CHAPTER 8

Bas came back to school a couple of weeks later, and I could tell that he still hadn't recovered. He was better, but not completely back to normal. It took a lot to make him smile.

Still, Wes was in a better mood now that Bas was back. He was talking a lot more and seemed a little less stressed, despite the fact that Wes was always stressed - no matter what. At least he wasn't a wreck, like he had been before.

Like Wesley, Bas didn't seem to like Tyler very much either.  I couldn't understand why. When I'd finally asked, Wes just shrugged and said, "He's a loser."

Bas agreed. They smirked at each other, like it was some sort of inside joke. They'd been gossiping about Tyler, for sure. I nearly laughed, just at the thought of it. Instead I rolled my eyes. "You guys don't even know him."

Bas' expression changed. "I knew him in middle school, Ky. I know what he's capable of."

I didn't understand.

--

One day, Bas didn't talk to me at all.

I figured he was just in a bad mood, and decided not to press.

We went to support group that afternoon. I was so sure Ms. Hemsworth would ask Bas something about his attempt, but she didn't. She just asked him if he was all right and when he shrugged and said yes, she offered him a smile and moved on.

One thing I noticed was how Alexis acted around Bas. She kept twirling her hair and biting her lip, with her hand resting on his thigh. Bas looked a little uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything about it.

--

After the session was over, I met Bas at our lockers. He still hadn't said anything to me, and I was starting to get pissed off. I tried to tell myself that it was him, not me, and that he was still a little depressed. But it didn't work. I was still angry.

He closed his locker door once he gathered all of his stuff and began walking away, without saying anything. I slammed my locker door shut, and followed him, fury stirring inside of me.

He knew I was following him. Once we were outside, he began walking a little faster. I reached towards the ground and rolled up a snowball with my bare hands, the cold stinging my skin. I threw it as hard as I could. It hit his shoulder. "Hey!" I shouted, my throat tightening.

I was a ghost. I was invisible. He didn't even turn around.

I threw another one, and when he kept walking, I started to run. "Bas!" I screamed. Notice me.

When I finally caught up, I grabbed onto his jacket and spun him around so he could face me. His eyes, red with anger, glared at me. I felt a tear fall onto my cheek, but quickly wiped it away, willing myself not to cry for him.

"What the fuck do you want?" he spat.

I pushed him, sending him stumbling backwards. He nearly slipped and fell.

"Why won't you talk to me?" I yelled, taking a step closer to him. "Why are you hiding?"

He swallowed hard, breaking eye-contact with me. "I'm not hiding anything, alright?" he said calmly. "Leave me alone."

He walked away again. I continued to follow him. "You can't do that, Bas!" I cried, flashbacks from the dream I'd had flooding my memory. I couldn't bear the thought of him dying. I couldn't handle it. "Do you know how much I worried my ass off because of you?" I shook my head. "Of course you don't, because you don't fucking care! The only person you think about is yourself!"

Bas stopped in his tracks and turned around. He approached me, slowly, his eyes blazing with anger. Then he stood right in front of me, intimidatingly close. "Do you really think that?" he said, in a low voice. "I thought you were smarter than that, Ky."

"Did you even think about what would have happened if you died?" I pushed him again, mixed emotions flowing through my veins. Tears stung my eyes, the lump in my throat growing tighter. "I care about you, Bas! You can't just leave me! Not like that!"

Suddenly, his eyes softened. The way he looked at me made me calm down a little. He took my hands, his thumbs running over my knuckles. "I'll always be here for you, Kylie. Always."

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close so nothing could stand between us. I closed my eyes and felt his lips kiss my forehead. I felt safe. I trusted him. "Promise me?" I breathed.

"I promise you," he whispered, pulling away from me. "Now, come. My mother misses you."'

I breathed out a laugh, following him, his fingers still laced with mine.

"She was dead set that you and Wes were dating," he told me. "I had to explain to her that fortunately, you weren't."

I laughed again. Wes and I would not be a good couple, that was for sure. I glanced at Bas, remembering the way Alexis had been acting around him. "So... Can I kick Alexis' ass?" I asked, smiling a little.

"Nah," he grinned at me, dimples forming in his cheeks. My heart jolted. He hadn't smiled all day. I'd forgotten how contagious his smile was. "She's cool."

"Cool as in, a slut?"

"Kylie..." Bas sighed. "She's a nice person. You just gotta get to know her."

"Do you like her?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes. He rolled his eyes and looked away from me. I kept staring, waiting for him to answer.

He never did.

--

When I stepped into Bas' house, I heard an unfamiliar voice. Bas must have heard it too, because  he kept muttering, "Shit, shit, shit."

He followed the voice, which led us to the kitchen. There, I noticed his mother, along with a guy who seemed like he was in his mid twenties. He looked a lot like Bas. They shared the same nose and eyes. The guy glanced at me, smiled and walked towards us.

"Bas!" the guy grinned, engulfing him into a hug.

Bas didn't even crack a smile. "Hey," he mumbled.

The guy patted him on the shoulder and pulled away. "Where's the enthusiasm?" He glanced at me, then back at Bas. "You never told me you have a girlfriend!"

"That's because she's not my girlfriend." Bas said flatly.

The guy extended his arm, smiling at me. I shook his hand. "I'm Daniel," he said. "Bas' big brother."

It all made sense now. Everything came together. No wonder Bas hated him so much.

Bas had told me about his brother in the past, referring to him as the 'annoyingly perfect child.' He'd always been that way, and Bas had always been the misfit of the family.

His brother would always have girls chasing after him, he was the quarterback in high school, he had amazing grades, got into a great university, got himself a good job, and now he was getting married and moving to Canada with his fiancée, unlike Bas, whose life seemed to be getting nowhere. If anything, everything seemed to be going downhill for him.

Daniel was successful. He was loved. He was happy.

He was everything Bas wanted to be.

"Oh," was all I said, staring blankly at him. "I'm Kylie."

I turned to Bas, feeling uncomfortable. "I should go." I said a little awkwardly. I backed up, stumbling and nearly slipping.

Margaret cut in, smiling at me warmly. "Oh, come on honey, join us for dinner."

"It's fine," I said. "I-I have a lot of homework anyway."

I made my way towards the door and walked out, dusting myself off: brushing off the tidiness of their house, brushing off the warm smiles and compassion, brushing off the feeling like someone cared. I'd been invited to dinner, but I knew I wasn't really welcome there. I didn't understand why Bas was so depressed. He had it all - a family that loved him.

--

Home wasn't great, it never was. Skylar wasn't there, but I knew exactly where she was. I plopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. I tried to sleep but it was impossible.

At around 9:00, I heard the sound of the front door opening. I sat up, listening very carefully. Then I made my way to the kitchen, pretending to get a glass of water.

Skylar was there, taking off her shoes. I stopped in my tracks, staring at her. Then I blurted out, "Did you have fun?"

"Yup..." She watched me intently. 

I rolled my eyes, sighing and making my way to the cupboard. I grabbed a dusty glass, cloudy and dirty, but I didn't care. I poured some water into it, then popped two sleeping pills into my mouth. 

Skylar frowned at me. "Why are you taking those?"

I leaned against the counter, grinning. "Because, I'm in love with them." 

I turned away from her and walked away, feeling a little uneasy, and a little mad at myself. The pills sat on my tongue, lingering. The fact that deep down I knew I wasn't lying made my heart fall into the pit of my stomach - for most of my life I'd relied on sleeping pills to keep me numb, to put me to sleep every night. 

It was my only escape, really. Sleep - I always relied on it to take me away into my dreamland, a place where I wasn't pressed in between stress and pressure, a place where I wasn't smothered by the uncomfortableness of being in my own household. In my sleep I didn't feel anything. No sadness. No anxiety. No anger. No guilt.

I shook the thought out of my head. It's not like you're addicted, Kylie. 

I swallowed the pills and went to my room.

CREDIT TO NeverCatchMe FOR DRAWING THIS AMAZING SKETCH OF KYLIE! TYSM <3