As he stared into her brown, lifeless eyes, Barry couldn't believe it. Yesterday, just yesterday, this sweet, young girl had been in his arms, crying into his shirt. She hadn't had any scars on her arms then, had she?

Barry couldn't bring himself back from those thoughts. The ones that blamed himself, that told him he could've saved her.

He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the platinum blonde shoving past Anyone and anything to get to the little girl. She was sobbing, letting the water is with the blood and marble in the floor. "Lucy!" she yelled. She knelt down next to the body, and her pleas we're loud enough to wake Barry from his thoughts. She was screaming and crying and pleading, and no one had the heart to pull her away. Obviously, the two had been close.

This girl was a platinum blonde with some blue highlights. Her eyes were green, like Barry's, but it was hard to see with her bangs in the way. Her black sweatpants were darkening with the blood from the floor, but she didn't seem to care. Her yellow shirt had a smiley face, something that seemed too ironic and cruel.

Barry sighed, fighting the tears that were threatening to break. He knew what it was like to see a body of someone you cared about, to see the lifelessness in their eyes and the paleness of their skin. It was unnatural and something no child should have to see. That's why he walked over and gave her a hug, pulling her close to his body.

She pulled away quickly, more tears coming to replace the others. "Get away from me!" she yelled. She seemed heartbroken, her soul shattered.

Barry tried to just reach out an arm, but she shoved it back at him harshly. "Let me help you," he begged her quietly. She shook her head, her eyes glazing over. "It's my fault. I don't need anyone else to be hurt because of my mistakes."

He smiled sadly at her and shook his head. "It's not your fault," he pleaded. "Please, believe me. I went through all of them thought, the feelings. I understand. Hell, I feel it, too. But it is not your fault."

She stared up at him, a cruel smile on her lips. "How do you know? How do you know that isn't?"

Barry's sad smile didn't leave. "Because I've spent sleepless nights trying to tell myself it wasn't my fault when my soul was against me. Because I've cried to the point where I couldn't, pleading with myself to just grab that rope. You can't blame yourself, can't follow her lead." He leaned down so he was level with her so she would feel more comfortable.

The little girl sniffed, then she was sobbing, pulling herself closer to Barry instead of the other way around. She muttered muffled things, things Barry wished he could hear. One thing he did manage to make out, though, was, "I'm sorry."

They sat there for almost twenty minutes before she pulled away from him and scampered off. By then, both JJ and Lily were fighting the cops to get to him. 

JJ was having a rough time, making it easy for a cop to lift her up, bridal style, and carry her over to a secluded corner. According to the nametag, the cop's name was Veronica. They seemed to argue for a while before they decided to make their time more... productive. It was a mystery and a surprise that no one noticed either woman with their pants down. Apparently, JJ understood Barry more than she let on if the woman she was kissing was any indication.

Meanwhile, Lily was still going strong. She fought past them like an animal. It was a wonder the two blondes holding her could actually keep their grip. Barry had a feeling she was letting them, though.

So much for his helpful friends who cared more about their sex lives than him.

Sadly, he managed to miss the person he would be the most shocked to see. Well, except for anyone else he knew that wasn't on the cruise. Leonard Snart tapped him on the shoulder, someone passing the police tap unseen, and had the nerve to smirk at him. "Well, wasn't that a touching speech?" he drawled. Barry glared at him, trying to be fierce, and ended up looking like a frustrated puppy.

"How much of that did you hear?" Barry demanded. Barry was both surprised and proud at how cold his voice became. CC's smirk disappeared, but it wasn't replaced by pity. Instead, it was understanding that covered his features.

"You know, I've lost people, too, Barry. I'm here if you need to talk."

Barry stared at him in cold fury, his anger becoming his weapon as he stood up. "Why would I want to talk to you? You're a liar, remember? You have betrayed me so many times without regret, without apology, and you think I'm just going to spill my heart to you? I've learned better, Snart." Barry practically growled the last word before turning on his heel toward the door. Past the police tape, past the dead girl, past the crying one in the corner, past the two women locking lips, past the two cops barely fighting to hold Lily back. Past the hurt expression on Snart's face that didn't belong.

Barry found himself wandering the halls, searching for something to do. The pool was definitely not where he was going, but the bar seemed like a bad option, too. The arcade would be too painful, and Barry didn't know how to play shuffleboard. He didn't know what else they had, and he knew he had to work off this energy somehow, so he figured starting at the drop-dead gorgeous pictures lining the wall wouldn't help, either. Same with the amazingly free Netflix in his room where Snart would no doubt be waiting.

He was surprised that he kept ending up alone with no one around him, like the world was afraid of him.

Eventually, after almost two hours of pacing, Barry realized why he couldn't think or feel. He was numb. After spending years of that feeling, he could recognize it. He knew how bad it could be, and he also knew how to shake it off, but he wasn't sure he wanted to. The numbness kept him calm, in control. It helped him focus.

He couldn't stop thinking about JJ and that girl (Carly by her nametag. Mary had no idea how he had been able to see it with their chests so close together) together. Kissing. He wasn't judging by any means. He was a cop himself, or he at least worked at a precinct, and he was gay. He just hoped JJ knew what she was doing.

As for Lily, he was wondering how long it would take her to bang those guys. He may not know her well, but he knew her type. They had plenty of one-night-stands, content with justing living life at its fullest. He admired those people. They could just... move on. They didn't let their thoughts trap them or disarm them. He wished he could be like that.

As for Snart, Barry hoped he died in a hole. Granted, that was unlikely, especially since they were on a boat, but everyone had hopes and wishes. Barry couldn't help but wonder what Snart's were. Rob the world? Time travel? Not never die?

Honestly, Barry didn't care that much. It was just a thought, a thought that could distract him from the painful ones.

Why did Kendra do it? What pushed her? Was I not enough?

Sadly, that didn't last long. He looked around, and was surprised to see a glass door that showed the ocean waves. He pushed through it, hoping some air would clear his thoughts.

The deck had a wooden floor. The ramp to keep people from falling was up to Barry's chest and it was white, like the walls on either side of it. The ocean waves jumped over each other in the distance, like they were playing King of the Hill. If you looked closely, you could see the dolphins. The sun was still out and shining, the complete opposite of what this day had been.

He stared at it for a few moments before the door opened and JJ limped out. He could hear her artificial leg bang in what sounded like a painful way across the wooden deck as he walked toward him. She was panting, but Barry didn't have to look to see the giant smile on her face. Apparently, getting undressed by a stranger in the corner of a crime scene helped someone's mood.

"I know what you're thinking about." Barry turned toward her and was unsurprised to see her at the edge next to him, a sad smile on her face that was replacing her giant, real one. Barry fought the urge to roll his eyes. It wasn't like he was trying to hide it. Just hide from people, which had obviously failed.

"You know, it wasn't your fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you hear that shit all the time, etc, but you saw the kid once. What are you gonna do about it now?"

Barry turned toward her, not bothering to hide his shock. She let out a laugh. "Yeah, I saw you with her. Lotta people did. Now, you're known on this boat as the kind one, the one who comforts random strangers." She let out a strangled laugh.

Barry fought tears.

"I don't care what stupid, self-depriving comment you have. You're not going to say it, because it's not true. You did everything you could for that kid, plus a little more. She made that choice. Not you."

She sighed, forcing Barry's eyes back on her, which had somehow moved back to the waves as she talked.

"I didn't do what I did to be disrespectful. I did it so I'd have a clear head. When you don't hook up with every person you meet like Lily, you start to get cranky and shit. For me, it just helps to work through my stress that way. I actually think it you.d help you, too, especially since you have a hot, single roommate." She shrugged. "If I were into guys, I'd bang him."

Barry let out a harsh laugh. "He hates me."

JJ smirked at him and shook her head. "He definitely doesn't hate you."

Barry rolled his eyes. "Fine. I hate him."

"Even better. Then you'll have no regrets about using him, " JJ pointed out. Barry looked at her, a cruel smile on his lips. It wasn't something you saw on his face much, but when you did, you knew he was planning something bad.

"Maybe you're right. I could use him, and I wouldn't feel guilty. Not now, not ever." He nodded at her.

"I think I've got some work to do."

He walked out the door and toward his cabin. CC was a loner, so he'd likely be in the cabin, reading or sleeping. Maybe watching Netflix.

Perfect.

Barry practically ran through the cruise, running so fast he was surprised he wasn't using super speed. After a few minutes, he found himself outside their cabin. He wasn't sweating or even panting thanks to The Speed Force.

He didn't knock, just walked in, a cruel smirk on his face. He found CC on the light blue couch, reading a book called The Darkest Minds. He was already halfway through it.

Barry walked over to him, and without a word, sat on him and started to straddle CC's hips. CC was in the middle of the couch, sitting up, so it was easy to do.

CC didn't look up from his book to question it, just hummed his approval. Barry was going to make him go a lot louder than that before they were through.

He pulled the book from CC's hands for his full attention, his eyes locking with CC's.

"What brought this on?" CC asked in amusement. Barry smirked back at him, but it was cold and hard, similar to CC's. "It's been a while."

CC didn't argue any further, just rocked his hips to the best Bary had started.

They never kissed, just kicked off their pants and boxers and moaned. Barry felt himself fall asleep when they were done, right on top of CC, who was careful not to wake him, even if the mess dried on him.