Slight trigger warning

/Anxiety's p.o.v./

I blinked awake the next morning to see Prince's sleeping face right next to me. I reached out my hand and pushed the bangs away from his forehead gently.

He shifted slightly, and a small tiered smile graced his lips, but he didn't wake up.

I rolled over and sat up yawning. How'd I end up on Roman's side of the bed? I then remembered what happened last night and felt myself blush deeply. Never mind... I looked down at my bare chest and growled a bit. Princey could have gone a little easier on the freaking love bites... I put on my tee shirt that was lying next to me and then continued to search the area. and where the heck is my hoodie?! I looked over the edge of the bed and saw it on the floor. There it is. I reached over and grabbed it. I got my phone out of my pocket and clicked the home button.

4:30

Damn I'm up early... well I guess I did get a lot of extra sleep yesterday... I noticed I had a text from Thomas. It was delivered an hour ago, knowing him he was probably still up till then. I opened the message.

Thomas: I need you for a video tomorrow at noon. Just you and Patton. See you soon!😋

That's strange... why me and Patton?

My stomach growling snapped me from my thoughts.

"Hungry..." I muttered throwing the covers off myself. I tried to simultaneously stand and put my hoodie in at the same time, but ended up squawking as I fell as soon as my feet hit the ground. It was probably the most ungraceful fall you could imagine and loud too.

"What?!" Prince shot up. "What's happeneing?" He then looked over to me on the ground. "Are you okay?"

"Fine!" I replied my face flushing. Why is my voice so high?! Ugh my knees feel weak... still I managed to stand properly this time. "Go back to bed." I laid him down putting the covers over him, and it didn't take long till he was snoring lightly again. I then turned around and left the room as quietly as possible closing the door behind me.

"Anxiety." A voice greeted me in the hall.

"Ah!" I grabbed my chest. "Depression don't do that... you're gonna give me a heart attack."

"Hm, so you spent the night in Princey's room eh?" He asked a sly smile stretching across his lips as he raised a brow suspiciously. I knew exactly what he was implying.

"Y-yeah." Of replied trying to control my blush.

He let out a breath after that. "What a pity..."

"What do you mean?" I asked him.

"How long are you going to continue to let him play around with you Anxiety?" He asked a look of somewhat sympathy on his face.

"I'm not, he isn't playing." I replied.

"Virgil, I know I've been a little hard on you, but you've got to snap out of it. Roman may seem like the whole world to you, but I can assure you he doesn't feel the same way. Even if he does like you, there is no way that you two could ever be in a functional loving relationship. It may seem fine now, but you two are completely different people, and need to learn to move on. You shouldn't have to deal with the heartbreak when things end, or he finds someone else to toy around with. Save yourself the pain now." He stated.

He's lying... he has no idea how Roman and I feel... Roman loves me... he does... he said so... he wouldn't lie... he wouldn't. "You are the only one who's lying to me..."

He seemed slightly taken aback by the coldness in my tone. His face grew angry and he grabbed my wrist roughly making me jump. "No, the one lying to you is yourself!"

"L-let me go!" I tried to pull away, but he had an absolute death grip on my wrist. I winced as he tightened it and a sharp pain resonated through my arm.

"You have got to be one of the most naïve people I've ever know. So lost up in what you think is good in this world that you won't even let yourself look at the bad. You need to stop living a lie. You and everybody else. There isn't any good in the world, there is no one good in the world, and if they are then they're just lying. You can try loving others, but it won't amount to anything because they will never feel the same."

He used his power against me and I felt the overwhelming sense of dread take me over again. "S-stop... let me go please." I tried my best to hold in my tears. Suddenly the almost completely healed cuts on my wrist began to burn again, this time almost unbearably.

"I want you to feel it Anxiety. Feel this pain." He pulled me close looking at me with those dead eyes of his, filled with nothing but hatred for everything around him. "This is the pain of the world. The pain created by the world. Feel it take it in, every agonizing second."

"Stop!" He finally let go and I yanked backwards, catching myself before I fell. I looked to my cuts, they looked exactly the same, the burning faded. However the place where he'd been holding me soon revealed to be blackened and bruised and an aching took over the area.

"I'll see you later." He said without emotion and I watched as he disappeared.

I wondered why he'd stopped, but then Patton walked out of his room, closing the door behind him. He perked up when he saw me. "Hey Virg!"

"Hey..." I trailed off hiding my wrist quickly.

"Were you just... talking to someone?" He asked.

"Um... nope." I replied casually. "You're up early."

He seemed to believe me, thank god, and continued with the normal conversation. "Yeah I got Thomas' text and thought I should get an early start on the day."

"Oh yeah... any idea why Thomas just wanted us?" I asked.

"Nope." He replied popping the p. "But it'll sure be fun right? Just me and two of my favorite sons."

"Right..." I replied finding slight amusement in how he always called us his sons.

"Wait a second..." he looked at at me closely, like he was trying to decipher something. "Is that... a hickey??"

"What?!" I asked defensively zipping up my hoodie all the way. "No! No... of course not. You're seeing things." I turned around nervously. "Now come on let's get that early start on the day."

-&-

I felt a rare small smile on my face as I walked back into my room that afternoon after filming. Thomas was making a video similar to the brain vs the heart except instead of Logan it was me, and we weighed the ups and downs of too much positive thinking vs too much negative thinking. It made me feel really... appreciated. And it was exactly what I needed.

I sat down on my bed the first though immediately crossing my mind. I wonder if Princey's doing anything right now.

I was about to get up and check when a familiar figure appeared.

I stumbled back in fear my back hitting the wall. "Depression?"

"I told you I'd be back." He smirked at me.

"Wh-why?" I asked having no where to go.

"I haven't finished showing you the pains of the world yet." He replied grabbing my hand.

Automatically it was like the room got darker, and I felt dizzy, but he kept me upright. Can me on Virgil.... keep it together... don't let him get to you. You can do it... you can... you can...

I can't...

I felt myself start to cry again feeling my heart ache.

"This is what people create... the awful hurt caused by all those around us. Making others suffer is all people are ever good for." He explained tears matching mine running down his face. "This is reality."

"No..." I choked out but couldn't help but feel like he was telling the truth in that moment. I started hearing things, voices, people laughing, saying such cruel things that were so jumbled together and said with so much hatred it was hard to understand them at all. My vision blurred through my tears. The overwhelming emotions made me feel like I could throw up. "Make it stop... make it stop! Please! I don't want to feel like this! Make them stop!"

"I can't..." he admitted. "I can't help you if you don't let me..." He pulled the small pocket knife out of his pocket and handed it to me. "But you can... you can make it stop. All the suffering we're feeling. I can't do it for you but I can help if you stop resisting me. So do it..." he guided my my fingers around the knife and let it hover over my skin. "Stop it."

"N-no..." I whispered so quietly I doubt he heard it. I felt the darkness close around me and was desperately trying to push it back, but I could myself losing this battle. Keep control... that's all you need to do... keep control keep controlkeep controlkeep controlkeep controlkeep control... KEEP CONTROL! I CANT!  I can't I can't I can't.... "N-no!" I yelled trying anything to stop. "Stop!!! Let go!!! Help!!! Help me!!!" I suddenly screamed as loud as I could, the name naturally coming out of my mouth. "ROMAN!!!"

Depression stumbled back, letting me go, seeming surprised and even slightly scared by how much I was freaking out. He disappeared when the door swung open and light flooded half of the room again.

I screamed throwing the unused knife across the room as hard as I could casing it to smash against the wall, before I crumpled down to the to the floor in a ball.

"Virgil!" Roman moved from my doorway and over to me faster than I'd ever seen anyone move before.

He kneeled down to me and I threw my arms around him right away, burying my face into his chest.

He pulled me into his lap holding me close. "Are you okay..? What happened? You were screaming..."

"You told me to tell you if I ever felt like hurting myself again, so I did..." I whispered. "I did it..." I curled into him more feeling a small amount a relief. If he hadn't come so quickly...

"Yes you did." He praised me gently, starting to stroke my hair.

I could still feel myself shivering slightly, but my tears slowed. "Roman... sing..." I requested quietly. "Sing to me..."

He leaned back against the wall, cradling me in his arms, before he started singing softly. "Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us only sky. Imagine all the people living for today...You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one..."

I closed my eyes letting his presence and voice take me over, and be the only thing to fill my thoughts...

Even if for just a moment...
That was enough...

Hey guys, sorry this took me so long to write. I was having some... motivational issues. I hope it isn't bad or too rushed, because being someone who's suffered with fighting against depression, I want to try and convey it in a way that is correct and also fairly understandable. It's hard to explain how difficult it is to fight back in those moments of weakness, so I hope I did alright. Also I think people underestimate how people can't just fight through it alone no mater how badly they don't want anyone to know. You need people to be strong. But anyway... let's not get too much more into that morbid area of conversation.... Vote and comment, bye!
~Hannah😋