Soundtrack:

If I Could Be Where You Are ~ Enya (The Mirror/Losing Tamlen)

Targos Town ~ Inon Zur (Leaving Home)  

When I opened my eyes I was in the Keeper's aravel, or wagon for those of you who aren't familiar with the Dalish. Perhaps wagon isn't the best description. It's where we live, sleep, and eat. The aravels are our homes and many times they are referred to as "landships" by the Shem. Marethari, or Tamlen, were nowhere to be seen. I stood and went outside, where I was greeted by Fenarel, a good friend and fellow Hunter. His blond hair was to his shoulders and he kept it pulled back out of his face. His vallaslin was simple. And I could see worry in his grey eyes.

"You're awake! You have the Creators' own luck, Realin."

I must have had a confused look on my face.

"You're back at camp. Everyone is worried sick about you. How do you feel?"

"How did I get here, Fenarel?"

"A Shem brought you back two days ago. You don't remember him?"

"I've been here for two days!?"

"He was a Grey Warden and appeared out of nowhere with you in his arms. You were delirious with fever. He said he found you outside of a cave in the forest, unconscious and alone. He left you here and ran off again. The Keeper has been using the old magic to heal you." A Grey Warden! Here? I couldn't believe what Fenarel was telling me. I had grown up hearing stories about them. And to think I was brought home by one and I couldn't remember! Then I realized he said I was found alone.

"The Shemlen was a Grey Warden? And what about Tamlen?"

"So he claimed. Most of the Hunters are out looking for him right now. The Keeper wanted to talk to you as soon as you awoke. Stay here. I'll get her." He walked away.

My mind raced. Where was Tamlen? Why didn't the Grey Warden bring him back, too? Was he looking for Tamlen in the cave? I told him to leave the mirror alone. Maybe going into the ruins was a bad idea. What happened and why couldn't I remember? Keeper Marethari approached me. She wore a green dress and her grey hair was cut at the shoulder. Her vallaslin covered her face. Keepers, their Firsts, and anyone else who had magic had the most elaborate vallaslin when they came of age. I saw one whose entire face was covered. I think Zatherian, Keeper of Clan Alerion, was the exception. He was the only Mage that had chosen a simple one.

"I see you are awake, Realin," she said. "It is fortunate Duncan found you when he did. I know not what dark power held you, but it nearly bled the life from you. It was difficult even for my magic to keep you alive."

"Duncan?" I asked. "Is that the one who brought me back?"

"Yes. He introduced himself as a Grey Warden. Duncan thought there may have been Darkspawn creatures inside the cave. Is that true?"

"There were walking corpses and strange creatures."

"Walking corpses? Dark magic, but not Darkspawn. I know not what the other creatures could have been. What else did you find? What is the last thing you remember?"

"A mirror. Tamlen touched it."

"A mirror? And it caused all this? I have never heard of such a thing in all the lore we've collected," She sighed and turned away. "I was hoping for answers when you woke, but there are only more questions. And Tamlen remains missing. He is more important than any lore in these ruins. If he is as sick as you were, his condition is grave. Duncan returned to the cave to search for Darkspawn, but we cannot rely on him to search for Tamlen as well. We must go ourselves and quickly." Keeper Marethari turned back to me. "Do you feel well enough to show us the way, Realin? Without you, we will not find it."

"I am up to it, Keeper," I said. "I feel fine."

"I am relieved to hear it. I am ordering the clan to pack the camp so we can move north. Take Merrill with you to the cave. Find Tamlen if you can, but do it swiftly."

"Ma nuvenin, Keeper."

"Go quickly. For Tamlen's life hangs in the balance."

I turned away from her and went to find Merrill. Merrill was Keeper Marethari's First, or apprentice, learning magic and leadership. She was perhaps my age, maybe a couple of years younger. She had black hair cropped short and elaborate vallaslin on her face. I found her next to her aravel.

"How are you feeling?" she asked when she saw me, the concern on her face. As First, Merrill didn't have many friends. Tamlen, Feneral, and I were the only ones who'd reached out to her when she first came to the clan after the last Arlathvenn and the four of us became fast friends.

"Well enough. Keeper Marethari wants us to go to the cave to find Tamlen."

She nodded. "We must make haste then. He may not have much time."

"How much did the Keeper tell you?"

"Enough to pique my interest... and my concern. You can explain the rest on the way."

"Let's go while daylight still lasts."

Together we left the camp and I led the way back to the cave and the Creators forsaken ruins it hid.

~~~

I was telling her about the mirror that seemed to have made me sick when an arrow whizzed past my head. I instantly drew my swords and saw two of the ugliest creatures I had ever seen. I'm not so sure how to describe them but I shall try. Although I do not think my description will show you how ugly these creatures were. They were hairless and their skin was rough and brownish in color. Their armor was as crude as was their weapons. And they were the source of the arrows. Merrill began to use her staff against them as I ran forward towards them. It seemed almost easy now after the spiders, the corpses, and the bear-like creature. Before I could think, they were dead.

Merrill ran towards me. "What were those things? Were they Darkspawn?" Really?

"And you're asking me?"

"I've never seen anything like them! You can smell the evil on them. Where did they come from? Where they here before?" She was right. They were quite smelly.

"I think we would have noticed."

"Let's move on and hope we don't meet any more of these monsters. Before we go, are you alright? We're you hurt during the fight?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that you're... quite pale. You look a bit feverish, in fact."

"I'm fine," I insisted. Truthfully, I wasn't at my best but I wasn't about to say this to Merrill. She would insist we turn back and I wasn't going to leave without Tamlen.

"Well, I'll keep an eye on you. You've only just recovered from your illness. But let's not think of that now. We should move on."

"It's this way."

We came across an abandoned campfire moments later.

"I wonder who's camp this is?" Merrill asked. "Do you remember it being here?"

"Maybe it belongs to the Shemlen who found me?" I suggested.

"You're probably right. Didn't he say he was headed back to the cave?"

"I don't know. I think so."

"If so, he's not here now. And we have found no sign of Tamlen. Maybe we should..." Merrill held her hand up. "Do you hear that?"

I listened. "No forest creatures. It's too quiet."

"Exactly. The forest is too... still. Something's in the air. Something... unnatural."

"Tamlen said he felt the same way in the cave."

"And now it's affecting the forest? Maybe the mirror unleashed some kind of sickness. That would not be good."

"No, it wouldn't."

"The sooner we can find this cave, and Tamlen, the sooner we can leave. Take us there quickly."

I darted off. I wanted to find Tamlen as much as she did. He was my best friend after all. And the three of us were always getting ourselves into trouble. I was usually persuasive enough to get us out of it though. Although, I had my doubts about getting Tamlen out of the trouble he was in now with just words.

~~~

We soon reached the cave. I decided this would be the last time I would set foot in it. After this, I was never again going to come near this place. We ran into the cave and stopped just inside the entrance to the ruins. The feeling inside was heavier than before when Tamlen and I first set foot in it.

"So these are the ruins?" Merrill asked. "Interesting. They're definitely of human origin. Yet Elven artifacts are scattered amongst them. Nothing explains the monsters though." Always the student. "But we must find Tamlen. Or whatever is left of him. I can't imagine he's still alive with all those creatures about."

I turned full on her. "Don't talk like that! You don't know!" How could she say something like that? She actually took a step back.

"You're right. We should explore farther before I go on about my fears. I'm sorry."

I wanted to go straight to the last place I'd seen my best friend: the mirror chamber. "This way."

I darted to the right, following the hall to what I assumed had been the main room at one time. Where we ran into more of the ugly creatures. Like before, Merrill used her magic while I used my blades. After those were vanquished, I ran through the door straight across from where we had entered the main room. The creatures had set flimsy leg traps and I disabled them.

"Realin! Look out!"

I looked up as a green light raced towards me. I rolled out of the way as the light exploded where I had been crouched. They had a Mage. Lovely. Merrill distracted him as I went for the two archers protecting it. I easily took out the archers and then went behind the Mage and attacked. When they lay dead, I faced the door to the mirror chambers. It was closed again and we heard a dying screech, then silence. Merrill and I looked at each other. I stepped forward and pushed the doors open. Bodies littered the room, including the bear creature Tamlen and I had killed earlier. A Shem was standing in front of the mirror. He had a longsword and a smaller sword on his back. His armor was a shimmery silver and red, enough to protect him but not heavy to hinder his movements. His black hair was pulled back and tied at the crown of his head. At the sound of the door opening and the two of us walking towards him, he turned around and I saw the silver at his temples. He seemed surprised to see us.

"So you were the ones fighting Darkspawn. I thought I heard combat." So they were Darkspawn. Merrill had guessed correctly. His eyes fell on me. "You're the Elf I found wandering the forest, aren't you? I'm surprised you have recovered."

"So you're Duncan, the Grey Warden who saved me." Why was he surprised?

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. The last time we spoke, you were barely conscious." Must not have been an enlightening conversation.

Merrill stepped forward and introduced herself. "I am Merrill, the Keeper's First."

"Your Keeper didn't send you after me, did she? I told her I would be in no danger."

"We're looking for our brother, Tamlen," I said.

"So you and your friend Tamlen both entered this cave? And you saw this mirror?"

"Yes, Tamlen touched it and I blacked out."

"I see. That is... unfortunate. The Grey Wardens have seen artifacts like this mirror before. It's Tevinter in origin, used for communication. Over time some of them simply... break. They become filled with the same taint as the Darkspawn. Tamlen's touch must have released it. It's what made you sick, and Tamlen, too, I presume."

I looked at the mirror. I wasn't liking what he was saying. "Then we should destroy it," I said.

"I agree. So long as the mirror exists, it is a threat to anyone nearby."

"I do not fear this sickness," Merrill said. "The Keeper knows how to cure it."

"She may have weakened it, but she cannot cure it."

"What?" I wasn't cured? I felt fine, for the most part.

"Your recovery is only temporary. I can sense the sickness in you, and it is spreading. Look inside yourself and you will see."

My mind was reeling at what Duncan was saying. "Then what should I do?" I asked slowly. I couldn't allow it to spread to the rest of the clan. To my mother and sister.

"First we deal with the mirror. It's a pestilence and a threat." He turned around, drew the longsword, and walked towards the mirror. With a massive swing, he shattered the mirror and a bright light exploded from it. Only this time it didn't throw me back. Duncan gave it one last look before walking back to Merrill and I. "It is done. Now let's leave this cursed place. I must speak to the Keeper immediately regarding your cure."

"What about Tamlen?" I asked, fear growing in the pit of my stomach. Hunters fear nothing, yes, but I was afraid that Merrill had been right and I didn't want her to be. And I didn't want Duncan to confirm that fear.

"There is nothing we can do," Duncan replied.

"I'm still alive! He could be, too!" I refused to believe it.

"Let me be very clear. There is nothing you can do for him. He's been tainted for three days now, unaided. Through the Keeper's healing arts and your own willpower, you did not die. But Tamlen has no chance. Trust me when I say that he is gone. Now, we should return."

I wasn't giving up. "Won't there at least be a body?" At least I wanted to bury him, if he was dead.

"The Darkspawn would have taken it."

"Taken it where?" Merrill asked. "What would they do with him?"

"Darkspawn are evil creatures," Duncan explained. "It's best to leave it at that." His eyes fell on my face again. He seemed to know that Tamlen had been important to me. Or he'd heard the desperation I had tried so hard to hide. "I'm... sorry."

I wanted to cry, my best friend was gone. Whether the taint or the Darkspawn killed him, he was gone. My heart felt like it was breaking. I looked around, determined not to let any tears fall in front of a Shem. "Can we just leave the cave like this? Is it safe?" I asked.

"With the mirror destroyed, I doubt the Darkspawn will return."

"Can we return later and search through the ruins?" Merrill asked, thinking like the student she was. "We can learn from many things here besides the mirror."

"The cave is not safe. Everything here was exposed to the mirror's taint. If your people must come here, they should cleanse it with fire."

I sighed, my heart heavy. "Very well," I said reluctantly. "Let's head back to camp." The hardest thing I had to say at this point in my life. Duncan knew more about Darkspawn than I.

"I sense no other Darkspawn about, so it's safe. Lead on."

I took one last look at the spot where I had last seen Tamlen, then turned around and walked out of the chamber.

~~~

Keeper Marethari smiled when she saw Merrill and I returning. "I am relieved you have returned!" Then she saw the Grey Warden. "I did not expect to see you again so soon, Duncan."

"I was not expecting to return so soon either, Keeper."

She turned back to me. "Dare I ask of Tamlen? What did you find of him?" The question I was dreading for her to ask.

I shook my head. "Nothing. He's gone," I said, slowly.

"I see," Keeper Marethari said, sadly. "Merrill, what about the mirror? Did you bring anything back?"

"I can answer that, Keeper," Duncan said before Merrill could open her mouth. "I destroyed the mirror."

"I intended to use it to find a cure for this mysterious illness. I trust you had good reasons for your action."

I knew that tone. Duncan was lucky he was a Grey Warden. And he seemed to be immune to the Disappointed Frown of Doom. Even with it not directed at me, it still made me feel like a child about to be lectured for wandering off.

"There is much to discuss. I have learned a great deal since I was here last."

"Let us speak privately within my aravel then, Duncan. Merrill, warn the Hunters. If there are Darkspawn about I want the clan prepared."

"Ma nuvenin, Keeper. Right away." Merrill left to do as she had been instructed.

"Realin, allow me some time to speak with Duncan. Seek out my aravel later and we can discuss your cure."

"Very well, Keeper."

"Tell Hahran Paivel what has occurred. He now has the sad task of preparing a service for the dead," She turned back to Duncan. "Follow me, Duncan. I am eager to hear what you have to say."

They left and I went to find Paivel with a heavy heart. Paivel was the clan's religious leader and storyteller. He blessed the children when they were born, conducted marriages, and sang dirges for the dead. I approached him as he stood next to one of the bonfires and he turned to me.

"So you return with the Grey Warden but without Tamlen. What happened, da'len? Is he truly lost to us?"

I looked down. "Yes, Hahran," I said, sorrow in my voice. "He is dead."

Paivel sighed. "So another of our children has perished. To think I'd live to see this. It seems the will of the Creators that I sing the dirge for those I held in my arms as babes. I think I know why our immortal ancestors would sleep. Our ancestors did not age like we do. The Shemlens brought a quickening to our blood that changed us forever. Instead of death, those weary of life would pass into uthenera, the waking slumber. In doing this, they made way for the young. It was supposed to be a beautiful time, a celebration of the elder's long life and contribution to his people. Alas, we have no such ceremonies these days."

"The Keeper wanted me to ask you to prepare a service."

"Of course. We've no body to return to the soil, but we shall still sing for Tamlen. The Creators must come to guide him to the Beyond. Tell the Keeper it will be done before the clan is ready to move on."

"Thank you, Hahran."

He looked over at a few children playing nearby. "You know, it's imperative now more than ever to pass on what we know to the young. Let us tell these children of the fall of the Dales. You can honor me by sharing in the telling."

He was trying to take my mind off of Tamlen and my illness for a few moments, I knew. I could use the few moments it took to tell the story. He knew I always had fun telling the children stories, even if they weren't very serious. The old Hahran was like a grandfather to me.

"Certainly," I agreed.

"Come, then. Help me as I go along." We turned fully to the children. "Children," he called, his voice clear. "Hear of the fall of the Dales! Hear the tale of what makes you Dalish." He looked at me. "Would you care to begin, Realin?"

Normally, I would have said something to make the children laugh and Paivel become exasperated, but this time I didn't feel like doing so, my pain still too fresh. "Long ago, we were slaves of the humans," I began.

"Yes, slaves to a terrible empire the humans built on the darkest magic. When it fell we became free. We built a homeland in the Dales, worshiping the Creators and rebuilding the culture and history we lost in our long years of slavery."

"But the humans wouldn't let us be."

"They were resentful because we would not worship their gods, and because we put our people first. Over the years, their nations grew cold towards the Dales. In their eyes, we were blasphemers and cruel tyrants."

"Then the humans declared war on the Dales."

"And so the Dales fell. They took our lands and dispersed our people, forcing us to live in their cities and abandon our gods. But many of us refused to relinquish our ways. We chose to scatter to the winds, wandering the lands."

"We chose wandering the lands rather than the human rule."

"To survive and preserve our culture, the clans stay apart until the day the Elvhenan have a homeland once more."

"We shall return the old ways to those who have lost them."

"'We are the Dalish: keepers of the lost lore, walkers of the lonely path'."

"'We are the last Elvhenan. Never again shall we submit'," I finished.

The children went back to their playing and Paivel turned back to me. "Thank you for your forbearance, Realin," he said. "You remember both the tale and the Oath of the Dales perfectly. I will let you get on with your business now." It was my favorite story after all.

I nodded. "I should get back to the Keeper."

"Of course. May the Creators guild your path, Realin."

I turned away and headed towards the Keeper's aravel. I wanted to know what had been discussed about my cure. If I could be.

~~~

I found them standing outside the aravel waiting for me.

"Your Keeper and I have spoken and we've come to an arrangement that concerns you," Duncan said once I joined them.

I glanced at Keeper Marethari before my attention went back to Duncan. "What kind of arraignment?" I asked.

"My Order is in need of help. You are in need of a cure. When I leave, I hope you will join me. You would make an excellent Grey Warden." It took everything for me not to gape. Me? A Grey Warden?

"I... I would be honored, but how did this come about?" I couldn't hide the shock from my voice.

"The Darkspawn taint courses through your veins. That you recovered at all is remarkable." What Duncan had just said caused my blood to run cold. I was tainted. I had suspected so when he'd said that Tamlen was, but I hadn't wanted to admit it. "But eventually, the taint will sicken and kill you, or worse." I had heard of what would happen to those like me. Unchecked, I would either die or become a ghoul; a slave to the Darkspawn, or worse: a Darkspawn itself. "The Grey Wardens can prevent that, but it means joining us." So many shocks at once. My choices were to die a tainted creature or leave my clan to live as a Grey Warden. Or die as one.

I looked Duncan square in the eye. "Then I will join you."

Duncan smiled. It was the only way to protect the rest of the clan from contacting the taint. The only choice I truly had.

"I welcome you to the Order." He crossed his wrists and moved them to his chest, a type of salute, I presumed. "It is rare to have a Dalish amongst us, but they have always served with distinction."

"I know you will do your clan proud, Realin," Keeper Marethari said. "Take this ring. It is your heritage and will protect you from the darkness to come."

The ring was silver with a halla, a stag like creature we Dalish raised, etched into it.

"Thank you, Keeper," I said as I closed my hand around it.

"A valuable gift," Duncan said. "So are you ready to go?"

I took a deep breath. "I am." I would say a few words for Tamlen before we left. I wouldn't be able to attend his dirge; I didn't know how much time I had and the longer I stayed the greater the chance I would make the others sick.

"Then say your farewells and let us be off. We have much ground to cover."

"Come then," Keeper Marethari put her arm around me. "Before the Creators guide you away from us, let your clan embrace you one last time."

~~~

Duncan was waiting for me near one of the cooking pits. The entire clan was assembled to see me off, many of the younger ones excited that I was going off to be a Grey Warden. I embraced friends I had grown up with and as I passed by people I had known all my life, they touched my arms and back. My sister, Braylyn, kissed my cheek for the last time. I could see the pride in her and my mother's eyes, who was standing behind her.

"Take care of yourself, little sister," I said.

"You do the same."

My mother touched my hand. "Do us proud, Realin." Tears rimmed her eyes. She knew the legends as well as I did. There was a chance I would never again see her and Braylyn. Merrill's eyes had a mix of sadness and pride. We, too, had grown up together, played together, gotten into trouble together.

I put a hand on her shoulder. "Speak well of Tamlen at his dirge for me," I said.

"Will you ever return?" she asked.

"I don't know. But think of other things. I will be alright." I gave her a reassuring smile, fighting my own tears.

Feneral embraced me next. "You've always been the bravest of us. I wish you the luck of the Creators you seem to carry. Don't forget where you came from."

"I won't, Feneral," I said. "Take care of Merrill and Braylyn. Try to keep them out of trouble."

Feneral smiled. "I can try, but I make no promises."

I chuckled. Creators, I'm going to miss him. He was always the voice of reason between the four of us. Now we were going to break apart with one dead and another leaving, perhaps for good. I embraced Keeper Marethari for the last time.

"May the Creators protect you." She kissed both my cheeks.

I joined Duncan and together we walked away from the only world I had ever known. I looked back one last time at my people, burning their faces into my mind. Then I turned and followed Duncan into the wilderness.

Ma nuvenin ~ As you wish

Da'len ~ Child