- (trigger warning: mention of abuse/ hint at abuse, mention of blood and vomit) -

"The transport is just over the hill." I mumble, my hand hovering over the cuffs at the Twi'lek man's wrists as I urge everyone forward. His child lets out a heartbreaking whimper as she keeps pace with him, shoulders shaking as silent tears cascade down her cheeks. Her mother softly strokes her lekku, mouth twisted shut.

I strain to keep a blank look on my face as I listen to yet another child attempt to cope with having to leave their homeland.

"The First Order wants you terminated." These were the first words from my mouth each time in the past several weeks that our little team managed to track down another of the Resistance's contacts. "We're here to help you escape." I would add quickly, before they had the chance to retaliate.

"How do I know I can trust you?" This Twi'lek man had asked, as everyone before him had also done. And each time, the three of us, Sybil, Avalon and I showed the rings on our fingers which revealed the symbol of the Rebel Starbird with a simple switch, items that had been smuggled for us just before we left Naboo to carry out our first mission.

We had found this particular planet to be almost completely uninhabited by humanoid lifeforms save for the Twi'lek and his family, a former smuggler who had offered his humid home as a potential base and sanctuary for the Resistance, following their escape from the Illenium system. His transmission had eventually reached its intended contact, but not before it was intercepted by the First Order and its contents flagged.

We reach our transport, and just as I'm about to trail the others up the loading ramp, I sense that something is off. Likely feeling a similar disturbance, Sybil grasps my elbow to subtly stop me. Lieutenant Avalon continues leading the Twi'lek family onboard, and only seconds after they disappear into the belly of the ship comes the shriek of blasterfire, followed by a horrified scream.

My fingers fly to my lightsaber resting on my belt as Sybil and I sprint onboard, prepared for what could quickly become aggressive negotiations.

The woman shields her daughter's tiny body as they cower behind the Twi'lek man whose blaster is still raised, smoking even. A trooper lies dead on the floor, a black hole in the center of his white armor, and I notice, with a sinking stomach, the blood puddling slowly beneath his torso. The other troopers' blasters are trained on our newest passengers, ready to avenge their comrade as soon as the order is given.

"Everyone lower your blasters IMMEDIATELY." I bark, in my best impression of a hostile First Order official, and the troopers jump to follow the command, but not without a few grumbles and curses. Still, the Twi'lek man ignores me, a defiant light glinting in his eyes.

Smuggler, alright, I think to myself, my traitorous mind remembering another certain smuggler who I had always admired as a child, whose visits to the temple I had always anticipated far more than his son.

Someone whose loss I still hadn't had the chance to truly mourn.

"She said lower your blaster." Sybil hisses, letting her lightsaber hum to life as an addition to her threat. Red light glows on the little girl's face and she lets out a wail. The terrified sound paired with the powerful weapon's appearance are jarring to the man, who lowers his blaster almost immediately. Sybil doesn't move.

After several tense seconds, I turn to look at her, furrowing my eyebrows and glancing at the lightsaber, then back to her black eyes. Finally, she bares her teeth at the man and reluctantly switches the beam off, returning it to her belt. The man sighs.

My gaze settles on the dead trooper once more.

"We gave you no reason to mistrust us, sir." Lieutenant Avalon sighs. She nods to one of the troopers across from her and he reveals a pair of cuffs. "You will have to make this trip accompanying me in the cockpit so that I keep an eye on you, unfortunately. Surely you understand."

The man grunts, staring the short Lieutenant down. Then his shoulders drop, and he relents. The trooper appears at his side and clicks the cuffs into place, then leads him toward the cockpit.

"Papa! Papa no!" The little girl screams, and I cringe. I step towards the pair who remain huddled together, and try to smile reassuringly.

"The trip will not be long. 30 minutes, maybe." I say quietly. "There are rations in the next room." I add. The woman searches my eyes for a sign of dishonesty, but when she comes up empty, setting her jaw, she nods. She places her hand on the little girl's back and guides her reassuringly in the direction of the next room.

Once they're gone, my gaze trails back to the fallen trooper once again. I am about to order the others to respectfully take care of it, but I find myself running to the sanitation bucket in the corner, just in time to empty the rations I'd picked through for lunch inside. I close my eyes, my heartbeat throbbing at my temples, and when I open them again I notice a pair of shining black boots at my side.

Sybil scoffs.

"Such weakness, Escara." She nudges me with her boot. "You are no stranger to the sight of dead bodies."

I frown, wiping my mouth before rising to my feet again. The room spins around me at first, but I am able to quickly come to my senses.

She's right, I think to myself uneasily. What's wrong with me?

"It's probably just stress." I make up an excuse, hoping I can convince myself to believe it. "These missions could go dangerously wrong in too many ways to count."

As the troopers have already begun dealing with the scene without orders, we both stroll towards the cockpit to prepare for takeoff.

"The missions could go wrong, I suppose. But we have carried out nearly 50 of them within the past few weeks. I'd say we're more than experienced enough to not get ourselves caught." Her mouth sets, and she finally turns her head to meet my eyes. "It wouldn't do to worry. You've already faced the beginning of consequences."

We fall into silence, until we reach our destination. Sybil decides to return to the belly of the ship and nab more rations, but when she asks if I would like to join her, I have to decline, still feeling a little queasy. Instead, I settle into the seat just behind the pilot's. Even though I don't need to any longer, I still find comfort in ordering:

"Set coordinates for Naboo."

-

After assuring ourselves that the Twi'lek family had settled in the refugee community Nikana had created on Naboo solely for the purpose of our missions, I wait in the cockpit as the rest of the ship's occupants make their way back to the landing pad. There is enough of the day left to carry out at least one more mission, perhaps two.

A light on the pilot control pad starts rapidly blinking red. I know I am alone, I feel it through the Force, but I still choose to entertain an old habit and childishly glance behind me to make sure.

Not a soul.

I press the button, which I had realized was connected to a holo system.

I gasp, falling back into my seat.

Ben's face is projected before me, enlarged, but otherwise the same.

My bottom lip trembles.

"Lya?" He whispers. His half-lidded cinnamon colored eyes rove over me once, and it's this action that helps me to realize this wasn't pre-recorded, that he's seeing me, just as I am right now, for the first time since I left weeks ago following our fight.

He looks horrible. Sadder, if possible. The bandage over his scar has been removed, the puckered pink skin still a stark contrast to the bruising over his cheekbone. There are darker bags beneath his eyes, as if he hasn't slept a wink in years, or worse, he had been beaten brutally within the last few days. Sweat glistens over his forehead, full strands of his black curls sticking to his temples. Even his lips are swollen, as if he's been biting at them too much.

I remember the anger I felt when he denied me the right to carry out this mission and save Marco's life. I remember it, and feel it coursing through my veins still, but a feeling I can almost certainly blame on our connection and the Force tells me that I must listen to what he has to say despite it all.

"What is it?" I ask, all but knowingly. I search his face, finding pain in gazing on his appearance.

"Something's changed. Snoke is beginning to feel my dissent. He senses that the pull to the light I have been struggling with has gotten stronger. He... Lya, I-" He stops himself, swallowing, and he can't meet my gaze. Silver pools in his eyes, and I suddenly understand what he is unable to convey.

"You fear for your life." I fill in, my heart cracking in my chest. His gaze jumps back to mine. His beautiful cinnamon eyes, the very ones I had come to adore, filled with an ocean of fear, but, also, the tiniest sliver of... hope.

"Come back." His deep, smooth voice wavers. "I need you."

My heart pounds in my chest, and despite the tidal wave of emotion I'd begun to feel through this encounter, I begin to protest.

"But my mission, Ben. I'm not finished yet. I can't let Marco die-"

"Please." The word is small, his voice is so quiet, so achingly despairing, and I am paralyzed in that instant.

I search his face, the love of my life staring back at me. Then, I feel it. It is faint, but despite the distance between us, it is finally there:

His heartbeat, steady at the back of my mind. Where it has always been. Where it belongs.

"I'm coming. I swear it."

-

hello!

i'm back!

hope you liked this chapter :)

i saw tros...

my poor poor ben... my heart is still shattered :(

...but i won't be saying anything else on the subject

also, i did post an update in regards to the sequel to this story, you should be able to find it on my message board, so make sure to check it out!

and don't forget to vote, comment and share, every little bit counts and means the world to me!

-kait