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CHAPTER 9: STABS OF PAIN

"Not now but most probably later this year we will be doing few projects in Pakistan with a private TV channel" She kept on briefing me as we came out of her office.

"Projects as in dramas?" I asked as we walked towards the studio, she was about to show me.

It was a huge production house indeed, I was underestimating things earlier but they were quite clear once I stepped inside this whole new world of Film and Media; we discussed about the current projects 3L was dealing and the new upcoming ones in which I was going to be a part of their direction team as well.

"Yes, we are working on 3 new serials; two entirely in Pakistan and one starting here in US and the later part will be shooting up in Pakistan." Tahira Wasti was a serious looking, composed personality I was even wrong about her... she was not surriel or saroo bus thori sathiyaa si gai thi bechari, but that's okay with the type of work and the number of employees she was handling alone here in the US office.

"here I would like you to direct few of the adds that we are about to work on" Tahira told me, we entered in the studio and Tahira lead me the way to the director's office.

"Ads? Why not a drama or something? I mean....

"Khurram had already briefed me about your abilities but that should definitely be not the reason of your hiring" she halted in her track as she cut me in the middle. "I hire people only on their own show of ability" she added firmly. "It's not that I have doubts on yours but still Shehryaar you have to prove your self first" She said and I smiled giving a soft nod.

"That won't be an issue, for sure" I said smiling and she smiled back.

"I hope so" she said and we entered in the office.

Looking around at the interior I literally went speechless for a while; it was a composed cosy room with beautiful wooden interior, I could see original reels of different serial stacked in one of the shelves those had the honour of being produced and directed by 3L.

"We have a list of directors Shehryaar! Old ones who already know the work...and new ones who are growing with us" She said while slowly going through the files piled up on the table.

"You will be working on these two projects currently we are having at hand" She extended a sleek looking brown file and I held it in my hand.

I was about to open the file when the door got knocked and both of us turned to look at the direction, before even Tahira could respond, a smiling face popped in and Tahira sighed deep looking at him while my eyes almost popped out finding him there...

"Apa! Do you know...Melbourne's traffic, it just sucks" he chirped entering in, as he shut the door at his back and Tahira kept on staring him with her eyebrow raised and the specs now hanging down with the chain she was wearing around her neck.

"Am sorry!" he pouted as he came near her and she shook her head disapprovingly.

"Sarmad you were supposed to be here at 11 in the morning, mein ne tumhari waja se producer ko rok ker rakh hua th and look at yourself... late as always." Tahira showed him her wrist watch tapping on the glass and he touched his ear lobes as an apology.

"I had to come here from Brooklyn, it's long journey" Sarmad said making a puppy dog face.

"He has come all the way from New York too Sarmad" Tahira pointed at me and Sarmad raised his eye brow looking at my direction. "So stop making cliché excuses" Tahira added.

"Sarmad-Sultan-Khoosat, right?" I extended my hand towards him, he smiled warmly.

"Yes! all of these mentioned monsters are.... Me" after bowing a little dramatically he held my hand and shook up as I chuckled. "wesey Khoosat sounds... really khooooosatt" he made a face scrunching his nose and I chuckled, shaking hand warmly.

"Am Shehry... um actually Shehryar Asif!" I introduced my self rather formally and he smiled.

"Shehry is better"he winked and I smiled. I couldn't believe first day and I will be meeting one of the most amazing young directors of the industry.

"Shehryaar will be directing our next two TV commercials along with Amir" Tahira told him and he nodded then looked at me giving me an impressive look and I smiled.

"Tahira Aapa! Has given you the CUT IT seat wo bhi pehle he din?"he said in a dramatic way. "Wow! You must be something han!" Sarmad said his eyes wide.

"Oh! Am nothing, I still have to prove myself to her." I said seriously and tahira shook her head, waving her hand in the air.

"No no no! I trust your abilities Shehry! have seen your work that Khurram sent me BUT"  she started saying and took a pause at BUT. "I want to be the eye witness of the crime of your talent myself" she winked at the end and I smiled, nodding my head.

"Wardad khaternak bhi ho sakti hea, soch lejiye' I said raising my eyebrow and she laughed.

"Am all ready to board the plane now" she said firmly and I smiled in response.

"Buhat he strict boss hen Aapa, sambhal ker zara" Sarmad bent a little towards me and whispered, he looked and behaved in such humble way he didn't even seem like a famous successful director, he was rather friendly.

"Sarmad you talked about some script you have, what's that about?" Tahira looked at sarmad.

"Yeah! it's actually a tele-film"Sarmad said and Tahira frowned.

"Tele-film? Aren't they stopped being made any more?" I asked and Sarmad nodded his head.

"yeah! it's actually Abba's script and I was longing to work on this... so finally I could mugg up all my courage of working upon the huge task" he said smiling.

"Oh! It must be grand then I must say" Tahira said.

"Larger than life were used to be your father's ideas" tahira said appreciating and Sarmad smiled, a tint of pride was there in his eyes.

"Shehryar! Khoosat sahab was one of the pioneers of PTV you know, tum to buhat chotey ho ge jab wo 50 50 jesey kamal k TV shows kiya kertey thy" Tahira told me, getting nostalgic.

"yeah! I was a kid but I have heard a lot about him and his shows through my parents, they are still fans of that old PTV charisma" I said smiling.

"Oh yeah! PTV was used to be something.... grand I say" Sarmad said waving his hand and I nodded my head.

"Umm excuse me guys!" Tahira held up her phone as it rang up and left the room.

"So" Sarmad turned towards me as she left. "Passionate about direction, right?" he asked pointing his finger at me and I smiled. "pehle he din gher liya Aapa ko, you must be clever" he added.

"yup! That's me" I winked and he chuckled.

"woi to mein kahoon, first attempt mein he 2 ads ka mil jana.... Sounds not so normal to me" he said dramatically and I laughed lightly.

"wesey tumhen to Hero aana chaiye yar" he narrowed his eyes. "like seriously, you look more like a hero to me" he added and I smiled, feeling a little excited inside.

"yeah bus shakal hero wali hea but I think I am better with direction, wesey acting ker chukka hoon on a very low bases though" I told him and he nodded his head.

"That sounds great.... Matlab all rounder type bandey ho yar tum to" Sarmad said appraisingly.

"Bus, karam hea Allah ka" I said keeping a hand over my heart. "So you are making a tele-film? Is it like that absurd genre kind of a thing?' I asked and after a short pause he nodded his head.

"yups! Tum jantey ho absurd theatre k barey mein?" he asked, narrowing his eyes and I smiled.

"My thesis project was actually on absurd theatre, and well I did quite well" I said with a smile and he looked impressed again.

"Wow! Sounds great, you are complete package man!"

"You know what, you should work with me" Sarmad suggested and I literally felt speechless for a while.

"Umm that would be a genuine honour for me" I smiled.

"So done man! I will be seeing you at this side soon" he pointed his finger at me with a wink and I smiled, giving my head a light bow.

"Sure" I said feeling too much excited now.

Just in a couple of hours I got almost three projects, I couldn't believe what I got.... Coming out of the office I felt like... like crying; we humans, we just know how to be complaining all the time, how to point out the miseries we face, to God and keep on asking for more in our lives... and once we get this MORE we just forgot to even pay gratitude, we don't even bother to thank Him for once.

It is true when He takes something away from you there is a reason behind, He is having something far better in store to bless you with later on... or ye bat aj samajh aa rahi thi, Khuda ki qudrat samajh aa rai thi Us ki hikmat nazer aaney lagi thi. Wo beshak behisab deta hea to phir agar kuch le leta hea to shikwaa kesa.

Per ek shikwa reh gaya dil mein... meri muhabbat chin gai mujh se, wo muhabbat jo mujhe dobara kabhi nai miley gi mein janta tha.

Driving out of the premises of studio, I felt my eyes getting moistened and heart filled with this mixed feeling of pain and gratitude.

Looking down at the cheque in my lap that Tahira Wasti had just handed me as my advance for the projects, something clicked in my mind and I took out my phone, dialling some digits I kept the phone near my ear, halting my car at the side of the road I waited him to pick up the call.

"Hello!"

"Hey Hello Mark! It's Shehryar Asif here' I said as he picked up the call.

"oh! How are you?"

"Am good, hope you are doing well. Umm! Mark I want to pay the rest of the instalments together of my house" I said, my eyes fixed upon the cheque.

"Are you sure Shehryar? I mean it's a big amount, you are left with only 3 instalments and you can pay monthly as you are doing previously" Mark said, he was a real estate dealer from whom I bought the house in Melbourne.

"Umm well thanks a lot but... I want to pay the lum sum amount, and as I have the money now, so....." I trailed off.

"oh okay! Fine by me... so you will come here or what?" he asked.

"No I will do through the bank, could you please be there in an hour?" I asked and he agreed, we hung up and for a minute I just rested my head over the head rest.

Sighing deep I drove towards the place where once I used to live... jo kabhi mera ghar hua kerta tha, meri khushiyon ka thikana, hamara ghar hua kerta tha.

Halting my car near the main gate I just look at the house through the windscreen, for a moment I felt like stepping back; I didn't want to face the pain once again, I didn't want to feel all that again.

Pushing my thoughts and fears aside I slowly drove my car inside through that opening gate and parked it in the centre of the drive way, coming out of the car I shut the door at my back my eyes glued on the bueati in front of me.... memories started engulfing me from all sides.

"Shehry! where are you taking me?"

"Sshh! Can't you stay quiet for a while Sara?"

"But... this blindfold is hell irritating"

"I know it's messing up with your mascara and all that but Just a couple of more steps baby! Just a couple"

"Okay now here you have to stop"...

"am removing it, okay!"

"make it quick Shehry!"

"there you go........" I removed the blindfold as I stood right at her back, my chest touching her long sleek hair, my hands resting softly over her bare arms, my heart felt the shiver in her body as I spoke those word in her ear. "Happy Birthday baby!"  

"My-God! Shehry this is beautiful" she gasped aloud as she looked above, finding our new house in front of her eyes, the house she longed to buy.

"Not more than my Queen!" I whispered stills standing at the back and she turned to look at me.

"When did you even buy this?"

"ummm I was having this in my mind for last so many months but... I bought it down a week back, for the perfect occasion."

"I can't believe it, this is definitely the best birthday present ever"

Throwing her arms around my neck, she almost jumped up, hugging me and I wrapped my arms around her lower back, pulling her up a little from the ground I held her back tight, she was the queen of my life.

I don't know for how long I just stood there in the drive way looking at the house now so barren, so many memories came to destroy me yet again.

Slowly I stepped forward and entered in... I could still feel her fragrance, her presence was so intimidating in my life that now I felt it was just a piece of wood and brick in front of me, there was no life no beauty left in the house, without Her... without Sara.

"Shehry! we should redecorate the house you know, it's been long and am seriously bored of this setting now."

"Hmm! What do you want?"

"Umm let me see..... I want the kitchen to renovate all together; I want change in the colour scheme, a new rug here in the hall, few flower vases and yup! I want this couch to be removed, I don't like it"

"hey! Speak up Romeo!" she clapped her hands in front of my face as I kept on staring her like total idiot as she kept on moving here and there telling me don't know what.

"yeah! kerwa letey hen" I said and she rolled her eyes.

"what do you mean kerwa letey hen Shehry! tell me what do you want?" she asked, her eyes popping out.

I slowly went near her, taking her hands in mine I pulled her in, her eyes got even widened as she lightly crashed on to my chest.

"I just want YOU here" I looked into her eyes. "If you are here, I don't need any changes, anything at all" I whispered, her anger which was there on her face was now nowhere to be seen.

Bending down a little I kissed her forehead, my lips trailed down to her eyes which were closed now, her scent engulfing me...making me completely in sane inside out.

"Sher... Shehry! the stove is on." my lips were going down to her cheek when she whispered, her breath slightly heavy and words broken.

"Let it be" I whispered back. Pulling her more into me I took steps towards her and softly pushed her back on the couch, with me landing on her top.

"Shehry!" she gasped, I looked into her eyes, popped wide open.

"We are removing the couch, remember! So......" I trailed of as she narrowed her eyes. "let's make a memory together" I winked and she blushed.  Before she could say another word my lips softly crashed on her soft warm lips, kissing the life out of her and she slowly kissed me back.

I was standing right here, where once I had her in my arms... where once I had all the happiness. This place looked so deserted now, empty just like my heart.

Sab kuch to waheen hea, wesa he hea... kitchen, new paint, new rug, new sofa, the flowers everything... bus tum nahee ho Sara! Tum nahee ho... to kuch nai hea.

Ye kesi qurbat ki aag hai jo

Wujood mera jalaa rahi hea

Jo merey hissey mein raat aai

Paraey sapney dikha rahi hea

Na rastey hen...na manzilen hen

Na humsafar mujh pe meherbaan hea

Na janey kesi khata hui hea

K ek shikanjey mein meri jaan hea

Nikal jae gi.... Jaan

Aahista Aahista

Aahistaa.....

My heart ached as I stepped towards one of the rooms upstairs, my steps heavy and heart beat low. Halting in front of the door I touched the knob; its coldness made me numb inside, turning it a little I pushed the door open.

Sun light was coming through the windows, enough light to make everything clear to my eyes to my senses. For a moment I just stood in the door way holding the knob in my hand.... A part of me wanted to run away and never turn back but still I headed inside.

"Abey Saley! Ye kia poori  dukan laga di hea tu ne"

"Hussain! Hussain rakh usey!" I pointed at the off white huge sized teddy bear Hussain was holding.

"Kia? Dekh raha hoon yar! Tu to apney bachon ko bhi mujhe nai pakraye ga" He said making a face.

"To aur? Pata hea mujhe kitni iphone screens phorr chukka hea tu Kameeney!" I said in mock anger and he chuckled.

"But seriously Shehry! This is utter craziness okay! Like abhi to hua bhi nai hea... or tu ye poora "Toys R Us" utha laya hea ghar" Hussain looked around, the room was covered with toys, big, small, huge every size every kind.

"Mera bus chalta to pata nai kia kia le aata aj....tu nai samjhey ga abhi, You do it when you feel it man!" I punched his arm lightly and he smiled.

"Tere bachon se abhi se J honey laga hoon mein Saley!" Hussain said popping his eyes playfully and I laughed; he joined me in a while.

I hugged the bear tight, almost mashing it up in my arms... my eyes were getting pooled up and my heart sobbing inside.

This was suppose to be different, I was suppose to be happy, we were suppose to be happy, ye sab yun nai hona tha... nai hona tha phir q ho gaya? q ho gaya ye sab? Tears rolled down my cheeks, I fell down over my knees still hugging the bear to myself.

Hum khush reh saktey thy Sara! Sath reh saktey thy... sab kuch to tha hamarey pas, bus shaid... shaid muhabbat nai thi. wo muhabbat jo honi chaiye thi, wo muhabbat jo be-los hoti hea khud gharz nai, wo muhabbat jo dena janti hea cheen'na nahee.

Wesei muhabbat shaid... shaid meri qismat mein likhi he nai merey Rab ne.  

Unstoppable tears rolling down my cheeks, my face buried in the stuff of the bear in my hands... dead now, like my happiness, my dreams, my family.

HEER'S END

Ye saans to... chal rahi hea ub takk

Mager meriii zindagi kahan hea

Najane kesi khata hui hea

K ek shikanjjey mein meri jaan hea

Nikal jae gi.... Jaan

Aahista Aahista

Aahistaaa....

Standing in front of the mirror I just stared my face for long, I was still in that shimmering red suit... that felt like a shroud. I couldn't recognize myself, my hair all ruffled over my face and at the back, few pins still hanging down with my tangled locks, my face was covered in bruises, blue and purple marks here and there... Marks of his wildness, his brutality.

I looked down unable to even face myself, tears rolled down as I shut my eyes tight hugging my self I gasped in pain... pain which could be felt throughout my body and soul. Every inch of me pained...

Unable to bear the pain anymore I let myself lose as I fell on the floor over my knees, bending down my forehead touched the concrete and I just cried, cried hard on the cold concrete floor.

"Chalo utho tumhari Amaan aai hen"  I felt the door burst open and sadia entered saying sternly.

"Utho!"

"Nahee milna mujhe! samajh nai aati ap ko?" getting straight up on the floor I yelled at her face, her eyes went wide at my out burst.

"Mujh se oonchi awaz mein bat kerne ki zaroorat nai, noker nai tumhari mein... nai milna to na milo, parri raho yaheen" She yelled back before getting out of the room.

Hiding my face in my palms I broke into tears once again, two days in this hell and I was dead already. Amman was coming for last two days to meet me but I ... I had no courage of showing up, to her specially I knew she was already broken enough, mujhe is halat mein dekh ker kia guzrey gi un per.

"Heer! Heer beta!" I was crying my heart out when I heard Amaan's voice and I turned around, my body ached from head to toe... I was so shattered that I couldn't even got up from the floor to hide somewhere so that my mother won't see me like... like this.

"Heer!" Amaan gasped as she came near me, sitting down on the floor she looked at me and I looked away, I didn't want to face her anymore, I want to get hide from whole of the world. I kept my hands over the sides of ny neck, hiding it.

"Heer !ye... ye kia hea sab? Meri bachi! Dekho meri taraf" Amaan held my face in her hand, looking at the bruises, her eyes travelled down to my neck.... And she gaped looking at the marks.

"Kuch nai!" I could hardly utter when she held my face up and I looked into her eyes, puffed and swollen. "bus... bus izzat lutt gai hea ap ki beti ki Amaan!" I added looking into her eyes which got pooled up.

"Aese nai kehtey Heer! shadi hui hea tumhari beta...ye jora kun nai utara?"

"kesi shadi Amaan!" I burst up and she looked worriedly at my face. "kesi shadi?kesa jora? Is se to behter tha ap kafan pehna deteen humein" I yelled and a tear rolled down her cheek as she shook her head trying to stop me.

"Amaan! Log dafnaney se pehle murdey ko laal jora to nai pehnaatey" I held her arms and shook her up, she just stared my face blankly.

"Amaan!" looking into her eyes I couldn't manage to hold up anything any more and I broke into a painful sob once again.

"Heer!" Amman was speechless I know, digging my head in my arms I wept, wept my heart out.

"Hum ne kaha... kaha tha na Amaan! Hamara... hamara qatal Abba k hathon he likha hea" she wrapped her arms around me and I was almost in her lap now, weeping. "ker diya Abba ne humein qatal.... Kuch nai bacha Amaan!" I cried, feeling pain, in my body in my soul.

"Ye kia kya hea us ne tumharey sath?" Amaan frowned worriedly as she looked at me face as I looked up with my teary eyes.

"Woi jo... jo ek bhooka sher kerta hea jab... jab us k aagey hath paoon bandhi hui bakri dal do" I cried and Amaan pulled me to herself hugginmg me tight and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Amaan! Wo buhat bura hea... mujhe... mujhe le jaiye yahan se"

"chup ho jao! Chup ho jao meri bachi" Amaan said, I felt she was crying herself.

"khud se nafrat ho gai hea humein Amaan! Khud se nafrat ho gai hea" for long we just sat there on the cold floor crying into each others arms.

"Saira bhae! Apni beti ko samjhao k ye is terha manhoosiyat na phelaae" After a couple of minutes I heard Arsalan's mother's voice and we got up straight. "shadi wala ghar nai sog wala lag raha hea" she made a face and I got up, before Amaan could respond.

"Sog wala ghar he hea....' I said as I stepped towards her and she narrowed her eyes. "sog manana shuroo ker dijiye ap sab, manhoosiyat jahaiz mein le ker aae hen hum, samjheen ap?" I yelled and her eyes and mouth went wide open.

"Heer!" Amaan held my arm. "chup raho" she hushed me, my eyes still boring into hers.

"Haye merey betey ki qismat" she slapped her palms over her chest like morning.

"Janwar hea ap ka beta, Janwar" I yelled again. "aur mein...

"Heer!" before I could say anything Arsalan stepped into the room and headed towards me like an angry lion. "Zaban sambhal ker bat karo meri maa se" he grabbed my hair in his fist and I heard Amaan gasped.

"Hamara jis terha dil chahe ga wesey he bat Karen ge" I yelled, though the pain was deep.

"Arsalan! Arsalan beta! Khuda k liye chor do usey... bachi hea, masoom hein mein samjhaoon gi" Amaan joined her hands in front of him who kept on glaring me.

Arsalan jerked my hair off his fist and I hardly maintained my balance on the floor, my already shattered body yelled in deep pain.

"Ap ki bachi mar gai hea Amaan! Mar gai hea ap ki bachi! Chali jaiye yahan se.... jaiye" I yelled looking at her who was covering her mouth, trying to stop her cry. I ran towards the bathroom as I felt like throwing up. Shutting the door at my back I slipped down to the door and hiding my face in my knees I started crying again.

Ub shaid yei lika hea hamari qismat mein... aansoo, takleefein, zillat. Or kuch nahee.

 poor souls :( Shehry and Heer :(

hope u liked it ;) 

love u all <3