Assalam-o-Alaikaum!

here is the update guys :) finally got my laptop :)

sorry for being late :(

P.S. some serious stuff coming down...... 

Happy Reading <3

CHAPTER 63: Pain Unbearable

HEER'S POV

That vomiting was just getting too much, every now and then my tummy would go all bananas out of no reason.

But for a few days it was no more my tummy, the pain was over but the vomiting and pain in my forehead was just not letting me live.

Picking up a glass of water I grabbed my capsules before Shehryar would come and bombard me with....

Abhi tak dawai nai li?

Moo mein khilaoon ga na tumharey ub?

I chuckled as I gulped the medicine in, thinking about his never ending drama.

But one thing was for sure, while thinking about him even the worse of the medicine tasted good. shaking my head I walked up to the washroom in case my tummy would go all banana again...

Uff you look such a mess Heer!

Looking into the mirror over the sink, I sighed deep. I was getting weaker no matter how hard everyone is trying, how efficient I was in taking my meds and those multi-vits and iron but still something was wrong; terribly wrong.

I was facing horrible hair loss and in past few months my visits to the hospital were increased to a worry full extent.

I looked down at the flowing water, washed my face and after turning the tap off I stepped out from the washroom, Hussain and Maheen, after coming back from their honeymoon had gone to Riyadh for a visit at Maheen's parents and Amaa stayed back with us here in Newyork while Abba and Maha left, though she just didn't want to leave Rehmat but I promised her a quick visit to Houston.

Walking out from the room I found Rehmat lost in the middle of all those toys scattered round her, Faraan, a boy from the next apartment was busy making something out of the tiny blocks, something that looked like a toe truck.

Amaa was sitting in the couch, cutting okra while watching a serial on the screen, while Shehryar was busy over his laptop after coming back from work, he has got busy in the new project and life was once again on the routine track.

I walked across the sofa and sat next to Shehryar, peeping on to his laptop screen.

"chup chup ker kis se gapen laga rahe hen ji?" I elbowed him with a frown and he smiled mischievously, still looking at the screen.

"Mom hen yar! aesey chipak ker mat betho..." Shehryar stated in a hushed tone, quiet seriously and moved a few inches away from me, my mouth popped open as he played all oblivious.

"Heer beta! wo meetha zara check ker lena, agar ho gaya ho to freeze kerdena" Amaa instructed as she got up and I nodded my head. "Ji Amaa!"

She walked towards the kitchen and I slowly moved towards him, cutting up the few inches difference and this time intentionally sat a little too closer, whispering in his ear. "q ji? Kuch kuch hota hea ap ko?" I bit my lip and he chuckled shaking his head.

"Kuch sharam hoti hea...kuch haya hoti hea" he looked at me stating in the same tone, giving me dadi Amaa wali look and I chuckled, our voices sounded even lower over that serial's loud sound.

"or ye farangi yahan roz q aa jata hea?" he suddenly looked down at Faraan whose back was turned towards us and I slapped his arm. "his name is Faraan"

"Faraan ho pavey Farhaan Akhter...mein ki karan? shakkar vaddan? Ludiyan pavan ithey?" he shouted and I rolled my eyes.

"Bahu beti wala ghar hea, aesey ghair mard...

"Mard?" my eyes popped out at his lame exaggeration.

"Oho kal ko kabhi na kabhi to mard baney ga he na ye farangi...." Shehryar explained and I raised my eyebrow. "mujhey to abhi is ki nazron mein kuch lagta hea. Lachan theek nai iske"

"Shehryar! I haven't seen a person lamer than you" I stated and he held his chuckle.

"pass me that red block" Faraan asked Rehmat pointing towards the block she was holding and to our surprise she actually extended the block in his palm. "Eiieeew! You don't suck on the blocks girl!" he made a cut face before wiping the droll off with her frock. "gross!!!"

"Abey o! meri kurri nu gross kenda ae! Gross ho ga tu! tera wo farangi baap...terey honey waley gandey bachey" Shehryar suddenly bombarded him with a frown on his forehead and I chuckled at his expressions shaking my head.

"I don't understand you" Faraan made a cute face as he retorted looking at Shehryar who was still glaring at him.

"Oh! I am very sorry for the inconvenience Mr. Faraan, from tomorrow I will be arranging a translator for you, okay?" Shehryar faked a smiled.

"Bacha hea Shehryar!" I tried to relax him.

"Bacha wacha nai...sala poorey din ka hea" Shehryar stated making a fist at his back and I held his wrist at once.

"Meri bachi ko ganda bol ra tha...is ki maa ka...

"Shehryar!" my eyes popped out warning him and he jerked his head disapprovingly.

I couldn't understand why he never liked Faraan, though he was a cute little boy, it's been a few months he shifted in the neighborhood from Connecticut along with his Irish father and Iranian mother.

So he was kinda mixed,in Shehryar's words: mixed achaar .

He just don't understand a word of Urdu so Shehryar got a full on chance to flaunt infront of him whenever he comes here at our place, playing with Rehmat.

"tumhen bara pasand hea...damaad bana lo abhi se" Shehryar stated pulling his wrist out from my grip grumpily and I chuckled at his expressions.

"kaddi hass vi liya karo. Soniyo!" I pinched his nose and he slapped my hand mockingly, despite the smile on his face.

"Faraan! Bachey! You want something?" I bent down looking at him who looked up at my face with his big round eyes popping out under those specs he was wearing.

"Do you have those pritzlers, please?" he asked and I smiled ruffling his silky black hair. "I will get them"

"han han! Thoons le thoons le motey!" I got up from the sofa as Shehryar stated.

After lunch Faraan's mother came to pick him up and for almost 15 minutes she stood there in the lounge, thanking me and Shehryar for keeping him in her absence. Shehryar kept on giving her fake smiles and I kept on trying to control him in her presence. Once she was gone I shut the door and together me and Amaa glared a death look at him.

"What? What did I do?" Shehryar made an innocent face holding Rehmat.

"Had hoti hea Shehryar!" I complaint and he pouted looking at Rehmat.

"Rehmat! baba did something?....nai na?" he shook his head and in copying him, Rehmat shook her as well. 

"See! i didnt do anything" He made an innocent face.

"Shehry beta! Wo bechari kia sochti ho gi, kis kisam k parosi hen" Amaan stated disapprovingly.

"itne hot and happening parosi hen ub or kia chaiye? Jaan le gi kia ub?" he retorted, Amaa shook her head sighing.

"tum se behes bekaar hea" she almost said to herself and was about to walk past us when Shehryar tried to kiss her cheek but she slapped him on the shoulder. "kabhi barey na hona tum"

"Shehryar! Am warning you okay, ub agar ap ne us k samney Punjabi mein batein ki na to hum se bura koi nai hoga" I warned him and he smirked, taking a step forward.

"o kadi hans vi liya karo...soni....

His words got lost in his mouth as he pinched my nose and the smirk turned into a frown.

"Why are you so cold?" he asked and I pulled his hand down from my face.

"don't change the topic Shehryar!" irritated I said, and walked towards the room with heavy steps, he followed me in the room and let Rehmat on the rug who started crawling all over the place happily.

"Heer! Did you take your medicine?" he asked as expected so I picked up the pallet and showed him the empty slots faking a smile.

Rehmat came crawling into my feet and holding on to my legs she tried to get up on her feet.

"Rehmat! Beta come on lets change" I bent down to pick her up but right on queue she took a u turn and ran out of my hands.

"Rehmat!"

"Ub to aesey doren lagae gi jesey kuttey parey hon peechey" I shook my head and Shehryar chuckled.

"ae vekho! Sadi jail ton chooti puttri...." Sheheryar blew her a kiss, before he ran after her and she started giggling trying to run out of his reach.

Suddenly all that running and chasing along with all that noise just got into my brain and I shut my eyes tight, as I rubbed my temples. My tummy felt over stuffed though I hardly ate anything in lunch, before I could mess the whole place up I almost ran towards the bathroom.

"Heer!" the moment I threw up I heard Shehryar's voice, my senses were already dizzy and head hung low in the basin when I felt his strong grip around my shoulders.

"Heer! You okay?" he pushed back my hair and kept them secure at the back of my head. I was panting bad, my heart was racing inside and forehead exploding with pain as I felt like throwing up once again but nothing came out

"its okay! Relax Heer! am here" he assured me, holding me firm when I slowly pulled my head up, I could feel my face heated up as if fire was coming out all of a sudden.

"Heer?" my eyes were shut when I heard his voice, holding shock and disbelief. I slowly opened my eyes.

In the mirror in front of me all I could see was something red....coming out from my nose moving down to my lips.

Blood?

SHEHRY'S POV

"5 emergency visits in two months Shehryar!" Doctor Sinai looked at me with a disapproving, worry full glance.

"We should already know that this is heading towards worst" she added and I gulped down.

"Nasal bleeding can be fatal' another doctor standing beside stated looking up from the file.

"But it never happened before, doctor! This nasal bleeding, has it something to do with......?" I trailed off as she exhaled before inhaling a deep breath.

"Pregnancy has nothing to do with it" she shook her head.

"but the frequency can affect the baby" she added in a mater of fact tone.

"What about the reports?" I asked.

"Reports will be here in a short time"

I don't know why but looking at her face I could tell something was wrong, as if she was trying to say something but everytime she opens here mouth she shuts it back, she had those see-saw expressions on her face as if it was being difficult to decide...something.

"Is everything alright doctor?" I asked searching for my answer; she rolled her tongue over her lips and sighed. I looked to my left, Mom was sitting all quiet.

"is there something I need to know?" I insisted and she stared my face for a few moments before her face turned decisive as if she had come to the conclusion.

"It's been only a couple of months since she had conceived Shehryar! And it's the fifth visit here, do you even know where all this is taking her?" she stated looking closely at my face.

I remained silent so she went on. "reports aren't here yet, but nasal bleeding means extreme pressure, means something is not right inside"

"What are you try to say doctor?" before I could ask, Mom interrupted and Sinai looked at her.

"What am saying is; carrying a baby is not an easy thing, it is a long time period, about all that pain and hardships a woman goes through" She took a pause.

"..........and in Heer's case things are even worse. All that energy and power she needs at the moment is directly going to the baby, she is loosing pounds, her hair fall has increased" Dr. Sinai kept on sketching the worst of my knowledge, I wanted her to cut it down....

"You mean the baby is harming her?" I asked, my tone low and suspicious. I wanted to here a NO but she remained silent.

What does that mean? Her silence was killing me inside.

"Shehry! tum logo ne kia kisi gynecologist ko consult nai kiya tha pehley?' Mom looked at me with a frown on her face and I went even perplexed, it was true we didn't consult anyone, in fact, I just didn't know about the complexities thing at all.

I shook my head faintly and Mom's expressions went grave, telling me how much she disapproved all that.

"As far as I have known your wife, I know she didn't till you about the complication thing" Sinai stated and I frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean? She knew?"

"She did" she nodded and I heard Mom sighed deep. "she discussed the thing with me but you know am not an obstetrician or a gynea person myself so I recommended her to take consult first' the doctor added, but my mind was pre occupied....in Heer, in what we have done.

"What do you suggest now doctor?" Mom asked, my heartbeats accelerated, I could feel my pulses over speeding.

"I can just handle her brain, I can't tell you any details about her pregnancy and the side effects, but I have called the gynecologist here, the team will shortly reach and after discussing with them, I will let you people know" she told us.

Suddenly the door got knocked, and with that a boy came in and placed a thin envelope in front of her, over the table.

The boy left the room and Sinai opened the envelope taking out a paper from under that along with a scan print.

She looked down at the paper started reading and a frown appeared on her face, she looked up glanced at me but the moment our eyes met she looked back on the paper.

"what happened?" I asked anticipated and she looked up, her expressions serious, grave. I tried to gulp the nervousness down but couldn't as my throat felt like throne pecked.

She got up and came out from her seat, walking across the table she stood right near my seat and sat next to me. she was still holding the papers in her grip and her gaze fixed on me, sympathizing, and I hated that.

"I told you to go for the surgery as quick as you people can" her tone was lower than it should be, at the moment she didn't look like a professional doctor, she looked at me with pity.

"Stop giving me this pitying look and just tell me what is wrong?" I stated, gritting my teeth trying to say calm.

"Shehryar!the bleeding was due to the clots in her brain, and her scan showed..." she took a pause and inhaled a breath before letting it out.

"It showed tumor in the frontal lobe"

"Ya Allah!" Mom gasped while I felt earth just slipped from under my feet, I blinked my eyes in the state of utmost shock and disbelief.

"why?...how?" My voice got lost just as my heartbeats; I couldn't feel them inside my chest anymore. I felt Mom's hand over my shoulder, as if she was trying to bring me back into senses, I looked at her.

"Mom!....." tears instead of words slipped out, her eyes were moistened as well.

"Shehryar! You need to stay strong" I heard doctor Sinai stated, but did that mater? did anything mater anymore?

Brain tumor...... my heart bled, even the mare thought of it sent shivers deep down.

~~~~~~

I went and stood by the wall of her room, leaning my head back I shut my eyes. A sudden pain oozed up in my chest and went deep down in my heart; I had always prayed for her health, her happiness for a better life then why Allah was doing the exact opposite to her? why Heer can't stay happy? Was it that difficult for Him to bless her with happiness? Why?

Brain tumor....

You have everything in your reach Allah! You are all powerful, all Mighty, then why can't you give her happiness? Not even a little bit? Why?

Why can't You bring ease in her life Allah! when is this pain going to end???? Pain was increasing, I fisted my hands at my sides trying to suppress it, trying not to weep but tears rolled down.

"Shehry beta!" I felt her warmth over my shoulder; I couldn't open my eyes I didn't want to show her I was in pain.

"Sab theek ho jae ga beta!"

"koi dawa, koi ilaaj, koi marham nai kam ker raha...." I shook my head helplessly as I looked down at her.

"Kia chahta hea Wo?" I held her shoulders; I was losing myself in pain in hopelessness.

"Kia chahta hea Allah Mom! jaan lena chahta hea us ki, to terpa q raha hea lamha lamha?yun her saans k sath q mar raha hea usey Mom?" I jerked her and she shook her head, her eyes moistened, she tried to speak but words couldn't come out.

"Shehry beta! na-umeedi kufr hea" she touched my face, wiping off the tears and I shook my head pulling her hands down as I looked away.

"ub berdasht nai hota Mom! us ka dard us ki takleef mazeed berdasht nai hoti" another tear came out rolling down my cheek when Mom held my arm and made me sit down on the chair.

"Shehry beta! Allah ne chaha to sab ....

"Excuse me!" a voice interrupted and I looked up, the nurse standing over my head looked at my face for a few moments as if had forgotten what she wanted to say.... and then cleared her throat as I got up.

"Doctor has called you inside" she informed me and I looked at Mom, who gestured me to go and I followed the nurse.

The room felt even suffocated as I stepped in, finding a couple of new faces there along with doctor Sinai, she looked tended.

'Please!sit down'

She offered me a chair and I sat down, feeling like already lost the battle of life.

"Shehryar! He is Doctor Arnold Craig, our gynecologist" Sinai introduced me to the one sitting next to her and I gave a unknowing nod to my head. "and she is Doctor Fremin, head oncologist here" she added.

"We have gone through your wife's case, her tumor is on early stages and we can definitely get it gripped' the woman stated.

"but Shehryar the catch is we can not go for the surgery at the moment" Dr Sinai added before I could ask or say anything.

'but why? If it's the initial stage then why not?" I asked impatient and she looked at the man sitting next to her.

"Your wife is expecting" it brought me back to reality to earth, my heart started beating fast.

"Shehryar! You have to choose..." She stated and I frowned, knowing where she was going with this.

"with the baby we can not go for removing her tumor, the surgery can get fatal and harm both the lives" the male doctor told me further and my head hung down, for a moment I felt my whole world had collapse in front of my eyes but I knew I had to take a step a decision and there is no way I was going to compromise on Heer's health.

Gulping down I looked up at the faces getting blur in front of my eyes, I could see pity and sympathy in Dr. Sinai's gaze upon my face so I looked away from hers.

Ye faisla tumhen takleef de ga Heer! Mager merey liye tumhari sehat se ziada kuch nai.

......Hamara bacha bhi nai

HEER'S POV

"just make sure she has it for the next couple of hours and keep a check on her IV it gets blocking"

My head was stiff, and eyelids heavy as if I was carrying a ton of weight over them, I tried to open my eyes. Voices crashing my eardrums...I knew I was in hospital, it's been my routine; falling sick, coming here, getting all those IVs and canola and a hell of medication and then back home.

The thing is....how long?

Aakhir kab tak? Kab tak ye sab hota rahe ga? Kab tak or mazeed kitni takleef likhi hea hamarey naseeb mein jo hamarey sath sath Shehryar ko bi uthana per rahi hea.

Pain started overpowering my senses and my hands fisted tight, my eyes burnt as tears oozed up.

"Heer?" I felt warmth over my forehead as I shook my head rapidly, trying not to think about pain. "Heer beta!" Mom's voice came and I tried ever so hard opening my eyes.

Tears felt like acid inside them, and for a few moments I shut them back tight.

"Heer beta! How are you?" she asked softly caressing my hair and forehead.

"dard ho ra hea buhat Amma!" I stated, pain seething inside my head and I felt out of breath as if I had a long run or something.

"theek ho jae ga meri jan! himmat nai hartey aesey" she wiped the moisture from my face and I opened my eyes, finding hers bloodshot.

"hum buhat tang ker rahe hen na ap sab ko?" I asked, fresh tears escaped my eyes and she shook her head with a smile.

"Heer beta!" she looked straight into my eyes. "tum ne Shehry se ye bat chupa ker theek nai kiya" her words had a complain and for a moment I couldn't understand but then it struck me and I looked away from her face.

"K-kon si bat?"

"Tum achey se janti ho konsi bat Heer!" she added firmly. "aulad buhat piyari cheez hoti hea, mager woi aulad agar jan ka rog ban jae to kia faida beta!"

I remained silent as she spoke softly but firmly having her evident disapproval. "kia Shehry tumhari beemari se itna na-wakif tha us ne itna bara qadam uthaney se pehley ek bar socha tak nai?" I looked up at her face at once.

"Amaa please! Shehryar ki koi ghalti nai is sab mein" I shook my head.

"Wo kuch nai jantey thy Amaa! Ye faisla hamara tha un ka nai" I added firmly, something in my forehead burnt and I groan in pain.

"Heer!"

"Heer beta! You okay?" Amaa held my hand with which I was pressing my forehead trying to suppress the pain. "Heer bet...

"Amaa!" I cut her through as I looked at her with my eyes flowing rivers already.

"Amaa! Apko hamari qasam ap Shehryar se kuch nai kahen gi" I asked, my heart was panicking, a tear rolled down her cheek as she shook her head, I kept her hand firm over my head.

"Khaiye qasam hamari Amaa!" my voice hiccuped.

"hum unhen ek bar phir se ahsas-e-nadamat mein jeeta nai dekh saktey Amaa! He has done so much for me, this is the least I can do" I jerked her hand still in my grip and she rolled her lower lip inward, her face soaking in tears so was mine.

"per agar tumhen kuch ho gaya...

"Amaa! Merna sab ko hea ek din, or hum to jantey hen k ziada nai jee paen ge Shehryar k sath" my own words stabbed my heart. "bus ek khushi de ker jana chahtey hen unhen"

A smile out of tears crept on to my lips. "un ki aulad, Shehryar ki aulad Amaa! Jis k bad koi nai kahe ga k wo be-aulad hen"

"Heer beta!" with so many tears she pulled me in for a cautious hug and I wrapped my free arm around her, feeling her throbbing heart against my own. I sniffled over her shoulder and wanted to remain like that but the door flung open and we had to pull back.

Getting Shehryar in sight both of us quickly wiped our faces, he was standing in the door frame I waited for him to walk in but he didn't rather stared my face with a his gaze as serious as never before making my heart sinking slowly in side.

"Shehryar?" I called him but he didn't even move a muscle, I looked at Amaa who was in tears once again.

What happened???? My heart beat quickened as he slowly took steps inside, towards the bed. I could feel his feet were tired.

Itni thakan to kabhi nai dekhi thi un k chehrey per...jesey najaney kitney meelon ki musafat te ker k aae hon.

"Shehry beta!" she placed her hand over his shoulder, whose gaze was fixed on my face, his eyes puffed and bloodshot.

Kia ker diya tum ne un k sath Heer! Kia se kia ker dala....q itni takleef de rai ho unhen?

"it is your surgery next week" Shehryar stated in a flat tone and I frowned hard.

"What?" I tried to get even straighter on the bed. "nex-next week? But Shehryar am..

"Don't worry, you will no more be pregnant by the time" he stated in a mater of fact tone and I felt my heart stopped beating.

"Shehryar?" it was a painful whisper, but he looked away from my face and addressed Amaa.

"I have decided she is going to abort the baby....."

"Ap pagal to nai ho gaye?" I almost shouted, his face muscles clenched jawline stiffened.

"You can not take the decision alone, it's...

"THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT BEFORE HIDING THINGS FROM ME HEER!" he turned back towards me and literally screamed in my face, my heart jumped up to my throat, I had never seen him that angry and that much broken at the same time.

His eyes boring flames into mine, my body shivered as I gulped down trying to look away from his burning orbs but couldn't, I felt myself frozen in the place.

"Shehry beta!" Amma softly placed her hand over his arm, trying to cool him down. "araam se bat karo beta!"

A tear rolled down his cheek, he gulped down as his expressions softened and he rolled his tongue over his lips as if was trying to push back the oozing pain.

"You are going to abort the baby Heer! We can not delay the surgery"

"I won't" I stated firmly shaking my head, tears soaking my face. "You can not force me for this" I added, my words betraying me as I saw the firmness in his eyes.

"I can and I will" he pressed with such firm intensity that my heart shivered deep down.

"I am not going to be the part of your suicide game Heer!" he spatted before taking a step back and marched out from the room, leaving me broken in tears.

Ya Allah!!!!

i just want to say one thing readers..... I love you all a lot and I owe you even more :) 

thanks a ton for sticking by to this journey and making it even awesome. 

Stay tuned

you people rock :* <3