When Barry woke up, CC was gone. Barry didn't know where he was, but he honestly couldn't care less. He had to find Lily and JJ.

What he didn't expect was to head to the bathroom and hear almost silent crying.

Barry knew who it was, especially since only two people had been given keys to the place. He fought off his instinct to help and instead decided to go get ready for the day. It really was an inconvenience for Barry since he couldn't use the bathroom.

Normally, Barry would've gone in no matter who it was, but he had some stuff to do. CC had betrayed him on multiple occasions, so Barry didn't trust him. Not anymore. Thawne, Hunter, heck, even Smart himself had damaged that trust beyond compare. 

So he changed quickly and walked out of the room, ignoring the quiet cries coming from the bathroom.

He decided to change back into his own clothes. He could borrow CC's tomorrow. Maybe JJ's or Lily's. He wasn't exactly comfortable with having his clean clothes rely on CC.

After changing, Barry went back to the bathroom door. The muffled sounds were gone, but Barry had a feeling CC could still want comfort. He knew he would.

When he walked in, though, he wasn't greeted by a wet-eyed Snart. Instead, there was a stupid smirk on his face.

"Did you really think I'd be crying?" CC asked, but there was something in his voice. It made Barry feel like this was a quiz, like if he said the right thing he'd get a reward.

Barry blushed and looked down. Then a thought occurred to him.

"Why didn't you take your shirt off last night?" Barry asked, genuine curiosity coating his words. He was surprised by the guarded look that entered CC's eyes at that. Barry held his hands out in front of him in the universal sign of surrender. The look remained, though.

Barry sighed, the moment lost. He turned around, only stopped by a soft sigh. He turned around and was surprised to see CC lifting up his shirt.

"Happy?"

No. No, not even close.

There were scars lining his entire middle, only cutting off at CC's shoulders and waist. Since he was a CSI, Barry could tell what each one was from. The long one that went across his entire chest was a dagger or knife. There were some unhealed burns that covered more skin than any others, though the whip marks were a close second. Almost as if he could hear his thoughts, CC decided to add, "There were some sessions that weren't shown on my skin."

Did that mean water torture!?

"What..." Barry took a deep breath. "How long was this going on?"

CC looked at the ground. "Five years," he replied softly. Barry silently begged CC to look up, to say something!

"You hate me, don't you?"

Barry flinched at the emotionless in his tone. "No! No, I don't!" Barry said. He wasn't ashamed of the tears that came to his eyes, the ones that showed he had feelings. He wasn't a monster.

CC finally looked up and made eye contact with him, and Barry felt his heartbreak grow that much more as he saw the hopelessness in his eyes. "Why would I believe that?" CC finally said after a moment's pause. 

"Because I'm not capable of hating anyone," Barry replied in the same whisper as before. 

Suddenly, there were arms around him.

"I know you don't mean it, but thanks," was muffled by his shirt. Barry couldn't bring himself to argue, so he just squeezed back as tight as he could, praying it would be enough. That he could be enough, just this once.

He couldn't do anything right, but he would still try.

After standing there for a good five minutes, CC stepped back, and Barry was shocked to see that his eyes were completely dry.

"I don't cry," was the response he got to his questioning look.

CC left the room, Barry trailing behind him. He looked around and realized it was still early. He waved to CC, who ignored him and walked out his door toward Lily and JJ's.

When he knocked, though, he wasn't greeted by either of them. Instead, he was greeted by the cop JJ had been kissing. Guess they had gotten... closer.

"Who are you?" she asked angrily. Instead of getting scared, Barry just smirked. JJ wouldn't mind him having a little fun, would she?

"Well, I'm JJ's boyfriend," Barry said as he stuck his hand out to shake. Veronica (the cop) didn't shake it, though. Instead, she stared at him for a moment before turning on her heel and slamming the door behind her. Barry fought the snickers building in his throat

JJ was gonna kill him.

He was proved right when JJ stomped out in her baby blue robe, her metal leg visible. He didn't dwell on it, though. It just proved how mad she was.

"Really, Bear?" JJ asked. Barry shrugged innocently. "I thought she'd be able to tell I was gay like you and Lily did."

She rolled her eyes, but a little smile showed.

"Fine," she relented. "Veronica, you can come out now."

Veronica glared at him before heading down the red hall toward the bar.

JJ rolled her eyes. "She was a bitch anyway."

Barry laughed as he followed her inside. The room was similar to his. The windows and doors were all pink. The rest of the room was red, just like his room. Unlike his room, though, there were little knickknacks everywhere. Barry realized he had never remembered to unpack them. Surprisingly, Lily was staring at the TV, tears pouring down her cheeks.

JJ smirked at her before heading back to the kitchen to make breakfast. Barry wanted to walk over to Lily and comfort her or something, but that seemed like a bad idea. Lily was clenching a pillow so hard Barry was sure she would break it.

Barry cleared his throat awkwardly, earning a laugh from JJ a growl from Lily.

So, don't do that again. Noted.

Barry just sat there for a while, watching Lily finish her movie. When he tried to speak to her again, she gave him the finger and headed toward what Barry would guess was her room to get dressed. She wasn't wearing a shirt or pants, after all.

JJ just stayed in the kitchen, working on different things to eat. In shock, Barry realized he had forgotten to eat yesterday and was starving.

He would probably eat her entire kitchen.

"I have a fast metabolism," Barry blurted out. JJ smirked. Barry rolled his eyes. "I should probably head back to my place, otherwise I'll eat your whole kitchen."

JJ shrugged uncaringly. He rushed out, his stomach rumbling.

He knew he couldn't wait for room service, and couldn't cook for the life of him, so he just sat on the couch. He would have to wait for room service, whether he wanted to or not. He was actually worried he could pass out.

He wasn't all that shocked to see CC walk toward him, likely alerted by the door's creaking. "Bored?" CC smirked. Barry thought about it for a moment before realizing it would be the perfect way to stay awake.

"Sure," he agreed. "Take your shirt off this time, though," he added as an afterthought. 

They were done by the time room service arrived, much to Barry's relief. CC would have just shown off loud and proud, but Barry would have blushed and stuttered, unable to ever met their eyes ever again.

CC was passed out next to him, his parka easily hiding his junk as he slept. Barry was too tired to sleep, so he cleaned them off and got dressed as he waited. Soon, he worried that people would judge him if he had a naked man on his couch, so he carefully picked the sleeping man up and carried him to their room and put him on the top bunk. Don't ask how.

Barry had ordered enough to feed half of the cruise boat, so he wasn't surprised by the looks he got. He thanked them politely because regardless of how they were acting, considering they had done him a favor.

Barry tried to wake CC up when he was done, though he didn't know if it was because he wanted entertainment (not that kind) or to see if he was hungry. His question wasn't answered, but in his defense, CC slept like the dead (God, the puns).

So Barry went to check up on the pool (Caitlin was gonna kill him {that was a terrible pun [CC would be proud]}) to see if it was open, but it was still closed. Apparently, blood was impossible to wash out.

So he wandered around, bored out of his mind.

He found himself at the bar, a drink in hand. He couldn't think right now, couldn't process. A little girl had committed suicide. Barry had just slept with a murderer. And he could get drunk now, thanks to Caitlin, so why not do that instead of focusing on random crap he couldn't control?

So he listened to the crappy country music as he bought a few drinks, hoping no one would bother him.

He knew he always did this, that he should talk it out or at the very least, not be alone, but it was his fault. Lucy's death was on him, and he thought he should sleep with a criminal? In her name?

Didn't that make him a monster?

Barry knew that people looked up to him, trusted him with their lives, but that was stupid. He opened a goddamn hole in the city! Caused three of his friends to die!

He didn't deserve to be The Flash. He didn't deserve to be anyone's hero. He couldn't even be his own.

"Barry? You okay?"

Barry turned around in surprise, which quickly turned to shock as he realized he was looking at Kara Danvers.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Barry hissed as he pulled said woman into a corner. Kara shifted uncomfortably and tried to avoid his searching eyes.

"Uh... Oliver's really scared of boats?" she tried. Barry rolled his eyes. 

"Caitlin and Cisco sent you, didn't they?" he guessed. "Actually, it was Iris and Joe," Kara said, brightening considerably. "They wanted to make sure you were okay."

Barry sighed. "Well, I'm fine, alright? So you can go now," he said as he tried to push her away. Instead of going, however, she stood her ground and looked him right in the eyes as she said, "No. You're not okay. Barry, a little girl just committed suicide on this boat. You just..." she looked at the floor, her blush speaking for her.

"You watched us!?!?" Barry demanded. Kara nodded slowly. "I mean, I do have an X-ray vision..."

Barry fought the urge to facepalm and instead let out a large sigh. "I mean, I appreciate the concern, but Kara... You can't just watch me, okay? That makes you a stalker."

At this, Kara scowled. "You think I don't know that? I'm only here because Iris was worried you would find someone else." When she realized what she had said, she gasped and put a hand over her mouth, but the damage was done.

Barry had rejected Iris right before he had left, saying he had already moved on and she had missed her chance. She just wanted him because he was convenient.

"But I stayed because of her and how you were taking it," Kara said. She almost sped through it, which made Barry angry for some reason.

"I'm sick of this!" he said, fighting not to yell. "I get treated like a baby, like glass, and now I literally have a babysitter on my vacation?!"

Kara tried to grab his arms, to keep him calm, but he was just done. He ripped his arms away and stalked off. If she tried to follow him, he knew what he would do. She did too, apparently, because she didn't follow him.

Barry knew he shouldn't do it, shouldn't do it just to spite them, but he knew some part of him wanted this, too. He wanted the adrenaline, the attention. The feeling. No one had made him feel like this before, not even Iris. It was like a drug, and he was hooked.

So he opened the door and walked right up to CC, a smirk on his lips as he straddled the man. CC tried to protest, but Barry just put a finger to CC's lips. "You know you want it," he whispered. 

Soon, his lips were replacing his finger and all thoughts were forgotten.