I wish that the demons that live in my head were dead,

because my dreams disappear,

as they appear.

They steal my smiles,

and burn them together with my pride.

They tell me crewless things on repeat about my body,

until I hate every inch of it.

They make me believe that I'll never be enough,

no matter how hard I try.

They set a picture of a pretty girl with blond hair

and long legs as the background in my head,

so, I have to stare at it,

until she becomes the answer for everything.

If I looked like her,

I wouldn't have to be afraid

that my boyfriend might leave me,

for someone better.

If I looked like her,

I wouldn't have to hear all these comments

about my appearance.

So, I write on the checklist in my head,

what I need to get better.

Big boobs for a pretty cleavage.

Long blond hair, to make every guy turn their head.

Blue eyes as the ocean, so I can drown people in them.

Big ass, to make sure that no other bitch

would even try to hit on my man.

A pretty smile, so I could show everyone how happy I am in this new body.

Long eyelashes, to cool down the boys around me.

Shapely legs, that people would go to hell and back for.

Bony shoulders, to make the clothes look better.

Flat belly, to show of my muscles and make other girls jealous.

Visible collarbones, to become one of the Tumblr girls.

So flawless skin that I can make other girls hate their lives.

And then I look in the mirror,

and hate what I see,

because nothing is like it should be.

There's nothing I can check out of my list called "goals".

So, I learn to skip the dinner,

and every time someone offers me a snack,

I tell myself that I want to be one, not eat some.

The reflection in the mirror smiles at me as I lose pounds,

yet the smile never reaches my eyes.

I slowly start to kill my own body from the inside,

and torture it on the outside,

because I'm not worth shit, until I get everything from that list.

And all of this just to feel for once like I fit in.

Too bad that life is not a side called build-a-bitch.com