"Ragini," Sanskaar looked at her seriously, "These photos..."

Ragini's smile dropped off her face. She looked away.

"This is you?" Sanskaar asked, unsure about what was going on. 

Ragini shook her head, "It is someone who is long gone."

Sanskaar furrowed his brows and looked at her closely, "What do you mean?"

"That girl is no more." Her voice was emotionless, so unlike the Ragini he knew.

"Ragini, dont play riddles. Please."

"I am telling you the truth," she looked into his eyes blankly.

"Not the whole truth though," Sanskaar walked over to her, "That is you ...with your mother, isn't it?"

Ragini look straight ahead, almost through him for a minute before closing her eyes, "I would have burned those photos if they didn't have Maa in them."

"Why?"

"Because she doesn't deserve to exist," Ragini whispered.

Sanskaar grabbed her arms and forced her to look at him, "What the hell are you talking about? Do you even have the sense of what you are saying."

Ragini looked at him and then burst out laughing.

Sanskaar looked at her wide-eyed. 

"I was kidding. That was just a prank," she laughed.

Sanskaar watched her closely as she pulled away and started tidying her clothes.

"No you weren't," he said quietly.

Ragini's hands stilled on the clothes. She turned around to look at him with a smile on her face, "Of course I was.'

Sanskaar shook his head and walked towards her, "Do you know that when you laugh–laugh genuinely–it reflects in your eyes. Right now it is not."

"Since when do you know me so well that you can read my eyes?" Ragini shook her head with a sad smile.

"Dont change the topic, Ragini," Sanskaar said firmly.

"Please Sanskaar," Ragini looked away, "There is nothing to discuss.

Sanskaar held her wrist, "Now I am sure there is. You cannot even look me in the eye."

Ragini squeezed her eyes shut.

"What happened?"

She stood still.

"What happened Ragini?"

"I should have died," she whispered, "I should have. It is the truth."

"Ragini," Sanskaar whispered worried.

"But I didn't. She did. I killed Maa," Ragini turned around, eyes welled up, "I killed Maa."

Sanskaar shook his head. "No. That is not possible. You can never kill anyone."

Ragini let out a sad chuckle, "Shows how much you don't know me." She withdrew her wrist from his hand, "I did kill her."

"I cannot believe it."

"You not believing it wont change the truth."

"Then tell me what happened," Sanskaar pleaded, "Let me decide for myself."

Ragini shook her head.

"Why? Scared that I will prove you wrong?" Sanskaar asked quietly.

Ragini's head jerked up to look at Sanskaar, "What if I prove you wrong instead?"

"Then you will have proven yourself right."

Ragini stood still for a while. Her eyes distant. She took a shaky breath, "I had a fight with Maa. The most ridiculous silly fight. I walked away in rage. My music on loud, walking on the road outside. I was a disaster waiting to happen" She looked at him, "A lorry came speedily towards me. I never heard it honk. Maa did. She...," Ragini wrapped her arms around herself.

Sanskaar nodded. "Was that how she...?"

Ragini shook her head. "We took her hospital. She slipped into a coma," tears rolled down her eyes as she looked at him.

He took a step forward to help her. console her, but she turned away.

"I prayed. Prayed more than I had in my entire life. I promised I would be the daughter Maa wanted. I would do everything...everything if I could just have Maa back."

Sanskaar watched her, his own heart sinking listening to her. 

"She came back...for a month, she came back," Ragini turned looked at him, "She did. We talked. We laughed. I was not going to break my promise this time. Everything seemed fine."

Sanskaar let her speak without interrupting. He wondered if she had ever spoken about this to anyone. 

"But then the doctor told us that the clot in her brain wasn't dissolving. They had to operate," a sob escaped her lips, "She never came back."

Sanskaar felt her own eyes moisten looking at her. 

"She never came back...," Ragini whispered sinking to the floor.

Sanskaar ran to her and sat next to her, "Ragini..."

"She wanted to see me settled, Sanskaar. She wanted to see me married. She never got a chance. Never. All because of me! Me!" 

"It is not because of you Ragini. It was an accident," Sanskaar said trying to hold her hand.

"If it wasnt me, tell me who was responsible? who?" Ragini asked angrily, "The lorry driver whose brakes failed and who was honking his horn loudly to warn me? Maa for trying to save me? Or was it me? Me being angry in my selfishness and turning deaf to everything around me. Who?"

"It was nobody Ragini. Nobody," He held her arms and made her look at him.

"If it was nobody, then why is Maa dead?" Ragini asked him, almost like a child, "Why is she gone then?"

Words stopped inside Sanskaar. He could feel heaviness inside him. She was dying. Dying under guilt. 

Just like he was. 

Only she was a lot more innocent that he was.

"Maa chose Lakshyaji," Ragini whispered in her own daze, "She chose him for me."

Sanskaar's heart skipped a beat. His eyes snapped to look at her. Her words echoed in his head and he sank down on the floor next to her. 

"Is that why you have been ignoring his flaws," Sanskaar said in his own daze, "Is that why?"

"He is not bad ...," Ragini whispered, "No one is perfect."

"So that makes them okay?" Sanskaar asked.

"At least his flaw didn't cause anyone's death," she said looking deep into his eyes.

Sanskaar felt his own guilt surface again. No. No they didn't. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second before looking back at her.

Ragini was sitting silent lost in her own world.

"You want his respect and a place in his heart, right?" Sanskaar asked suddenly.

Her eyes rose to meet his. Confusion written all over them.

"I will help you."

***

Sanskaar opened his eyes when he felt brightness against them. Someone had switched the lights on.

"Sanskaar?" Lakshya asked confused, looking around at his own room, "You here? Sitting in the dark? These days you have been making me visit your room usually. What changed?

"Why don't you want to marry Ragini?" Sanskaar asked quietly.

Lakshya rolled his eyes, "Not this again!" He threw his jacket on the bed.

"You wanted to help reduce my guilt, right? Do the brotherly thing?" Sanskaar minced.

Lakshya turned around looking at his brother with narrowed eyes, "What has gotten into you today?"

"I thought you would be happy that I am showing interest."

Lakshya shrugged his shoulder, "Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Why don't you want to marry Ragini?"

"She is not who I want to be with."

"And god forbid if anyone doesn't give you exactly what you want ," Sanskaar muttered.

"And what exactly is it that you think I have gotten?" Lakshya yelled, "You keep throwing this at me saying I get what I want. And all of you have to give things up. What did you ever give up for me?"

Sanskaar grit his teeth.

"Did I take your toys? Did I hit on your girlfriend? What? What is it that you are supposed to have sacrificed for me?" Laskhya asked crossing his arms, "The only thing that the family let me have after my drama, as you call it, were some toys here and there, may be a day out with friends, some silly indulgence that never meant much of sacrifice for anyone. That is what!"

"You would think that!"

"Then tell me one thing that was out of the world? That was so important," Lakshya snapped back, "I bet you wont be able to. Because I never got any of the things that all of you had."

"Which is what?" Sanskaar asked angrily.

"Freedom. Freedom and respect. You got to go away to Mumbai. Live your life. It may be for few months, but you had that. I was thrown these pieces on the side. These silly things to appease me when the real things were kept away."

Sanskaar shook his head, "Freedom comes with responsibility and respect needs to be earned."

Lakshya laughed, "That is what we are supposed to believe, isn't it? No. Freedom is fought for–the way I had to even for smallest of things. And respect. Respect comes with power and money"

"What comes with power is fear and with money are sycophants," Sanskaar shook his head, "And what makes you think you don't have freedom?"

"What makes you think that I have it?" Lakshya asked, "I am not allowed to even choose my life partner for god sake! I cannot choose to live life my way because it would be against what our orthodox family agrees with."

"And what about all the love they give you?"

"Love cannot make up for freedom. It cannot take away the feeling of seeing your wishes die away even before they had the chance to see the light of the day," Lakshya said quietly, "You will realise it soon."

Sanskaar looked at Lakshya furrowing his brows.

"In three months, Sujata Chachi will decide your life partner. You wont have a say in it. What is worse than not having freedom is getting a taste of it for a short while and then losing it forever. I will ask you this question in three months and then you tell me how you feel."

"Badi Maa may have chosen Ragini for you, but she is a wonderful girl. What do you have to complain about her? I could have understood if they had picked up a wrong person," Sanskaar reasoned.

"Ragini is as wrong as it can get. God is mocking me," Lakshya spat, "It is like he took a list of everything I don't like in our orthodox family, everything that I wouldn't want in a girl and created Ragini." 

Sanskaar clenched his jaw, "What if Ragini was a modern girl? Would you be okay to marry her then?"

"She is not a modern girl. She cannot ever be," Lakshya shook his head.

"What if she is?" Sanskaar asked again.

Lakshya narrowed his eyes at Sanskaar, "Is this your new way of trying to convince me to marry?  It wont work."

"That is not what I asked."

"You know what is at stake. If you want to add more pressure on yourself with these silly pursuits, have fun. But in the end, it will be my way. Do you want to risk the secret?" Lakshya warned

***

"These are all Lakshya's favourite dishes," Annapurna said brightly as the Maheswaris sat at the dinner table at Gadodia house.

Ragini's eyes met Sanskaar's. He nodded with a smile and she smiled back.

"You made all these?" Sujata asked Ragini.

"She has been doing this all afternoon. Said she wanted to make something for you for dinner," Dadi said proudly.

"Lakshya you haven't tasted anything yet," Sanskaar was smiling widely.

Lakshya frowned where he sat as he looked at Sanskaar critically. This had to be Sanskaar's plan.

"How is the food?" Ragini asked Lakshya shyly

All eyes turned to Lakshya. He gritted his teeth and then reluctantly tried the food. 

"Umm ... really good," he smiled at her.

Sanskaar and Ragini shared a bright smile. Sanskaar discreetly showed her a thumb-up.

"Ragini, you should show us around the house sometime," Sanskaar said casually as everyone got busy with their food, "I am sure Lakshya would love to see your room."

Ragini stoped mid bite. Her eyes snapped to look at Sanskaar as she sat in her seat rigidly.

Sanskaar felt his smile slip. 

"What! Boys into an unmarried girl's room," Dadi screeched.

"Sanskaar" Badi Maa and Sujata warned.

But Sanskaar was looking at Ragini who now had her head bowed down. She wasn't looking at him. He realised he had pushed things too far. 

Sanskaar looked at Dadi, who was looking at him angrily. She hadn't been around when Ragini had let him into her room. 

"Sorry," he muttered to Dadi. He hoped Ragini realised it was for her too. If not, he would let her know soon.

***

"Was that your way of showing me that Ragini is modern?" Lakshya smirked as he walked into Sanskaar's room.

Sanskaar stood rigid. He had just finished apologising to Ragini. She had pleaded with him never let out what she had told him. He had promised.

If only Lakshya knew.

"The only thing you have proved to me is how much like Maa she is. Orthodox. Thanks" Lakshya said patting Sanskaar on his shoulder before walking out.

***

"Why don't we go for a picnic tomorrow? Us and Gadodias?" Sanskaar asked next morning as everyone settled to have their breakfast.

"Picnic?" Annapurna looked uncertain.

"Why not?" Sanskaar asked, "When will we have a chance to do it again. I will be away soon."

"For three months." Sujata said sternly, "Three months," She should him three fingers, "Dont even think about staying away longer."

"What is the hurry? We can do it once you are back?" Savita suggested, "There is so much to do with the wedding."

"Come on, Kaki. We can manage it. There are so many of us. It will be good for the family. Please," Sanskaar pleaded.

"I dont think Gadodias can do it. They have so much to do as well," Annapurna reasoned.

"Why don't you ask them once? They might agree," Sanskaar pushed, "I can ask Ragini to check."

"You and Ragini seem to be the new best friends," Pari teased.

"You have been spending a lot of time with her," Adarsh said sternly narrowing his eyes, "Even more than Lakshya has."

"Come on, Adarsh Bhaiyaa. I have been busy with work. Besides I have a life time to get to know Ragini. Sanskaar has to get to know her now ...the way you all do," Lakshya tilted his head and raised his eyebrow at Sanskaar, "Right?"

Sanskaar nodded grudgingly.

"Why?" Adarsh asked still watching Sanskaar, "He is going to be back home soon."

"And then I will be getting you married off," Sujata warned Sanskaar.

"Bhai, you are not going to marry anyone until I approve of them," Uttara warned getting out her chair, "If you do then ..."

"Then?" Sanskaar asked with raised eyebrow.

"Have you already chosen someone?" Sujata jumped out and rushed towards him, "Did you hear what he is saying?" she screamed at her husband.

"Mom! Please!" Sanskaar was irritated by the change of direction.

"You have!" Sujata screamed wide-eyed, "I will not approve this. I am warning you. And it better not be that nasty Kavita," she said looking at Ram who had rushed to calm her down, "She will try to dominate me! I know her kind!"

"I am not marrying Kavita. I am not marrying anyone!" Sanskaar screamed.

"What do you mean you are not marrying anyone!" Sujata questioned angry.

Sanskaar sighed, "Nothing. Can we focus on the discussion at hand," He looked at everyone to see them give him a confused look, "Picnic!" he screamed.

Thanks for your wonderful comments. I have loved them and the analysis in them. I truly have. I hope the next chapters lead to more such wonderful discussion. Off now to answer the comments in last chapter. 

If you are interested, 'Murder in the first' won first prize for #MysteryFriday. If you like one chapter short courtroom dramas, do check it out.