My desired result from clearing up misconceptions with Dean was to lighten my load aside from fostering a peace of mind on both sides. It did a bit, ngunit may puwang pa rin sa loob kong hindi ako mapalagay kung para saan.

I should be asleep after the exhausting day. My body's weary and my eyes are still puffy. Ngunit tumakas ang antok nang mapagtanto ang mga gagawin bukas.

Malabo ang pagkakaintindi ko kay Marcus sa kabilang linya habang panay gulo sa akin ng mga tanong. I came here, already drawing up my ammos of explanations. But what comes after now that it's done? Iyon ang hindi ko pinaghandaan o pumasok sa man lang sa isip. Telling me to stay I think is not enough for us to be okay yet.

I wonder what kind of definition of enough that should be knocked into my sense. Ba't palaging hindi sapat para sa akin?

"How about their itineraries? They have to be in Cebu the day after tomorrow para naman makapag rehearse sila."

"That's settled, Marcus."

The phone's in loud speaker. I twist the faucet to tone down the loud rush of water. Naghihilamos ako habang kausap siya. My eyes still stung and puffy from the waterworks a while back.

"Okay good. God!" He groaned. "The tix are sold out! Some were selling cheap tickets which were fake ones! Iyon ang inaasikaso namin hanggang ngayon dito sa Vinyl."

He sounded as stress as how I'm imagining him right now while lathering the foam wash in my face.

"And I heard gossips. Mabuti na lang at wala masyadong sinasabi si Jaillin sa ambush interview. Everybody's into Dean's statement so that's what they're trying to catch like a food for their dinner. Tell Dean na lutuin na niya mismo ang pahayag niya nang makain na ng mga media na 'to."

Doon ay tuluyan ko nang pinatay ang gripo. Tinitigan ko ang cellphone na parang gusto ko na itong sumabog.

"What about it?" The idea has already been presented to me but I need the specific.

"A lot of pictures...caught you two canoodling at MOA's entrance."

"Canoodling?" Napangiwi ako. " That's an exaggeration!"

Marahas kong hinablot ang face towel sa gilid at tinapik sa aking mukha. Imagining myself canoodling in a public place, goodness gracious! It had me curse outloud!

I don't want my showbiz career to start from, among of the many ways to boost fame, a scandal or being a third party of a make-believe romance between a multimedia sweetheart and a rockstar!

"How people love to sensationalize..."  aniya nang kinuha ko ang cellphone at dinala sa kwarto.

"Anyways, as a P.A, Ruth, you also have to work with his reputation here. Not that he cared but, people idolize him so he has to set as an example to the masses. That scandal of him sniffing cocaine with Wilmer under the table?  Baby Jesus in a manger! But I hope that would be the last one. That was so not true."

"I'm aware."

I did not only hear about that news but had also witnessed the verging doom of the band's career.  Maraming kumagat sa balitang iyon. Turns out, an impersonator was responsible for that whole shebang na agaran namang sinampahan ng kaso.

The curse of having too much blessing is the companionship of disgraces. Nag-iingat ka na nga, nadidisgrasya pa rin. Pinapangalagaan mo na nga ang pangalan mo, may mga naninira pa rin. And the list goes on and on...

"Na-inform ko na sina Edgar at Curtis.  They'd cooperate when it comes to the security. I'm sure sa airport pa lang ay may dudumog na."

Marami pa siyang mga bilin bago tinapos ang tawag.

Hinagis ko ang cellphone sa kama pagkatapos at  tumingala, inikot ang ulo at agad naramdaman ang pangangalay ng likod at mga balikat.

My eyes dropped at my open and brightscreen laptop. I answered fan mails and inquiries regarding the availability of band merchandise. Kailangan ko pang tanungin ang merch man ukol dito since kakailanganin din namin ito sa Cebu.

"Ren, na-update ba iyong website? Maraming naghahanap ng Metaphoricals muscle tank."

"Which one?"

"The vintage white one? With the lyrics of Miss Seventeen at the back," sabi ko habang tinitignan ang item saka binalikan ang message ng fan. 

"Bukas pa magiging available. I posted a new merch that's up for sale. The hoodie, iyon muna ang ipapalit 'tsaka iyong cap with the album title."

I typed the consolatory reply.

"Yeah, I've seen that. Produce more of it for the Cebu merch."

"Okay."

As soon as the album exploded to the public, the new items were sold out in as fast as two days quick. So when I posted the info of the upcomings in the band's twitter account na isa sa mga binilin sa akin ni Marcus, ay bumaha na ng mga replies, retweets at likes.

May isa akong nirereplayan na tweet when a Google advertisement of a rose gold watch made me stop. Bigla kong naalalang hindi pa ako nakabili ng relo.

Without any second thoughts, I clicked on the ad. Habang naglo-load ang page ay tumungo ako sa cabinet upang kumuha ng pantulog. Hinablot ko ang unang nakapkapan na cotton shorts at muscle tank top saka pumasok ulit sa banyo upang magbihis.

The top has a huge arm hole dahilan kung bakit kitang-kita ang itim kong bra. But since matutulog na rin naman ako ay binalewala ko na't lumabas.

Halos pumasok ulit ako sa banyo dahil sa gulat na makita si Dean. The first thing I noticed is the gut-wrenching wave of his upper arm as he crossed them against his chest. The bulges, muscle indentions...kuyom na kuyom ang aking sikmura. 

His face shined brightly made by perching down on my laptop. In-his-boxers only-and-nothing-else presence, my throat went to a state of calamity of drought. Hindi ako makalapit sa kanya kahit anong tulak sa akin ng kalabog ng puso ko kulang nala'y ito ang lalapit kay Dean at kaladkarin ako.

"You've already bought it?"

His silent question almost tore me apart. Namamalat pa rin kasi ang kanyang boses. To think that two consecutive live shows are on the pipeline.

Lumalim ang salubong ng kanyang kilay sa aking paglapit. At siguro mas dumiin pa ang lalim dahil hindi ako ganon dumikit sa kanya nang dinungaw ang laptop.

Filling the screen is the rose gold watch of my choice. Tuwang-tuwa ako nang makita iyon nang mas malakihan. But my smile instantly fell as soon as I saw the price in British pounds!

What?

Sinara ko ang tab at binalik sa twitter account nila. Several tweets flooded the notification. 

"Wala iyon. Screen shopping lang." sabi ko, tinago ang disappointment.

I have a plan of purchasing it until I saw the price. I'm not poor but I don't spend much on material things unless it won't allow me to sleep if I couldn't buy it.

Nakatayo pa rin siya sa aking likod. Pagkatapos ng mga kaganapan kanina ay wala na akong maisip kung ano ang kanyang sadya. He's asked me to stay and I didn't forgo since that's also what I want.

Kaya palaisipan sa akin ang magiging set up namin ngayon. Now that's probably the next thing that we have to discuss.

"But you like it," aniya.

Natawa ako sa aking isip. Not just like, Dean. I love it!

"It's too expensive." My tone calls for dismissal. Ayokong maalala kung paano hindi ko na iyon bibilhin at maghahanap ako ng mas mura at maganda para makatulog naman ako sa gabi.

"Four thousand pounds? Expensive?" Sa tono niya ay parang barya lang iyon at isang kahibangan na namamahalan ako!

"Yes, Dean. Four thousand pounds. Not four thousand pesos."

He didn't move a muscle. Habang nag-iingay ang keyboard ko sa pagtitipa ng mga replies. Dean is not into social media kaya hindi nababasa ang gabundok na mga messages niya. His last instagram post was dated two months ago? And in all of his confidence and arrogance, never have I ever seen him take a selfie. So there was never a selfie post of him online.

"Ba't hindi ka pa natutulog?" I asked, trying to break the awkward affair. "You need to sleep early for tomorrow's trade launch event."

"I know..."

Tumigil ako at nilingon siya. Not expecting that he's already staring at me intently and it was to my absolute wonder on what's on his mind. Half of his face was shadowed while the other took a share of light from the outside.

"May kailangan ka?"

Matagal siyang tumitig bago nakuhang magsalita. "You will sleep here?"

What sounds like a soft, melancholic and disappointed  tone is hard to ignore. Para ring hindi siya sigurado sa tinatanong niya.

Nagtataka, ay tumango ako. "Dito naman talaga ako natutulog."

Doon ay kumalas na siya sa tingin at naglakwatsa ang mga mata sa kwarto. In the calmness of his face, I could still sight the brewing storm with his eyes as the lightning flashes and the light thunder was his growl.

"My room's bigger," he stated, then his eyes drifted back to mine. Mahina ang boses niya ngunit magaspang na buo.

Kumunot ang noo ko't marahang tumagilid ang ulo. Why the comparison?

"And so as my bed..." he added with more rasp as that was an almost whisper.

Mas lalo akong nalito. His stare remained motionless. 

"Maraming pillows. Mas malambot na comforter...and the view of the city lights is prettier than here..."

"And...?" I slowly asked.

Sa labi niyang marahan ang awang ay tumiklop iyon kasunod ng lunok at igting ng kanyang panga. Sa palagay ko' y kinakabahan siya but I could never put scared and Dean in one sentence.

Mabigat ang buga niya ng hangin sabay baling sa ibang direksyon. His other hand was on his hip, habang ang isa'y hinihimas-himas ang kanyang panga, a gesture of his when deep thinking. Dalawa sa daliri niya ay binakas pababa ang outline ng gilid ng muling umaawang niyang bibig saka inilang pisil ang bottom lip.

May pag-aalinlangan siyang bumaling sa akin muli. His stare is shaky. Ang kamay niyang bumitaw sa kanyang labi ay unit-unting kumuyom at maingat na binaba.

"T-tabi tayo?" He sounded unsure. His left thick brow arched. Ngumuso siya para sa panibagong salita. "Y-y-you want?" 

He bit his lip after, sabay lumihis muli ang tingin sa gilid. Nagbalik ang mga mata niya sa akin saglit at mabilis din itong umiwas. Ngumuso siya at hindi na makatingin sa 'kin.

If I'm not mistaken, even with the slight share of light, kita ko ang pamumula ng dibdib niya.

My mouth slightly parted. In all his mighty toplessness, which boasted his tattooes and intense charms, Dean stuttered? And shy? Like a fifteen year old boy asking a girl to prom?

Tinitigan ko siya't naghihintay ng kasunod. Pero hindi na talaga siya nagbalik tingin. Lalong tumulis ang nguso nito at kinamot ang kanyang kilay na parang hindi naman nangangati.

Bumaba ang pagkamot niya sa kanyang panga na rinig ko ang gaspang. At bumaba sa kanyang dibdib na hinaplos niya saglit bago nilagay sa kanyang balakang. Tumingala siya, inanggulo ang ulo sa aking gawi. Hindi tinagpo ang aking tingin ngunit nahuli kong malikot ang mga mata.

Kagat man ang aking labi at tumakas pa rin ang tawa. Tuluyan ko nang tinakpan ang bibig nang hindi ko na mapigilan.

"Ruth, I'm not joking. Ba't ka tumatawa?"

Tinagpo ko ang seryoso nitong mga mata. Wala akong inasahan pagkatapos ng nangyari kung 'di ilang at walang imikan. But not to be asked if I want to sleep together with him!

His stare is a piece of hard rock thrown to the sea earning splashes of hot water, the waves warming my insides as of the moment. Sa kaunting dilim ng kwarto, at siya'y isang piraso ng pananamit lang ang suot tila piniprisinta ang sarili bilang alay, sa buong katahimikan, nag-iingay ang sanib puwersa ng mga ito upang dalhin ako sa ibig ipagtanto sa akin.

"We're apart for such a long time...maraming nagbago, Dean..." Tila  hinawi ng hangin ang banggit ko sa kanyang pangalan.

My expected reaction from him happened more than I had imagined. Salubong ng kilay lang ang inasahan ko ngunit sa nakikita ko sa kanya ngayo'y tumuntong na siya sa unang baitang ng galit. He took another step up, but reined himself in.

"I know where you're leading this. You want us to take it slow, I'm correct?"

Papayuko na ako nang tumango. Inangat ko ang dulo ng muscle tank dress kong hanggang hita at pinaglaruan.

"Bakit pa? Wala namang nagbago sa 'kin. Sa 'yo rin, wala. Gumanda ka nga lang lalo. Nagkadibdib, lumiit ang baywang, nagka-pwet, nagpagupit. Aside from that, nothing's changed. You're still that  temperamental girl I know from highschool."

Sinag ng araw ang mga sinabi niyang binibilad sa init ang mukha't batok ko. Ang pagkilala ko sa matigas niyang tono ang mismong nagtakwil sa pauna kong reaksyon.

"Magulo pa kasi, Dean..." A sigh so deep as I was reminded by the personified chaos. "There's Jillian, her mother, then the rumors. Gusto ko munang maayos 'to lahat..."

I can't totally dive in into what he wants, which is what I want to, too, with all of these cases that's trying to ruin. Hangga't sa maaari, bago ako tuluyang magpakasaya ay mawala na lahat ng nagpapabagabag sa 'kin. Before I invest the entirety of my time and self to Dean, I'd start it with cutting the loose ends.

"Setting priorities again, huh?" he concluded.

Tumango ulit ako, nanatili sa paglalaro ng aking damit.

"How will you fix it, then? I'll help you para mabilis. 'Cause I hate slow, Ruth." He emphasized the 'slow' with utter disdain.

"I don't know...hindi pa ako handang kausapin siya. Sa ngayon...sa pagbalik natin sa Cebu, I'll talk to my dad. Then from there, I'll see where it goes."

Ilang sandali siyang tumitig, marahil iniisip din ang mga plano ko at baka may nililikha rin siyang iba bago tumango.

"Okay..." He sighed as he took an animalistic and menacing step forward. "But is part of being slow...can we still sleep together?"

Nananantiya ang pagtitig ko sa kanya. While what bottled into those eyes are green pools of hope, brown amusement in the center, and the yellow shades of expectations.

"Sleep lang?" paninigurado ko.

"And cuddle," kaswal niyang sabi.

"Iyon lang, ha?"

Inasahan kong wala na siyang hihingin. But catching him blinking several times as if he's been thinking of more secured my eyes on him. Naghintay ako hanggang sa magsalita siyang sinimulan niya sa mabagal na pagsinghap.

"Sit in my lap, hugs...and a little bit of kisses, smooches...flirtings and..."

"Iyon lang." Inangat ko ang mga kamay bilang pagpigil. "Hanggang doon lang. Ang dami na nun."

Ngumuso siya't umirap na parang batang inagawan ng robot. "Konti nga lang iyon, eh. I haven't mentioned the french kiss. Halik sa leeg, sa batok, sa ano..."

"Ano?" pasinghal kong putol. Humalukiphip ako't umangat nang 'di sadya ang aking baba, nagbabanta.

Ang unti-unting paggapang ng kanyang ngisi ay nagpainit nang husto sa aking pisngi. The rush of heat and his reaction felt like an omen of something naughty and those kinds of things that only Dean has the capability of making me think of.

When he smirked, I flushed. When that crooked smile grew, my guts tightened. But when a chuckle tickled on his throat, with those eyes that were up for a challenge and fun, my knees liquified I almost fell on the bed. 

"Say yes first."

Nanliit ang mga mata ko. Sa ngisi at tono palang niya ay ayaw ko nang pagkatiwalaan. Asking me to say an answer without offering me a question is something tricky so I rebelled against him with a...

"No."

His mouth curved down for a sarcastic sad face. Nagkibit siya at tahimik na humakbang.

"Then you won't find out what I'm talking about."

"Not finding out about it is not gonna be the 'cause of my death so..." kampante akong nagkibit balikat at nakilahok sa kung anong laro niya. 

Ang nakita kong dumaan na iritasyon ay panandalian lang. A change of his facial expression is also a change of his mood and mind. Kaya kung para saan man iyang ngisi niya ngayon at nang-aakit niyang mga mata ay ayaw ko nang alamin.

Giving myself the obscene ideas would probably made me fall harder in this bed. And he's not one to catch, but he'd rather fall with me instead.

"I can see it in you, Ruth...if you want to do it then...why not?  Mukhang pinaghahandaan mo na rin naman..." His rasp is too sensual that I shivered.

Humihingal ako sa lapit niya lalo na nang pinasidahan niya ako nang walang kahiya-hiya. Ang bakas ng paghagod ay sinusundan ng init na pakiramdam ko'y tinapon ako sa impyerno upang magdiwang at hindi magdusa. Ang halong aliw at laswa sa mga mata niya ay sadyang natural na kay Dean. This room is the battleground between the cold and warmth.

Nag-angat siya nang kilay nang magbalik tagpo sa aking mga mata.

"So if you're ready..."Nilahad niya ang halos hubad na sarili. He quirked his left brow and with another smirk. "You see, I'm always ready. Naghubad na nga ako agad kasi baka...alam mo na. Iyon na ang susunod."

Dumoble ang bilis ng hininga ko habang kumakapa ng unan at tinapon sa kanya! As fast as a feline he's able to catch it.

A chuckle escaped as he pinned the pillow at his side.

"Now you're mad again, sugar. Anong masama sa sinabi ko? I was talking about sleeping! Hindi ka pa ba handang matulog? 'Cause I'm so ready to sleep now." Pinaantok nito ang boses sa huli.

But his reaction declared otherwise. Hindi ko alam kung totoo iyan dahil iba ang pinapahiwatig ng nakakapanindig balahibo niyang boses. Of course! I wouldn't think of something innocent once that whiskey-effect of his voice starts to drain the remaining drops of my innocence. Warm, rasp and...pleasurable.

Nilahad niya ang kanyang kamay.

"I thought sleeping together is allowed?"

Umangat ang isang sulok ng kanyang labi, with that is a supposed intention that he meant innocence. Yet, the way he evokes something in me was far from it. So I'm not sure if...

"Wala kang gagawin. May pagkamanyak ka pa naman."

Ngumisi siya. "It's not pagkamanyak, Ruth. It's flirting. I won't do anything against your will. Or...I can. You know me, I don't really follow rules so I might break some of yours a 'lil bit."

I trust him, but not myself. Dean is a flame drawing countless moths into his presence. Undeniably, I am one of those. Wala namang masama kung sasabak agad ako sa mas malalim na relasyon. But the possible after effects of a unfathomable relationship along with the sense of uncertainty, now those are what I'm gonna call unpleasant. There are more things to fix before I'd set myself deeper into his fire.

"You go first," aniya.

Kumilos na ako at lumipat sa kanyang kwarto. Dean is following behind. Dinala ko ang laptop dahil may mga fan mails pa akong hindi nababasa.

I'm tempted to click on an entertainment website Marcus was asking me to see. For sure it's about the rumor milling on every damn showbiz blogs.

Lumubog ang katabing side ko ng kama nang umupo si Dean. True to what he said, mas malaki nga ang kwarto niya. At ang kama. And the city light view is way prettier right here  infront of me.

"You're still going to work for me?" Sabay kumiliti ang kamay niyang marahan na humawak sa baywnag ko.

My toes curled when I felt his hand wearing itself inside my muscle tank dress. Sinubukan ko siyang taliman ng tingin na alam kong hindi rin magtatagal habang nananalaytay ang init ng palad niya sa balat ko. 

"Ruth, I'm talking."

I nodded, pretending to be concentrated on typing when in truth is I.Could.Hardly move!

Ang isang kamay niya'y humawak sa kamay kong nagtitipa dahilan upang matigil ito.

Bago ko pa siya malingon ay kinuha na niya ang laptop sa kandungan ko. Masyadong mabilis na hindi ko napaghandaan nang kinuwadro niya ang aking mukha sa malaki at magaspang niyang mga kamay. I just handed him a very open opportunity with my shocked gaping mouth!

My initial reflexes had me holding on to Dean's firm arms. With warm thirst, he kissed deeper that instead of saying water, he whispers my name. With a blazing desperation, he set my lips on flame. His other hand untangled only to hook it on my waist and pulled me closer to him. May panggigigil ang kapit niya sa aking mukha, tila kinikilatis kung totoo nga ba ako o ilusyon lang.

"Dean..." Hindi ko siya magawang itulak. As he sucked more through his kisses, he's sucked everything until my weakness.

Imbes na tugon niya'y umatras ay kinagat pa niya ang labi ko! Doon ako nagkaroon ng lakas na maitulak siya. I pulled my bottom lip only to taste my own blood.

"Ba't ka nangangagat?" Hindi maitanggi ang inis ko roon.

His eyes drifted to my affected lips nursed by my teeth and tongue to heal itself. Akala ko'y titigil na siya nang lumapit muli ang mukha niya at hinalikan ako. I heard him gasped before he moaned a little when he pushed himself some more.

Nagpatiwakal na ang iritasyon ko nang maramdaman ang pagsipsip niya sa aking bottom lip. Nanginig ang aking kalamnan. Ang kahinaan ko'y nagpalaya kay Dean na gawin ang gusto niya.

"I can do this, right? You agreed," he whispered against my lips. Humirit pa siya ng mga halik pagkatapos niyon. My forearms felt rough and shivers created a monarchy along my spine.

Agreed? Wala akong maalalang sumangayon ako. Pero...hindi rin naman ako tumanggi nang nilahad niya sa akin ang mga gusto niyang mangyari.

Humalik siya sa aking ilong at bumakas pababa muli sa aking labi. Hindi pa nga ito natuyo ay pinaliguan na niya ulit.

"O baka gusto mo isulat ang rules sa papel at ipanotaryo natin para legal talaga? Isasama ko na rin ang pirma ko sa dibdib mo. You like that?"

Pumipikit-pikit ako  habang patuloy siyang dumadampi ng halik. Every touch and whisper of his lips tickled all my nerves that I shivered.

Talaga bang hindi muna ako pumayag na may gawin kaming sobra sa halik? I don't remember myself rejecting the idea. Or...did I?

Sabi nang hindi ko talaga mapagkakatiwalaan ang sarili ko!  Half of my control is already owned by Dean.

"You're not answering. You like that, Ruth?" May panunuya habang bumubulong siya ng mga salita at halik.

"Bahala ka..." wala sa sarili kong ani. Wala akong maintindihan sa sinasabi mo, Dean.

"Yes or no?"

Inatras ko ang mukha kong nasa loob pa ng kulungan ng mga kamay niya.

I pouted. "Or."

Tumawa siya at pinisil ang aking ilong.

Sa halik niya ay hindi lang ang labi ko ang nabasa. Pati na rin paligid ng labi ko ay basa. Lalo na iyong malapit sa ilong. Aliw na aliw niya akong pinapanood na pinupunasan iyon habang gumagapang na sa kama't handa nang matulog. I could even smell his mint toothpaste and mouthwash from it.

He set aside my laptop and put it on the bedside table. Nagulat ako nang tinulak niya ako pahiga, inikot paharap sa glass wall para sa view ng magarang city lights.

The image is so breathtaking I don't know if I should let myself fall alseep or basked my eyes in with the beauty of the night.

Ngunit doon ko lang napagtanto ang sobrang pagod ko nang maramdaman ang lambot ng kama. Dean's arm snaked on my waist again and pulled me into him. I

"Do you want me to talk to your mom? I'll set a day for the both of you. Gusto ko nang maayos lahat para...pwede na tayo...ulit..."

Warm flooded in my chest as I sighed at the idea. Inis din ako sa sarili ko kung bakit kailangan ko pang unahin ang mga suliranin. Everything' s easier way back but maybe it's because I don't mind about priorities. Now that I'm older, I get to distinguish the complication of choosing on what should go first. It's between what should be done, and my wants. 

But then a thought occurred to me. I can enjoy this...being with Dean while I'm problem solving. Sa ganoong paraan ay matutulungan pa niya ako.

But no, kaya ko naman 'to ng ako lang. I don't want to bother himwith my own tribulations while he has a lot more to deal with.

"I don't know when I'm ready. Hindi ko siya kayang harapin na hindi nakakaramdam ng galit, Dean. I said I'll see where it goes after I talk to my father. Hanggang doon muna ang kaya ko..." I slightly turned to him. "Can you wait?"

"What do you call the last seven years, then? Isn't that waiting?" 

Tikom ang bibig ko sa paglilihim ng kirot na naramdaman habang tinatanaw siya sa isip ko na naghihintay. Kumunot ang noo ko sa panibagong tanong.

"Kung naghintay ka...anong hinintay mo?"

"Na magiging handa ka..." Gumapang ang kamay niya sa dibdib ko at dinukot ang pendant na singsing na nakatago sa aking suot. " I watched his fingers playing with the seven year old jewelry. "Na ako na iyong maging unang priority mo..."

I should not feel offended but I did. Dapat lang naman. I think I deserved it since I promoted the whole idea.

With the sting of hurt, I sought comfort through watching the panoramic view outside and the feel of Dean's arms and warm breathing.

"Ikaw, naghintay ka rin ba?" tahimik niyang tanong saka naramdaman siyang humalik sa buhok ko.

I nodded, seeing myself on those days of emotional torment.

His arms gripped tighter around me. He inhaled me in large doses then kissed my hair once again.

"Indeed, Ruth. Once everything's fixed and done, I'm gonna fuckin' marry you. It's not a promise. It's a commandment."