"What in the world of chaos is going on here?"

A booming voice surrounded the already noisy household. My eyes widened and all our heads turned to where the direction of the voice came from.

My eyes landed on a man who was wearing a hanbok, his hair was wrapped in a manbun and he gave me a confused stare before looking at Seojoon and Hyung Sik.

"Woo-shik! We can explain!" Seojoon said with widened eyes, patting the head of the unconscious Taehyung.

"Okay, explain to me why is Taehyung... dead? And why is Hyung Sik talking to a flower pot about sexual reproduction between penguins, and why is there a random woman here, did you hook up again?" this man named Woo-shik asked as he eyed each one of us.

"Oh nonono! Taehyungie isn't dead! Seojun sma-," Hyung Shik began but he was cut off by the daggering stares coming from the latter.

"Smasturbated," Hyung Sik winked and Seojoon groaned, probably planning to bury Hyung Sik in a deserted place in Goguryeo.

"Masturbated? Wait! Seojoon masturbated Taehyung?" Woo-shik said, squinting his eyes as a question mark formed above his head.

"No! Why would I masturbate Taehyung?!" Seojoon exclaimed as he glared at Hyung Sik.

"I mean, we saw him bathe once. His dick was huge and seeing it makes me droo-," Hyung Sik swooned and Woo-shik rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you wanna suck Taehyung," he sassed before looking at Seojoon.

"And you! Stop giving Hyung Sik some weird mating signals!"

"They aren't mating signals!"

"Sign language then?"

"No! It's the way of the rooster!"

"Rooster? What are you gonna do? Cock-a-doodle-doo with that small dick?"

"Small dick? How dare you!"

"No wonder no woman hits on you."

"Because my dick is too big for them," Seojoon said confidently.

"You're lying, let me see."

"I'll let you see my huge dick. But you'll need to see the stars first."

"Excuse me? My dick is BIGGER."

"Yeah sure and I'm Taehyung's sperm cells and the King's wife."

"You're bringing Tae in this?"

"You're bringing Tae out of this?"

"In!"

"Out!'

"In!"

"Out!"

"In!"

"Out!"

"And I thought y'all are talking about fitting your dicks in a small pussyhole," Hyung Sik spat whilst rolling his eyes, raising his head towards the two bickering men.

"You guys don't have girls, so stop arguing like you have pussies," he snorts.

"Have you guys not acknowledged a woman is here?" Hyung Sik continues before having an intense conversation with the flower pot.

"Uh... no?"

"Can you both stop fighting? You both have small dicks and if you don't stop talking I will pull them to the river and replace them with vaginas," I threaten them, and they look at me. Finally noticing that I was here all along.

"Just tell the truth or I'll feed you scorpions tonight," Woo-shik threatened, shooting daggers at Seojoon.

"Fine, but you won't get mad?" Seojoon asks.

"Fine, I won't," Woo-shik replies, raising both of his arms beside his head.

"IsmackedTaehyungwithapipepleasedon'tpullmebythedickandkickmeallthewaytoBaekjeanddrownmeinHanRiverI'llbeagoodfriendandmakesureyoubecomea virgin forever- I mean, I'll make sure to treat you a meal?" Seojoon rapped out cheesily. I gave him a furrowed stare and Hyung Sik did the same.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Woo-shik yelled as the veins from his neck popped out, he suddenly turned into a steaming pot of ramyeon, his arms flapping around as he ran towards the poor Seojoon.

"Wait! You said you won't get mad!" Seojoon squeaked as he distanced himself from Taehyung and Woo-shik, who was turning into a crazy dog.

"You egg-looking, hair-disaster, short bangs looking skunk! I'll make sure they use your intenstines for fishing!" Woo-shik growled, aiming for Seojoon who was crawling to a corner.

But he was suddenly pulled back.

"Yah! Calm it! There's a lady, a complete stranger here! Y'all don't get pussies but still embarass yourselves infront of a woman! What a disgrace you guys are to humanity! And Woo-shik, stop acting like a crazy dog!" Hyung Sik shot back as he wrapped his arms around Woo-shik, refraining him from making Seojoon bald.

"Let me go! You ungrateful swine!" Woo-shik hissed, and Hyung Sik suddenly opened his mouth.

And bit Woo-shik's shoulder.

"Ah! Ah! Stop I'm calm! I'm calm!" Woo-shik exhaled, prying himself away from Hyung Sik.

"Seojoon, are you okay?" I asked Seojoon, who seemed a bit traumatized for what was about to happen.

"He said I was an egg-looking skunk! How am I supposed to be okay?" Seojoon raised his voice, staring at Woo-shik with the most offended expression.

"You're like 32, Hyung Sik is 29 yet you act like one of those children playing yut," Woo-shik said as he brushed his hanbok, looking at Seojoon with a sour glare.

"Ugh...," a voice trailed off and our eyes widened, we looked at each other before our gazes fell to the corpse- I mean, unconscious body.

He shifted around as he was on the mat, he scrunched his face before stretching his arms, his eyelids fluttering open as he rubs his left eye, slowly sitting up.

"Good Morning sugar cube," Hyung Sik winked at Taehyung, who was drowsily looking around his surroundings.

"What happened? Why was I on the floor all of a sudden?" He asked groggily, followed by a huge yawn.

"Well..."

-

"Let me go! Let me go! Let me the fuck go! I will make you balder with that bald Dora-looking hair!" Taehyung yelled as he groped for Seojoon, who was cowering by the corner.

"Hold it! Don't lose your cool you mophead!" Woo-shik whisper-yelled as he wrapped his arms around Taehyung's waist, stopping him from beating Seojoon to the pulp.

"Taehyung-ah, sugar cube please don't start a fight! Or we'll be sent to the desert!" Hyung Sik whined, squishing Tae's face from behind.

"No way salty cube," Taehyung hissed as he shook Hyung Sik away.

Woo-shik finally got the energy, prying Tae away before he got Seojoon, and plopped him on the chair.

Woo-shik and Hyung Sik panted, their chests rising and falling as Taehyung gave out longs and deep breaths.

"We're all set! Whew! Hyung Sik, Seojoon, aren't you supposed to be at the palace?" Woo-shik asked the two men who were standing up, brushing their hanboks to make themselves tidy.

"Oh right! Hyung Sik, you said this will be a short talk!" Seojoon whined, pointing at the younger one.

"Not my fault you smacked the living lights out of Tae!" Hyung Sik retorted.

"What about you, Woo-shik? You're not returning to the palace?" Seojoon asked as he looked at the man.

"Didn't you know? I'm going to Baekje with Minho, I actually have to go now! Bye!" Woo-shik said, but not after giving me a bow, and shooting me a smile before turning his heel, making his way out of the hanok.

"Me and Hyung Sik will be going too, you can cut my dick off later Tae," Seojoon said, patting my shoulder before walking to the exit, followed by Hyung Sik who gave me a small wave.

"I guess... I have to go too? I'll see you," I told him, making a mental agreement that he must want some time alone.

"Jang Aehye...."

----
(UNEDITED)

A/N:

1 vote = 1 prayer for Park Seojoon

Anyway, the WOOGA SQUAD is here! And also #justiceforSeojoon #stobSeojoonabuse 🙃

I just realised all my oppars mostly have Joon in them 🙃

Like bruh I even have a crush on Lee Joon Gi even tho we have a 21 year age gap-

Hope this chapter made y'all laugh! ✌