Soundtrack:

Leliana's Song ~ Inon Zur

I was running through the ruins in the cave, looking for Tamlen. I found the room with the mirror.

"Realin! Help me!" Tamlen was surrounded by Darkspawn.

"Tamlen!"

The Darkspawn were holding onto him. I ran towards him, intent on freeing him. I heard wing beats and looked up. We were no longer in the ruins, but in an open field with a rocky incline nearby. Tamlen was still struggling to free himself. The Archdemon roared as he flew. He landed hard on a rock outcropping. He continued to roar tossing his head from side to side. More Darkspawn rushed at us.

"Realin!" I turned and saw Duncan and Alistair fighting side by side towards me. I was surprised to see him. "You and Alistair need to flee! Leave the Archdemon to us!"

"No! I have to save Tamlen!"

"Tamlen is beyond our help!" I was torn.

"Realin!" Tamlen called. "Run!"

The Darkspawn overpowered him.

"TAMLEN!" I screamed, the grief and horror at watching the Darkspawn overwhelm my best friend evident in my voice.

"Realin." Alistair grabbed my arm to keep me from rushing forward.

"Let us deal with the Archdemon!" Duncan said. "I want no heroics from you two!" Duncan ran forward with four other Wardens.

The Archdemon took flight again. He dived at the Wardens that had gone to face him. They fell quickly under his bulk.

"No!" Alistair cried.

"Creators! How do we stop him!?"

The Archdemon bellowed and looked directly at us.

I bolted upright, gasping for breath. The night was warm and all of us had forsaken the tents and laid our bedrolls on the ground. I looked around, my heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. Alistair was also sitting up next to me, beads of sweat on his forehead and also breathing heavily. We'd pulled our bedrolls next to each other.

He looked over at me. "You're awake! Did you... did you feel it, too?"

I nodded, not yet trusting my voice and also trying to even out my breathing and steady my heart. That was the worst nightmare yet. I hadn't dreamed of Tamlen for many months. Not since Alistair had begun to heal the hole he'd left in my heart.

"It was like the Archdemon saw us. Saw us! What does that mean?"

I shook my head. I wondered what had been in Alistair's dream. We must have startled Leliana awake. She was sitting on her bedroll giving us both worried looks.

"I don't... I don't know," I said. "But something just didn't feel right."

"I think—," We both heard rustling and our attention went to the direction it was coming from. And I could feel the taint. "Wait! Did you hear that?"

I grabbed my swords and stood, the taint growing stronger. Four Shrieks and something smaller that I only caught a glimpse of rushed into camp.

"Shrieks!" I cried.

Alistair and I rushed forward and took down one. Morrigan and Zevran kept the attention of another. Ours fell and I went to the third to help Leliana. I leapt and stabbed it in the back. It spun around, claws flashing. I ducked and stabbed. It screeched and died. I sensed the taint behind me and spun around, expecting a Darkspawn trying to sucker punch me. But it was no Darkspawn. I froze mid-attack, not expecting in a hundred years to see who I was seeing now, my heart currently in my throat and my breath catching from the shock. It couldn't be. His hair was gone and his face was taunt and his eyes screamed the agony he was in. I could barely see his vallaslin. I slowly lowered my weapons.

"You...," he cried, just as surprised to see me as I was him. "Realin..."

I stepped back. "Mercy of the Creators!" I cried. "It can't be!"

"Don't...," His voice showed the agony the taint was giving him. "Don't come near me! Stay away!" I heard the others coming towards us.

"Stay back, everyone."

He ran towards the far side of the camp and I gave chase. I had to know. I had spent all this time thinking, believing, he was dead, only to discover he was now a ghoul. My best friend. My Tamlen.

He wouldn't look at me. "Don't... look at me! I am... sick..."

"Tamlen. What's happened to you?" I knew the answer. I just didn't want to say it.

"The song... in my head. It... calls to me. He sings to me!" He clutched his ears. "I can't stop it!" It was killing me to see him like this. His taint had gone unchecked for months. In my heart, I knew it was too late for him. "Always... loved you, Realin." Those simple words nearly stopped my heart and made the loss hurt even more. Why had he never said anything? Why did we think it a good idea to go into that cave even after the humans had told us they'd seen a demon? So many whys... "Don't want... to hurt you. Please... stop me!"  It was too late, he'd already hurt me.

I could feel the sting of tears beginning to form. "Don't, Tamlen," I whispered. "Don't ask me to do that." I looked at him, knowing that it could have easily been me standing there. "I wish we had never gone into that cave."

"I'm... so sorry, Realin. Never wanted this... Please... end this!"

I shook my head. The pain and hurt stabbed through my heart again, threatening to undo what healing Alistair had accomplished. "I looked for you! The entire clan looked for you!"

"I loved... you. If you ever... loved me in... return... Please... I don't want to hurt... you anymore."

I would want someone to end it for me. I wouldn't want to live like this.

I nodded, fighting the tears. It was killing me to agree to this. I sheathed my left sword and put the hand that had previously held it on Tamlen's shoulder. I placed the tip of my right sword against his chest. He touched my cheek and nodded.

"May the Creators... May the Creators grant you peace." I squeezed my eyes shut and thrust the sword through his chest, not wanting to watch myself kill him. He gasped and I withdrew the sword.

"Thank you," Tamlen smiled before he collapsed.

I took a few steps back, numbness threatening to overtake me.

"Realin?" Alistair asked.

I put a hand on his chest and gave him a gentle push. I didn't want him to see me cry. "Let me be right now." I turned away and went into the trees. I needed to mourn my friend.

~~~

I walked until I found the stream and dropped my sword. I leaned against a tree and slid down it, my tears flowing freely now. I had just killed my best friend. But it was too late for him. Becoming a Grey Warden would not save him now. It was what he wanted me to do. What I would have wanted him to do if our places had been switched. What I would have wanted anyone to do if Duncan hadn't been in the Brecilian Forest that day. I kept repeating that in my head, but for some reason, I felt no closure from it. I had put my best friend, someone I loved, to the sword myself. My elbow rested on my knee and my head rested in my hand. I heard someone coming and turned away.

"Realin?" Alistair asked, concern in his voice. He crouched next to me. "Who... was that?" He saw the traitorous tear that fell just then and gently wiped it away.

I looked at him, more tears threatening to spill forth. "His name... his name was Tamlen."

"Tamlen?" He paused, realization showing clear on his face. "Oh, Realin! He was the one with you when... I'm so sorry, but this is what happens—"

"When the taint is left unchecked," I finished his sentence. My grief and rage burst forth, the mask I've had in place since that fateful day at the ruins shattering. "That could have been me, Alistair! That would have been me if Duncan hadn't..." I looked down. I never was able to thank him.

Alistair suddenly pulled me close to him and I wept into his chest. I had never allowed myself to grieve for Tamlen. Or for Duncan, having been thrust into the quest of gathering allies against the Blight.

"Did Duncan know?" I asked. I had to know.

"What?"

"Did he know Tamlen could have still been alive?"

"I... I don't know..."

"Did he really believe that he was dead or taken by the Darkspawn? Had he known and just didn't tell me?"

He rubbed my back, trying to comfort me. "I don't know if he really knew that Tamlen was alive or not. And I'm sorry that you had to be the one to grant him mercy from his suffering." The thoughts made me weep harder. I finally allowed myself to grieve for them now.

We stayed that way for some time before I wiped away my tears and pulled away. "Thank you, Alistair, but I need to be alone now. I need to sing for Tamlen."

He nodded and gave me a kiss on the top of my head. "Alright. Take all the time you need, my love."

~~~

After I sang for Tamlen, I returned to camp with a heavy heart. Alistair was waiting for me near the trees. "You have a beautiful voice, you know," he said.

I gave him a half-hearted smile. "Thanks."

He took my hand. "I want to show you something." He led me over to the others.

Tamlen was wrapped in the canvas from one of the tents and was laying next to a hole. Wynne was holding a sapling and Leliana was standing with her hands clasped in front of her.

I realized what was going on and I looked at Alistair. "You remembered me telling you?"

"Tamlen was your best friend. And he was still Dalish despite the taint. He should be treated as one, even in death."

"I don't know what to say." I was deeply touched, the tears once again threatening to come to the surface.

"Come," Wynne said. "Let us send your friend off to the Beyond."

I walked over to the grave they had dug for Tamlen as Leliana began to sing. I didn't know she knew a dirge but I will be forever grateful for it. She sang in the Elven tongue. But I shall give you the translation of her song.

Elder, your time is come

Now I am filled with sorrow

Weary eyes need resting

Heart has become grey and slow

In waking sleep of freedom

We sing, rejoice

We tell the tales

We laugh and cry

We love one more day

We sing, rejoice

We tell the tales

We laugh and cry

We love one more day

As she sang, we placed Tamlen's body into the ground and covered him in the dirt of slumber. Wynne handed me the sapling and I planted it on his grave as Leliana finished her song. I dusted the dirt from my hands and looked at each and every one of them.

"Thank you."

This meant more to me than I could ever say.