I brought you on my deck only to lock you out of my private quarters, deep inside my brain, but I didn't expect a sudden change in heart...

Just one to many reasons I have to be to be alone,
And you keep telling me to calm down,
When I feel forever destined to feel alone,
But is been  long since,
I've actually gone somewhere,
Outside my little box,
And you keep calling me to come out.

But every little bit of my batteries I have wasted away,
And still feel the same,
I can not escape this mess, tangled up in the ropes I used to tie it up,  the knot around my heart impassable.

I just wanna fade again,
Lock myself inside in the dark,
And count my every scar.
Hide myself from my very own home,
And I keep on forgetting to treat myself right.

I can not think of something,
I just can't bring myself to type any words again,
Can't even find a thing to say.

I don't care if you want me,
Because I can't even love me.
How can I tell you?
And when I close my eyes,
Torn between contrast emotions,
And I just can't seem to keep on dreaming,
When left living a  life caught in the changes of my internal fall.

Shouldn't I tell you,
I not once did I trust me,
Because I could tell you anything,
If I ever decided to realize how to care,
And I'm still not sure,
I feel like things are moving along.

Lighting bolts on the horizon,
Static electricity in the air,
And here it is only the demons inside my brain,
Cutting me down at the knees,
I used to believe that I was insane,
But I don't know what to say.

Can not help it,

You always want something back
Because it's always changing,
With more beautiful colors than the flowers of my spring.

Can not think of anything to say,
And to number of things going on inside my brain,
Now cannot help but waste my only light shining under the door, into my little box,
Until the season I decay.