Hindi ako nakapagsalita sa takot kay Dean sa harap ko. I barely found myself breathing while in cautious behold of his rapid respiration. Pakiramdam ko sigaw ang ihahandog sa akin oras na gumawa ako ni kaunting ingay.

So I went there for nothing. I arrived at an almost exact time in the same place for nothing. Tila labahan na kinukuyumos ang puso ko nang sumalakay sa isip ang paghihintay ni Dean sa wala. All in his image of loss, rejection and heartbreak. He'd marked time on the right day as planned. While I turned up a few minutes late on the wrong one.

Naghintay kami sa isa't isa sa dalawang magkaibang araw. Then a series of unfortunate matters tailed on eversince.

But in one way or another , the could haves and the should have beens wouldn't matter. Not anymore, in a sense that we cannot undo the things that had already transpired. And I would only just induce him to meet me halfway and call off the ceremony had things turned out otherwise.

Kaya lahat ng mga 'sana ay tumawag sila', 'sana ay pinuntahan nila ako sa bahay'...wala nang halaga ang mga iyon.

Yet, it could have made a cosmic difference had not only because of this single text message. Sa gumawa niyon ay siguradong hawak ang phone ni Dean at may alam tungkol sa pag-aaral niya sa Berkeley. Hindi kaya paniniwala kong timbangin na magagawa ito sa amin ng sino man.

And whoever did so, I am so certain that Dean has already promised that 'someone' a summer vacation spree in hell by the way he looks right now. With free accommodation.

The dead silence is taking delight in the incandescent lighted studio room. Kaya sa medyo madilim nitong paligid at katahimikan, nagpaigting pa ng pagbabawal ko sa sariling magsalita. But we won't be able to move foreward unless I talk.

"D-Dean..." Hinila ng kaba ang boses ko. Certitude is nowhere if he has heard me.

Huminga ako nang malalim nang sa wakas ay lumingon siya. He pinned me with his ready-to-kill frown. Isang hakbang ang inatras ko. I licked my lips and bit them in fear to speak once more.

"Who do you think..." Another deep breath. "Who do you think did it?"

Tinitigan niya lamang ako. Or... not. I suspected a name has already been brewed in his mind. He seriously knows who because I am sure he was at the same time and place the message was sent out of his awareness.

"Who was with you on that Friday? Biyernes ko natanggap ang mensahe," mariin kong pahayag.

I already have a name in mind. Pero ayokong isatinig iyon at baka mali pa ako ng hinala. I don't want to blame someone through just a guesswork.

My heart jumped as he advanced an intimidating step. His determined face set for an argument soften then held my elbow just to lighty pull me to him. Nagpahila ako ngunit sa kabila niyon ay kinakabahan pa rin para sa pag-aabang ng sagot.

"Is it—"

Sabay kaming bumaling sa pinto nang bumukas at unang pumasok ang taong pinaghihinalaan ko. Sa likod ay sina Patrick, Cash at Skylar. The looks on their faces offers that there is a crucial thing to get anxious about.

"You need to check this out."

Mas hinila ako ni Dean sa kanya nang lumapit si Wilmer at pinakita ang nagliliwanag nitong cellphone. I couldn't dodge the thought that we have one and the same person in mind as the malefactor. The others barely draw near, parang alam na nila ang tungkol dito.

I caught the familiar logo and color of the popular showbiz blog on ethe phon'e screen before my eyes flicked to the bold heading.

Exclusive: Jaillin Lopez recent social media post sparks showbiz headlines.

Napalingon ako kay Dean na nanatili ang marahas na mga mata sa cellphone at hinablot ito mula kay Wilmer. Binalik ko na lang din ang mga mata doon at binasa.

Sole daughter of Sergio Lopez the third and talent manager Elena Lopez, fast-rising starlet Jaillin Lopez began making an incessant buzz in the entertainment industry all thanks to her rumored relationship with The Metaphoricals' singer, Dean Ortigoza. But this recent post in her instagram is the demise of all speculations—let's not leave the infidelity rumors—and is paving a way for the confirmation of not just a relationship but an engagement...

Below is a recently uploaded photo of her porcelain hand with what looks like a round cut ring that costs the earth!

I said yes. #CartierBallerine @thefifthcornelius

Now we can all put a stop to our guessing games regarding the muse behind today's teenage anthem, Miss Seventeen.

The prison that is my mouth hanged open for the words to come out but not even a single letter escaped. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ngunit wala akong makapkapan na galit. I sought for that anger yet numbness caressed me instead.

I felt Dean's focus is on mine but my eyes lingered on the gleaming ring. Wala akong maramdaman kahit ano dahil siguro ay hindi ito totoo. That's how I convinced myself.

But why was Dean being tagged in her photo? She wouldn't do so if he's not the one who proposed. Kung saan ba papanig ang pangungumbinse ko ay hindi ko na alam. Hindi rin naman siguro binili lang ni Jillian ang singsing para ipamukha sa lahat na engaged siya. It's not a doing of a rational-minded woman! Unless she is, otherwise.

"We have been recording for 5 succeeding days Dean kaya hindi ko maisip kung kailan ka pa nagka-oras mag-propose. I thought..." Sinundan ito ng pagbaling sa akin ni Skylar. I could sense her verging pity for me.

"I didn't. She just took the bait."

"What?" We chorused altogether, all ears and eyes were solely on Dean.

What bait? And who took the bait of who?

"Fuck, Dean. Hindi ko na talaga naiintindihan ang ginagawa mo."

Marahas na binawi ni Wilmer ang cellphone mula sa kaibigan at umiiling na pinasak sa bulsa. Mukha handa na itong parusahan ang kahit sino.

The message sender and Jillian's engagament ring photo. Ang dalawang ito ay pinagsaluhan ang isip ko. I barely inched my way out from knowing that Dean actually waited for me for three hours then these two came up like long lost best friends reunited.

Sinugatan ang katahimikan ng paparating na mga yapak. We turned to the sound and saw the large builts of Edgar and Curtis already occupying the short narrow corridor and doorway.

"Sir, may mga media po sa labas. Hindi na nga po namin naipasok ang van dahil nagmatigas pong magbigay daan ang mga tao," si Edgar.

Nang marinig ito ay napagtanto kong mukhang huling-huli na kami sa impormasyon. The media may have already milled outside just before the news came to our reach.

"Marcus is calling," Wilmer declared, his punishing eyes on the phone. "The news might have already reached him by now and no doubt he'd be forced to catch the first flight back."

"Call Montero. Tell him I'm up for an interview." Dean's tone is commanding anyone to honor his word now.

Pero hindi ko alam kung sino sa amin ang pinapaunlakan niya. I'm his P.A, kaya malamang ako.

Umiling si Cashiel. He took a few inhibited steps forward. "He's a current affairs journalist, Dean."

"And reporter," Dean's quick retort. "Siya lang din naman ang maaasahan ko sa media. He can relay my statement to the world without being infront of the camera."

"But at least make it public which only means you have to do it infront of everyone," agap na pangangatwiran ni Patrick.

"I don't. This news is no stranger to everybody. A cliché issue only made sensationalize by gossip-hungry people who are probably studying their Masterals in Bullshit!"

I held Dean's arm before he could spit a series of expletives. Napailing si Patrick at tinagpo ang kamay sa batok. Tumalikod na si Wilmer kasabay ang pagpang abot ng phone sa tenga niya, perhaps he has already contacted the reporter that Dean has requested.

This whole scheme affected the band entirely. Kung may issue ang isa, issue na rin ng buong banda. I couldn't help but bitterly admit that I am a part of this. I partake in this issue which touches the reputation of the band.

Kabadong kinakagat ang ibabang labi ay ninanais ko nang umuwi. To Dean's condo apparently. It sounded rude in my mind, and I don't want to make it worse through taking the liberty of leaving them alone with all of these affairs at hand.

Nakatutok na sa akin si Dean nang sinubok kong tagpuin ang mga mata. I tried to ignore how his eyes seduces and makes you think of uninvited steamy thoughts because that is not the why I stared up at him.

"Who sent me the message, Dean?"

I crashed out Wilmer's name in my list. Dean would have already taken action against him if he is the culprit.

"What message?" biglang singit ni Cashiel.

Sa lakas ng pagkakatanong ay marahil narinig ito ng lahat at lihim na rin silang nanguusisa. All eyes were on Dean. But his were on mine, all hopeful and aching at the same time.

His lips parted, ready to talk but instantly closed to bite the lower one. At first, I don't understand the apologizing and tortured gaze he held on me. Two reactions that I seldom witness from an intense man.

Doon ko lang namalayan na hawak niya pala ang kamay ko nang aking maramdaman ang mahigpit niyang kapit. Not sure if it's for assurance or to brace myself.

Staring down at his hand, I knew he's trying to comfort me about something. It never took me a long while to sink it in. Just by his reactions alone, were enough to tell me everything that I need to know.

"Elena..." Nahihirapan kong sambit sa pangalan.

Nagbaba siya ng tingin at binagsak ang noo sa akin na tila may pinagsisisihan. His thin lips shut so tight as if to to jail the obscenities that were trying to come out.

I tried to reach out for anger to wrap itself around my heart. But instead, I found dismay. For her and more for myself. Dahil sa makailang beses kong kinikilala ang muhi ko sa kanya, bakit hindi ko kayang paniwalaan na magagawa niya iyon? I want it to be another person. I want it to be Jillian or anyone but her!

I was, for a while, loss for words. Because they have already been made as an offering to my pain.

"That's how she hates me?" My voice broke.

In gritted teeth, Dean gasped drastically. As soon as he saw the first drop of my tears fell, his hand anchored on my nape and pulled me to an embrace. Sumunod ang isang kamay sa aking baywang at hinigpitan ang pagyakap sa akin.

I won't cry for her. I'm done begging for her to come back but she was, after all, not yet done breaking my heart.

"At bakit nakapagtext siya sa phone mo? How did it happen Dean? Why are you with her?!"

My attempt of pushing him was to no avail. Mas humigpit lang ang pagkukulong ng kanyang mga kamay.

His hand crawled up at the back of my head, burying his fingers on my hair. Humihingal, ay nakalibing ang mukha ko sa kanyang dibdib. Mga hands wrinkled his white shirt. Kinakalma ko ang sarili nang maramdaman ang mainit niyang hininga sa aking tenga.

"Ruth, babe...I love you...wait for me in our place, okay?"

I caught my breath with what he said. Nothing should have comforted me in a moment like this but he somehow did. Ngunit kahit napakalma ako nito'y sa ibang bagay pa rin pumapanig ang aking nararamdaman.

It could be that the thought of going home had sold me to calm down until I couldn't push him away any longer. Nanghina ako , hindi ako makatango ngunit sumang ayon sa sinabi niya at alam ni Dean iyon. Ramdam ko ang pagtutok niya sa akin. I wanna go home...

Mas lalo akong nanghina nang bumitaw siya at hinarap ang mga tao. To make myself feel better, I settled on being content with his hand that remained its confinement around my waist.

"Curtis, Edgar, ihatid niyo siya. Keep her safe from the aggressive media outside," mando ni Dean.

"Yes, sir."

"Makita ko lang na may sugat siya pagdating ko, kahit isang sugat lang, kahit media pa ang may gawa, sesante kayong dalawa."

"Opo."

Tulala pa rin ako nang hinalikan ni Dean ang gilid ng aking ulo. I felt him inhaling the scent of my hair and the kiss descended on my ears.

"Wait for me,okay?" he whispered. " Don't trust anything you hear in the news today. I'll tell you everything, Ruth. You trust me, do you?"

Sinasabi niya ito na tila isang paghele hanggang sa ako'y makatulog. Wala sa sarili akong tumango. I'm not in the mood for anything but to really go home and rest my worries. And of course, to wait for him.

Wala akong tinatagpong niisang mata nang pinagigiliran nina Edgar at Curtis palabas ng studio.

Papalapit pa lang kami sa gate ay rinig ko na ang mga ugong ng media sa labas. I am already bracing myself when the gates dramatically opened for us to exit pero wala pa ring silbi ang paghahanda kung nasa aktwal ka nang sitwasyon.

Mabilis ang pagbakod sa akin nina Edgar at Curtis, tila mga mandirigmang handang sumalo ng libo't libong bala. My eyes remained firm on our slow advancing feet while covering my ears from the showbiz reporters' exclaimed questions.

"May relasyon pa rin ba kayo ni Dean kahit engaged na ito?"

"Are you still working as Dean's P.A, miss?"

"Ano pong masasabi niyo sa tweet ni Miss Lopez na fame lang daw ang habol niyo kaya mo nagawang manira ng relasyon?"

Halos tumigil ako nang marinig ang tanong. A lighted fury took small bites on my raucously beating heart alive. Is that why the engagement ring drama so she could murder the public's assumption and turn their antipathy solely on me?

And why would she think that I am using Dean if there are other tools of achieving fame to name one, social media? I'm sure she could tell very well which one of us is hitchhiking on other people's notoriety. Sino ba sa amin ang nag-artista? Hindi ba siya?

"Any comment on Dean and Jaillin's engagement?"

That was the last question I heard before I went inside the van. I catered to none of them.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit nila ako inuusisa nang ganito. They're making a non-showbiz girl into an instant celebrity out of these nonsense only to upsize the cruelty of people that has already hated me ever since. For them to hate me more. If it's a part of their job, then they're just making money out of bullshits.

"Thank you," sambit ko sa dalawang bodyguards bago nila nagawang isara ang pinto at umikot sa mga pwesto nila sa harap.

I could still hear the buzzing noise outside, some were even knocking on the window. Half of them crowded infront of the gate like hungry lambs waiting for their sheperd. May iba pang humahabol kahit umusad na ang sasakyan.

I am not everybody's favorite person. For the most of them, probably I am their nightmare. Or worse, their downfall. I had been to Dean. And not even a blood-related woman had favored me as a daughter. But then, how would anyone favor a mistake? A child made by Mister Lovelust and Mrs. Infidelity?

It didn't take a monumental effort for me to run out of my consciousness. Diretso ako sa kwarto pagkarating sa condo. Paglapat pa lang likod sa kama, marahil dahil na rin sa pagod, ay agad akong nakaidlip.

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na nang bigla akong magising dahil sa narinig na pagbukas ng pinto sa baba. Under the pillow, I searched for my phone. No text from anyone. Tinignan ko na lang ang time at nalamang mahigit isang oras akong tulog.

My feet met the cold tiled floor as I sit at the edge of the bed. Kinusot ko ang antok sa aking mga mata habang lumalabas ng kwarto upang salubungin si Dean.

But as soon as I breathed in the living room air, agad akong nakaramdam nang hindi maganda. The sweet scent of a woman's perfume is gasoline to my curiosity and irritation.

Nagmadali akong bumaba na may laman nang pangalan ang isip ko kung sino ang madadatnan.

In her cream off shoulder shift dress and a choker, Jillian stood like a young goddess infront of the glass coffee table. Huminto ako nang sa tingin ko'y sapat na ang aking distansiya mula sa kanya.

She's holding Dean's Patek Phillipe blue dial watch like she's trying to measure the item's class and quality which we both knew was high-end. Halukiphip ko lang siyang inoobserbahan.

I'd assume she's here for Dean but now that I presented myself instead, at alam kong ramdam niya ang presensiya ko, it seems that her purpose took a swerve.

"This watch costs six million," she commenced, tila may pinapahiwatig. "But you know what's more expensive?"

Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kanya. Hindi interesado ngunit naghihintay lang siyang matapos at umalis. Her eyes levered up to mine bringing that annoying sweet smile.

"My Cartier ballerine diamond ring." She lifted the hand where the ring is at. "A luxury that he'd never give to anyone...but me."

She was staring lovingly at the ring as if losing it would mean her death. Nagtatalo ang damdamin ko kung alin ang mas nanaig. Naiirita ako ngunit gusto ko rin siyang pagtawanan.

I sighed.

"Jillian, gusto ko sanang ibigay sa 'yo ang pake ko, kaso hindi ko mahanap kaya wala akong maibigay. Hanapin mo na lang ang pake sa iba dahil sa akin, wala kang makukuha."

Kita ko ang kanyang pag irap bago tinagpo ang nagtataas kilay kong tingin. I can't believe the girl she' s turned out to be. That nerd way back in highschool is a processed bitch and evil in the making.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang problema niya sa akin, samantalang alam ko ang issue ko sa kanya. It's a shame on my part to admit that I used to be insecure and jealous for she has the mother that I had been longing. But that was all years ago. It was all just a little girl's dream. As a grown up, we'd realize that we cannot always live with our ideals. The things that we yearn but cannot do something about will just remain in our minds as a dream. As a make-believe. Hanggang abot kamay lang sa hangin at walang makakapa.

Kung gusto ko ng kapayapaan sa sarili ay kailangan kong nang huminto, makuntento at tanggapin lahat. I couldn't do something about my identity as I was made outside the grounds of law. I want to stop craving the affection from the people that never treated me as important. I felt myself do, but why do a mention and an encounter with either of them still affect me?

Nilapag niya ang relo ni Dean sa mesa bago ako nilapitan nang dahan dahan. Pinasidahan niya ako. Her expression is drenched with insult and mockery.

"Nurse," her lips curled as she said it, tila ba isa itong napakababang uri ng hanapbuhay. "And you levelled up as a P.A."

I also granted her the same once-over and equalled the insult. Ngumisi ako nang binalikan ang kanyang mukha.

"Bitch."

Natigilan siya at kita ko ang pagbagsak ng kanyang panunuya. Sa ngayong maputi at makinis niyang balat ay hindi maipagkakaila ang galit sa kanyang pamumula. She rapidly breathes as if she's going to exhale fire.

"What brings you here? Wala ka sa schedule ni Dean," sabi ko, binabalewala ang reaksiyon niya sa harap ko.

"I don't have to set a schedule. He'd cater to me anytime I want." Humalukiphip siya at nagtaas noo, pinipilit maging kampante.

"And where is he now?" Naghahamon ang aking boses.

" You tell me, you're the P.A."

"But you're the girlfriend." Dalawang kilay ko ang inangat at binaba ang tingin sa kanyang singsing. "Fiancée, rather." Sabay baling muli sa kanyang mukha.

Tinapatan ko ng madilim na ngiti ang pagpupuyos niya.

We will be okay someday, Jillian. And that someday doesn't mean sooner or later. Maybe years. Pilitin ko man ay hindi ko magawa. Forcing myself would frustrate me and I'd probably lose my shit. Same goes to your mother.

At kung ano mang mangyayari ngayon, sinimulan mo 'to. You came here with your phony self. I don't trust my temper when I' m around people that I'm not fond of.

Special mention to those who're trying to ruin me and Dean. The love he has for me beats the love I have sought from anyone, and with that alone, I knew that we will never bend again and break. Hindi kami matitibag. I'm about to show her that.

"Now that we're here, ano ba talagang problema mo sa 'kin, Jillian? I could never remember a time way back where I mistreated you."

I could see the spark of fire in her narrowed eyes. Ang makita ito'y nagpapaalala lamang sa akin kung gaano ako naiiba. I am the first born but to my dismay, an illegitimate. She's Sue's real sister. A twin, at that.

"Layuan mo si Dean. Quit your job and stay far away from him." Damang dama ko ang diin niya sa bawat salita.

Sa siguro'y gulat na pinangunahan ako kanina ay hindi ko na naisip na may ganito siyang pakay. I expected her to tell me this but I never thought that it'd be now.

"Bakit sa tingin mo gagawin ko iyon? And besides, kayo ba?"

Kumunot ang noo niya, na-offend sa sinabi ko. "He wouldn't propose to me if we're not a thing."

My eyes curtly offered their attention to the ring. I secretly contain my doubts, ngunit mas pinili kong magpakita na sigurado ako sa mga sinasabi ko. In any way of acting confident and sure, that's how I would be able to know.

"Propose when? Kung papakasalan ka ni Dean, ipapakita niya iyon sa buong mundo. Hindi niya itatago ang pag aalok sa 'yo ng kasal. Now if you just found that ring somewhere and already thought of it as a proposal well, sorry missy, that's not a proposal at all. It was just you, assuming."

"Dean wanted to keep it private!" Medyo nagulat ako sa pagsigaw niya. "At bakit hindi niya naman dineklara sa publiko na inalok ka niya ng kasal noon? Ang nalaman ko na lang ay hindi ka sumipot!"

"Because of your mother!" ganti kong sigaw.

"And you can't blame her on that alone! Dahil pumunta ka man noon o hindi, papakasalan mo pa rin ba siya? Hindi , 'di ba?"

Naatras ko ang sarili nang marinig ang huling sinabi. Kami lang naman ni Dean ang nag-usap tungkol doon. How did this even reach her?

"And you knew that, how?"

Ang bigat ng loob ko'y hinihila pababa ang lakas pati na ang sa aking boses. I could feel myself choke from the unbelievability. Jillian took the pleasure in seeing my shock.

"Dean told me. See? He always tells me everything," She bragged. "So if you're doubting about him asking my hand in marriage, that was just your insecurity and jealousy talking, Ruth."

Hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita. What else could he have told her? Dean couldn't...no...Kung ramdam ko sa sariling hindi niya iyon ginawa ay iyon ang mas paniniwalaan ko! The enemy's infront, Ruth. Plus, Dean told me to trust him. Instinct is what I could rely on for now.

Nanatili akong dikit sa aking pwesto habang humahakbang siya papalapit. I could make out the old girl in her thick rimmed glasses with books as a securty blanket got totally wiped away by fame.

"Dean's mine now..." She mocked, iniikutan niya ako. Diretso ang tingin ko sa harap, not letting her intimidate me in any way.

"You let him go before, you cannot have him back again. If this ring serves as a prison that I'd be with him for the rest of our lives, then I'm willing to get jailed. At ikaw, mananatili kang maiinggit, insecure at bitter, Ruthzielle..."

Rinig ko ang tuwa sa kanyang tono. And I think she has already envisioned a future with him. All happy, with a set of complete family that I always yearned with someone.

Muli akong huminga nang malalim at lakas loob siyang hinarap. I will never give her that hope with him! I always know what are those things that I have to let go and what things to keep. Hindi ako magpaparaya. Not the love of my life! She's nothing but only a half-sister for me to give her that favor.

"To begin with, Jillian, yes, I had been jealous because of your mother. Not because of Dean. Ikaw ang naiinggit dahil noon pa man hindi ka na niya nagugustuhan. Yes he'd driven you home, but it's because I told him so that I'd even have to force him. He wouldn't have done it if I didn't. 'Cause what Ruthie wants, Dean wants it, too. Live with that." The last words were in my gritted teeth.

If she wouldn't stop claiming Dean. Talagang matitikman niya ang hinahanap niyang gulo.

"So you should be the one to leave. Kayong dalawa ng ina mo ang gustong sumira sa amin. Your mother texted me the wrong day of the wedding." And I still have to find out how that happened. "While you try to spread rumors and have people talk shit about me."

"You deserved it!" she shouted. "You shouldn' t have come back! Iyon naman talaga ang pakay mo dito, 'di ba? Kunwari kakausapin lang si Dean but the truth is, you just want to steal him away from me! At bakit ka pa magugulat sa mga paratang tungkol sa'yo? Since highschool, you're the scheming slut in the first place!"

Imbes na umatras ay lumapit pa ako at hinawi ang hintuturo niyang sinasaksak sa akin. Ikinagulat niya ang biglaan kong kilos.

"Yes, I want Dean back!" matapang kong abante. "I want what's mine back because he is mine to begin with!"

"To begin with, Ruthzielle! But he will end up with me. With me!" Turo niya sa sarili. "He got over you a long ago! Kinalimutan ka na niya simula nang lumandi ka sa iba! He's just using you now as his whore! Galit pa rin siya sa 'yo kaya gagawin ka lang niyang pampalipas oras!"

"If you're in a relationship with Dean then why did you let him use me as his whore? If he tells you everything, did he also tell you how we fucked each other? How he sucked my breast? How I bit his neck and pulled his hair as I'm reaching the best climax of my life, huh? You're not just pathetic, Jillian, you're also a liar!"

I was menacingly walking forward as I talk, like a lioness against a cowering rodent. Siya'y umaatras at umiiling. Pulang pula ang mukha sa nagliliyab na galit at takot.

"No...hindi totoo iyang sinasabi mo! You are the liar! That didn't happen!" She's at the verge of hysterics. Tinuturo niya ako upang idiin ang paratang.

Tumigil ako upang kalmahin ang sarili. Naitanong ko sa sarili kung saan nga ba patungo 'tong usapan namin. I sensed that she's here to prove me something, anything that could make me leave Dean.

"He's just using you! He's mine!" muli niyang sigaw.

"Kailan siya naging sa'yo? Sa tuwing pinapantasiya mo?"

Umawang ang bibig niya, humihingal at mas nagpupuyos pa sa walang pakundangan kong pangongontra sa kanya.

"S-stop it! Hindi mo na mababawi si Dean. You're pathetic if you still try to win him back!"

Umiiling ako, nagtatagis ang bagang. You only have one more bar of patience, Ruth. Use it wisely.

"I think you have to be re-oriented, Jillian. You're sailing far away from the reality as evidenced by your delusions."

Apoy ang nararamdaman ko sa aking dibdib. Kaunting hirit pa niya ay hindi ko na aawatin ang sarili ko. She's being irrational trying to fight me over a man who has never been hers at all.

"You can't win him back! Hindi sapat ang nararamdaman mo para sa kanya! Dahil kung sapat pa iyon ay gagawin mo lahat makasama lang siya. But you let him go to Spain while I can love him more than you ever could!"

Yakap niya ang kamay kung saan ang singsing sa kanyang dibdib. The same way young girls seeked comfort with their dolls.

I tried to understand why she's acting like this, na tila ba si Dean na lang ang nag-iisang lalake sa mundo. What could she asked for with the family she has ever since? Siguro nga'y hindi tayo makukuntento. The grass is indeed always greener on the other side of the fence.

In my experience, I realized for myself that we'll never find contentment until we felt being loved. Not just from a family but more from someone who's willing to spend a lifetime, in life and in death, with you. Maybe she has not found that yet, and with the way we both see Dean is beyond capable of that love, he becomes the man in her dreams as he became mine, too.

"In trying to claim that he's yours, you're the one who's looking more pathetic,Jillian," sampal ko nang realidad. "You have some very big shoes to fill replacing me in Dean's life. Why don't you just go up to the hill with Jack and fetch some pail of water?" panunuya ko sa kanya.

Hindi ako takot sa maaari niyang magawa sa akin sa kung paano niya ako titigan. Binaba niya ang mga kamay upang ikuyom sa gilid. Ang mabilis niyang hininga ay indikasyon ng masidhing nararamdaman.

Mapanganib ang mga hakbang niya akong sinugod, namilog ang mga mata ko ngunit hindi ako umatras.

"You are still insecure! You are still insecure of me! Hindi kayo pinili ni mommy. Why would she, anyway? You were never made out of love but by sin! Anak ka ng isang kasalanan!"

Hinayaan ko siyang itulak ako at pagsasampalin. I let her vent all she want if that's what she needed. Napapikit ako sa bawat tama ng palad niya sa aking mukha at balikat at panduduro niya sa akin. I didn't lift any hand to guard myself. I let her hurt me.

With the sacrifices I made for my love ones, for setting priorities and putting myself second, I surprised myself through giving way for who I deemed as an enemy. Maybe because no matter what happens, we are still a family. Magkadugo pa rin kami. Kinukonsidera ko ang luho doon sa mga tinuturing kong pamilya.

Tumigil siya nang mapagod. I still admire how she could still look so pretty even with her messy hair. Hinihingal, ay hinawi niya ang humarang sa mukha niya at nilantad na hindi pa humuhupa ang galit nito para sa akin. Namumuo ang tubig sa kanyang mga mata.

Habang tiis ko ang hapdi sa aking mukha. I could even feel a wound in my cheek and my left eye hurts that I have to blink several times.

"Does that change anything, Jillian? Kahit anong sabihin mo, walang magbabago. That ring of yours is still a lie. You got your mom, I have Dean."

Akma niya akong sasampalin muli at ngayo'y nagawa ko na iyong hawiin. She tried to hide her shock but failed.

"Sa'yo na iyang ina mo. We won't need her now. I don't need her anymore. Naging ina na ako sa kapatid ko, sa anak ng kapatid ko at sa ama ko. So why would I need yours if I've already been a mother myself? In fact, I think I was much of a better mother than what you have . Kung matino iyang pinagmamalaki mong ina, kikalalanin niya akong anak na mula sa pagkakamaling ginawa niya. Kikalalanin niya ang anak na pinamigay niya! Denying me means denying her sin. I bet she hasn't confessed about it yet. And no matter what, in every respect, it's not going to be my lost. Siya ang nagkamali, kaya dala niya ang konsensiya niya hanggang ngayon! And you half sis...your loss is coming."

I don't know if everything I've said sank in to her because of her silence. Natigilan siya, tila namamangha at matagal bago siya pinakawalan nito.

"If I were you, you should leave. Hindi mo gugustuhing madatnan ni Dean sa oras na makita niya ang sugat ko," banta ko sa kanya bago ako tumalikod.

Patatlong hakbang pa lang ako ay naatras ako pabalik nang maramdaman ang paghila ng aking buhok. I could feel the burning pain in my scalp. Umawang ang aking bibig ngunit nakulong sa lalamunan ang daing.

"Dapat hindi ka na nagpakita, e! We were happy before you flaunt your haughty self into his life again just to take him away from me!"

Hindi ko akalaing sa nipis niya'y nagawa niya akong isubsob sa sahig. Sa gulat ay hindi agad ako nakabangon. Dinaganan niya ako sa likod. She pulled my hair only to push my head and hit it on the floor. Mabilis kong hinarang ang kamay ko upang doon tumama ang aking ulo imbes na sa sahig.

" Wala akong inagaw sa 'yo! He's not yours! Why can't you just accept that?!"

Sumigaw siya at sa ginawa'y tila ba doon niya hinugot ang lakas upang itama muli ang aking ulo sa konkreto. I have to get away, iyon lang ang kailangang mangyari at siya naman ang isusubsob ko!

Ngunit hirap akong magtagumpay sa plano. Napapikit ako sa hilo, panay niyang tinatama ang aking ulo. Hinawakan niya ang pisngi kong may sugat at kinuyumos. Doon ako napadaing sa sobrang sakit.

"Baliw ka na Jillian!" gigil kong sigaw, hindi malinaw at halos hindi mabuo ang salita.

Pawis na pawis ako, hinihingal ngunit hindi sinusukuan ang sakit. I can't give up now.

Humugot nang malalim na hininga, iniipon ang lakas. Binigla ko ang aking pagtayo. Without looking back to find out what happened to her, I ran straight to the kitchen where I left my bag a while ago.

Wala na akong oras upang maghanap ng ibang depensa. Nakasunod si Jillian sa likod ko. Kinuha ko ang unang nakapang bagay sa bag at sa pagharap ko sa kanya'y itinutok ko iyon nang may pagbabanta sa nanginginig kong kamay.

"Baka gusto mong masira ko iyang puhunan mo sa pagiging artista, Jillian? Nang-aangkin ka na masyado nang hindi sa 'yo. Delikado iyan, busugin mo naman ang sarili mo sa hiya. Iyon lang yata ang gutom ka."

Umawang ang bibig niyang tinitigan ang syringe na nilapit ko sa kanyang mukha. I'm sure there's a chemical inside it and if she provokes me further, God forbid for what I'm about to do.

Inalis ko ang takip niyon at mas tinutok pa sa kanya. Her eyes widened in horror and I fed myself from that.

"You don't scorn a lioness, Jillian," I coldly said in full warning. I am already past my breaking point that she's responsible for.

I took a slow step. With fear, she took a step back.

"If you had only try to know me better, like how I get mad, you probably wouldn't have dared mess with me. Kung ayaw mong mawalan ng karera, magisip isip ka bago mo ako galitin. Hm?" Biniglang lapit ko ang syringe na mas ikinaatras niya lalo.

Nasa labas na kami ng kitchen. I didn't put the syringe down. Naduduling na siya sa lapit nito na tinapat ko sa gitna ng kanyang ilong.

"Ba't ka umaatras? Give me some thrill now, Jillian. Ang lakas ng loob mong maghamon sa akin pero hindi mo ako kayang kalabanin ngayon? Show me your grit, missy. Ano pa't pumunta ka rito kung aatras ka lang? Come on, fight me! You started this war, might as well we end it!"

"Mawawalan ka ng lisensiya kapag itutuloy mo iyan!" sigaw niya, sinubukang magtunog matapang ngunit amoy na amoy ko ang kanyang takot.

"No Jillian,mawawalan ka ng career kung itutuloy ko 'to," madilim ang aking pagkakasabi at hindi lang ito basta pagbabanta.

Sumigaw siya nang tinuwid ko na ang aking braso na nakatutok sa kanya ang syringe. Sa muli niyang pag atras ay bigo siya dahil pader na ang nakaharang.

She gasped in fear and in hopelessness. Nagawa pa niya akong tignan na tila nanghihingi ng tulong. As if it's going to make me forget what she did.

"This is even smaller than a knife, ano bang kinakatakot mo? It's just an antbite, Jill. I'm sure injections are not that foreign to you." I smiled.

I could sense her starting to hyperventilate. Pero alam ko ring malayong mangyaring mapapahamak siya.

"Stop right there. You can't do this to me!" She's panicking.

Umiling ako't marahang natawa. "Oh...you're being unfair. Ano, ikaw lang ang may karapatang manakit? Nakadalawa ka na sa 'kin. Wala man akong laban sa 'yo sa utakan. Pero kung gusto mo ng pisikalan, kayang kaya kita, Jillian."

Ang pinipigilan kong galit kanina ay unti unti kong pinapayagang magtayo ng kuta sa aking puso. What I'm scared of the most would be the instance that I won't be able to control myself. Why do I still have to consider her welfare despite of what she's done to me?

"You'll never do that." Umiling siya, maingat at may takot na nakatingin sa syringe na tinututok ko. Ang marahan niyang tawa ay may kalahating kaba at pagiging kampante.

"A little respect, Ruthzielle. Kahit diring-diri si mommy na naging anak ang isang kasalanan na tulad mo, she still allowed you to work for the band our family has been handling. Kaya hindi mo magagawa iyan!" giitniya, at parang sayang saya siyang isipin lang iyon.

My hand gripped the cylindrical thing with fury. Halos mabali na ito at alam kong lagpas na ako sa limitasyon ng aking pagpipigil.

"Hindi nga." Saka binagsak ang syringe at diretsong hinampas ang likod ng aking kamay sa kanyang pisngi.

Her loud gasped told me she wasn't expecting that. Tila nabali ang leeg nang umikot ang mukha sa gilid.

Sapo niya ang napuruhang pisngi at bago pa siya makabawi sa sakit ay inipit ko ang baba niya sa aking kamay upang maharap siya sa akin. Kabilang pisngi niya naman ang ginawaran ko nang masidhing lagapak.

Dalawang pa lang ang nagawa ko ngunit umiiyak na siya. I lost my mercy as soon as she attempted to kill me hitting my head on the floor.

Sinuklay ko ang aking kamay sa kanyang buhok saka ito hinila upang matingala niya ako. Humihikbi na siya. I felt nothing.

"Respect, Jillian? You think you should earn that from me?" I slapped her face once more. She whimpered. "Think again. Kung ang pinagmamayabang mo ay dahil sa graduate kang Cum Laude, oh well, your intelligence doesn't oblige me to respect you. Intelligence is different from attitude. Hahangaan kita sa katalinuhan mo, pero hinding hindi mo makukuha ang aking respeto! And if you must know, you disrespected me first." I spat.

I let go of her hair only to slap her again. Namamawis na ang aking kamay, nanginginig, I got blinded by fury that I ignored any opportunity to stop. All I see is red. I felt hot all over in sheer anger. Lagpas kabilang tenga ang mga iyak at daing niya sa sakit.

"Stop! Stop it, please!" iyak niya, pinagkrus ang mga kamay upang iharang sa sarili ngunit nagawa ko iyong hawiin at sampalin siya muli.

My shoulders and arms hurt by the loud impact. Pati ako'y nagulat na kaya kong sumampal nang ganoon kalakas.

Hindi ko na mailarawan ang pula sa kanyang mga pisngi. Nabibingi ako sa parehong kabog sa aking dibdib at mga hingal na pinapaso ang sarili kong lalamunan.

Bumukas ang pintuan at doon lamang ako tumigil. Jillian's sob didn't.

I looked at the door and saw Dean's tall and masculine figure approaching us. Wala man lang gulat sa kanya imbes ay isang mukhang handang padanakin ang dugo ng kahit sino nang dumapo ang mga mata sa aking pisngi. Umigting ang panga niya at mas binilisan na makalapit sa akin.

"Dean...Dean help! S-she' s hurting me..." Jillian cried. "She's about to stabbed with that...that thing, Dean..."

"What happened to your face? Sinong gumawa niyan?!"

I suddenly want to step back and hide from his thunderous voice and murderous face. Hindi man lang niya sinulyapan si Jillian na ngayo'y natahimik at sumisinghot na lang.

By the way his shoulders tensed, I could tell that he is forming a tight fist.

"Dean..." si Jillian.

"Who did this?" In gritted teeth, he asked. Pointing on my left cheek. Mas numipis ang labi niya at kinagat ang ibaba tila pinipigilan ang pagmumura .

"Ruth tried to..."

"I'm not talking to you so you shut the fuck up! Ruth, sinong gumawa niyan sa 'yo?"

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa gulat ngunit hindi dahil sa sigaw ni Dean. I turned to Jillian who's still crouching against the white wall, hugging her knees, looking like a lost angel with wounded wings. Basang-basa ang pula na niyang mukha. If I am not imagining it, I think a part of her face was distorted. Kahit siya'y nabigla rin at may takot na itong nakatingala kay Dean.

"Jillian!"

My breath hitched by the sight of the nearing woman that I'm trying to avoid. Parang nauupos na kandila itong dinaluhan ang paboritong anak at naiiyak na inalo sa nadatnang anyo. Sa likod niya nakasunod sina Edgar at Curtis.

"Mom, she hurt me. I think she's trying to kill me..." sumbong nito sa ina.

Napaangat na lang ako ng kilay at binalingan ang sarkastiko at mababang uri ng tawa ni Dean.

I wonder about what his plans are now. Ano kayang ginawa niya at pinauna niya ako rito sa condo at sa halip na makapagpahinga at nakipagaway lang ako.

He faced me. Sa sugat ko muli siya tumingin at nanumbalik ang pang-mandirigma niyang galit kanina. In contrast with the look of his face, his touch and hold on my arm is soothing.

His other arm wrapped around my waist at sabay kami palabas ng condo. Kumunot ang noo ko at tiningala siya.

"Saan tayo pupunta?"

We're just going to leave them inside his unit?

I didn't expect what he did next. I felt incomplete when his arm slid away from my waist as I took my first step outside the door. Habang siya ay nanatili sa hamba. Nagpanic ako nang unti unti niyang sinasara ang pinto.

"Dean!"

"Stay there."

"Wh—Anong gagawin mo?!"

The door met its frame. Sinubukan kong buksan ngunit naka-lock na ito. Kinapa ko ang bawat bulsa ng aking pants kahit alam kong naiwan ko ang key card sa loob.

The next thing I heard made me stop and shivers conquered me. Ayaw kong isipin na kayang manakit ni Dean ng babae. Dahil iyon mismo ang dinidikdik ng aking paghihinala nang marinig ang palahaw ni Jillian sa loob at ang iyak ng kanyang ina.