"I try to live again screaming silently for my lost dreams"

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Pierre paid no attention to the fact that another beautiful and sunny day had just begun outside the window. The sun's rays peeked through the glass as if they wanted to console him and show him that beyond his own hell, there is still a world that is beautiful, full of hope and joy, in which people can still enjoy the simplest of things. It was going to be a warm day. Pierre in the bathroom looked at himself in the mirror. He usually liked himself, had no complexes, and thought he looked pretty good. He was well aware of how it affects not only women and young girls, but also some men and boys, he knew that they found him handsome and hot, he liked to be called "cute" and read the compliments of his fans (mostly by young women who fell into indulgence in him, becoming his most faithful fans). From time to time, he used his beauty and popularity mainly to enter a match that he would not usually go to, or to meet someone famous. His marketing and image specialists often struggled with him when he spoke too much and could not bite his tongue in the right place. Pierre was a deadly-handsome dark haired man with fairly pale brown hair and blue, reflective eyes in which to drown.

And yet this man, after completing his typical morning toilet, sat down at his desk, pondering his future sadly. He had no idea how he would put it all together. He was about to reach for the phone to search the internet for searches titled "the most common causes of miscarriages" and "how to terminate a pregnancy". Didn't make it.

Before breakfast, Lewis looked into Pierre's room, who he found at the desk fully clothed and rubbing his eyes burning with exhaustion. He looked terrible. The white blouse he was wearing was crumpled and his hair disheveled as if he hadn't even tried to brush it. He hadn't slept all night, couldn't, even though he was tired. Hamilton greeted him briefly, then asked.

— Did you tell Yuki?

Pierre shook his head grimly. Lewis sighed and sat down on the couch across from him.

— Listen to me carefully: Yuki is a good boy, he won't get scared and run away. It's a Mundane, but that doesn't really matter now. What is between you will not end so easily and quickly. I don't know if you noticed this little little detail, but he loves you. And it deserves to know.

—Of course.

Pierre, who used to keep his mouth open for hours, talked over and over for several hours and never got even a little hoarse after that, was stubbornly silent now or answered with half-words and short grunts. Undeterred, Lewis continued his argument.

— Tell him. I know you are afraid, I would be afraid if I were in your place too, but remember that we are all with you. Seb, Pyry and Yuki will be here soon, let's sit back and talk. We will definitely come up with something together.

— I still don't understand ... Explain one more thing to me: how did you say baby survived Kelly's attack?

— Because of the charm you're wearing. Do you remember the day Anthoine died?

— Yeah, but what does this have to do with ...?

— If one innocent soul, and this was your friend, gives up his life voluntarily and welcomes death as his friend, he may ask for the fulfillment of three wishes. Anthoine knew you would need protection one day, so as long as you remember him and call him your parabatai, you, and your developing child, have full protection.

— Does that mean I'll never die?

— Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. The love of your friend, for whom you were like a brother, protects you only in the event of an attack by someone. It does not protect you in common situations such as a car accident or cancer.

— And suicide?

— It doesn't protect you from that either. But wait ... Pierre? Why did you ask about it? You don't want to do anything stupid, do you? — This time Lewis was clearly concerned. He didn't like the question, or the hint of a smile that crossed the Frenchman's lips when he mentioned it. He watched him closely, trying to understand what was going on in his head. He could only imagine how hopeless and terrible he felt right now.

— No, I won't — He said flatly, not meeting his eyes and nibbling at the fabric of the white blouse he was wearing. — I'm not stupid.

Lewis didn't believe him. He thought it would be worth keeping an eye on him just in case. He even considered implanting a small GPS transmitter for him while he was asleep, but immediately rejected the idea, believing that it was already too deep an interference in the private life of the other person. His thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the door, through which the three, announced earlier, quickly and quietly squeezed. Pyry had a tablet in his hand with open text files containing all of his ward's medical records. Sebastian also showed up with a laptop under his arm, plus a small beige fabric handbag that he handed to Pierre right away.

— You may need it. They're vitamins. My wife was taking them when ... — He didn't finish, kicked painfully in the ankle by Lewis, who pointed his head sharply at Yuki, silently articulating the words, "He doesn't know anything." Well, at least it's something that will be useful to you.

Seb, a bit embarrassed, sat down on the couch next to Lewis. Yuki looked confused.

—Yuki, I hope you already know why we're meeting here? — Pyry asked, completely unaware that the French hadn't told him anything. Pierre buried his face in his hands. He would have liked to get away from here, but that would have to wait. The very idea of ​​an escape seemed very good to him. He will take his belongings, book a plane ticket, return to Europe, rent an apartment and try to get rid of the problem on his own. Because that was what his strange condition was for him: the problem.

— Noooo? — Yuki hesitantly looked around at the gathered faces, trying to read something from them. — But I suspect it has something to do with yesterday. When I came to Pierre, he was crying terribly.

— You could just shut up for once — Gasly said sharply. Upset, Pierre looked menacing and completely unlike him. Frightened, Yuki cringed, stretching his arms out in front of him in a defensive gesture.

— I'm sorry — The Japanese whispered very softly.

Why is he afraid of him? Lewis asked himself a mental question, but made no comment.

— Pierre, I think you should tell him that — Pyry started, but Gasly silenced him with a wave of his hand.

— Yes? Okay, then I'll tell him if you want so badly. Here you are — He replied in a tone as if he were doing them a favor to say anything. He was nervous, sleepy and disappointed. — I'm a pathetic weirdo, not even a guy but a knockoff of him. I didn't tell you about it because I didn't know myself, I found out yesterday and you know what, Tsunoda? It's your fault I feel like garbage now.

— What? Why mine? W-why do you say that?

Pierre approached him, grasping his hand tightly, squeezing it so that the young Japanese grimaced in pain.

— Because I'm fucking pregnant. I didn't do this to myself.

— AUUUU! Let me go! It hurts!

Gasly seemed deaf to his words. With an expression of utter hatred, he watched as Yuki tried to tear her arm out of his grip, which of course failed as Pierre was bigger, taller, and stronger. Lewis had to use a spell to tear them apart. Only then did Pierre come to his senses and saw puffs of black smoke forming the shape of a figure only partially human. It was accompanied by a sizzling sound like melted lard.

— Shit, the octopus! — He swiftly removed the stele from his trouser pocket, held it against the palm of his hand, and the weight lying beside his feet turned into a heavy, ornate looking sword that glistened with a bright glow, which Gasly grabbed and swung it in the air without warning. They heard a thud as if someone had dropped a sack of potatoes on the floor, and then they saw it. Black body, as if dirty with soot and carbon, lying between them. Body pinning a little boy, only devoid of clothes. Octopus tentacles sprouted from his back. Terrified, Yuki jumped aside and hid behind Sebastian's back.

— What is this?!

- Demon. Yes, Yuki, they exist — Lewis said calmly. Pierre, meanwhile, ran up to his boyfriend, knelt down in front of him and began to apologize to him.

— I didn't mean to hurt or scare you. Yuki, please forgive me, Baby, please! I lost control of my own body when he attacked me, I didn't want it please please forgive me.

— Okay — Yuki nodded several times, still too scared and anxious to say more.

— Good, from the beginning. Pyry, have you not seen that something is following us? Lewis asked Pierre's coach  Pyry.

— Unfortunately. I guess I was focusing too much on studying the information I got and I just didn't notice.

— Okay, that's okay. The most important thing is that we have it overcome and now we can move on to a quiet discussion. How are you, Pierre? — Sebastian asked, seeing Gasly sit down on the couch with a slight grimace of pain, from which Lewis and Seb had just stood up.

—It's not too bad, I'm just dizzy.

— Okay. We don't have much time, we have to show up for breakfast, if we're gone, they'll start looking for us, and we don't need that. Anyway, I repeat my question: Pierre, did you tell Yuki about what you learned?

— No ... Now I will say, or rather repeat it. You told me yesterday that I was born a boy and a girl at the same time and that my parents, to save my life, decided that they wanted me to become a boy. You — He turned to Lewis — At my mother's request, you prepared potions for me that hid my feminine qualities, unfortunately yesterday it turned out that I was pregnant - He said much calmer, as if he had come to terms with the inevitable fate that threw him into the abyss of hell leaving no hope for improvement.

— So ... what?

— Do you will be a dad — Sebastian explained to him more succinctly and comprehensibly.

— Cool! I've always wanted children! Preferably two or three.

„Okay, this man is not serious," Gasly flashed through his mind when he heard that. He slapped himself with his hand on the forehead with a soft tap. "Why did I have to fall in love with an idiot?"

Meanwhile, Yuki grinned broadly and looked like he was really enjoying the news that was given to him.

— You see, Pierre? —  Lewis asked indulgently, patting him on the back. — I told you it's worth telling him. Yuki won't leave you just because you're pregnant. Right Yuki?

— Why would I leave him? No! I will stay with him and I will support him and I will fulfill all his wishes and I will make sure that he eats healthily.

— And you don't mind that I'm only half a guy?

—  Pierre ... Do you really think that I would be dating if I didn't love you? And if I love you, it means that something like this will not change my feelings for you. Besides ... I don't want to say anything, but I figured it out long time ago.

— What?! How?!

— Remember when I told you that you weren't my first? Exactly. Before you I had a boyfriend, and when we — Tu pointed a finger at each other and Pierre — we slept together, I felt something was different. I read a bit about it on the internet. I just thought you were just trans and ashamed to talk about it. But that's okay, really, I'm not angry that you didn't tell me. I know it takes time, I didn't want to pressure you. I love you, my Squirrel.

— How did I deserve such an angel? — Gasly asked, wiping the tears of emotion running down his cheeks. Yuki put his hands on his face and smiled.

—I am not an angel, but I am your boyfriend, and I am here to protect you.

— You guys are very cute — Lewis interrupted them with this emotional moment — But we still have a problem to solve.

— We'll say that Pierre is sick, that it is cancer, it will allow him to disappear during pregnancy — Sebastian suggested, looking at the notes he had taken earlier.

Sebastian, when Lewis told him about everything, took the night, and the time he gained was spent searching the Internet for useful information. In the morning he also managed to jump to the nearest pharmacy and bought everything that his official wife wrote to him. He didn't tell her who it was for, he only said briefly that it was for a friend in trouble, letting her guess that it was because one of the drivers had just found out that his girlfriend was pregnant.

— I don't know — Pierre clearly hesitated. He didn't want sympathy or false support from the wrong motives, nor was he pleased with the fact that it would mean lying to fans who trusted and believed in him, for whom he was an idol, which also came with some kind of pressure and expectation. — And? What will I say after giving birth? That the cancer suddenly turned into a small, weeping mound of misfortune? How do I explain the arrival of the baby to them?

— Just like that. We'll say that, feeling that you don't have much time left, you and Yuki decided to adopt a baby in order to feel like a real family at least a little.

— No, Seb, I appreciate the help, but that's out of the question.

— Why?

— That I should know! I just feel somewhere in here — Here he puts his hand near his heart —  that this is not a good idea. I can't explain, something just makes me admit everything.

— You can't do that —  Pyry unexpectedly backed Sebastian. — I checked your contract. What you want to do could be a loss for both AlphaTauri and RedBull, and they had hedged in that case and you would have to pay them much more than you are earning. That's ten times your salary.

— WHAT?! Where am I going to get so much ?!

— We can always lend you —  Sebastian suggested, and Lewis nudged him in the side, whispering in his ear that even they didn't have that much money. — I forgot that my husband is a miser.

Sebastian looked clearly upset and offended by Lewis's reaction. This was not what he expected from him. Besides, he believed that as a sorcerer, Hamilton had already deposited a considerable sum in the bank, and he certainly had much more money than anyone thought. They never talked to each other about such topics, Lewis had his money, Sebastian had his and there was no need for them to inform themselves about it, although they did buy something for the company or discuss expenses for the near future.

— You will destroy your own life —  Pyry argued further. — At the moment, saying you have cancer seems to be the safest option. It will let us hide you without consequences. Lewis and I will take care of papermaking, Sebastian will take care of the image side, you won't lose anything. Then, when your child grows up a little, we'll try to find you a place back in Formula 1. And if you talk publicly about what happened, then there will be no return, you won't be able to race.

— Too bad. I am first and foremost a Shadowhunter, racing is just my passion that I am able to give up — Pierre said, still having in mind Yuki's joy when he learned that he was going to be a dad. He didn't want this child, he didn't want problems or confusion, he didn't want to lie to the fans, but when he looked at the smiling face of the young Japanese who was squeezing his hand all the time, thus giving him his support, he couldn't make any other decision. He loved him too much. He knew that he would do anything for him, and it was for him that he was now giving up his own life, making a decision that would kill all his plans and dreams so far, but open up a chance for new ones to emerge. He never imagined it would be like this. Of course, from the moment Yuki said he would like to have children, he wondered every now and then how to fulfill his wish, but he believed that he still had plenty of time for similar thoughts and that they would definitely come up with something together.

— Okay, but I have a question —  Yuki held up his hand like a schoolboy to get their attention. — What is a Shadowhunter?

— Have you watched "Shadowhunters" or read the book?

— No. Heard something about it, but no.

Lewis sighed heavily, knowing it would be a difficult task.

— Then watch it. This will be your assignment for the next few days. Basically what is shown in "Shadowhunters" is almost our real world. Magnus, Alec, Izzy and Jace are real, live for real, and have allowed their biography to be written under the condition that Mundanes think it is fiction. It is about hiding its existence from unauthorized persons for fear of persecution. Three hundred years ago the so-called witch and vampire hunts intensified, then in a way we went underground, although according to ancient accounts not all of us are Downworlders. Me, Romain Grosjean, Pierre's mother. oh, Pascale, like Lando recently, we are Downworlders. Sebastian as my other half knows about our world and is part of it. Carlos, Kevin and Fernando are Shadowhunters as well as your boyfriend, and Mick is just training to become a Shadowhunter .

—Okay, I understand it all here, but what do Shadowhunters like that do?

— Mainly? They mainly hunt demons, evil spirits, try to protect ordinary people like you from attacks by evil powers. They don't always succeed and it is a very dangerous task, which is why they are trained for many years and start at a very young age.

— Skull is smoking! — Yuki stated happily, for whom it sounded like a fantastic story, like a fairy tale with nothing to do with reality. He thought he was dreaming.

— I don't want to say anything, but ... We have to go to breakfast now —  Seb reminded them, getting up from his seat and walking towards the door. - Think about it all calmly.

— And can I take part in today's training?

— Yes, I think so. But you have to be careful. I haven't taken the spell off yet. — Lewis agreed.

— Then I could do that for the rest of the season.

—  No, you couldn't.

_ Ok, ok. I don't speak anymore — Pierre backed off, showing them his open hands in a gesture of surrender. The thought flashed through his mind that maybe he should ask Lewis to take the spell off, and then he could lead to a miscarriage, but one look at his boyfriend's dreamy face was enough to make him give up the idea.

— Fuck ..._ He just cursed under his breath, letting Yuki pass in the doorway and following him.

— Remember that we will meet in the evening for a slightly longer conversation, and for now you will try to act as if nothing happened — Pyry instructed them.

— Yhhmmm, because it's gonna be so easy! Well, simply simply lovely -— Pierre snorted, quoting Max and frowning. He understood one thing: that Valentine Morgenstern was right after all: "to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed." that Yuki would emotionally begin to tell everyone he meets about what he has learned.