Soundtrack:

Into the West ~ Annie Lennox (A Personal Sacrifice)

We were all, save Alistair, gathered in Eamon's study. Eamon and Teagan had already gone ahead. The door opened and we turned to see Alistair walk in.

He made a beeline for me. "We... need to talk." He glanced at the others. "Privately." He motioned out the door and we left the room, Tristan trailing behind us. Alistair led the way to the room he had taken during our stay here. "I don't really question why you did what you did. I didn't want to become king and you knew that but it had to be."

"It wasn't an easy choice, Alistair."

He sighed. He was acting a bit like he had when we first approached Redcliffe village and he grudgingly told us about his parentage. He had something to say and didn't want to say it. I had a guess on what it could be.

"Being king... raises questions about us. About you and me." The conversation I had been dreading since I named him as king. My guess was correct.

"What sort of questions?"

"First, there's the fact we're both Grey Wardens. It's not just a question of obligation but of blood. You know that Grey Wardens don't usually live to become old, right."

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Because of the taint."

"As king, I'll be required to have a child. Even more so because my death is assured. That's assuming that someone with the taint can or even should have a child." Already talking children? He hadn't been king for a few hours yet. Well, technically, he wasn't king. Okay, I'm rambling.

"Don't Grey Wardens have children?"

"Not with each other. Even one parent with tainted blood means having children is not recommended. All the Grey Wardens I knew with children had them before they joined the Order. I will need to find a wife, one who can bear a child. Who will live to raise it. I don't relish it but... I have a duty as the king."

I looked away so he couldn't see my hurt. "I guess you don't have to worry about me giving you half-blood bastard children then."

"That's not what I meant, Realin. I don't care that you are an Elf." Alistair put his hand on my cheek, turning my face towards him, although I couldn't meet his eyes. "I love you. More than I ever thought possible but... I have to face what this means. I can't run away from it anymore."

"Is this revenge for making you king?"

"No, of course not. I said I understand why you decided what you did and I do. But at the same time, I cannot avoid what that entails."

I looked down. I knew this would happen after Alistair became king. But it didn't mean it hurt any less. He lifted my chin.

"You are more of a Grey Warden than I could ever be." He looked into my eyes and I knew he could see the hurt in them. "You made that decision knowing what that could do to us, didn't you?"

"It's not an easy sacrifice to make, Alistair."

"I guess making sacrifices is what Grey Wardens are good at." He kissed me one last time. "I'm sorry, Realin." He turned away, unable to look at me. "I'm... going to go ahead and set up camp. I'll see all of you when you arrive but I need to be by myself for a while. Arl Eamon has left for Redcliffe. He says the army has gathered there and is almost ready to march. As soon as we're ready, we should head there ourselves. The Blight awaits, right?" He walked towards the door and stopped, slightly turning as if he were going to say something else. He opened his mouth but never said anything else before he walked out the door.

"I will always love you," I whispered, my heart feeling like it had broken into a hundred pieces. The pain I thought that had diminished with Alistair's love returned.

Tristan whined and I looked down at him, forgetting he had been there.

"Go with him."

Tristan trotted after him. The mabari liked Alistair, I knew he would protect him. I knew I needed to harden myself as I was still the leader of this outfit and I didn't want them to see my heartbreak. Or the tears. I took several breaths to compose myself, managing to keep the tears at bay, and went back to the others.

"Where's Alistair?" Leliana asked when I returned sans king.

"He's a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of being king," I lied. "He and Tristan went on ahead to set up camp. He said he needed to be alone for a while." That part wasn't the lie. But Wynne was giving me that grandmotherly look, which meant she saw past the lie. And Leliana looked like she didn't believe me either. Neither called me out on it, thank the Creators.

"Well, the sooner we leave," Morrigan said, grabbing her staff from its place against the wall. "The sooner we can figure out a battle plan."

"Agreed," Sten said.

We gathered our packs and left Redcliffe estate and Denerim.

~~~

Alistair was stroking the fire when we arrived at camp, Tristan lounging next to him. He looked up at us, his eyes lingering on me before they turned their attention back to the fire. I cooked the meal that night and I took a bowl of the stew I made to Alistair. We sat next to each other in awkward silence for a couple of minutes. He looked like he wanted to say something. What could he possibly have to say? I stood before he could and Leliana and I cleaned up.

"What happened?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I knew exactly what she was talking about. I just didn't want to talk about it.

"I can see something happened between you two."

"Leliana, please. I don't feel like talking about it right now."

She nodded. "You know I'm here when you are ready." She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it before she left me to be alone.

Afterward, I retired to my tent and found an amulet on my bedroll. I picked it up and studied it. It was a green stone with a tree etched into it. The tree was outlined in gold. On the back of the stone was etched the letter "M" which was also outlined in gold. I realized that this was a gift from Alistair. No one else would have given me jewelry and I wasn't even sure if Zevran knew my surname. I put it on and it hung just lower than the Warden pendent. I sighed. I should go out there and give it back to him. Tell him I didn't want it. That he shouldn't aggravate my hurt like this. But I couldn't. I wrapped my fingers around the pendant, the heartbreak hurting as much as losing Tamlen had. I laid back and closed my eyes, hoping the nightmares would stay at bay as the silent tears finally fell.

~~~

We arrived at Redcliffe village to find it abandoned with carts overturned and animals slaughtered. I could sense quite a few Darkspawn. How had they gotten here before us? We ran across the bridge we had first met Tomas, blades drawn, and ran into one of the villagers.

"It's... it's you! The Grey Warden!" he cried. "Andraste's mercy that you got here when you did! I thought for sure those monsters were going to get me!"

"When did the Darkspawn get here?" I asked.

"Just a few hours ago, not that long after everyone was evacuated to the castle. I thought I could make it to my home and back before they got here but it took me too long to get down here. What a relief you arrived!"

"You should get to safety."

"You don't have to tell me twice. Thank you again!" He ran up towards the castle.

Alistair and I looked at each other. "Thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked. I had to put my feelings aside for now. We had a job to do.

"If it's clearing the village, then yes."

"Let's go."

"Oh, Maker!" I heard Leliana exclaim.

We went through the village, clearing out the Darkspawn, ogres, and Blight wolves. After we killed the Darkspawn in the village and checked to make sure everyone had escaped to the castle, we made our way there ourselves.