We've been back in the pub for hours and Bell has barely spoken a word to anyone.  The bar staff are avoiding her as if they've seen this side to her before they know better than to push her.  I know to bring back an element of peace and to break this atmosphere I need to do something and quickly.

I make Bell a cup of tea in her favourite cup and saucer, I  take it to her as she is in her usual spot, the universal gesture of "I'm sorry".  She looks up at me then back at the tea, "It looks weak, did you put a teabag in this?"  She is talking to me so I must be slightly forgiven as I'm getting her biting quips.

"If you don't want it, I will chuck it" I tease back.

She rolls her eyes.  "I didn't say that did I.  Well are you going to sit down or stand there making the place look messy?"

I pull out a chair and perch beside her while she sips on the tea and pulls faces as if it is tortuous enduring the cup of tea I made her.

"Am I forgiven or are you going to hate me forever?"

She sniggers, "not forever, I'm probably going to be poisoned by this tea".

I've decided I can't push her any further for a while, even though I have a few half answers I know it's not even the tip of the iceberg to what is really going on but if I've learnt anything it's better to have her on side, while I make my move to get me and dad away than to have her as an enemy.

*******************************************

Once again I'm hanging around hidden outside the church waiting for the vicar, I can only imagine he will be thrilled to see me if our last two encounters are anything to go by.  I wait and wait and feel my patience draining away. 

Then I see her, Bell, she is strolling up the path.  I hide in a bush to the side of the church crawling underneath in the soft clammy mud watching as she strolls up to the big wooden doors and bangs on them with her little fists so ferociously I see the heavy solid wooden doors shake. 

There is a moment, then the door swings open and there he is standing there - the vicar.  I can't make a word of what they are saying out but I know it's getting heated because his face is getting red and sweaty while she is still calm and controlled.  Not at one point does she step in or him step outside, as if an invisible barrier separates them.  Him in the sanctuary of the church, her on the outside gazing in but neither moved.  I watch them, mesmerised by their interaction, desperate to try to lip-read what they are saying.  I see him shake his hands at her as if to tell her no but she isn't happy with his answer and her tiny little fist is brought up as if she wants to strike him, but can't.  She steps back, looks him up and down as if she's taking in the whole of him and assessing what to do next.  He tries to shut the door but she leaps at him and shoves the door open with such a force the door swings open, I see the vicar knocked to the ground but still, she does not enter. 

This feels like a warning of what she is capable to do to him, he lays there he does not try to move he seems startled by her strength.  She has both hands either side of the open door as if stopping herself from going in and tearing him apart limb from limb, she is holding herself back from crossing the threshold and going in.  I see her speaking through gritted teeth while he is frozen to the floor.  He was right, his faith is strong but his body is not, I feel the only thing saving him is her unwillingness to enter the church.

As quick as this started it ended, I can feel myself frozen to the spot so as not to make a sound, I'm even conscious not to breath too loud for fear of what will happen next, even my thoughts feel too loud as if everything has become still, waiting for what is to happen next .

As Bell turns to leave the vicar jumps up and with whatever strength left slams the door shut, she doesn't react. 

Whilst I find myself startled by the bang as the door shakes and echoes in the the dead silent air, she just stands there for a second then walks towards the bush I'm crouching in.  She bends down and quietly whispers but loud enough so I can hear her, "Jane come out".
I freeze for a second, hoping she will walk away, but she just stands there.  I have no choice but to get out and face the music.  I can feel my heart racing, scared she will react to me the same way she did to the vicar.  I crawl out, my knees covered in dirt, twigs in my hair with ants racing up my arms, I shake them off then stand up ready to face her anger, for it to hit me full force like a tornado and whisk me away just as it did to the vicar, but she just looks me over, taking in my disheveled appearance then quietly says, "If you wish to know who Lilith is meet me at the harbour at 7:00 but only you come, what I tell you will be for your ears and your ears only". I nod obediently, I try to hide my burning anticipation for the desire for answers and the fear that comes with knowing. 

She turns then walks away and I'm left there on the edge, I feel as if I'm on a high bridge, I know I'm going to fall but that is the only way to reach the bottom. So all other options are now off the table, but the fear is will I crash to the ground? or will there be something there to catch before I hit ? and will this have all been worth it in the end or is is it better to not have ever known?
I feel I have only one choice.