31) Food Will Be the Death of Me

I have never thought of myself as an overly crazy person.

Yes, I may have a vision board filled with cat photos with names for each. And maybe I do sound like I'm talking gibberish sometimes only because I'm overly excited about a new book that I bought and read within a day.
There also may be the very odd occasion where I start mumbling and talking to myself.
I don't see what the big deal is, I just find that having a conversation with me, myself and I is more interesting than talking to real people.

After Josie's grand entrance I'm fairly sure my brain pressed the big red 'overthink every situation' button.
For the rest of the day, I had been on edge, waiting for Josie so swoop out of nowhere and trip me over.

We don't exactly have the best history. When we were younger we were friends but then puberty hit. Let's just say I didn't keep up to her standards of what a girl should look like or act. We weren't on the best of terms when she left as a month before she thought it was a good idea to make me spill my chicken noodles all over my uniform.

For the rest of the day, I was sticky, hungry and smelled like a soup kitchen.

Good memories.

Zoe catches up with me at the end of the day and gives me a list of things to buy from the shops to keep my mind off Josie. She decided the best thing to do when I'm panicking and overthinking life is to bake.

Walking through the confectionery aisle I find myself drawn to the blocks of chocolate "I think we should do chocolate buttercream on top of the cupcakes."

"But chocolate is so plain what about cream cheese, you can never go wrong with cream cheese," Zoe says from the other side of the phone.

"You should only use cream cheese icing if you're making red velvet or carrot cake," I argue browsing the shelves for the most important snack while baking.

As I go to reach for the last packet of super chocolate chip cookies another hand grabs them at the same time.

I look to see a pair of piercing green eyes look my way. My grip instantly tightens on the cookies.

"Hey Zoe, I'll have to get back to you as there's something I need deal with," I hang up and put the phone in my pocket all while not breaking eye contact with the cookie thief.

He smirks at me "Hey there beautiful, what are you doing in this aisle because you're already sweet enough for me."

"Trying to buy some cookies for an ice cream sundae but some idiot won't let go of the packet which is obviously mine," I tug on the packet hoping he'll get the idea to let go. He doesn't budge. I see how it's going to be.

"I don't see your name written on it." Is he challenging my authority over baked goods?

"Um, actually it is" I point to the red heading in bold "See, 'Maggies homemade Chocolate chip cookies'. "

"Your name is Maggie?"

"Yeah, you got a problem with that, punk?"

He now pulls on the packet, almost pulling me over as well "No, you simply don't look like the Maggie type that's all plus I don't think you need all those cookies, cupcake."

My eyes widen "Are you saying that I'm fat?"

"Nonono you're the best type of curvy, I'm just saying that you should share the cookies as people may need them more than you."

"I'll have you know that I'm currently having a mid-life crisis. I would like to eat my sorrows away and fill the sad cookie shaped hole in my heart. I'm confused and sad. All I want to do is buy my cookies so I can dunk them in one of them jumbo bottles of milk. I really hope I'm not lactose intolerant."

The guy assesses me by scanning me up and down "Aren't you like 15?"

If I had a dollar for every time somebody has asked me that in the past year I would be living in a castle in Europe with cats and a book collection that would put the British Library to shame.

"No I'm almost 18 thank you very much and it's more like a pre-mid-life crisis alright but it's none of your business."

This time when he pulls the packet of cookies (which I'm surprised hasn't burst open yet) I lose my foot grip and get pulled into his chest. If he thinks I'm letting go because of being in such close proximity of him will cause me to faint from pure awesomeness he is wrong.

He lowers his head slightly and whispers in my ear "I still don't see why I should give these delectable bites of heaven up."

"Because the chocolate chip to cookie dough ratio is 65:35 which means it takes exactly 9 seconds for the cookie to get to the right consistency when dunked in full cream milk. Now by the look of your shopping basket, I can see that you're buying stuff for your siblings, most chance to bribe them to be settled when you look after them later tonight. Don't look at me that way either, no guy would be buying Frozen-themed chocolate and minion shaped lollies, and here's some useful advice, I recommend not giving them sugar as they will become super hyper."

We both look down to his basket then back at each other, I raise an eyebrow to challenge him to go further "You've got this down to the science don't you?" I'm almost blinded by his smile, looking at the sun would do less damage.

"What can I say I'm passionate about food, what do you have to say about the cookies?"

He shrugs "They taste good, so how about you go waddle off and find some macaroni and cheese to satisfy your carb craving?" pushing me back a tad he tries to pry my hand off the cookies.

I shake my head "No. I'm never eating that again, too many unnecessary memories." I regain my composure "Just let go of the cookies and you won't be harmed."

"I really doubt a girl your size will be able to take down someone who has more muscle mass than fat."

"I understood none of what you just said except for the part where you called me a shrimp. We don't even have shrimp in Australia. So let go you stupid fat bug-eyed pigeon or you will feel my wrath."

A wave of amusement washes over the evil cookie monsters face, "I have been called many things in my life and a pigeon is not one of them. Oh, look there's a panda eating popcorn."

Being stupidly naive, at the sound of the word panda, I flick my head around in the opposite direction. Before I realise what's happening the cookies are snatched out of my hand. I turn to see the evil cookie thief running away. Sadly I am too unfit to run after him.

I should have known he was making it up. Pandas don't like eating popcorn.

Finding my way to the cash register I realise I'm lined up behind the cookie thief. I'm tempted to take them off him but the checkout chick has already scanned them through and put them in a bag. I watch the girl eyeing him up and down, I think I can even see the love heart emoji's in her eyes. Poor unfortunate soul.

The guy flashes a smile at me and the girl before heading out.

The girl is in such a daze she doesn't realise I'm standing in front of her. An idea pops into my head. "You know that guy was totally checking you out," I say in my most girly voice.

"You think so?" She twirls a blonde strand of hair around her finger.

"Yeah totally, he's just too shy to say anything that's all."

"He doesn't seem like the shy type. He looks like he would sweep me off my feet and we would drive away into the sunset on his motorbike," she sighs heavily as she scans my items at a sloths pace.

"Oh he is, it's just a mask he wears. Deep down he is petrified of females, commitment and butterflies. Seriously, he is terrified of butterflies, like it's a phobia. Next time you see him, tell him how you feel. Tell him it's okay to be a softy and show your feelings. You know what I'm going to do? I'll leave this carton of milk here for him to pick up then you can chat with him then. How does that sound?" I give her a friendly smile.

"That sounds wonderful. You're such an amazing person. Thank you!"

Shrugging I pick up my bags "What can I say, I just want to help another fellow sister find love"

After quickly balancing the bags on my arms I run after the cookie thief hoping to catch him before he leaves.

Thankfully I catch up to him just before he gets into his car.

"Hey, wait up." Yelling helps get his attention.

Pausing, he turns around to face me "I'm sorry for lashing out at you, nothing good comes out of me being hangry. It's something I need to get under control."

He waves a hand "Nah it's all good I have 3 younger siblings so I understand what happens if you get a bit too hungry."

"To say sorry I bought you some milk so that you can have the whole 'milk and cookies' experience. I didn't know which one you wanted so I left it with the cashier if you wanted to swap it," He gives me a sceptical look "I insist, after everything I've put you through."

After a long pause, a genuine grin spreads across his face "Thank you so much, I totally misjudged you, you're actually a super cool person."

"What can I say, they don't call me Saint Clair for nothing" I playfully punch his arm.

"Can you mind my stuff while I go inside?"

I nod quickly.

He puts he's shopping on the ground and jogs back into the store. I see the blonde girl from before start to talk to him. He seems to be intrigued by what the girl is saying. Oh, now they're kissing. Come on guys no PDA, especially not at a family-friendly supermarket.

Looking down to the unattended bags I start to laugh as I pick up the bag with cookies in it.

Amateur.

As I'm such a nice person I leave a packet of Oreos in one of his bag.

I walk towards the yellow jeep that is parked a couple of cars down. Opening the door, I throw the food in the back and jump into the passenger seat.

"You took your time. Wait why do you have so much food there," Zoe asks, observing the excessive amounts of bags in the backseat.

"No questions. Just drive."

With no questions asked she floors it and we're out of the car park in a flash.

"So what did you do? You've got that evil mastermind smile that you only use when your stupid plans actually work."

Not being able to contain my excitement I tell her "I stole someone's shopping bag with food in it."

"You what? What were you thinking?" By the look on her face, I can tell she definitely wasn't expecting that.

"I was thinking about my extra chocolatey cookies obviously."

My life motto is: Food first then cats, I'll consider humans later.

"You could have stolen some gangsters food and now you're on his hit list! It's very exhausting being your best friend," Zoe rubs her forehead trying to get rid of the stress wrinkles I'm giving her.

"Maybe but you can't deny that I keep you on your toes and keep your interesting. Jellybean?"

The silence in the car is not a good sign, neither is it when she locks the doors.

"Now that you can't get out you have to tell me what happened yesterday. Every. Single. Detail. Especially the part where you had your first kiss," she says slowly.

"I don't even know if I'm counting it as a kiss as it all happened to fast and he thought I was- you know what doesn't matter. I'm sick of talking about my feelings; it's almost as exhausting as walking up a hill. I just want to change the topic from the male population to something more stimulating like why cured meats taste so good and long it would take for it to kill me if I consume it every day?"

See, I ask the real questions people want answers to.

Before Zoe can make a comment I stop her "On the subject of wanting to slowly die for cured meat overdose. Guess who I ran into today? Jess!"

"Charlie's girlfriend?" Zoe quietly asks.

"The one and only" I cringe at the memories.

This is sort of how it went:
Jess: Hi Mackenzie, how are you?
(Let's pretend I'm a ninja and I didn't jump when she came from behind.)

Me: I'm just chilling you know like a cool person who does cool things. Yo

"You didn't really say that did you?" Zoe looks horrified.

"What can I say? Your best friend totes smooth and up to date with the cool kid lingo."

Jess: I was wondering if you knew what is up with Charlie because he's been very off lightly I'm not sure if it's something that I did or if it is something else. I thought you might know because you're his best friend.

Me: Yes best friend. I'm not sure, he has been acting a bit funny lately, he didn't even take one of the cupcakes that I made him weird. I think it's a work thing so don't worry.

Jess: You're such a great friend, bye.

Me: Toodles.

"Toodles?" She exclaims "why did you say toodles, that so-"

"I don't know okay, I panicked. I can't really say 'sorry, I think your boyfriend kissing me has made him super weird and insecure. It's nothing personal. I ran away as soon as his lips touched mine. It was all a big misunderstanding he thought I was having a panic attack. hahaha please laugh with me. Please I beg you, this is super awkward' ."

"Do you think she knew something was up?"

"No, I think she was too worried and focused on her boyfriend to notice how much I was sweating or that I had pit stains. It's probably why she hasn't been hanging around us lately"

"Changing the subject, girl tell me all the goss about what's up with you and Sam?
And don't say 'nothing' because I see the tension between you two. Don't worry I totally ship it," she says with a sly smirk.

I can't help but sink down in the car seat with a packet of jelly beans in hand, "I don't know what to say. It was weird, after covering each other in frozen yoghurt toppings we ended up centimetres apart and the thing was I didn't have the urge to punch him in the face. I know right, what's happening to me these days? I'm fairly sure it has to do with the heart problems I've been having."

Zoe pats my leg "Mace it's called having a crush, not a heart attack."

"If by crush you mean I would still like to crush him to smithereens. Then yes I do have a crush."

"Don't be in denial about this hun, it was inevitable and now you can't run away from it."

I give my friend a deadly glare "We both know that I don't run, and is it so bad that I don't want boy trouble. See the two words are practically linked together," I flare my hands in the air.

"Isn't every girls dream to have multiple guys fighting over her?"

"Not me, my dreams usually include living in a house made out of cookies or getting married to fictional characters. And let me tell you, there are a lot of weddings happening in chapels made out of doughnuts."

She wisely changes the subject again, "So what are we going to do about Josie?"

"We're not going to do anything," I say simply.

"Nothing? No revenge plot or prank or even plan to destroy her evil empire?"

"No, we have to at least try to be mature, last time it got a little out of hand because we were so driven to take her down," Zoe pouts "But if she makes an evil move then we can start planning a revenge plot that will bring her to her knees and beg for mer- see what I mean? It's like a rabbit hole, once you're in it you can't get out. Look we're already giving her unnecessary attention like everyone else at school."

"But she does look amazing," Zoe admits.

"She really does. Her skin always looks flawless. I think she moisturises with baby tears."

"But she stole your man which is against the girl code."

"I don't have a man or a boy or a panda or a clue what you're talking about. Time for the radio."

I switch on the radio and turn up the volume.

Zoe yells over the music "You can't avoid life forever."

"Can't hear you," I scream "Music's too loud."

What can I say? My social skills are impeccable.

Cupcake Theory #31

NEVER GET IN BETWEEN ME AND FOOD.

:):):)

I am ALLLIIIVVEEE

I think. Maybe I'm sleep typing. Not sure right now

How are you on this spring/ autumn  day/night

I'm hungry

Well I'm always hungry

# great things that happened this week

-I sorted out a miscommunication with bookdeposistry 

-I got sunburnt ( hopefully I get a slight tan from it)

-I went Christmas shopping which was very productive

What have you been up to?

I appreciate all your support <3

lots of stolen cookies

theforgottenone