Episode C6: When You're Kissing Me, Don't Talk About Plumbing.

THEME MUSIC (“Jazzy Interlude”, Billy Munn)

HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: (V.O.) You’re listening to the Adventures of me, Herbert “Daring” Dashwood, and my stalwart ghoul manservant, Argyle. Today’s episode? “When You're Kissing Me, Don't Talk About Plumbing.”

THEME MUSIC CONTINUES TO 0 M 10 S.

SCENE: INTERIOR. QUIET SOUND OF AIR MOVEMENT. MURMUR OF SHOCKED VOICES.

INITIATE WERTHER: (WHISPERING) Did the Paladin just hit your pal?

ARGYLE: (WHISPERING) Yup.

HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: Joanna, dear girl, was that really necessary?

JOANNA AUDAX: Necessary? Dashwood, after the way you behaved, I have half a mind to -

ARGYLE: (INTERRUPTS JOANNA) Woah, woah, calm down there, Miss – er, Paladin Audax. I know you and the boss've got some history, but -

JOANNA AUDAX: (INTERRUPTS ARGYLE) History? Argyle, the man made me look like a fool. Four years ago, he stood me up – on New Year's Eve, no less – because he had made another date! I waited in the bailey for five hours. In the snow. In a pre-war pink sundress. I looked ridiculous!

HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: It wasn't intentional! I was dragged off against my will!

JOANNA AUDAX: (DERISIVE) Hah! Daring Dashwood, Gentleman Adventurer? Dragged off against his will? Very likely.

ARGYLE: Well, it was a pretty bizarre situation, and -

JOANNA AUDAX: Never mind that now, Argyle. (SHARPLY) Initiate! What can you tell me about that vertibird?

INITIATE WERTHER: (NERVOUS – IT IS OBVIOUS HE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE IN THIS SORT OF THING) Um, well, it, er, continued flying off in the same direction. The one that it had come from before. And, er, well, these two were following it.

ARGYLE: (SIGHS DRAMATICALLY, THEN BEGINS TO SPEAK) We followed it from Canterbury Commons. There were seven guys, all in Enclave power armour, all better trained than the kid.

JOANNA AUDAX: Thanks, Argyle. Anything else? Why did you follow them?

HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: Those unprincipled scoundrels left us with no other choice, Joanna. (VERY GRAVE) They kidnapped a child.

JOANNA: AUDAX: Initiate? Fetch my helmet. We have work to do.

END SCENE

THEME MUSIC (“Jazzy Interlude”, Billy Munn)

HERBERT “DARING” DASHWOOD: (V.O.) Be sure to tune in next time for another exciting Adventure of me, Herbert “Daring” Dashwood, and my stalwart ghoul manservant, Argyle!

THEME MUSIC CONTINUES TO END

For anyone who has played Fallout 3 but has only played a male character, the Pre-War Spring Outfit appears as a pink sundress on female characters. It is even less appropriate for winter wear than the corresponding male outfit.