My mind woke up before my body. The dreams seeped out of the corners of my eyes as the morning sun tried to break its way through my eyelids. I fought it, grasping for one last moment with Nana and red balloon. I pressed my eyelids closed so tightly they hurt, my body stiffening at the effort. Instinctively, Danny's grip constricted on me. I welcomed the pressure and focused on it, letting it wash over me and pull me back to reality. Danny leaned in, carefully placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head. I lifted my face to his and reluctantly opened my eyes. Wordlessly, we greeted each other with smiles before sinking back into each other, fighting the call of the day.

We had just met. The insanity of finding myself in Danny's arms tried to tug at my thoughts, but the calm warmth of his presence softened all the sharp ideas. From the safety and sincerity of Danny came Jacob: Jacob, my oldest friend and boyfriend of five years. I had never shared a moment as peaceful as this with him. Eventually, the thought curdled the moment; I stretched out of Danny's grasp as he let me slip away as a second thought gripped me. I had to call Sarah before she heard the news from a random.

The great thing about Danny, he fit. He didn't ask for permission; he just existed intuitively with the world. I envied his ease. He naturally slid from my bed and headed to the shower as if it were a well-established routine.

Sarah gasped at all the right moments of my tale, sighed at some, offered a tender consolation at the climax.

"You've been dealing with the pod squad hitting on him for years. One dude says hi to you, and suddenly you're branded a slut. Over it," Sarah didn't bother to hide her contempt.

"Hey, you got a spare toothbrush?" Danny's hushed voice made my lips twitch up as he stuck his head out the bathroom door, sprinkling droplets of water from his hair to the carpet.

"Yeah, bottom drawer," I shot back, garnering the first genuine reaction from Sarah.

"Was that a boy?" Sarah's voice rose with excitement. I could tell the Cheshire cat smile spread across her face as she lingered on the word boy.

"Oh, I left one part out." I had done it deliberately. I still didn't know how to explain Danny to myself, let alone Sarah.

"Sounds like a pretty big part to leave out. Who was that; Danny, Conner, Jacob, Chris, a stranger? Please don't tell me it's Kyle." Sarah's voice continued to get higher as her list grew.

"Danny, it was Danny." I felt a smile spread across my face from saying his name.

"So, how was he?"

"It wasn't like that." I hated everyone would go straight to sex when that felt so wrong for the night. "I'll tell you about it later. Do you want to come to study today?" Updating Sarah relaxed me.

"Can't; on rug-rat duty," Sarah's voice was radiating annoyance.

"Bring him; we can study by the pool."

"You sure? He's so uncool."

By the tone, Sammy must have been within earshot. There was a muffled rebuttal from him in the background.

"Yeah, I could use some Sammy time, anyway." I needed all the Bennis family time I could get.

"Okay, but I promised my parents dinner before Exam Jam, so we have to be home by five." Sarah's voice came distant as she packed up her swim gear while she spoke.

"Well, it's only ten now, so I think we can manage."

I finalized our plans and hung up as Danny flopped down on the bed behind me, still shirtless, with drops of water falling to his shoulders and onto the bed.

"Did you even try to dry off?" I teased as I wiped a drop from his shoulder.

He just shrugged and nestled back into the pillows.

"Who's Sammy?" There was no hint of jealousy in his voice; it felt like more of a filler. Part of me wished for jealousy.

"Sarah's little brother. He's awesome. I need some Sammy time right now." I leaned back, so my head rested on his stomach as his fingers carefully combed through my hair.

"Oh, a crush on the bestie's little bro?" He cocked an eyebrow at me, triggering a giggle from us both.

"Yes, it's a real unrequited love story between me and a seven-year-old," I teased.

"You cougar!" He scolded.

"So, mini pool party; you in?"

Danny fidgeted at my request as my mood plummeted.

"Please, we'll call Conner, too. He can bring your suit." My voice was a pathetic pleading. I didn't want Danny to leave yet. If he left, all the thoughts would return about Jacob, high school, Willsden.

Danny gently tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I knew I had him when his fingers lingered behind my ear and couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face.

"You don't play fair," he smiled back.

"I know. You call Conner. I gotta shower."

He gave a quick nod before pulling his phone from his pocket.

I was halfway to the bathroom when he called after me, "let me know if you need any help." I turned to give him a look, hoping to mask the surge the idea of sent through me. He just cocked an eyebrow again, "you know, with those hard-to-reach places." He held his hands up as he feigned innocence.

I took an extra-long shower as my mind loitered on the mix of comfort and flirtation from Danny. The water cooled slow enough that it didn't feel uncomfortable even when it was running cold, more like getting caught in a sun shower. Once out, I grew impatient, hurrying to brush my teeth and pulling my hair back into a messy ponytail. I grabbed my red one-piece suit from its drying hook and pulled it on before heading back into the bedroom. Danny was sprawled out on my bed, absently flipping through his phone, just as I had left him.

"You need to charge that?" I offered.

He looked, "yep."

I nodded to the nightstand where the cable stuck out.

"Conner will be over in a while," he noted as he plugged in his phone.

I smiled in acknowledgment as I pulled on a pair of jean shorts.

"So," for once, Danny's voice was awkward, putting me on edge.

I tried to look casual as I leaned against my desk, but really, I was fortifying myself in case whatever he said deflated my high. He quickly saw through my attempt and softened his expression to a half-smile.

"Come here," he held out a hand to beckon me to his side.

I tentatively moved, knowing I couldn't resist his call. He pulled me to his side, and I distracted myself from the suddenly tense air between us by running my fingers over the wet spots of his t-shirt that had absorbed the droplets from his shower.

"So," he began again. "Here's the thing." He moved his free hand to my lap, flexing his fingers a bit until I nestled mine within it. "There's something about you," he deliberated over each word. "I enjoy being around you. You calm something in me that..."

As he struggled, I gave his hand a bit of a squeeze. "I enjoy being around you, too. You make me feel safe."

He gave me a weak smile and a kiss on my temple. "I'm not..."

My mind wandered to Kelly's assumption that I knew him via drugs or meaningless sex before spiraling to his causal mixing of Xanax and liquor. But I swallowed the thoughts.

"Danny, I don't care what you're not," I leaned in further to his chest.

He let out a sigh. "Okay, I'm," and with a bit of a shrug, he finished, "a bit messed up."

"Aren't we all?"

"No," Danny shifted, so his eyes met mine. There was an urgency in him now; his spine stiffened, reminding me how he towered over me by almost a foot when we stood. "I ruin every relationship I have," he flatly spoke. His voice was thin without the fluctuations that emotion typically adds.

"So, do I. We're eighteen; it's what we do."

"Emma, I'm not a good guy; I make many bad decisions. Then I have to face all the bullshit I have inflicted on everyone if they even still show up." He was so careful with me, measured and strong, but now his words were urgent and pleading. "Say something," his voice came little like Sammy's during a scary movie.

"What do you want me to say?" I doubled down on my grasp on him, leaning in further and clutching his hand harder. I wouldn't let go.

"I don't know. I just kind of gave up on the entire relationship thing. I just..."

"All relationships?" I interrupted. "I mean, we could be friends." I didn't want to be friends, but I would settle for it if it meant keeping him close. "We can get to know each other."

"It's just; we spent last night together... The thing is, I'm not into you that way." He braced himself, as though I might slap him.

I felt the blow but tried to mask it. "So, we'll be friends," I managed with a fake smile and overly chipper tone.

"So..." Danny was still proceeding with caution.

"I enjoy being around you. You are safe and comforting. Like an old sweatshirt." It was all true, but I knew it wasn't the whole truth, at least not for me.

"Safe," he absently spoke to himself before adding, "old sweatshirt? Thank you, I think."

"So, we're good. We're friends." I looked him straight in the eyes, hoping it would end the conversation.

"I'm not sure if 'friends' is right, but we are something and, as long as we are on the same page, fuck the labels."

"Fuck the labels," I smiled. It was genuine this time; Danny agreed friends wasn't the correct label.

"Come on," he tackled me and wrestled me to his chest.

I let my breathing settle from laughter before adding, "you're definitely in my top five favorite people, maybe even top three."

"Top three?" Danny teased. "Who could beat me?"

"Well, wait until you meet Sarah and Sammy."

"You're such a cougar," he shook his head. "Who's number three?"

"Oh, I am super into Keanu Reeves."

"Like Ted; Bill and Ted."

"He's a national fucking treasure. Don't even with me on this."

"Okay, okay. Good to know." He paused for a moment, allowing his mind to whirl through thoughts. "I live with my Nana, and she'll always be number one. I barely graduated from Deering. And, I may have, in the past, had a side business selling weed and a few other... things. But I'm out of that and focused on this whole not being a total screw-up thing. Oh, and Kirsten Dunst."

"Kirsten Dunst?"

"Hey, you have Keanu Reeves; I have Kirsten Dunst."

I gave a sly smile that made Danny's chest jump beneath me with a silent laugh. "I think Keanu might be the most interesting part of me. I'm fucking boring. Jacob and I were together since the very first middle school dance. I pretty much can't stand anyone at my school except Sarah. I graduate in a couple of weeks and head to UNH in the fall." I searched for something that made me different from everyone else. "Oh, my parents love me and all but are never here."

"Yeah, I noticed that. Where are they?"

"Mom's a doctor; dad's a lawyer," I shrugged. "When I was little, they would, you know, take care of me and stuff, but once they realized I could take care of myself, they just sunk into their work more."

"Okay, and you are..." I could sense that Danny was trying to gauge how I felt about it.

"Jury's still out."

I never thought about how I felt about my parents vanishing into their work. It was just how things were, but it made my mind wander to the Bennis household. I wove my fingers through Danny's and then let them drop to his chest. We were still for a moment as Danny's gaze washed over me before he pinched my side, causing me to let out a shriek of laughter. We both devolved into a wrestling match, rolling and twisting on the bed.

"Um, hello; impressionable child present," Sarah called from the doorway, causing Danny and me to extricate ourselves from each other.

"Yeah, and me too," Sammy added, sparking laughter from around the room. "Sarah said that I should feel bad for you because you and Jacob broke up," he continued, "but I didn't like him." He added before running back into the living room to start up the Nintendo.

"I like that kid already," Danny smiled as he heaved himself up. "Hey, you must be Sarah." Danny extended a hand to her.

"And you must be Danny." The wheels turned in Sarah's head, and I knew I'd have to have a lengthy 'just friends' conversation with her later.

Danny and Sarah fell into an easy chatter as relief filled me. It hadn't entered my mind until then that there was the possibility that Sarah and Danny might hate each other.

I left them to their chatter and joined Sammy on the couch. He unconsciously shifted into my side without taking his eyes off his game. I put an arm around him as my mind drift off to nothing.

I read once that mediation meant the absence of thought. It had puzzled me; wouldn't I have to think about not thinking to start not thinking? But at that moment, it was easy to drift. I was content, happy even.