Am I in love with you (Am I in love with you) or Am I in love with the feeling

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3 days later: Night time 

Namjoonie:
Are you sure?

Akai:
Yes. I'm really sure that he might have something to do with her death.

Namjoonie:
Why Jungkook? I thought it would be Taehyung. I was really getting ready to throw him in prison.

Akai:
Okay  •_• first of all I really want to know what happened between you and Taehyung. What did he do?
Secondly. Did you know that Sindy's dad was Jungkook's dad?

Namjoonie:
That's impossible. Sindy was an only child and her father was really faithful to his wife.

Akai:
I don't know the story. But what I do know is that Sindy's father wasn't at all a saint. He did very bad things. I'll try and ask Taehyung

Namjoonie:
Are you sure that's safe? After what you told me about what happened days ago.

Akai:
I don't know if it's safe. But Taehyung will tell me..
You still didn't answer my question

The elevator chimes and opens up. I look up from my phone seeing Taehyung enter in the living room with his hand around his neck. He calmly walks down the two steps tiredly making his way to rests on the couch next to me. For the first time in a really long while he doesn't smell like blood. He lays his head on my lap and removes his shoes throwing them far along with his blazer.

"My baby is upset," I resist telling him to pick them up because of the way he's looking. It's a look that's mixed. He's exhausted and evenly stressed because of the way his lips form a really thin line. I bend down giving him a kiss. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"No," he shakes his head smiling while bringing his hand around my neck. "I wanna keep kissing you,"

"You can't kiss the pain away," I mutter but I still give him a peck.

"Alright," he sits up and I close my phone quickly before he sees who I'm chatting with. "Let me first go to bathroom,"

I nod my head watching him stride away in his socks. I pick up my phone reading Namjoon's last message.

Namjoonie:
It's a long story
Akai?
Are you still there?

Akai:
Taehyung just came back. It's my chance to ask him

Namjoonie:
You're still going to ask?

Akai:
Don't worry I'll be careful
And I'll record too
Chat with you later

I go out of messenger going to voice recorder and laying my phone upside down just as it begins recording. I walk to the kitchen leaving the water in the cattle so that I can prepare some food for him.

"You don't have to worry about making food tonight. I'm not that hungry," he sneaks up behind me laying his head on my shoulder with his hands on my waist.

"Are you sure?" I ask still getting instant Ramon out. "It'll help you feel relaxed,"

He places kisses on my neck sucking around my sweet spot once he's found it. His hands play around with my sweater also drawing light circles on my stomach. His hand goes down cupping in between my legs. I quickly close my legs grabbing hold of his hand and I turn around.

"You can't kiss the pain away," I remind him. He playfully frowns and I drag him back to living room where my phone is. He sits down and I sit next to him facing him. Upon seeing my position he lays his head on my thighs and I instantly play with his hair. "What's bothering you Tae?"

"The meeting room was chaotic today. More questions than answers, more members being arrested and a really irritating Jungkook." He says in one go. I think to myself about the information I've been giving. The profile of all the crew members in Zha's gang, the positions in which they stand and the list of men who have been killed by their hands.

"Everyone's scared," I speak lowly suggesting to him.

"I know that." He confirms. "But there's something off. Really really off."

I gulp and try not to look in his eyes, he's preoccupied in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice me.

"I hate saying this. I really do. I hate suspecting him." He licks his lips. "But I think, that Jungkook is not being truthful to me. He knows something, but he's not telling me. Everytime I see him, I see it in his eyes that's he's keeping something away. It makes me mad because, I have a feeling it might have to do with what's been going on recently,"

As he speaks, I realise something.

"What do you mean?"

Taehyung chuckles. "Sometimes when you think he knows nothing. He knows something. He's very cautious and careful. You think he's not watching but he's watching. The problem is, he won't tell me,"

Could it be? Could it be that Slick knows what I've been doing? How else would've he known that I've been sending files to Namjoon. Those times that he's caught me on my own or with Namjoon. My eyes open wide.

Jungkook knows what I've been doing. He actually knew everything. He knows everything. No wonder, he kept saying he'll let Taehyung decide what he'd want to do with me. But it doesn't make sense. Why would he keep my secret? Why wouldn't he tell Taehyung about what I've been doing?

"Why do you think he wouldn't tell you?" I ask and immediately his eyes look up to me. He's staring at me intensely.

"Because he's Slick like that," he says as if an idea popped in his head. "If I don't give him the...green light then he won't do anything.. unless I give him the green light to do what he wants."

He takes a moment to think and stares at me intensely again.

"Akai..." He drags, unsure of his words and of what he's thinking. I can see the conflict in his eyes and I understand that it's about me. He didn't even call me that Lil cute pet name, Apple doll.

"Yes," I answer calmly trying not to give myself away. It's harder remaining calm when I know I'm guilty. But technically I'm not guilty. After all he's suspecting Jungkook.

He licks his lips and looks sorry. "I hate bringing this up but, at the warehouse when Jungkook said that you've been sending files to someone.. he was lying, right?"

Instantly I nod my head, letting the lie flow out of my mouth. "I swear Taehyung. I had absolutely no idea of what he was talking about. I was just as shocked as you,"

He nods his head with a brief smile reaching his eyes. "I know I can trust you, my sweet Apple doll. But now what do I do about Jungkook.."

Now's my chance. "Perhaps, it has something to do with Sindy? The Sindy case.."

His eyes widen a little and he looks at me. "Maybe. Hm, and I bet that case is reopened. Jay talked about it. Jungkook didn't seem bothered, he even left before the meeting ended."

"Where did he go?" I ask.

Taehyung shrugs his shoulder. "That's the thing that's irritating me. He's having this attitude of keeping things to himself and answering to no one. I should've killed him when I had the chance, but I need his skills. No one is Slick like him,"

"If you don't mind me asking," I hesitantly speak. Maybe it's too soon to be talking about this. "What's the history between him and Sindy's family..or his father?"

"Where do I begin?" Taehyung sighs out loud. "Jungkook's dad unlike any other man is very secretive. Was.. He was good at what he did and kept his business on the low. He was what you'd call a professional Slick. The only person he ever discussed his secret life with, was his wife. According to Jungkook she was his life guard and he really put all his hope and trust in her. But somehow, someway he stopped trusting her and decided to leave. He left her without a trace and by that time Jungkook was in his teens. His mother was sick and there was nothing he could do. Apparently his father alienated them from all his money. So in other words they had nothing. When Jungkook's mother learnt this she began spilling and spoiling out all his secrets. They fell on Jungkook's ears. He learned all about his father's dirty tricks but he didn't say anything. His mother wasn't pleased so she took matters in her own hands and reported him to the police. But her mistake was trusting the police member. He too was part of Jungkook's father's gang and reported her instead. The same day she was killed. She was killed by her husband. Jungkook was left all alone. In my understanding, Jungkook's father was only using my mother to get out of the debt he refused to pay to my father. Once he was done, he killed my father. And so on, I killed my mother when finding out this." He sighs recalling the event that took place.

"I didn't know Jungkook and he didn't know me. He was simply searching for the woman his father cheated on his mother with. When he found out that I killed her was looking for the man that she cheated on my dad with, he wanted to help. That's how I first met him. That's how I began. In order to find Jungkook's dad- which apparently had gone missing. He changed his name and whole identity. We couldn't find him at all, so he offered to help me finishing off what my father started, in hopes that maybe we'd find his dad. We both wanted his head, so we worked well together. I trusted him and he trusted me.. I had his back and he had mine. Anyway, we had no lead on Jungkook's dad until various months ago. We found him. He went by a new name, new surname, new age, new family and a very very clean record. One thing he couldn't change though, was his face. Once we found him, I swear on my life that it made Jungkook and I zealous. Finally after all that pain, we found him. And lucky for me, he had a daughter."

My mind starts to piece all the pieces together.

"But for Jungkook, that matter hit him differently. Before his mother told him all those things about his dad, he already had an image. Jungkook had a relationship with his dad, so to see his dad love another woman and a another girl so greatly, really affected him. He didn't know how to control himself and in that situation.. he asked me if he could take care of it. I allowed him. He was hurting and he was suffering from seeing his father happy with another. Without a warning or heads up...he killed them. Actually he just bumped them. When he did that, he felt nothing. He wanted to cause more pain.. I was satisfied that the man I searched for was finally dead but Jungkook wanted more. So he asked me if we could capture their daughter..his half sister if you think about it. I allowed him. He...did what he did. Killed her mercilessly." He stops and looks at me. "Are you okay?"

I only now realise that my mouth is dry and that I'm slightly shaking. I nod my head closing my mouth.

"Anyway, Jimin covered it. As an attempted break in," he says and his pocket vibrates by the cellphone inside. He takes it out quickly answering. "Hold on. Yeah?"

I quickly pick up my phone still shaking a little. It's just the way he talks about killing like it's no big deal. I stop the recording and hesitantly send it to Namjoon, before putting my phone away. I think that's all he needs to hear.

"What?! He what?" I snap out my little bubble watching Taehyung rapidly standing up and going to the room. "Stay there I'm coming."

"What? What happened?" I ask.

"Jay found Jungkook." He answers. "Jungkook captured the man we set free and wants to kill him."

I put my black flats on and his white puma jersey on, just as he's gone in the bathroom. He comes out of the bathroom in black skinny jeans and a black long sleeved shirt with his slacks.

After checking out his outfit I head out the door realising that tonight something's going down.

"That idiot." He mutters when he walks out the room. "Where are you going?" He stops and watches me noticing my outfit.

"With you–"

"No. You can't come–"

"I'm coming with you." I repeatedly say over and over again and beg him holding onto both his hands. He sighs and closes his eyes.

"It's not safe."

"I don't care." I reply.

"No listen. It's not safe for you. " Without a second my back is against the wall as he's leaning into me. "You don't know what I'm capable of. You haven't seen me when I'm out there. I don't want you to see that. I don't want you to see me being somebody else–"

I stop him by placing my lips on his. He breathes me in and holds onto my body. "Tae... I'm coming with you."

"You'll be scared of me. I don't want that." He lets out and it takes me a moment to think over his words. What could he possibly do that would make me scared of him. "I don't..want for you to be scared of me."

"There's nothing you can do that will frighten me," I whisper. "..as long as I'm going with you I know you'll never scare me."

His eyes have lots of unraveling emotions running wild. He closes his eyes kissing my forehead before leaning back. When he opens his eyes I feel chills running up my spine a bit shaken. This isn't Taehyung. "We'll see about that."

•

After the long drive into the urban areas we make it to some kind of small house. There's already a car parked by the front and by its looks it's for Jay. Taehyung stops the engine and pulls the gear forward on park. He says nothing, the same way this car ride has been silent is the same now.

Something about seeing the change in Taehyung's eyes has me on high alert. Just because he didn't kill Sindy doesn't mean he isn't capable of killing. After all those times he's came around me with the smell of blood I've never suspected him killing anybody, even those times that he's talked about killing. I don't know why, but I can't ever picture him as a killer. I really hope that he isn't one.

Before I remove my seatbelt he places his hand over mine. He brings it to his lips and kisses it, looking a bit like the Taehyung I know. "Stay in the car for me,'

"Tae–"

"No." He doesn't look at me but instead removes his own. "Stay in the car. I don't want to regret this or loose you,"

He opens the car door and gets out turning back to me.

"Don't move okay, Apple doll," he tries forming a small smile but all that displays is a tight forced smile. I nod my head leaning back on my seat with my arms crossed as the door bangs closed immediately locking the car.

His figure walks away blending in almost with the darkness. Jay and Jungkook step out of the other car meeting Taehyung half way. Taehyung is quick and grabs Jungkook by the collar shaking him. Jungkook looks like he's saying things and Taehyung let's him go. They stand there for a while talking before Jungkook separates from them going away behind the house. Jay and Taehyung stand together and before my eyes they remove their guns from their pocket. I didn't even know Taehyung had a gun with him.

The door opens and Jungkook steps out signalling for Jay and Taehyung to get in. Taehyung looks back to the car maybe trying to meet with my eyes but in this darkness it's hard to make out his eyes or mouth or any facial features. He goes in the house and the door closes.

I keep track on my watch every minute as they pass in gaps. This is what I've always wanted to know. What he does down in the basement. He said it would scare me. That means he's maybe going to kill someone. If he is I need to know. My head shoots up as my heart starts racing by the faint scream coming from the house.

The rest of the houses are far away of a respectable distance and there's no help. Moments later with the little courage I have, I step out the car with the beat of my heart still in my ears. Once infront of the door I slowly and carefully open it trying not to make a sound.

I walk in and close the door, I freeze when I hear the gun click. Shit.

"Don't move."

My body slowly turns around seeing Jungkook. He rolls his eyes noticing me and puts his gun down signaling me to be quiet. He looks pissed as always but this time it doesn't seem to be directed at me.

He comes close to my ear whispering. "There's an old man trying to escape. Stay here it's not safe." He warns. I just stare at him with unknown daggers. This man who killed his own father and murdered poor Sindy like a wild animal is warning me. I should take his warning but when he walks away I can't help but curse him.

"Fuck you Jungkook."

He stops in his tracks and turns back. Our eyes meet and I try to let it known through my eyes that I despise him. He walks back to me and reluctantly I step back pressing my back to the door. He stares down at me, since he's taller and tilts his head to the side.

"Say that again." He eyes dig into mine. "I dare you to say that again to my face, and so help me now I will end you."

I stay silent against my will, avoiding my tongue from forming those words again. A part of me takes his warning seriously so that I can take him to jail myself but the other part wants to step up to him.

"Good girl." He smirks and quietly walks away. I let out a shaky breath deciding to ignore his warning. I bring out my phone switching it to camera placing it by the mini pocket on my jean so that it can capture whatever I see. I walk forward going to the only place where I can hear whimpers and voices.

The living room. I stand by moving my head from behind the wall to see. I move my hip a little allowing my phone to get a little bit of the shot. My heart drops upon the sight infront of me. My hands move to my mouth and I hold in my cry. .

Jay holds down a girl tightly while also forcing a gun against her head. She's crying silently pleading over and over again for Taehyung to forgive her. Taehyung moves away from the TV back towards me. Jay forces her on the couch tightening  his arms around her neck.

She's crying silently shaking her head. I can see that she's shaking terribly. "P-pl-please, I do-don't know. He's n-n-not he-here."

"My guy says he's here and you're telling me he's not here," Zha walks forward to the girl crouching down. He removes the knife from his back pocket and shows it to her. "Let's make a deal, if my guy finds him here in the house then I kill him and kill you. But if my guy doesn't find him here and you're telling the truth then you'll live instead. Does that sound ok?"

"P-please." She stutters and shakes her head. "I-I'll do an-anything else if you just leave him alone- please," she pleads. "I can even pay off his debt!"

"He owes me his blood." Zha remarks. "Do you think you can offer me that?"

Zha chuckles seeing her pleading face. She begins nodding her head rapidly. Zha takes out his knife from his pocket rampaging through the fabric of her jeans revealing her soft looking thighs. He places the knife tip on her thigh slowly penetrating watching as the blood drips down her leg slowly. His other hand squeezes her other thigh slapping it hard. "Do you still want to pay his debt?"

"Y-yes! Just don't hurt him-"

"That wasn't my deal. But I'll accept your offer." He stops his knife and places it near her lips. "Lick it and then count to three."

She shakes her head watching him under her teary eyes. "I don't want you to hurt hi–"

"You didn't follow my instructions. Jay." Zha stands up and turns around just as Jay forces his hands around her jaw opening up her mouth. She fidgets but stops instantly upon seeing the gun on her head again. Taehyung turns around and walks back to her. "You see baby girl. You and your dad have one thing in common. You both don't listen. I gave him instructions but he refused to follow my instructions, so the result of that is paying up. Just like you, you're gonna pay for your disobedience. Why so serious?" He says with a thick accent before placing his knife by the corner of her mouth and slashing through her mouth, causing an ear piercing scream. "Why so serious? You should smile more." He carves another gruesome line by the side of her face making blood drool from her face.

"Boss you shouldn't do that. Jimin isn't here to cover up." Jay warns Zha.

Zha seems to ignore the warning going back to his former position and bends down looking at the girls thighs. "Count to three baby girl."

"One-" before she can even start Zha deeply pierces her thigh with his knife hearing nothing but her aching cry.

"Carry on counting." Zha commands as if he's dripping lemon on a salted wound.

"Tw-two-" she cries intensely her body trying to break free but Jay doesn't let go or budge. I look up to his face and he's just watching the girl. What's going on in their heads as they hear this poor innocent girl crying? "Th-three-"

At this point I cover my own mouth seeing as Zha forcefully and painfully slowly carves an upside down cross on her thigh and it looks messy with so much blood rolling down her leg. Her body shivers violently and her face is so red engraved with fear.

"I should've made it deeper. To teach you not to be stupid and interfere in daddy's matters." Zha speaks getting up. "Do you still want to pay his debt?"

"N-NO!" She screams again when he points the tip of the bloody knife on her chest. "PLEASE DON'T!"

"I found him Zha." Jungkook enters through the other doorway with an old man who has his arms up. He forces the old man on his knees.

The old man looks hard faced from the beginning but nothing beats the ultimate pain stricken across his face when he looks up to see the girl.. his daughter. "Fay! What have you done with her-"

"No dad!"

"Oh would you look at that!" Zha stands up with a larger smile. "Looks like somebody lied."

The girl squirms on her seat as tears fall out her eyes. She's looking dead shot to Zha begging him. Pleading him with everything by the tears in her eyes. Zha moves forward with the knife in hands. "N-no! I'm so-sorry please don't- NO!"

"My mum lied once. Do you wanna know what I did to her?" He asks but the girl is busy begging. "I hate liars."

My breath hitches in my chest the moment Zha violently gushes his knife in her chest tightly holding her by her neck. He pulls the bloody knife out and forces in again, the blood splatters everywhere making Taehyung strike again on her neck multiple of times before going to her heart and watching the blood squirt out on him—

Surely my ears go deaf as the girl's agonizing cries and scorching screams stop.

"Where's Akai?" Jungkook stops watching the murder going on as his eyes roams around until he spot me on the floor crying. I hold his stare not being able to look at what's happening, my eyes fill up and all I can do is bite my palm trying not to scream. "Shit." he lets go of the old man making Jay quickly take hold of the screaming man as he's watching his daughter..

Jungkook curses and picks me up from the floor looking pained. The first real emotion I've ever seen in his eyes. I bring my eyes back to Taehyung watching as he drunkenly steps back away from the girl. The girl known as Fay....

Taehyung begins walking to the father but like I'm posed I scream out loud not being able to witness him doing something like that again. He immediately jolts turning rapidly to where Jungkook and I are, his eyes that where glimmering with monstrous blood immediately turn to shock and pain. "Akai...w-hat are you..."

His shirt is so soaked in blood and he's face is covered in blood, his hands clinched in blood. Everything is bloody just like the look in his eyes.

I step back petrified by the sight. He's so bloody and his blue hair covered in red makes it all look worse.

"Apple doll-"

"How could you.." I whisper shaking my head walking back as he comes closer. "N-no Taehyung you did-"

His eyes become somber and he steps closer with his arms careful. "Apple doll please listen-"

"No.." I whisper cry moving back now fully aware of Jungkook's hands preventing me from moving anymore. "You-"

"Akai no please listen-"

"NO!" I cry. My eyes are glued to his bloody hands, he dropped the knife a long time ago but all I can see is that knife still gushing in and out of the young girl's body. "You-"

"Akai don't say it. Please understand," he pleads as his chest elevates higher and higher. How can he even think of crying after what he's done? Did he not feel like crying when he was stabbing the girl? Or when he stabbed the girl right infront of her dad? "Please-"

"No! I can't u-understand how you'd-" I cry harder not being able to breathe as my tears are choking me. "You are-" I cry louder removing his jersey from my body throwing it on the floor. "-a monster."

He stops in his tracks and his eyes are fixed on me, everything in him breaks and he looks away gulping.

"Boss," Jay speaks slowly from behind. He's now touching Taehyung's shoulder. "I'll take her home,"

All Taehyung can do after the painful silence only filled with cries from me is nod as his eyes focus on me before turning around. I cry harder when I see the girl's father holding onto his daughter crying silently.

Jay comes by me and Jungkook moves away. Jay puts his arms around my shoulders as my feet have lost all blood and are so numb. My tears blur my vision feeling my head very light.

I collapse on the floor.

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Taahyung's pov

"She wasn't supposed to see that." Jungkook says tightly looking at her Jersey on the floor. "Don't let that stop you. Finish it."

I brush my hair out of my eyes and turn back to the old man on the floor. He's crying quietly holding onto the feet of the girl..his daughter. My eyes land on all the places I've attacked her, her chest and neck in pluff and swollen cuts as blood oozs out.

I stretch my hand towards Jungkook. "Give me the gun." I whisper. I feel the weight of the gun on my hand and position it. My heart heaves in my chest and I close my eyes trying to drown out Akai's cry and words to my target. I finally shift my focus opening my eyes. I aim to the old man, still hearing her voice. "Forgive me Akai."

BANG!

"Call Loco and Gray to get theses bodies." I whisper even though all the voices that were screeching and crying are gone. "Let's go."

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