December 29th, 2001

Takuya left his brother and sister with a kind neighbor who had a german shepherd dog. That made his brother and sister happy, and the neighbor. He watched them play with the dog in the yard. The dog was old and fat, not as fast as when it was young. He felt safe leaving his brother and sister to play with him. He promised he'd be back in about two hours. His neighbor shooed him away, happy to take care of them. She'd taken care of him when he was young, too. She knew he was sincere.

As he walked to town, he looked around. The fields were bare now, waiting for spring planting. He'd take his little brother again to sow barley with a neighbor up the road. There was a small scattering of snow on the ground and the sky was covered in clouds. He wondered if it would snow later. He decided to cut some more wood when he got home. He didn't know how long outside would be impassable. He prepared himself to shovel snow as well. He'd check the old shovel to see if it needed any repairs.

As he walked, he wondered if they should plant some things in the spring. Potatoes could be good. Leeks. Tomatoes for picking in the late summer. It would give them a bigger variety of foods to eat during the summer, and would teach his siblings responsibility. Herbs would also be good. Herbs could be expensive at the grocery store, even with his mother's discount.

Today, his mother was helping a neighbor with a cow. The cow was trying to give birth, but was having a difficult time. His mom had grown up on a dairy farm that was no longer in business. Her parents had passed, and neither daughter was in the position to take it over. So, the cows and equipment had been sold and given to her and her sister. That money was long gone now. A lot of it had gone to his father's medical bills, which he was still mad about. But, his mom had still felt obligation to him, especially when he was a dying man.

Takuya wished they could get some cows. But, building a barn would be far too much money. Getting the supplies for them every day would far outweigh how much the cows could produce. Even a single cow for just their family's use was too expensive. Still, he dreamed of it. How much his siblings would love the cow. He stopped thinking about it as he got to town, finding shameful tears in his eyes. His face must be similarly red.

He dared not think about the email and call he'd done yesterday. That was a dream just like the cow. It was probably a scam. They'd start asking him for money, he was sure of it. As soon as they did, he'd stop talking to them.

Luckily, he got to the grocery store as soon as he was thinking about that. He felt four 500 yen coins in his pocket. He didn't intend to spend it all. His mom had given them to him to buy things for New Year's. Little toys, candy, appetizers. He'd see what the grocery store had, but he knew what his brother and sister liked. He didn't think it would cost anywhere near 2,000 yen.

He hurried to the candy aisle first. He already had a plan for this. Other families bought expensive chocolates and expensive fruits. He thought buying his siblings' favorites was better than that. He found a variety pack of little lollipops and a pack of brightly colored, shiny foiled fruit drops. He thought his mom might like these fruit drops. These cost him 600 yen. He put them in his basket and kept going.

For appetizers, he went to the snacks aisle. He didn't see anything special enough, but did remember something from his childhood.

A lot of families ate moon cakes or mochi for New Year's. Buying some already prepared was a lot of money. Far more money than he even had. But, he might be able to prepare them himself. There was mochiko rice flour. Other ingredients. He went over to the baking aisle to look. He knew how to make mochi, because of seeing his mom making them.

His basket was more full after the baking aisle. He really wanted to make this a great new year's celebration. He was thinking about how his siblings had lost their father. They hadn't known him like Takuya had, so they were more affected. He found he didn't feel much for his father at all, because he knew the reasons for the divorce. So, he wanted to cheer up his siblings and his mom.

He passed by the butcher in the store, then thought better of it and went back.

"A half pound of pork," he said.

"Only half a pound? I know your mom. I'll make it one pound. Don't worry about it," the butcher said.

"Oh, you don't have to do that..." Shame.

"I will."

"Thank you. It's for our New Year's celebration."

"I know it. I will give you our best."

The butcher seemed very sincere. He wondered if he was used to doing things like this for his family. He bowed his head deeply and then waited for his order to be finished. It was very soon. He went to pay for the pork, but the man waved him away. "It's my pleasure. Happy New Year," the butcher said, bowing his head to him.

Takuya bowed back, but quickly went away. Shame overtaking him. For this much pork, it would have been 750 yen. It wasn't fair that the man had doubled his order and then paid for it himself. He didn't even know how to thank him or repay him. So, he went away quickly. He definitely wouldn't tell him mom about it. It was nothing to be proud of.

He went to the frozen aisle and found dumpling skins. They were a modest 150 yen, so he added them to his basket.

As he went up to the front, he found the toy aisle. He was grateful to it, because it was full of cheaper toys. Things moms could add to their grocery order without worry. He saw Pokemon cards, thinking about them. If he opened them, he could give his siblings each half. But, there might be a chase card in there and his brother would definitely know its importance. It might cause a fight. They were expensive for what they were, too.

In shame, he turned away from them. Knowing his brother would really want them. He found tears in his eyes again and paused, trying to compose himself.

To dream of giving his brother Pokemon cards. They were 200 yen. But, that was too much for such a thing. He took a cheap doll off one of the hooks. She had a pretty dress on, and red hair. She was also 100 yen. He took a bag of green army soldiers off a hook, too. It was also 100 yen. He knew these toys wouldn't cause a fight, and his siblings could get a lot of use out of them. He felt good about that, but the Pokemon cards weighed on his mind. For the price of these toys, he could buy one pack. Five cards each for his siblings. Just cardboard...

He hurried away from the toy aisle.

At the check out, he laid his things on the roller. He saw there were bouquets of flowers. He thought about how happy his mom would be to receive them, but they were 1,000 yen each. Far more than he had to spare. And he thought his mom would appreciate the money back more.

The cashier was kind. "Oh, I see you're making mochi. Is it for the New Year?" she asked while ringing up his things.

"Yes, it is."

"Oh, how wonderful. Your mother talks about baking a lot."

"She does?" This was news to him.

"Oh, very much. She says she used to bake a lot of things in her youth."

Shame. They didn't have the money for such ingredients now. He bowed his head, not knowing what to think.

"Ah, I see you don't have any mikan. You should have some. We have a lot. I'll ask my son to bring some over," she said, noticing the things she'd just rang up.

"Oh, you don't have to..." Shame.

"We want to. Mikan are a gift for New Year's, anyway. Meant to be given away. Consider it a traditional gift from my family to yours."

"You're so kind..."

"No, no. Well, that will be 1,134 yen."

He looked up at her quickly. "Shouldn't it be more? I- I thought..." He went over the numbers in his head. He'd essentially gotten the toys for free.

"I applied your mother's 20% worker's discount, of course."

Ohh. That made him feel a little better. He bowed his head again. "Thank you very much."

"It was only what was coming to you. Please have a Happy New Year's. I will send my son over as soon as I get a chance to call him."

"Thank you very much."

"My pleasure."

He paid and then took the bags of his things, just two bags. He bowed to her again and she bowed back. He bowed to the worker who was working the carts and he bowed back, too.

A lot of families would be gathering things for New Year's without shame. Buying as much as they wanted, making a truly great celebration. They'd have family over and serve them, too. Still, other families were like his. But that didn't bring him comfort.

He got beyond the grocery store, but stopped next to the road. Feeling bad that his stopping was causing the nice neighbor to take care of his siblings a little longer. But he had to stop.

Tears were in his eyes again. Blinking them back was not working. Thinking about the mikan, the nice butcher helping him. The cashier applying his mother's discount when it was only for use by his mother.

He put his scarf over his eyes. Knowing it looked strange, but it was far less strange than seeing a boy crying next to the road. Hiding his shame. His ungratefulness for what they could afford. For his mothers' coworkers' kindness.

Thinking about those Pokemon cards. Thinking about all the things he couldn't afford. About his mother, who could only spare 2,000 yen for the celebration. Trying to give her back as much of it as he could.

In about forty minutes, he was home. He'd composed himself. He put away the ingredients that were perishable and dry, and hid the candy in his room. He wrapped the toys in paper and brought out red envelopes from the packet of them they'd bought last year. He hid these in his room, too.

He felt bad about it, but he needed to care for himself. He turned on his computer to play a game for thirty minutes, to calm down. He couldn't go pick up his siblings in the state he was in. What greeted him filled him with disbelief.

"Greetings to you. Here is your contract. Welcome to the Barbier team! We're very impressed. Please print it out and look it over. We look forward to hearing from you! Congratulations! -From Suzanne Sherling"

He laid back in his chair, reading it over ten times. He opened the pdf and read it over slowly.

By the time it was over, he was fully crying. Wanting so much, beyond himself, that this was true.

In about an hour, he was chopping wood in the side yard with his siblings. The dog was with them. His kind neighbor had said she wanted him to get more exercise so he could be more calm in the evening. Takuya didn't see anything wrong with that. It would mean his siblings might be more tired, too.

He was making a good pile, but also monitoring the situation above them. Even more grey clouds had rolled in, making a thick blanket. No doubt that blanket would be at their feet soon. He had to hurry, but he wasn't rushing. Rushing was dangerous with an ax. He went over to the wood pile, grabbing another log. He was comfortable splitting each one into six pieces. They were more manageable at that size, though most people split them into fours.

He set the new log on the stump and swung, feeling the ax hit where it needed to. He was satisfied with that, just thinking only about the task at hand since that was the safest. He thought when it started to snow, he'd take the dog back to the neighbor. They wouldn't go in until then or until it started to snow. The nice neighbor had fed his siblings, so he was even more grateful to her. Taking care of her dog in the meantime was a good way to pay her back. He wondered if his neighbor might need any wood chopped. He decided to inquire when he returned the dog.

The afternoon went on, and his siblings were talking about New Year's. All their hopes. His sister was talking about mochi, and that made him feel good. Maybe he'd teach her how to make it this year, or at least have her involved. It made him a little more excited about New Year's.

He saw the first snow falling when it fell onto his ax. He held up the ax, staring at the large clumps. It was going to be a big snowfall. He set his ax under the awning that protected their wood. He set the chopped wood on the chopped pile. Some of it was unfinished, but he'd burn larger pieces for the New Year, he decided. It all worked out.

"Okay, let's go give Tanba back to our neighbor," he called to his siblings.

"No! I want to play!"

Expected. "It's snowing now. I don't think our neighbor wants Tanba to get sick, or you two either."

"Awww no..."

He took Tanba's collar and he didn't protest. They started walking together.

"I wish we could get a dog," his brother said quietly.

"Maybe some day."

"Yeah..."

He could tell his brother already didn't believe that. He felt guilty. He tried to distract him.

"Let's dance when we get back," he suggested. He knew his siblings liked that a lot.

"Okay."

Not enthusiastic. But, he knew as soon as they started they'd get into it. They got to the neighbor's house and he knocked on the door. She came to the door with a dish in her hand that she was drying with a dish towel.

"Ohh, thank you Takuya-kun. Did he get tired?"

"I'd say. He didn't struggle when I took his collar."

"Good, good. Well, I have some mikan for you all. I will go get it."

"Thank you very much." He bowed to her and watched his siblings bow, too. His sister didn't bow far enough, so he put his hand on her shoulder to deepen it.

His neighbor smiled and Tanba ran into the house with her. In about a minute, she was back with a bowl of mikan. He could see now that they'd have plenty of mikan. He bowed to her again.

"Thank you so much. We'll enjoy these a lot," he said. He remembered something at the last minute. "Oh, did you need some wood chopped? I can come by."

"That would be so kind of you. But my sons will be visiting for the New Year. They can do it. I appreciate you very much. Thank you.. You're always such a good son to your mother."

Of course. That was logical. Takuya thanked her again for the mikan, and he and his siblings left.

When they got home, he put the mikan in the fridge. His sister wanted one, but he said they were for New Year's so she'd have to wait. She seemed to respect that strangely. He turned on the TV and switched it to MTV. He saw music videos were on, so he started to dance to get them to. His sister started moving wildly and he started laughing, no expecting that.

They kept going, and Takuya tried to forget everything but dancing.