(I update this so often because I have nothing better to do in life)
(please spam me with comments)

Sunny, after consuming enough caffeine to kill three horses, crawling around the room rapidly : WHERE ARE THE FRESH CHILDREN FOR ME TO FEAST UPON?!

Sunflower, holding up a cross, backing themself into a corner : what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK—

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Snek : am I right, Char?

me : I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.

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Bee : any questions?

Angel : yes, I have a lot of questions

Angel : number one: how dare you?

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Bee : what is the proper way to dealing with a toxic father?

Sunflower : a knife

Bee : wha- no!

Angel : two knives

Bee : STILL NO

me : god, you guys are so dumb. the proper way is an untraceable poison.

Bee : why am I friends with you people?

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(probably) all of us : why do people have quiet, respectful funerals? when I die, I want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly into a coffin, and then they blow up the coffin with explosives so glitter rains down on the guests while blasting random girl in red songs.

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Sunflower : why is blood so hard to wash off your hands?

Sunflower : I JUST REALISED HOW BAD THIS SOUNDS. FOR THE RECORD, I HAD A NOSE BLEED, I'M NOT A SERIAL KILLER

me : we both know that isn't true

Angel : hydrogen peroxide dissolves blood, just fyi

Sunny : do you think if you gave someone a huge shot of hydrogen peroxide straight into their bloodstream it would kill them?

Bee : this group is filled with murderers-

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Sunny, cause they're a pure bean : and look, I made a marshmallow Bee. see? her arms are crossed because she's mad at all the other marshmallow crackheads for annoying her. do you like it?

Bee, choking up with motherly pride : it's okay

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Snek, panicking at a Wendy's  : can I get uh...a lamp?

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Bee : shhhhh, guys, do you hear that?

the rest of us : what?

Bee : that was the sound of my patience shattering into a billion pieces

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all of us : YOU READ MY DIARY?!

someone : at first, I didn't know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad hand-written novel.