We marched back to the barracks, single file. The air around us crackled with tension but Makizo was obviously too oblivious, too relieved or too scared to let silence grow.

"Boy, was I surprised! I didn't expect to get picked up by you, assistant captain Kusajishi! I, Makizo Aramaki, couldn't be happier!" But when Yachiru didn't reply, leading us without a glance back, his mouth snapped shut and he sulked behind her.

My heart thundered in my chest. She'd said nothing to me after my escape plan was thwarted. She'd merely turned on her heel and we'd fallen into step behind her like a line of ants on a mission.

I kept my eyes peeled for ways to escape. My mind whirred, thoughts clambering on top of one another to be heard until it was a jumble of screaming, shouting and incomprehensible sentences. My head ached sifting through the thoughts, trying to clear enough space for what I knew.

Ikkaku walked a few paces ahead, Yumichika the same number behind. A bird able to stretch their wings but unable to leave the cage. Their steps were languid but too light to show a casual strolling pace – they were prepared in case I took flight.

Something had to be done, for myself that was. Orihime would be fine, I was sure of it – the fact that Yachiru wasn't marching us to the head captain revealed Zaraki's intentions. Perhaps that dream I had hadn't been completely my imagination. I just hoped that he was in a good mood.

I didn't want to hurt my squad mates, but fighting might be my only option to break free. I could probably take one of them on barehanded yet Ikkaku and Yumichika usually fought together. What were the chances they'd let me fight them individually to be free? I shook my head of the thoughts.

Even if I mustered the effort to raise my fists at them, I knew I wouldn't have the same strength to battle them that I did for a true enemy. I couldn't do it.

We entered a section of the soul society that I knew and my heart hammered in my throat now. Sweat that had nothing to do with the walk in the sun perspired at my lower back and under my arms. We were closing in on Squad 11.

My feet knew the way, how long it would take, how long I had to plan my getaway. But in no time at all, we all entered the barracks and my escapes were cut off by the closing gate.

I swore again, this time in my head. Chiya, who I knew was watching and not helping, echoed my opinion.

Yachiru opened the door to a room and we all filed in. Orihime managed to drop back to my side, giving me a questioning, frightened look and I patted her shoulder to let her know we were fine. My tight-lipped smile probably didn't help though.

The room was sparse besides a large bed against the far wall, a long setee against the other and a chair in the centre. Not very homely so maybe it was an infirmary room only reserved for the Captain and Lieutenant.

As always, his hair was immaculate, all bells perched upon a tip. The rest of him was a little worse for wear. I was surprised by the swathes of bandages around his torso and the one across the bridge of his nose.

There wouldn't be many who could oppose Kenpachi, excluding the other captains, but what need would they have to fight him with us intruding.

Ichigo was a lot stronger than I gave him credit for.

"We found the Ryoka, Kenny!" Yachiru said, her voice cheerful and bubbling as opposed to the silent treatment she'd given us on the way in. "And..." She glanced at me, those wide eyes innocent and... pleading? I raised an eyebrow as she said, "Kera was with her."

That eye swivelled to me. My feet rooted to the floorboards and my breath got trapped somewhere between my lungs and my nose.

"Get out."

At first, I thought he meant me but then everyone ushered out of the room, taking Orihime with them. She gave my hand a quick squeeze that I barely felt as she passed, then Yachiru's soft footfalls were the last to leave. The last sound in the room was the eerie groan of the door.

He eyeballed me in silence, one that sent shivers down my spine. Ever so slowly, he moved his sword so that it laid on the bed.

Warning bells clashed in my head and I stepped back to place a chair between us. Yes, a flimsy, useless chair that would probably break if Yachiru jumped on it.

Kenpachi's eye flicked between the chair and me. "Is that in case you try to apologise again?"

From anyone else, it would have been seen as a light jab to break the tension but I couldn't tell if he was making a joke because his face remained unchanging. It took me a few seconds to spit words from my dry mouth.

"Probably not the wisest choice."

"Good. Because it's not me you need to apologise to."

In a blur, he had me pinned to the wall by my shoulders. His large hands held me off the floor, my feet stretching to even put tip-toes on the ground.

My eyes bulged; comments swallowed by the sudden lump in my throat. He glowered at me.

"Why did you attack her?" There was a harshness to his tone that made me flinch but then my pride reared its ugly head at my cowardice.

"I didn't mean to!" I brought my hands up and broke his hands off me. I hit the ground then shoved him into the chest to create space between us. He must have been shocked because he took a small step back – it normally would not have been so easy to move him.

"But you did. And you think you can come back here expecting everything to be fine and dandy?"

My eyes narrowed, body tensed, but he doesn't move to close the gap between us again. "No, I never did. I came back because I didn't have much of a choice. My hand was forced by the Kuchiki clan."

A beat of silence, in which he studied me. I could feel his gaze going from head to toe and back to my face.

"You've changed."

I swallowed, the sound audible, resent bubbling in the pit of my stomach.

"Of course I've changed," I snapped, but the words weren't harsh and biting like I'd intended. My conviction lacked as much as the fire in me. "After years of feeling that I'd never belong, I'd finally found a place to call home. I had friends who'd become my family. I had a purpose."

I took a breath, unable to break my gaze from his.

"Then it all crumbled away beneath me, the life I'd always wanted. Now I have nothing, I have no family and I have no place here anymore! So yes, Kenpachi, I have changed. I'm not the soul reaper who fought you blindly, who disobeyed orders, who shared candy with her lieutenant!" I was shouting by the end, breathless, tears burning in the back of my eyes.

The rage was so much that I lost control of my thoughts, what I was saying. And then the secret I'd been holding in the forefront of my mind fell out.

I tugged at the collar of my uniform and revealed the Hollow hole at my throat and in a harsh whisper, said, "I'm not even a soul reaper anymore."

What possessed me to reveal the secret was beyond me, but I felt freer, like I could breathe better now that the stifling secret was at least shared with another. Even if it was my scary-as-hell Captain who probably would murder me if Yachiru and Orihime weren't just next door.

I waited for the steel of his blade to puncture me – I didn't even fear the inevitable fact I would die. He didn't move. We still stood close, so close that I wouldn't have to reach far to touch the bandages on his chest. My fingers twitched with the need to do so but I tightened them into a fist. The angry adrenaline coursing through me drained away and left me weak at the knees.

"So that's why your spiritual pressure's strange. It mimicks a Hollow."

I looked down at my hands and the peek of Hollow bone on my thigh through the hole in my uniform that Uryu had made.

"I still don't know why," I confessed to his original question. "And I don't really remember much of what happened back with Yachiru. Flashes, images, blood and then my sword and her wound." I didn't mention remembering him kicking me through a wall and then standing there watching me scurry away. I tried not to relive that part of the frazzled memory.

"All I do know is that I did attack her, even if it was unwillingly and without reason, and I've carried that guilt with me from here to the World of the Living and back again." I dropped my hands back to my sides and raised my head. A hint of defiance rang in my voice. "A simple sorry will do nothing now to help heal the damage I've done, the sword I drove through our friendship. So I'll take any punishment you feel right...Captain. Even if it means my end."

He regarded me silently before stepping away and sat back on the bed. "Words can do more than you expect, Kera," he said philosophically, very unlike the Zaraki who practically exuded brute force. His eye cast to the door. "And Yachiru, if you're going to keep eavesdropping, you may as well come in."

The door creaked open and a guilty face peeped in. Yachiru, with cheeks flaming red, looked from Kenpachi to me and back again before slipping into the room. "I wasn't eavesdropping. Kera was yelling so I came to check to make sure you weren't going to throw her through the wall."

A silence dropped over us, a staring contest between each other. "Are you done talking to her, Kenny?" Yachiru finally asked.

His eye slid to me, a wolf staring down a sheep type of gaze that made me feel boneless, then he stood and broke the contact. He brushed past, so close that the whisper under his breath reached me clearly. "You're not forgiven. Far from it. For the sake of Yachiru, I won't punish you harshly. But another stunt like that and I'll personally see you ended."

Then it was just the two of us and for some reason, I still felt like I couldn't breath right. My shaky legs finally gave way and I sagged against the wall, sliding down slowly. I put my head in my hands. I didn't hear her until she sat beside me, uniform rustling.

"You must hate me," I muttered softly, finding the courage to take my hands from my face and looking at her. But the courage to apologise wilted away, replaced with a hurt so deep inside me I felt it in my bones.

Her face transformed, bright eyes and wide smile. "Silly. Of course I don't hate you. I know that wasn't really you back then. It is a bit confusing though why you did it." Her toothy smile faded away. "And scary too. You scared me, Kera."

Then there were tears in her eyes and I grabbed her tight, pulled her flush to my chest and the apology that I thought would do nothing tumbled from my mouth in-between breathless sobs and tears.