That numbness of the pain,

Still is there every day of my life,

Turning over and over about itself,

Contained and far away.

But lately,

More and more,

I feel it creeping back,

Growing bigger.

Maybe it because I have started to fear it.

Afraid to let it take me over again.

I tell myself,

"I'm happy."

But looking in the mirror they all sound so small.

So unimportant and unreal.

Sometimes it cracks the protective shell,

That I placed around me to keep me safe.

This my worst hell,

And for some reason, you keep calling it,

The slow steps of recovery.