Bee : Lauren, why did you punch him?

Lauren : he was getting up in my personal space!

Bee : *sighs* Lauren, he was your doctor

-

me : my sexuality does not define me!

Sunny : hey, how are you?

me : lesbian

-

-us arguing-

me : well you can't make EVERYONE like you. you're not Angel.

Snek : not EVERYONE likes Angel

me : WHO THE HELL DOESN'T LIKE ANGEL?!

Snek : no, I was just-

me : GIVE ME THE NAMES OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE ANGEL RIGHT THE FUCK NOW

-

Angel : hey Latte, have you seen my cookies?

me, with a mouthful of cookies : no

-

Sunny : I just poured milk into the washing machine. sometimes I think I'm an idiot.

me : I do that all the time!

Bee : pour milk into the washing machine?

me : no, think I'm an idiot

-

Bee : so, how are my platonic wife and children?

Angel : *dragging in a dead body*

Lauren : *makes fun of them*

me : STOP MAKING FUN OF MY MURDER GIRL

Snek : *bites me*

Sunny and Ari (that's their name right-?) : *making out in a corner*

Bee : *sighs* I don't have the mental capacity for this

-

-at starbucks-

Sunny : I'll have a coffee as dark as my soul

the barista :

Lauren : they'll have a white chocolate mocha

-

Lauren : I love the phrase "what the entire fuck" because it implies that there exists some scenario that warrants only a "what the partial fuck"

Angel : well, since there are clearly scenarios which warrant giving zero fucks, it seems plausible to infer that there exists a 0-1 scale of fucktidide, containing a potentially infinite number of fractional fuckery scenarios

Lauren : Fractional Fuckery Scenarios is going to be my first short story collection

-

Angel : here's a fun Christmas idea; we hang up a mistletoe, but instead of kissing them, we have to FIGHT the person underneath

Bee : we are not doing that

Snek : mistlefoe if you will

Bee : children, no

-

Angel : don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve!

Snek : I think you mean tricks

Angel, pulling three knives out of their sleeve : I do not