Thana's pov

I look in the mirror at myself. My hand goes to my hair; it's grown in the last couple of weeks. Touching my shoulder. "Oh my gosh, you're so ugly." 

I cringe at what sounds like my own voice. I hadn't heard it like that in centuries.

I then narrow my eyes at the person in the mirror who looks just like me. Navi.

"No, you are ugly," I hear the voice. My lips don't move, though, as I point to the mirror.

I look myself up and down, Navi. My eyes linger on the scars that cover my body. My eyes widen as the scars turn to cuts and start to bleed. 

"I am beautiful." Navi whispers. I hear the whisper echo through the room as I go through her body motions. "I am! Beautiful!" She yells at the mirror, glaring at our reflection. I wince as it gets louder. 

The bleeding from the scars gets more rapid, and new scars from past lives appear. Then I start bleeding from my temple from what looks like a gunshot wound.

"I. Am. Beautiful!" She screams at the mirror, trying to shut up the demons. They roar louder. We scream, trying to scream them out. 

She screams as she then roughly tear open the drawer and take out the clippers. Without a second thought, she turns them on and quickly buzzes straight through her hair. It falls, taking the rest of her sanity, hitting the now bloody floor. Her thoughts screech through the room as I stare at our reflection. 

No, I'm still sane. I'm okay; Chadum didn't break me, Jacy didn't break me, Hannah didn't break me. No one broke me, and I'm okay. I just need a haircut.

No, I'm still sane. I'm okay; Chadum didn't break me, Jacy didn't break me, Hannah didn't break me. No one broke me, and I'm okay. I just need a haircut.

She then continues using the clippers through her hair until my head is bald. I look down and see blood all over our hands as words start to clash together until all I hear is screaming. 

Oh my gosh, you're so ugly.

I am beautiful

Oh my gosh, you're so ugly.

No, I'm still sane. I'm okay; Chadum didn't break me, Jacy didn't break me, Hannah didn't break me. No one broke me, and I'm okay. I just need a haircut.

I sit up in a cold sweat. Touching my head, I feel my hair. I run my hands down my face and know I'm back as Thana. I was just in a dream reliving a nightmare. I look around my darkroom and breath deeply. 

Remembering my past also meant having PTSD from all of my past lives. I look at my hands. I remembered all of who I killed and all that killed me. The stress was bringing back everything I had buried.

I stand, deciding to get out of the house. I need to regroup. I walk out of the house and into the darkness of our small island.

"Thana?" I turn my head quickly and see Morana walking towards me. "Have you seen Bora? I can't find her. We were supposed to meet hours ago."

I shake my head, "No, but if I run into her, I will let her know you are looking for her." She nods, still looking concerned. I continue past her till I get to the edge of our island and let my wings break free and take me to earth.

I find myself at the beach, the moon staring into her reflection in the waves. I let my breathing match the lazy movement of the water as feeling my stress fade into the background; for a moment, I'm human again.

"Zerro?" I turn my head at the name and see an angel. Instantly I know.

"Kyan."

Pearly whites flashed in a kind and gentle smile. "It's been a while since I've been called that."

"Ditto."

"Ah yes, you are Queen Thana, now correct?" Kyan walks towards me, and I notice how graceful he is—going against the appearance of his built body. His black hair is pulled up into a ponytail of luscious curls. Brown eyes surrounded but dark thick lashes and freckles.

"Not by choice, what about you? Everyone gets a new identity." At my words, he looks out into the sea.

"Banks, angel of the sea," He bites his lip before looking back at me. He walks closer until he is standing beside me but still facing me. My eyes widen at the way he looks at me.

Love.

"It's been a while," he chuckles, and I sigh and look away.

"Over a hundred years, and here you are looking at me like it was only yesterday," I comment, and I see the angel blush.

"Well, you are the one that was taken from me; I didn't get the chance to love you properly. Instead, I watched you die." Our eyes connect. "Of course, you are not the same person. Zerro is only a part of you; you aren't her anymore."

You aren't her anymore.

His words replay in my mind.

"And yet I still feel her pain and sorrow."

"As I said, she is a part of you," I nod, looking away from him. "I will always love her." My eyes widen as I quickly look back at him, making him chuckle and shake his head while scratching the back of his neck. "I know you are smitten with Lucifer," he pauses as a blush now takes over my face. "I have long ago made peace with our broken pieces." My breath is caught in my throat from his words.

"But I will ask for a hug if it's okay? I have yearned to just say goodbye to you."

I look deep into his eyes and see how sincere he is and nod slowly. He carefully pulls me into his embrace, his arms wrap around me, and I allow myself to lay my head on his chest.
I feel his arms tighten around me and his lips softly pressing into my hair before he whispers. "Please allow yourself to be loved, my dear." With that, I close my eyes as my arms wrap around him. My chest felt warm at the feeling. My heart fluttered, and my eyes watered at the feeling of being loved.

Not in just a romantic way.

The warmth in my heart made it feel like a part of me was healing. The wounds from my life as Zerro closed.

"Goodbye, Kyan," I whisper as we both pull away.

A loving smile finds him as he nods at me while taking a step back. "Goodbye, my raven," my dark wings break from my back and carry me up.

*****

More angels meet me as I land on the island of reapers. "Michael requests your presence," one of the angels starts before I can protest the other finishes. "It could end the war."

Of course, that piques my interest. "Then let us not keep him waiting."

*

I follow the angels into the archangel palace as they take me into a room. I see Michael at a desk smirking at me while obnoxiously clicking a pen.

"Leave us," he commands, and I hear the door shut behind me.

"Thana, we have much to discuss." Michael teases as he sets the pen down and lazily leans back in his chair.

"Then let's get it over with."

"Thana, please enough with the hostility, I want peace, and I have an amazing offer for you," I could see it took everything to get the words out; he gestures to the chair next to me. "Take a seat."

I hesitate to make sure my face is good of emotion by cautiously sit down.

"I think we should work together," He starts causing me to raise a brow.
"Remember how I said you were the link between heaven and hell?" I nod slowly, wondering what he is getting at. "I want you to rule hell."

My eyebrows knot up in confusion. Michael opens a desk drawer. "But Lucifer rules hell; I'm not marrying him so that you can use me as a link that way."

Michael smirks, "I never said anything about marrying him," he places a large dagger on the desk between us.

I stand up hastily. It feels as if the breath has been knocked from me and the floor ripped from underneath me as my legs feel like jelly.

He smiles at my reaction. "Thana, I warned you not to fall in love."

"No," I say as sternly as I can muster.

Michael nods slowly as he points his finger at me. "I figured you would say that," he then grabs something else from the drawer and places it on the desk beside the dagger.

Two feathers. A white one and a black one.

"I would have cut her hair, but you know her style; she keeps it shaved," he explains calmly.

Bora.

"What did you do to her!" I yell suddenly, finding my voice.

"Nothing,"  Michael muses. "Yet."

He pushes the dagger towards me. "If you don't kill Lucifer, I'll torture her until you do; if you kill me, she dies instantly."

My stomach turns at my options. "And if you believe that you can lose a reaper to apart my dear brother, I can get more of yours; their blood will be on your hands. Just like everyone else in your lifetime," Michael explains with a shrug and a smile as if we weren't talking about killing reapers or his brother.

He had been planning this.

"Oh, and Bora's torture starts now." Michael gleefully adds. My eyes narrow, but I pick up the dagger and walk out.

The wounds reopen, and the darkness swirls inside me.

*******

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