me, driving up to Sunny's house : get in loser we're going shopping

-

Lauren : will there be pancake rolls?

Angel, sobbing uncontrollably : th-there-

Lauren : Angel. your girlfriend's funeral. pancake rolls?

my ghost : make sure there are pancake rolls

-

Bee : child, what did I tell you about lying?

Snek : *sighs* that it only works on Lauren

-

any of us : whoops 

Bee : whoops? WHOOPS?! this is not a "whoops" situation! we are far past whoops. whoops is a distant speck in the rear view mirror. we are solidly in "oh fuck" territory and I expect you to act like it 

-

kid 1 : wait, it's moving!

kid 2 : what's she saying?

me through the Ouija board : I-T-S P-A-S-T Y-O-U-R B-E-D-T-I-M-E G-O T-H-E F-U-C-K T-O S-L-E-E-P

-

me : *walks in on Angel using a Ouija board* babe-

Angel : yes?

me : I told you that you couldn't summon any demons

Angel : fuck you

-

Lauren : you call yourself my friend, but where were you when my photo had only four likes?!

Snek : making four accounts...

Lauren : bro...

Snek : bro

-

some assholes who deserve to die : welcome to the fuck Bee club where we collectively say fuck you to that bitch

Lauren, sweating : so I may have misunderstood-

-

Bee : why is Sunny crying?

Snek : Lauren killed their minecraft polar bear

Lauren : THEY WERE THE ONE WHO BROUGHT A POLAR BEAR TO THE FUCKING NETHER!

-

Angel : how long are you going to be mad at me?

me : ten minutes