He wasn't really watching it. John Wayne's lazy drawl, Marlene Dietrich's sultry accent, the glaring black and white screen, it was just something to stare at while his mind wandered. Jaw slack and eyes glassy, Buck didn't even notice Dick Winters in the seat behind him until the captain punched him in the shoulder.

"Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"... this any good?"

"Uh yeah. It's a real corker," he replied, eyes dancing everywhere, but Dick's concerned expression. 

It was the same look he'd been getting since he'd returned from England. The other guys knew something was wrong. Buck Compton had once been one of the most popular and confident men in the company. Now, his sentences trailed off into oblivion. He couldn't focus for long with anything; cards, movies, or even football practice while they prepared for the much anticipated Christmas day game.

Buck had lost his edge. But none of them had the nerve or will to admit it. Buck wondered how long that would last, especially with the look he was now receiving from his superior officer.

Somewhere, back in Holland, a screw had come loose. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. He wasn't catatonic like some of the guys he'd seen at the hospital suffering from battle fatigue or shell shock. He could still function, but he couldn't pretend anymore that he was okay.

Perhaps it was best for both Celia and Lucille that they had parted ways with him. What good would he be to a woman? He was even beginning to doubt his ability to lead his own men.

At least they weren't expecting action until spring. He had a few months to pull it together. He could do it. He was Lynn Davis Compton. Lieutenant in the paratroops, UCLA All-American ball player, college graduate. Handsome, smart, and downright cocky. He could get back there to that man, he knew he could if he just had the time.  

The lights flicked on, boots with authority stomped down the makeshift theater towards the front, and the movie screen went blank.

"Aw come on! You can't do that to the Duke!" Luz hollered amid the protests.

"I said quiet!" Shouted the heavily dressed superior officer. "Elements of the 1st and 6th SS Panzer Divisions have broken through in the Ardennes Forest. Now, they've overrun the 28th Infantry and elements of the 4th."

Dread filled Buck's conscious like smog. Arms crossed tightly over his middle, he cast a wary look to Dick over his shoulder which the captain returned. 

"All officers report to respective HQs. All passes are cancelled."

The room erupted in frustration and anger.

"Enlisted men report to barracks and your platoon leaders." The officer strode back down the aisle and out the door.

Buck stared blankly at the white screen as though the famous mugs from his home state were still acting up there. His stomach twisted into a heavy knot. He reminded himself to shut his jaw as the room emptied, Dick silently waiting for him till they were the last to leave.

Gathering what sanity and nerve he had left, Buck took a deep breath and reminded himself to hang on. Just hang on like he did to that hen house door back in Holland.

So much for a few months to regain his sense of self. He was going back out there and was certain this would be the one that would end him. Or at least the lives of several more of his dear friends.

*** 

Though the ride in the transport trucks was brutal, Buck was thankful for the chance to gather his thoughts and be among the men. The jokes were the same, the jibes at the new replacements, bartering or outright stealing cigarettes. Most of them lacked winter coats or even hats. 

They were grossly under-supplied and unprepared for such an assault. Obviously it was what Adolf had been planning all along in this last stitch effort. Buck sat at the edge of the canvas flap, smiling quietly to the banter around him. For a second, he almost felt like himself. 

After what felt like hours, they pulled up to the meeting point inside the Belgian border. 

As frosted holes in the sod were filled with petrol and lit with matchbooks, Captain Winters informed them of their objective. They were in Bastogne, an area vital to keeping the German troops from taking back Antwerp from the allies. They were to hold it at all costs. With next to no ammo.

"How much were you able to scrounge up at camp?" Dick asked.

Peacock shrugged, rubbing his hands together. He used to be the most infuriating officer that Buck had to work with, but those days his clueless demeanor was easier to swallow than Company Commander Dike's outright apathy. Buck and the rest of the company had a feeling that Foxhole Norman would live up to his name.

Buck shook his head. "We got what we could. Will they be able to air drop anything?"

"Not for a couple days. Maybe longer."

"We'll be surrounded soon," Peacock commented with an exaggerated frown.

Buck grinned wryly, feeling a spark of his old self ignite. "Nothing we're not used to."

"Hey! Look at here!" One of the enlisted men shouted.

In the foggy dim, dozens of bedraggled figures trudged up the road leading from the woods. Haphazard bandages covered crusted wounds, eyes as empty as the night sky above them glared ahead as they struggled towards safety. It was the infantry troops that had been ambushed by the Panzer divisions. Buck paused as one of them silently handed him a stack of rifle ammo then kept on down the road with the same blank stare.

"You gotta go, you gotta get out of here, you'll all be slaughtered," another ranted before being roughly wrangled in by a shabby officer. 

Buck and Peacock exchanged silent looks of embarrassment over the behavior of the retreating men. As he scanned the crowds and slowly rolling jeeps, he noticed one of the open air vehicles down the road was carrying Red Cross personnel. Not just enlisted doctors and medics, but nurses dressed in combat gear and helmets. He guessed they were from an evacuated field hospital.

One of the women was illuminated in the light of a passing fire pit. She turned her head, removing her helmet and brushing her feathery brown hair from her face. Her mouth was turned down so hard, he almost didn't recognize her.

"Lucie," he murmured, pushing past Peacock and the other men towards the vehicle. The idea of avoiding her was out of the question. "Lucille Swain," he spoke louder.

Her alert gaze snapped towards him at the sound of his voice, her lips parting in shock. The beautiful blonde next to her cast him a quizzical glance. Lucille muttered something to the girl before hopping out the back of the creeping vehicle. 

"You are going back there?" she said breathlessly, trotting up to him.

Her voice was almost lifeless. Buck was taken aback by her appearance. The smile that nearly always occupied her face, the glint in her eyes, were all absent. The best word he could apply to her was hollow.

"Seems like it," he answered, standing over her and studying her with concern. "You alright?"

She gave a short nod, her eyes drifting over to the fire nearby. They were swollen as though from crying. Fear filled his chest.

"What happened? Were you there when the attack happened?"

"We got out just in time. Other hospitals were overrun by the Germans before they could escape and all the nurses and doctors were taken prisoner. We had to leave nearly everything behind. They are relocating us just beyond the new line to another evacuation hospital."

"Who else is with you? Ruby and Maisie? How are they handling all this?"

Lucille blinked up at him, her jaw clenching. "Maisie is with me," she whispered, her voice wavering with emotion. 

Buck cocked his head to the side, brow furrowing. "Where is Ruby?"

"It happened a couple days ago..."

"What happened?"

She bit her bottom lip hard as it started to tremble. Buck fought the impulse to take her in his arms and waited in dread for an answer.

"It was a Luftwaffe attack. Ruby was hit by a ricochet. We did all we could-" she stopped hard, rubbing her hands over her face. 

Hitching his gun unto his shoulder, he took her ice cold hands in his and held them close. "She's dead."

She nodded.

He heaved a breath. The beautiful and enigmatic Ruby Stalwhite, the love of Donald Hoobler's life, was gone. It didn't feel real. Women weren't the ones who were supposed to be dying.

He knew then that he couldn't tell Donald. There would be nothing holding the man back from driving straight into the German line in a berserk attack, trying to kill anything he could get his hands on. That would be his own reaction if any harm came to Lucie. 

"Hoobler doesn't know yet."

"We were about to send him the letter when all this happened." She pulled her hands from his grasp and dug into the small, messenger bag on her hip. She retrieved a blank envelope. "We sent word to her parents back in the states already. This is for Donald Hoobler from us. Telling him how much she loved him, how thankful we were that he made her so happy these last months... take it please. For him. There is also a letter from Ruby for him."

Buck took the envelope and tucked it into his coat next to his heart. "Of course. But I might wait to give it to him, not with everything we are bound to face now."

Lucille's face blanched. "Buck, I owe you an apology."

"What?"

"For what I said. That last night. When you came back to Aldbourne. When I said that combat was a convenient reality for you. Those words have haunted me ever since we arrived on the front. Can you forgive me for not listening to you when you needed me?"

Buck's mouth dropped open. Before he could speak, a sharp whistle came from up the road. Captain Dike waved to him, his pinched face getting tighter with impatience by the second. Buck knew then that he hated the man.

"C'mon, lieutenant!" Dike pestered loudly.

"Please forgive me, Buck," she begged once more as she took a step backwards into the steady flow of battle weary bodies. The flickering firelight filled her sunken cheeks and shadows under her dark blue eyes. Her cracked lips parted as her chin trembled.

Buck exhaled a heavy breath through his nose. "I'm sorry for not telling you..."

The Red Cross jeep beeped it's horn as it got further down the road and a few female voices called for her in the distance. Giving him a lingering look like she never expected to see him again, she turned her back and raced to catch up with her transport.