Angel : me and Char are no longer friends

me : Angel, that is literally the worst way to tell people we're dating

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Callum : so you're creative?

me : yep

Callum : what do you create?

me : nothing but problems

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any of us : I have emotional breakdowns over fictional characters. that's all you need to know about me.

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Bee : I am , as the kids say , awake

Honey : don't you mean woke?

Bee : yes but that's grammatically incorrect

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Bee : my policy is if you see something, say something

me : I saw a frog today

Bee : outstanding, this is what I'm talking about people!

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Angel : too many songs about love, not enough songs about sword fights.

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Callum : don't fear death, fear the state you die in.

me, terrified : Virginia?

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me : hey wanna help me commit a felony?

Honey : WHAT THE FUCK?!

me : oh right sorry

me, whispering : wanna help me commit a felony?

Honey : of course bro, what do you need?

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Callum : wait Char kissed you and you said thank you?

Angel, facedown on the floor : yes

Bee : at least you were polite

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me : I give everyone permission to milk my death for personal benefits if i die. I don't care if we're just acquaintances, if we ever talked and I suddenly drop dead one day I want you to tell your boss you just lost a friend and need the day off. my treat