hello my name is Naruto Uzumaki-Namekazi-Uchiha-Senju-Hyuuga-Kaguya and I'm currently running away from a mob of angry civilians who are screaming bloody murder while Hiruzen sits in his office doing bugger all. Now there should be a line break here but this is wattpad and paragraphs are a luxury here. You should be thankful I've given you capital letters and basic punctuation because who needs grammar? It's not like it's vital or anything. Helping your uncle jack off a horse anyone? Anyway I let the villagers catch me because I need to hide my true strength as it could endanger the whole shinobi world or something I don't know. Now you may be wondering why these people are chasing me, well you wouldn't guess but it's my birthday and people love to chase me and hunt me down so much it's a wonder I'm not dead yet. Well that reasoning lies with the Kyuubi, the 420 Tailed Frog and the 69 tailed Guinea pig. So the Kyuubi, or as I call her (Yes her) Kyu-chan and she either teaches me anything short of control over atoms (although I'm learning that next year apparently) and control of matter (I'm learning that after atoms though.) The bijuu also unlocked the Shari-Rinne-Byaku-tensei-gan for me which can do anything, including insta-killing people by thinking of them. As well as fox tail and ears because it's DEFINITELY necessary. Kyuu-chan also is constantly horny trying to get in my pants every five seconds even though I'm a child because the police force was made up of just Uchiha and we all know what happened to them. Did you know that the Uchiha are a bunch of stuck up bastards who cheat to gain their shinobi abilities by having a cheat code in their eye sockets. And no I will not acknowledge how entirely hypocritical that is because my logic makes perfect sense like everything else in this book.

Anyway I hate all Uchiha, except Itachi because murdering an entire clan of 99.99% innocent people while torturing the only survivor for hours upon hours and telling him to murder everyone he gets close to for power and joining a terrorist organisation is forgivable if your hot enough.

Now the villagers are stabbing and cutting me up like the steak that's to tough in your dinner until they are tired. There is also this pink headed lady who is really stabbing me where it hurts. And will this have any negative mental reprocussions for me? No! Why would it?

It's now four o'clock in the morning and nearly time for the academy. Now I have to put up my mask for everyone because remember, it could endanger the entire shinobi world. Although that risk ends today because it's graduation! I've got a haircut, released the genjutsu and changed my outfit which is now comprised of a black chainmail armour, a black cape, black trousers and black steel toed boots. Gone is the blinding orange jumpsuit that is terrible for stealth.

Omg who's that he's so hot! Says all the girls, who now are my fangirls. Wait why is speech in bold? I ask Because speech marks are for the week and I needed a way to differentiate speech from text. Iruka replies. But don't speech marks do that themselves? I ask, confused SPEECH MARKS ARE FOR THE WEAK! I nod my head and sit down in the closest seat near me, which happens to be next to the one the only Sasuke Uchiha. Who sits there whining all day, his trauma is nothing. Being tortured by your elder brother? That's nothing. Have your entire family be taken away in a single night? Average Tuesday.

NARUTO-BAKAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT TO MY SASUKE-KUUUN Came a yell from behind me. A swinging arm comes down which could either break the world in half or not even harm a fly, depends on the weather. Well I'm not up for this shit today and catch it, shocking everyone. Listen up Haruno. I'm tired of being your punching bag all day, so stop screeching in my ear you disgrace of a ninja. You don't know anything about me and my life. I'm superior in every way, just give up. The Naruto Uzumaki you knew was fake. I'm actually Naruto Uzumaki-Namekazi-Uchiha-Senju-Hyuuga-Kaguya. Now bow down to me.

She then started crying because every single girl must either cry uncontrollably over a guy or be a simp for every Uchiha because no one passes the Bechdel test here.

We did the genin exam and I shock everyone with my ultra cool flashy abilities that Tengen would be proud of and gained my super flashy headband that flashed in the sun.

I walked back into the room and everyone was ultra shocked that me, the dead last, passed. "NARUTO! HOW COULD YOU PASS! YOU MUST HAVE CHEATED!" Sakura screeched.

"Wait... There are speech marks?" I murmered, confused at the sudden upgrade of grammar. But no time to dwell on that as another swinging arm came to split my head in two. "DONT IGNORE ME NARUTO!"

I caught her arm yet again and made her cry with my edglord edgyness.

Eventually Iruka came back and started talking, I immediately tuned him out as he's boring and beneath me. "Team 7, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto. Your team leader is Hatake Kakashi." Cool. My dad's student, wonderful.

And we waited. And waited. And waited. With the annoying pink banshee squealing over her Sasuke-kun.

The emo himself sat in the corner, scowling as usual. Thinking he's so much better than all of us. And we waited. And waited. And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until "Hi sorry I got lost on the path of life."

"YOUR LATE!" Screeched Sakura, making all of our ears hurt.
"Uh, first impression, I hate you all."

"And we hate you to." I answer.
"NARUTO! YOU CANT BE RUDE TO OUR SENSEI! YOU STUPID IDIOT!"

"Meet me in the roof in five." And our sensei disappeared in a swirl of leaves. I follow his example and disappear in a firework and a solid gold thats so flashy it would put Tengen to shame. Stealth be damned.

Five minutes later, Sasuke and Sakura came up to the roof all sweaty. Pathetic.

Kakashi was gobsmacked at my awesomeness and told us to meet him at training ground 7 tomorrow at seven to become genin.

Spoiler alert, we passed. Even though we used zero teamwork, as the council demanded we pass as the last Uchiha is on our team. Which is surprising since I'm here to.

"Hn dobe give me your Jutsu." Sasuke hn-ed.
"No. You have to learn Jutsu the proper way. You can't just demand them. And the sharingan is cheating to."
"Hey, isn't that hypocritical?"
'Shut up 69 tailed Guinea pig. I'm always right.'

For the next few weeks we do useless D Ranks that I'm so much better than. And that stupid cat named Tora. I will murder the cat if it's the last thing I do.

Eventually I get too bored, Loser 1 (Sakura) and Loser 2 (Sasuke) are also bored, so we manage to convince Loser 3 (Kakashi) that we need to do a C Rank.

So we got one. It's to protect this dumb old man named Tazuna while he builds his bridge. I shall call him Loser 4

I knew something was off from the get-go as I'm just that awesome. And I was correct when the demon brothers attacked us. Of course I stomped all over them with my superior Jutsu and skillz, making Loser 2 all jealous over my superior skillz.

"Hn dobe give me your Jutsu." I just ignored Loser 2 and continued walking.

When Loser 5 (Momochi Zabuza) dramatically shows his ugly taste of fashion to the world, I knew I had to kick his face in. So I did.

Unfortunately a Kiri Hunter-nin arrived and stole our kill like the toxic Dota player he is.

"Zabuza is still alive." Loser 3 dramatically told us when we got to Loser 4's place. (I swear half the people here missed their calling as a theatre kid). "No shit Sherlock." I say, even though Loser 1 and 2 are oh so surprised.

We then finished the mission, kicked Gatos face in and then Zabuza's face in, got a bridge names after my awesomeness, and added Haku to my harem.

You know, the harem that was definitely tagged and definitely aluded to before and totally didn't come out of noware.

You know. That harem.

We arrive back at Konoha and do more absolutely boring D Rank missions that I could do in my sleep.

"I've nominated you all for the Chunin exams." Loser 3 dramatically told us.
"Finally. A chance to prove my strength." I said.
"Hn." Hn-ed Sasuke. As that's all his vocab is limited to.

"You will enter in three days." Loser 3 dramatically told us before leaving in a swirl of leaves shunshin.

I leave in my own, firework-followed-by-gold shunshin to prove my superiority.

We enter the Chunin exams and I add Temari and TenTen to my harem. Karin and Fuu also join as they were also here why wouldn't they be.

I sweep through the first part of the exam with barely any difficulty as I'm Naruto Uzumaki-Namekazi-Uchiha-Senju-Hyuuga-Kaguya.

Then there's the forest of death. Now you'd really like to know what would happen right?

Right?

But you won't know because I'm discontinuing this story!

Suprise!

Definitely didn't see that one coming did you!