case in pop culture?"

Nang makita kong magsasalita si Wilmer ay unti-unti akong lumalapit sa harapan. Siya ang nakahalata sa akin na agad rin namang bumaling sa matamang nakikinig at tila namamanghang si Cindy.

Dean's too engaged with what his friend is saying that he wasn't able to notice me standing just beside the camera man. Which is good.

"Collectively as a group, we don't depend our sound on how the majority want it. Personally, I don't listen to the radio that much, and feel the misery of my ears hearing songs about sex, about doing it and being fucked, about having the money, the fame, how you got the Lamborghini. Contrary to what the most people believe about bands, we want to inspire and influence our listeners to pursue what they love..."

"Don't make us your idols, make us your inspiration." Dean said it, abundant in meaning and confidence.

"Exactly. He's said it." Turo ni Will sa kanya.

Kaunting minuto na lang ang nalalabi sa aking timer. Inangat ko ang aking kamay at kinaway bilang senyas kay Cindy. That's how Dean get to finally notice me. Hindi ko na inalam ang reaksyon. That's needless to say.

"Two minutes." I mouthed at her. Pinakitaan ko siya ng dalawang daliri.

Hindi niya pinahalatang nakita niya ako. I know she's got the message dahil sa sunod niyang sinabi. Nakahinga ako nang maluwang. I hope I can find more people like her in the future, not women interviewers who only flirts on band members.

"Quick questions for you boys before we end the show. First thing you grab in the morning."

Sa nakikita kong ngisi ni Wilmer ay tila gatilyo ito upang uminit ang pisngi mo. "Boxers."

Magasapang ang mababang tawa ni Dean. "Whiskey, baby."

Of course, that's Dean for you.

"Favorite words? Any language."

"I think I have to consult Dean."Lingon ni Wilmer sa kaibigan. "He's known to store a lot of big words."

Hearing this, the microphone glided on him. May aliw sa mga mata nito at tila kumikintab ang berde doon. I always love it when he smiles like that. Parang nagliliwanag din ang mukha niya. That crooked smile in a gorgeous face like that is set for breaking hearts, but makes you fall in love again all at once.

"La douler exquise, mozzafiato, finifugal, struggimento, ethereal, incandescence."

"Let me steal the struggimento," si Wilmer. "Quintessential and...sweetheart."

"What the fucK! Sweetheart?" hagalpak ni Dean.

Habang nagpatuloy ang interview ender nila'y may nahagip ang gilid ng paningin ko sa hagdanan. May sinenyas si Marcus na agad ko ring naintindihan. Mula sa baba ay nagsimula na ang ingay ng pagpapasok ng mga tao.

Nangunguna ako sa paglalakad pabalik sa backstage. I could hear their steps hot on my heels.

Laughters and testorone filled the place as we entered. Medyo napangiwi ako sa aliwng kaguluhan nila kaya pahirap ang pagtungo ko sa dressing room upang ihanda roon ang pre-show drink ni Dean.

Tinapat ko ang mug na may tsaa sa dispenser at bumuhos ang hot water. I felt rejuvinated as the aroma of lemon harassed my nose. Umikot ako para sana lumabas na ngunit naharangan ng isang matigas na bulto.

"Oh shit!" I almost spilled the hot drink on someone!

Nang mag angat ng ulo ay mas lalo akong nagimbal kung sino ang halos mabuhusan ko ng kumukulong tubig. I think I just pooped my heart! Bumalot ang lamig sa aking balat at init sa aking dugo.

His jaw clenched as if his words are there, desperate to bail out. That simple action alone held more adequity as a reply than I thought. Para siyang namimintang.

"How long have you been there?" he asked quietly, yet filled with dark and menace.

Hindi ako nagpaapekto. At mas lalong hindi sa tinanong niya na alam ko kung tungkol saan. Wala akong ginagawang masama kaya walang kaba ang pumigil sa aking magsalita.

"Enough for me to hear everything. That long. Why?"

Humakbang siya kasabay ng aroganteng pag-angat ng dulo ng kanyang labi. Tila nanunuya ang mga mata na sinasayawan ng inis. Anong isusumbat niya sa 'kin ngayon, huh?

"D' you think I'm going to tell the public something about you? You want to witness it personally."

Natawa ako at patuloy na umaatras. "I'm not stupid to expect something like that, Dean."

"I know. You're smart enough not to do so."

His hot breath made love to my desperate ones. Sa panay niyang pag abante ay naramdaman ko na ang malamig na pader. Nilapat niya agad ang mga kamay sa gilid ng aking ulo.

Ang isang kamay niya'y kinuha ang mug na hawak ko saka dinala sa kanyang labi. His hard, vehement stare never left my eyes as he sipped on his drink. Sinundan ko ang alon ng kanyang Adam's apple sa kanyang paglunok. Bizzare on how that protruding part of his neck reminded me of the days.

Nagtinginan kami habang nasa gitna siya ng quadrangle. Nagpapasikat ang haring araw at mahinhing dumadaan ang mga ulap. Nakasilong ako sa ilalim ng puno ng Narra na nagpapaulan muli ng dilaw na mga bulaklak. Mabini ang hangin ng tanghaling iyon.

May tatlong pila ng mga freshmen na namagitan at dahil matangkad si Dean, nakuha naming magkasilipang dalawa sa pagitan ng mga linyang iyon.

Uminit ang pisngi ko titigan pa lang niya ako na parang may kahulugan ang susunod niyang gagawin. Iyong tipong may nanganganak na insekto sa bituka ko at ginawa na iyong tahanan ng mga hayop na may pakpak.

"The angel of the Lord declared unto Mary..."

Ninguso niya ang likod ng first year building. Nguso akong umiling. Lahat kami ay nasa quadrangle tapos bigla niya akong yayayain sa sikretong tambayan nila? Nakakakilabot. Sa mukha pa lang kasi ni Dean ay parang aakitin nito ang kahit sinong magpabuntis na lang sa kanya. Kainis!

Kumunot ang noo niya, hindi matukoy kung sa pagtatanong iyon o iritasyon. Pinagdikit ko ang aking mga palad at daliri sa gitna ng aking dibdib at sinabayan ang Angelus.

"Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with you..."

Ngumisi siya at mabagal napailing. He's like the prince of sunshine as he does that. Just like in a theatre, the followspot light is on him.

Mabilis siyang nagseryoso at pumormal. May kapilyuhan pa rin namang nanatili sa kanyang mga mata. Tumuwid siya ng tayo at ginaya ang aking posisyon. Tumingala siya, ginaya ang estatwa ng isang santo sa chapel.

Humagikhik ako. Tinusok ni Erika ang aking tagiliran bilang pagsita, umiling lamang ako at mas lalong natawa nang bumaling muli kay Dean na ganon pa rin ang ayos.

"Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God. That we might be made worthy of the promises of Christ."

Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa akin at mariin akong tinignan.

"Pingpong. Hagdan," he mouthed.

Kahit hindi ko alam kung para saan ay tumango ako. I trusted him too much that I couldn't push myself to question him about this. Malalaman ko rin naman kapag nandoon na kami.

"Through the same Christ our Lord. Amen."

Mabilis ang daloy ng bakas ng mga yapak ko sa konkreto habang lumilipad ang isip sa maaaring sadya ni Dean. O siguro wala naman talaga. He just enjoyed getting chewed up by rebellion so much and he is eating rebellion even more so.

Sabi ko kay Erika ay may bibilhin lang sa labas ng gate at tumango lang naman siya. Inikot ko ang paningin ngunit wala akong nahagip na may sand brown na buhok. Dinoble ko na lang ang aking bilis. Baka nauna na siya roon.

Nasa hamba pa lang ako ay naramdaman ko na ang pagtulak sa akin. Hindi na kailangang itanong kung sino dahil sa pabango pa lang ay tila pagmamay-ari niya ito.

Sa pag-ikot niya sa akin ay inatake agad ako ng kanyang labi at ang likod ko'y humalik din sa pader.

"What's the answer on question number 9 in Ginang's quiz?" aniya at muli akong hinalikan.

Matagal bago ako nakasagot. I closed my eyes and held his jaw. I felt it move, being supportive to his lips that's making love to mine. His kisses zapped my memorized answers.

"C," I muttered against his lips. Nanatili sa pagiging lasing. Pakiramdam ko mabubulol ako. "Pointers sa quiz sa Social studies?"

Suminghap ako nang kinagat niya ang ibabang labi ko. Uminit ang buo kong mukha. Nang humigpit ang hawak niya sa aking baywang, my tummy, it felt funny. Parang may namumuo roon na ayaw kong alamin.

"Chapter 4-5. All the answers are there. Memorize the dynasties for enumeration."

Parang wala na akong pakialam sa quiz mamaya. Gusto ko ito na iyong pagsusulit namin at paniguradong pasado kaming dalawa. Highest score pa nga yata.

Bumagal ang halik niya na tila alam niyang katapusan na ngunit ayaw pa niyang tapusin. Bahagya ang atras niya sa kanyang mukha at para lamang iyon upang madungaw ako. Pinagdikit niya ang aming noo. The Aquiline length of his nose made it touched mine.

"Na-perfect ako," malambing niyang balita sa akin, parang batang gustong malaman ito ng magulang niya, so they would be proud of him.

His thumbs are running circles on my waist. Kaya hindi ko alam kung saan mas pumanig ang hagikhik ko.

"Talaga?" I traced my finger from his temples down to his cheekbone, jaw, then to his neck. Magaan kong pinindot ang Adam's apple niya roon. I feel the vibration of it as he hummed his answer. Inaanod ako ng antok sa namumungay niyang mga mata.

"Mhm! Dapat ma-perfect mo rin para parehas tayo."

Nagtawanan kami. Kinuwadro ko ang mukha niya upang pumirmi para sa aking paghalik. He cowered his towering height a little to meet my smiling lips.

Iisang init sa aking mukha ang naramdaman ko mula noon at ngayon. I found my fingers touching that part of his neck. I could feel the raging pulse beating, desperate for an explosion against his skin.

I looked at him only to find his eyes that brought thunderstorms to my sunrise, hoping eyes. But I find no single fuck. Tumingkayad pa rin ako. Tila mga paa ko na ang nag-aalinlangan para sa akin ngunit tinulak ko pa rin ang sarili.

Hindi pa nakalapat ang ilong ko sa kanya ay inatras na niya ang kanyang mukha. Evils dancing around his smirk.

"Is that how you gonna prove your professionalism on your first day? I could file a harassment complaint against you."

What?

Ilang beses akong napakurap habang unti unting natatauhan. Nabingi ako sa bagsak nang kung ano sa aking kalamnan at nanghahapdi kong puso. Kalasin ko man ang braso ng kahihayan ay ito naman ang pilit yumayakap sa akin.

"Y-you started it, Dean,"I reasoned out, though I know how weak that is. Wala na akong panahong pagsisihan ang ginawa.

"Nilapitan lang kita, but you seem to want more than a casual proximity."

"You provoked my actions!"

Umiling siya, tila sinasabing sumuko na ako dahil walang kwenta ang mga sinasabi ko. Walang kwenta ang pagpunta ko rito. I didn't come here as a joke!

"Your reason won't pass as valid. I never touched you a hairbreadth. You did." He tightly pressed. At doon, nadidiin din niya ang kahihiyan ko sa aking sarili.

His jaw clenched so tight as if there were still words left unspoken. I saw his arm extended to the table and caught him putting the half drunk lemon tea in there.

Siguro nga ay sobra na sa pagiging halata ang desperasyon kong ito. I could probably pass as a kind of that groupie who claimed that they got knocked up by their followed celebrity.

"You don't get to kiss me when you've just professed love to another man, Ruthzielle."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya at sa matalim niyang tono. Professed my love to another man? He's talking about my nephew but he's seeing it in his perspective which is 'another man' without asking me first for a confirmation!

Hindi pa ako nakawala sa paunang damdamin ay agaran ang paghalili rito ng gulat at bahagyang galit. Mabilis ang aking hininga.

"So that's how you're going to believe it? Then you're a coward, Dean." Mariin kong dinuro ang kanyang dibdib. "Duwag ka! This would have been easier for us if you would only let me explain my side! You're the one complicating this! All you have to do is fucking stand there and listen, goddammit! Ganon kadali hindi mo pa magawa?!"

Paakyat nang paakyat ang aking galit at nanatili ito sa tuktok na nagpiga sa mga mata kong magpalandas ng luha. Shock and horror clung to Dean's face. Para bang ngayon niya lang ako nakitang umiiyak.

Muli kong pinalis ang naglandas. Kinurap ko ang panlalabo sa mga mata ko upang matignan siya nang mas malinaw at mariin.

"If I'm going to fall in love with another man, it would be another you, the new you, and the man you've become. I lost the man I used to love. Kaya bagong lalake ang minamahal ko ngayon. And that's still you, asshole!"

Sa sandaling iyon ay napaatras na siya sa pagtulak ko sa kanyang dbdib gamit lamang ang aking daliri. He got weak by a second right there.

No matter how hard he tries to pull a strict stunt, alam kong tumagos ang sinabi ko sa kanya. The way his eyes become hesitant and broken only declared how his walls are faltering. Everytime he rebuild his bricks, I hammer them down to shreds.

"Save it, Ruth. We're not talking about this now." Kulang sa determinasyon at diin ang kanyang pagkakasabi.

See? That's how I know you, Dean.

"Duwag ka nga."

"I said save it!" pabulong niyang bulalas. May pagsuko na sa kanyang mga mata.

Mariin siyang pumikit na tila nasa panig na siya ng pagsang-ayon kahit anumang pilit niyang pagtanggi.

"Fine. I...I'll talk to you about it. Just not now. Sana pagkatapos ay mag-quit ka na bilang assistant ko."

Umawang ang bibig ko. Okay na sana ang una niyang sinabi. Nakahinga na ako nang maluwang doon. But the last part?

"What do you mean by quit? Nagsisimula pa lang ako, Dean."

Sandali kaming natigil sa sumingit na sigaw sa labas at hinahanap si Dean. The crowd is already cheering for them to go out. Sumilip ako sa aking relo at nakitang magsisimula na sila sa ilang segundo lang. Malalim na hininga ang aking hinugot saka nag-angat sa kanya.

Sabay nagtagpo ang paningin namin sa isa't isa.

"Get ready, rocker boy. The shows about to start in thirty seconds. I'd be in the backstage, clapping, with pride in my chest because I'm a proud and supportive girlfriend like I've always been."

Parang gusto niya akong kagatin sa pagpoprotesta niya.

"You're not my..."

"Girlfriend? Oh sure. So...fiancee, then?" I teased.

"You wish."

Namilog ang mga mata niya nang nilapitan ko. He looked as if he's deciding to run out the door as I slowly lifted my hands to hand-iron his wrinkled white shirt on the chest part. I pouted as I faked sympathy.

"Naww...most wishes are bound to not happen, Dean. So I don't wish." Sinasabi ko ito habang inaayos ang namaling tupi ng colllar sa kanyang casual suit. Nilapit ko ang aking bibig sa kanyang tenga. Ramdam ko ang init at bilis ng hininga niya sa aking leeg.

"I just...do it."I whispered. I felt him tense. Parang pinipigilan niya ang paghinga.