Like most of the class, Sarah passed out as soon as she hit her bus seat on the way home. But I was wired; my mind spun between Danny and Conner. Just friends Danny; I tried to remember why that was a good idea. He ruined everything. He didn't want to lose me, but he was losing me to Conner. Everything had happened so fast with Conner; one minute, I couldn't stand him; the next, I couldn't stand to be apart from him. It was one night; I told myself. It probably meant nothing to him. Conner's mind had also drifted to Danny in his moment of clarity, and he had responded that Danny couldn't know. To Conner, we were a mistake to hide. Just like Danny, Conner would inevitably push me away as well.

"Emma," there was no sleepiness in Sarah's tone; she must have been awake for a while. "I know you don't want to talk, but if you change your mind, I'll just listen."

I let out a sigh and leaned my head on her shoulder. "Sarah, I love you, but you could never just listen." But I needed to let it out. After a pause, I continued, "he said 'we can't tell Danny.'"

"What? When?" The annoyance in Sarah's tone was slipping to anger.

"Conner, that was the pillow talk. I'm a secret." My words came devoid of emotion. I was empty. I had thought of it too much, and all feeling escaped me.

"Boys," Sarah muttered.

"I don't understand. Sometimes both act like I am this important person to them, and then the next moment they're embarrassed by me or something." I wasn't talking to Sarah anymore; I was just talking out loud.

"Emma, they both have a thing for you. They don't want to tell each other." Sarah let out another big breath to calm her annoyance. "I just assumed that if you picked, it would be done, and they would deal with it, not just continue to hide everything from each other."

"I didn't pick," confusion clouded me. I didn't pick; I never had a choice.

"But Conner. I mean, you picked Conner, right?"

Sarah was trying to twist to see my face, but I shifted to avoid her gaze. I hadn't picked; I allowed Conner in. Danny never tried. Afraid of the answer to the obvious question, I avoided whom I would have chosen.

"They didn't give me a choice. Danny made his intentions clear. He doesn't think of me that way. We're friends. Conner is the one that likes me." Again, I wasn't convincing Sarah; I was convincing myself.

"You know that's not true. I mean, yes, Conner likes you. But Danny doesn't want to be friends with you. If you need proof, tell him about you and Conner. I mean, with the three of you, the secret is going to get out fast. There's only so much room in that bed of yours."

My mind worked through the thought. Danny hadn't come to me last night; did he know?

Another hefty heave came from Sarah's chest. "Emma, you need to choose. It is not fair to Conner if he is just a warm body, and it isn't fair to Danny if you are leaving him on a hook."

I didn't enjoy the way Sarah put it, but it was true. It wasn't even that I had to choose; I had to figure out how I felt about both. Things were safe and comfortable with Conner. He'd always be there to protect me and be strong, but that was the same reason I had been with Jacob for so long. Danny was different; he made me feel strong and a little dangerous. But he didn't want me. I reminded myself that it was not an 'or'; it was a do you want to be with Conner.

Wrung out from all the thoughts, I went straight to bed when I got home. It relieved me to sleep the day away with no one questioning me. My mind was too tired to dream, or if I had, I was too tired to remember. Even so, I woke up with the flash of the red balloon and a plan. I picked up my phone and, without thinking, dialed.

He picked up on the first ring with a "hey."

"Hey." My excited pitch surprised me and quickened my pulse. "I'm a graduate!"

"Yeah, you are. How was Project Grad?" I was his entire focus.

"Good, we went on the longest Boston Harbor cruise ever. Sarah and I had our own sub-party on a back deck."

"I would expect nothing less. Are you still exhausted?"

"No, I just got up, so I'm pretty good. I'm sure I won't sleep at all tonight. Maybe I should hunt down some cough syrup for later." I absently moved to my bathroom to check the cabinet as I spoke. The realization caused a smile to spread across my face. The flow was natural; this was a simple conversation.

"Any interest in a guest?" There was a playfulness in his question, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was covering up the fear that I'd say no.

Some evil part of me smiled. "I'd love a guest. That's why I was calling." My choice validated me. "I have to shower. Does an hour sound good?"

"Sounds great. I'll see you then." There was an enthusiastic tone that I didn't expect but made me smile.

I showered and shoveled a bowl of cereal into my mouth. Still, it had only been half an hour. I flipped through TV channels, unable to settle my mind. Why hadn't I said half an hour? My impatience scolded me for saying an hour. I shifted, trying to find an outlet for my frustration, and stretched out my neck.

"Sleeping on a bus can give you a stiff neck?" Conner's voice was so low that it didn't even make me jump. "Sorry, I'm ear...."

He didn't get to finish; I was crashing into his arms. His chest lept in a stifled laugh. I dragged my face from his shoulder and got the briefest glimpse of his green eyes before our lips crashed into each other. It was a long time before we separated. Conner leaned against the doorjamb for support. Finally, and reluctantly, he drew himself away.

"You missed me," he teased.

It hit me all at once; I missed him. I knew nothing I could do or say would make him not be there.

"I did." I leaned into him again, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad," he was admitting more than just teasing.

I smiled up at him and got lost in his face. This time I didn't stop myself; I lifted a hand and gave his nose a poke.

"I've wanted to do that since the moment I saw you at Chris'."

"Poke my nose? I won't lie; that hits the ego a bit." His smile was shy but sincere. His gaze could read my thoughts.

"Well, I guess that tells me what you thought when you first saw me."

"I'm an open book, I guess." He flopped on the couch, holding out his hands, calling me to him.

I dropped mostly on top of him. "I'm happy," I sighed as I nuzzled into him. "You make me happy." I just had to remember that when he wasn't around. This feeling of warmth and comfort could easily flare to burning when his lips met mine.

He smiled down at me, the faintest hint of surprise on his face. "You make me happy," he tugged me in even closer before adding, "thank you for saying it, though."

We spent the evening braided together, pretending to watch TV but kissing more than anything. I updated him on Jacob, the bracelet, and the truce we had forged. I was expecting some jealousy to flare, but if it did, he hid it. Instead, he seemed genuinely happy.

"You can stay here tonight, right?" I asked when I noticed him checking the time.

"So, that was one thing I need to talk to you about." He stiffened beneath me. "I'm staying at my dad's right now, so I have a curfew and a few other rules."

"Oh, okay. Like what?"

"Well, the curfew is midnight."

My heart sank as it was already 11:30 pm.

"And they have this thing with family dinners every night."

"Wow, that seems different from your mom's." I stretched a bit. "It sounds like you might get your sense of order from your dad," I absently spoke, not thinking of what I said before giving him a gentle kiss on his nose. When I rolled away, I noticed a broader smile on his face. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just, no one has ever compared me to my dad before."

"Is that because no one has met your dad?" I was teasing but also curious.

"No, Danny and Nana know him." He let out a yawn. "Kyle too," he added as an afterthought. "Nana has known him forever. Since he was a kid with my mom, they were high school sweethearts."

I smiled at the word sweetheart coming from Conner's lips.

"Anyway, I can come out before and after dinner, but I have to be home at 5:30 pm."

"Do they know about me?" I regretted asking the moment I said it. It was too close to what I was avoiding.

"Yeah," he guiltily said. "So, I may have called you my girlfriend." He paused before again qualifying with, "it just seemed easier than any other label."

"So, does that make you my boyfriend?" I couldn't help but use a teasing tone.

"Em, you can call me whatever you want as long as I'm the one you're calling."

It was his turn to tease, but it was so alluring that I tucked myself close to him and let our lips collide again. After a few minutes, he pulled away again.

"You kiss me like that, and I'll end up missing curfew and have to move in with you."

"Promise?" I was half kidding, but let him extract himself.

I watched as he put on his sneakers and leaned down to give me one last kiss.

"Goodnight, boyfriend," I called after him.

He shook his head at me. "Goodnight, Emma. I'll see you tomorrow."

I watched him disappear into the darkness and continue to gaze out long after he left. Eventually, I hauled myself up, took a shot of cough syrup, and plopped down on the bed as sleep overtook me again.