As he ran, Len could feel his heart pounding and his thoughts racing.

Who was she? What had happened to her parents? And why was she creepy as shit?

But as his thoughts started to wander, they slowly made their way to Barry.

He doesn't want me. I could save myself so much pain. I just need to leave.

He shook his head rapidly. Maybe Barry didn't want him. He shouldn't give up, though. His life didn't depend on anyone but himself and he wasn't going to give up because Barry might not want him.

Slowly, the thoughts dismissed themselves. But Len had a feeling they would be back, and although he didn't know where they had come from, he had a feeling it had to do with the creepy child.

...

She didn't remember anything.

Her name, her family, nada. She remembered bits, sure, but not enough to make sense of the mysterious puzzle.

One thing that was stuck in her head was Particle Accelerator, though she didn't know what that was or why she cared. Once she had tried to get up and look it up, but she had quickly been overrun by the darkness.

That's what she called it. The darkness. It took over everything. Her heart, her thoughts, her body. She couldn't remember anything or anyone when it was around.

It scared her.

She couldn't remember the last time she could remember anything.

Her thoughts seemed to play like a merry go round, replaying and rarely changing.

She was so sick of it. She wanted to be normal, whatever that meant.

She liked to name her thoughts.

Anything with what she assumed where her parents were the pandas since both had been so kind.

Anything with her brother was a tiger. He abused her a lot. She only remembered him because of the scars she had.

Anything that happened during her darkness was a zebra. The darkness was manipulative, sometimes seen as dark, others as light. The colors of a zebra.

Sure, she had some random memories, as any human did. She didn't name those.

Her life was complicated, and she hated it. She didn't understand it.

But something told her the green-eyed man could help her. She just had to keep the darkness at bay long enough to find him.

So she sat up and grabbed the glass at her side. She carried it in her hand in hopes of using it to ward off the darkness. She walked inside the stairwell and up the first few stairs.

She didn't remember anything else.

...

When Barry got out of the shower and changed into some tight skinny jeans and a red T-shirt. By then, both Lily and JJ had eaten and were ready. Just to show off, Barry ate at super speed.

"You know, we should make a group name," JJ mused. Barry laughed. "Leave that to Cisco."

Lily and JJ gave him a confused look before he realized. They had no idea who Cisco was.

"Cisco's one of my closest friends," Barry explained. At Lily's jealous look, he couldn't help but laugh. "He cared for me during my coma."

At their shocked looks, Barry remembered he hadn't told them about it.

"Oh, yeah. I was struck by lightning. It was what made me The Flash."

Lily's jaw was in danger of hitting the floor (literally. She was falling over). JJ was struck speechless... until she saw Lily. Then she was laughing again.

"Wish I had cooler powers," Lily muttered. She, thankfully, hadn't actually hit the floor. "I like mine. They're perfect for me." She grinned at Lily, who had given her a salty look.

Barry smiled at them.

"Anyway, we have a mission, ladies," Barry grinned.

So they got up off their lazy asses and headed toward where Barry assumed Lisa's room was. Len hadn't told him, but Barry knew how to make a good tail.

But within seconds of their journey, they ran into Kara.

She was sitting against the wall, sobbing.

"Death, destiny, pain, suffering..."

Now, they might not be on the best terms right now, but Barry wasn't about to let whatever this was control her.

He ran over to her and sat down next to her, a hand gently placed on her shoulder. She tried to shrug it off, but Barry held on.

JJ and Lily just looked at it for a moment before shrugging and turning around, deciding to return to the search with or without Barry. But if they found him, they were dragging his ass down to Barry's side.

Now, that would be a problem because they couldn't exactly go knocking door to door for Captain Cold without causing chaos, but they had a plan. Just wander around and hope he wasn't in his room.

Kara and Barry sat for a little while, Barry only daring to break the silence by asking what was wrong.

"I'm sorry, Barry. For listening to her, for stalking you."

Barry wouldn't lie. He was shocked. But he had a feeling there was something more to it, something she either couldn't or wouldn't explain.

"Kara, please. What is it?" he asked desperately.

"Three months ago, I... I sent Mon-El away. It's tearing me apart, Barry. What if I killed him? What if I never see him again?"

Barry knew the feeling. Every day as a child, he had worried he was sending Joe away to his possible doom. Over the years, the feeling had nulled, but it was still there.

"You know, I thought I had moved past it. But this blonde girl. She had blue highlights, too. She made me remember it with a simple question. I don't even know how, honestly."

She tried to laugh, but it sounded broken, hollow.

"What did I do, Barry?"

"Did she have green eyes?" Barry asked. Kara nodded slowly. "Why?"

"I know her," he muttered to himself.

"Barry, I'm not okay. And I know I messed up, and I wish I could change that, but I need you right now. Not like that!" she gasped at his suggestive look. Lily had been rubbing off on him.

"And I'm here," Barry said.

Soon, they managed to get some chit-chat going, something about Star Wars (Barry really wasn't paying attention) when Lily and JJ ran up, completely out of breath.

"Barry!" Lily panted out. "It's Len. He's not doing good."

So Barry jumped up, apologized to Kara, and bolted after JJ and Lily, who somehow still had some excess energy.

...

When she got back, she could remember a new face. She didn't remember much, as per usual, but she was shocked to see she remembered more than usual.

She remembered sliding through thoughts, seeing memories. One partially memorable one was a little boy being hit with a whip. She could remember that one clearly. The boy had bright, blue eyes but as the whip keep hitting, they seemed to dim as tears filled his vision.

"No! Please!" the boy begged, but the older man wouldn't stop. She remembered the smirk on the older man's face, something that quickly turned to anger when he saw the tears. He seemed to somehow hit even harder, making the boy wince. "No tears!" the man yelled. The boy nodded meekly, practically screaming whenever the whip landed.

She heard a wince and was surprised to see it was out of her own mouth. Then the man, Lewis, Daddy, walked over.

"No. Tears. Got it?"

She felt herself nod harshly. Lewis directed his attention back to the boy, who seemed to sob harder when he realized it wasn't over.

With a start, she realized she wasn't that girl. She was... whatever her name was, scared of the darkness.

Sometimes she wondered if she should give up. Surrender to the darkness. It had tainted everything about her, to the point where she couldn't remember anything good. If she gave up, this pain would go away. It had to, right?

But what if that was the darkness talking? What if she wanted to live, she just didn't know how?

But she didn't even have a name! She didn't have a family, a home, anything! She was alone, except for the darkness. What if they worked together? What if they became each other?

But she wanted to be her own person. She wanted to have a life and a name and a family and everything that came with it. Even the pain.

Suddenly, she remembered something she had read... once.

"I want to feel every ounce of pain and happiness life can serve up because it'll mean I've survived."

It was in The Darkest Minds series, book 3.5. It had been one of her favorite books.

She wished she could read. But she didn't have any books down here, and she couldn't get any.

She was so stuck, and she had no idea what to do.

...

When Len woke up the next day, the thoughts were back.

He wasn't surprised to see how late it was, considering how late he had been out last night.

Lisa was gone, and Mick hadn't been there again, so he was alone again.

He watched a little TV before the thoughts crept back.

He doesn't want you. You should jump off a cliff. What good are you, anyway? Just a burden.

This time, it was harder to shake them off. They were exactly what Len had thought as a child. But that showed how wrong they were, right? Things did get better, right?

Something made him feel wrong.

Lisa would be better off without you. So would Mick. And Barry. You're keeping him from moving on. You're keeping Lisa from her true love. If you left, she'd be happy. Mick never cared for you.

Soon, he was asleep. But it didn't save him from the nightmares.

...

Lewis was there. So was Lisa. And Mick. Surprisingly, Barry was, too.

Len expected kindness. That was practically Barry's motto, after all. Though that didn't explain why Lewis was there...

"Failure," someone spat. After a moment, Len realized it had been Lisa. He recoiled violently, practically flinging himself back. 

Then Mick walked up and punched him to the floor.

When he landed, he was greeted with cold, hard marble. When he looked up, he was greeted by Lisa's cold smirk. "Worthless," she hissed.

Len could see Barry in the corner, struggling, trying to push past the hands that were holding him hostage. After a moment he placed Lewis' hands.

"Let him go!" Len shouted. With the closest family he had ever known, and his monster in person, Len couldn't believe his first thought went to Barry instead of his own safety.

"When did you become so noble?" Lisa teased, but there was a glint in her eyes. It scared him, because he had seen that look and knew what it meant, but it had never been directed at him.

"When I knew I could," Len answered with a fond look at Barry.

He kept staring into those warm, green eyes, unaware of the knife being pressed into Barry's back.

"I love you," Barry smiled at him. Len was about to reply when Barry interrupted with, "Goodbye."

Then his head was chopped off.

Len woke up screaming. He felt his stomach convulsed, and he knew he had seconds.

He bolted to the bathroom. He had tunnel vision as he ran, desperate to get to the sink. He barely made it, making horrid noises as anything and everything he had eaten the previous day came out.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched away, barely convincing himself it wasn't Lewis. At that thought, it seemed even more managed to come out. His head hurt as he tried to think, to feel. 

His throat burned as he used his sleeve to wipe at his mouth. He could see five people in his peripheral vision, likely meaning both Mick and Lisa had someone (or more than one. Mick had a habit of that) over. He wouldn't think about any other option.

"You okay?" Len would recognize that gruff voice anywhere. He wasn't thankful for it right now, though. Not after what Mick had done.

"Don't touch me!" he yelled. He shoved past them all blindly, not bothering to look, but by touch alone, he could tell that four were female and one was male. One female was Lisa, and the male was obviously Mick, but who were the others?

He didn't have time to worry about that right now, though. He had to get away from the monsters.

Once he was out of the bathroom, Len bolted out the door. He couldn't get away fast enough. He could hear the pounding of feet behind him, and it scared him. He wouldn't let them catch him. Not again.