What really kills me is the fact that I spend ages building up mu self-confidence to try new things and to take chances, only for me to be repeatedly shot down, time and time again. We continuously work to build up anticipation and confidence to try these things, only so that when we apply for things such as leadership positions for when it comes to being elected and voting to be reminded of the cruel reality that it is only a popularity contest, especially in high school. All of the confidence you have spent ages building only to get knocked down in one fell swoop. Years of work you spent getting it to the level that it was only to find that you have failed yet again. But you know what hurts more than the loss of competition and the fall of confidence is knowing that none of your 'friends'  even voted for you. What is even the use of standing up, if you were only ever meant to fall? When I think I have finally climbed out of the pit of depaire this has put me in I am thrown back in by another loss. Thrown back in by my friends, family and peers.

It's just not fair...

So why do I still waste my time? All high-school is, is one big popularity contest to see who is the best Diva, Drama Queen and Bossy Boots. To see who everybody loves more The Rich B**ch or the kind Wallflower of a Bully's victim...

I think you know who always wins...

The Stereotypical Mean Girl.

I am sick and tired of trying for all of these things, for all these roles, whether in leadership or not, only to when it comes to voting, to find it is nothing but a popularity contest. When it comes to elimination I am never good enough when it comes to picking teams for sports, games or activities, I am always picked last. Hey, sometimes I have even forgotten altogether until one of my friends have to point out I still have to be picked. I hate it all the constant competition to see whos better, who is the most popular, Who looks prettier. Just stop it!!!! I can't do this anymore I hate it all, I hate the bullies, the biases the.... 

I just wanna show people what I can do but whenever I try I am always thrown down and turned away. Sick and tired of getting a sense of hope that I can do it, that I can get that role, that part, that job I have always dreamed of. Only to be turned down and told no. That I can't do it. High school is just one big popularity contest that I never have and never will win. The odds seem to always be stacked against me. Now all I have is a lot of stress, anxiety, bully problems, lost hope and broken dreams. And it is all because of my broken confidence and my flause hope that I can win against these people. 

Against these Stereotypical Mean girls

Authors note and inspiration behind this Chapter

I wrote this a while ago after failing to get a permanent role on the Committee for a club at my school The roles I could have gotten were President, Vice President, Treasurer and Secretary. Instead, I am now the photographer along with another girl. I put my hand up to be all four but didn't get any. I really wanted vice president but we only voted for President then the person with the second most amount of votes was the Vice president. There were 9 of us there and about half were some of my close friends. But one of those friends also wanted te role and got President while someone else got Vice. I was disappointed an quite sad after because it made me think did I get any votes at all I know I have at least two. One from me and one from my friends sitting next to me but that was all I knew of. I also have tried for many student council roles starting in primary school but never got them due to me going up against the more popular kids. Besides, it is true High-school is a popularity contest and apparently, in my grade, I think I am losing. This was a combination of two chapters I had. But since they were so simular I made them one. There is another one I am working on called 'Stereotypical Mean Girl' which should be done soon. See you next chapter, bye.

Stay Wonderful

First published on the 30th of September 2019