"He's dead"

The words seemed to drain the little amount of life I had regained due to the drug. I was cold inside, the blood in my veins had become icy. Dead, no that was impossible. Jackson wouldn't let him die. Jackson would save him, someone would save him.

"No... No no ... No he can't be, it's not possible" I mumbled ignoring JB who had just given me the new moments before. Mark was everything to me, he couldn't be gone. He couldn't of left this world, I would of known, felt a change. No I felt pain. Only pain.

"I'm sorry" JB whispered softly as he shifted uncomfortably. The pain I had felt before seemed to return striking my heart. How could I have failed so miserably, Mark was my only purpose. He was the one I lived for, I fought for. He is dead. He is dead. He is dead.

I had to leave. I struggled to my feet and pushed my way passed JB only to be stopped by his hand grabbing my arm. I looked up at him as he passed me a brown paper bag, his face lacked emotions and his eyes were empty.

"Take it, there are enough doses to last you about a week. Just leave, don't look back. Stay with Jin, he will take care of you." He spoke in an emotionless whisper, tears came to my eyes again as I tried to leave the room. He stopped me again, "don't give up on this dream, look at this cure for yourself, Just because he's dead it doesn't mean you have to join him".

His words meant nothing to me, I had no life left, no goal or dream to reach for. Nothing, I was nothing without him. I walked through the club I had once thought was home. It seemed cold, foreign and empty. I had no connections left, I had nothing left to hold me their.

I hated him, I hated the messenger, the leader but I hated him the most. Mark why did you leave me here alone. Why did you leave me to suffer alone. Jackson's voice drifted around me, nothing he said entered my ears. Bambam's attempt to stop me failed as he was shoved away by JB.

"Just let her go... She has nothing left" is all I heard before I slammed the door leaving my hope, my pain, and my regret behind. The paper bag felt like lead dragging me down, dragging my life down. This drug, I can't live with it, nor can I live without it.

My mind couldn't comprehend the simplest of thoughts, all I could do was run. The pavement of the street was rough against my bare feet, every pebble, every stone a reminder that I was still alive, still running. Every stone reminded me that I was still fighting, fighting a war without a purpose, without a country.

"So I guess it does help having guy on the inside eh" a familiar voice echoed from the shadows as the man emerged from the alley. Suga seemed more in control, less angry. Just broken. His voice was still loaded with hostility, but the anger seemed forced. Pity, he knew what had happened, he understood my pain.

"So... What do I do now?" I asked void of emotion and will. I was a shadow on a dark night, the moon was my only hope left, and it was so far away. I would just fade, lose track of what I had become until it finally lit the streets and freed me once again.

Suga didn't answer my question he just lead the way, I followed without another word. No another soul could be seen on this cold night, there was no reason for anyone to wander the dark streets. Mark, bittersweet memories filled my mind.

His kiss, his breath so warm against my cheek. His lips so soft and full of love. His smile, his genuine smile that spread to his eyes. The memories became dark, the pain he felt, the guilt after he gave Jessica the drug. His fear, his hatred towards himself, he believed that he deserved the pain. He believed that it was penance for the pain he gave others. He believed that he didn't deserve a place on this world. He was broken, whenever he looked in the mirror he saw shattered memories of who he used to be. Before Jackson, before the itch, before he gave up.

Suga suddenly stopped causing me to almost run into him, we had arrived at the house. The house where Namjoon was creating his cure, creating the answer. No, no I had intended on bringing Mark here, saving him. The events of the past few hours overwhelmed my knees to buckle under its emotional weight.

The grass was coated in a fine mist of dew, the dew was cold against my cheek, my eyes were heavy, too heavy. I drifted from the present and entered my own mind.

I stand in the same graveyard as before only this time it's raining, my body trembles due to the icy wind. There is no joy in this world, only broken sobs and death. Mark's tombstone stands white against the cold dark grass, it was too clean and polished, too new. I knelt before the grave of my hope and prayed.

My prayer was interrupted by the sudden movement below my knees. He's still there, just out of my reach. I needed him, my need because too muck as I started to dig, my nails broke, my fingers bled, but I couldn't stop, i couldn't fail Mark again.

I was woken by the sting of a needle entering my arm, the man using the needle was Jin. His mouth was set in a tense line, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Worry, pity and guilt danced across his features. He continued to study my vitals, oblivious or ignorant to the fact I had regained consciousness.

I forced a small smile and allowed myself to be dragged back into my mind, the only place Mark still lived, still smiled.