T W E N T Y F I V E
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Jeongguk wakes up in a cold sweat. His hands flew to the right side of the bed. As it met with the empty sheets, the hollow feeling inside his body grew hollower, more deeper than it already is. The familiar feeling of always having a certain someone on his bed now suddenly disappears and Jeongguk cannot get used to it.
Immediately he gets out of the bed, wearing his slippers as he runs his hands through his hair, pushing it back out of his face. Opening his bedroom door and walking out. He heads towards Taehyung's bedroom and sees the door is open but just from here he can see Taehyung's bed is made. He isn't here. Not in his bedroom at least. Without thinking he just goes towards the Living room.
He started to check the bathrooms and even the balcony. He wasn't there, he felt like a madman roaming around their apartment. The need to see Taehyung is making him go insane. The sound of the coffee maker hit his ears, it perked up instantly and he almost ran towards the kitchen. Jeongguk reached the kitchen and his eyes fell on the person he was looking out for all this time.
"You don't drink coffee." Jeongguk blurted out almost immediately. Taehyung who stood there, fully dressed up, looked a lot better than last night. He had showered, his face wasn't gloomy like it was yesterday and he wasn't wearing old clothes.
"I also don't like unwanted people in my place but here you are." Taehyung replied with a fake smile on his face. Jeongguk walked towards him but Taehyung stopped him with his hand motioning.
"Taehyung,I-"
"No. Just no, Jeongguk. I am not doing this. Not now, not ever again. I told you everything I wanted to say last night, there's nothing more to add to this conversation. Besides, I don't have time for you. I'm going out."
"where are you going??"
"none of your business." Taehyung said rudely. He takes his cup of coffee and takes a sip. His face scrunched up in disgust immediately. Jeongguk finds it so adorable. Even right now he still cannot stomach it. Taehyung grabs his cup and drops the coffee down the drain into the sink.
Taehyung stands up straight, Facing Jeongguk again. He doesn't say a word and starts to walk past him. He is halted by Jeongguk grabbing his wrist and pulling him back. "Please don't leave."
"Leave my wrist, Jeongguk."
"I am not asking for any answers. I will give you space too if that's what you want but at least let me know where you are going?"
"Why should I Jeongguk? Do I need your permission to go out now?"
"You don't but I'm just worried okay. Just as a safety measure." Jeongguk pleads with him. Taehyung closes his eyes and sighs.
"Jihye and Ryo are here. They want to meet up with me so I'm going to them, happy? let me go now." Taehyung tells him and Jeongguk leaves his wrist. He looks at him one last time before he sighs and leaves the room. Jeongguk stands there, his feet digging deeper into the ground.
He remembers Taehyung's London friends. He faintly remembers really liking the girls but he definitely remembers he didn't like the ryo guy. Not only was he extremely smug, he had also dated Taehyung in the past and that is just something that doesn't sit right with him. He has an upper hand on him in a way and that irks him. Having Taehyung as a lover.
It is something he can have but does he deserve Taehyung? the same Taehyung who cares for him more than anyone else in his life right now. The same guy who has shown compassion for him, who has actually asked him what's wrong and just listened instead of giving out meaningless solutions or just turning the whole situation on him. Has he really fucked them up beyond repair?
His husband doesn't even want to talk to him anymore. He would rather go out than solve their problems. Jeongguk has been losing sleep over this and he knows Taehyung hasn't been well either. But before he replies to Taehyung's confession, he has to ask himself.
Is he even worthy of Taehyung's love?
He sat alone in the dimly lit bar as the night had fallen, nursing his third glass of whiskey, each sip burning his throat but numbing the ache in his chest. The air was thick with the scent of stale liquor, and he could barely hear himself think over the steady hum of voices and clinking glasses. Thinking about the Words they couldn't take back had cut deep, and now, as he downed another sip, he wondered if they'd crossed a line that couldn't be uncrossed. With each drink, he felt himself slip further away from the reality of the fight, hoping the alcohol could dull the sting of regret and disappointment.
He was barely aware of the passing time, lost in his thoughts as memories of their happier moments flashed through his mind, mingling with the pain of their recent fight. Jeongguk thought of the nights they'd spent laughing together, and the way he'd looked at him, so full of love and understanding—until tonight. But now, there was only an endless replay of their angry words, his own shouting echoing in his mind. Part of him wanted to reach for his phone, but pride and hurt held him back. He knows Taehyung wont pick up. Instead, he poured himself another drink, trying to drown the impulse to call and apologize, to bridge the growing chasm between them.
Just as he lifted his glass again, his phone buzzed, startling him. For a moment, he hesitated, his heart pounding as he saw his name flash on the screen. He stared at it, his emotions a tangled mess of relief, hope, and lingering anger. Every instinct told him to pick up, but doubt made him pause. Was this a chance to make things right, or just another step into an argument neither of them knew how to end? He took a deep breath, steadied himself, and answered, his voice shaky as he whispered,
"Hello?"
"Jeongguk, where are you??"
"Why? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Jeongguk asked him back instead, avoiding the question.
"Jeongguk I got a call from Jimin, he said your grandmother's health isn't very well right now. He has been trying to call you and so has been your parents for the past hour or so. He reached out to me instead, so where are you?" Taehyung's voice sounded stern. He was being serious and didn't sound too happy.
"I am at a bar. I'm sorry my phone has been on silent, I didn't realize they had called me. I would go over right now, I'm sorry because of me you were disturbed. I really am." Jeongguk lied to him, he saw the calls but he just ignored them because he couldn't handle their taunts anymore. He didn't know they were calling him for different reasons.
"It's fine, just go check on granny, okay? I...I will come too." Taehyung says and suddenly it's quiet. Jeongguk is genuinely surprised he is coming.
"You will? you-you don't have to."
"I know but I can't let my anger towards you be shifted to granny. She has always been nice to me and Jimin just sounded so worried so I want to come."
"okay, I don't know what to say. Should I pick you up? I will come right now-" Jeongguk sounds so desperate and it is quite pathetic but he can't help himself. He is even a little tipsy but sober enough to drive.
"-No. I am still with Ryo. Jihye left just now. I will come a bit later, so you just go for now." Taehyung tells him and Jeongguk just nods instinctively.
"Okay, I will see you there. Goodbye Taehyung." Jeongguk wants to say I miss you, he wants to tell him he will wait for him but his words are just stuck in his throat. Taehyung doesn't say anything, just hangs up the phone. Jeongguk laughs bitterly and puts his phone in the pocket. He puts a bunch of cash bills on the counter of the bar, to pay for his drinks and just leaves the bar.
The sudden change of atmosphere in his parents house should have been enough sign that things are not going to go well or are going well. It was solemn, the air felt so thick that it felt harder to breathe here. All the servants looked at him with such a strange look in their eyes, as if they were walking on eggshells. He doesn't know what even goes on in this house anymore but the only light being his grandmother, who is now sick, he can only wonder how depressing it is to be here.
He quickly made his way to his grandmother's room. Opening the door handle and the second he entered, he could smell how weird the air was. It smelled like a hospital in the room. The smell of medicines was all up in the air. His eyes fell on his grandmother and the gaze softened.
Laying down on the bed with her eyes closed. She looks really ill, with her skin tightened around her face and showing a bit of her bone structure, she has become thin. Her skin is paler than usual and her breaths are exhaling unevenly. Jeongguk has never seen her like this. She got sick before, there were times where she was told to be on bed rest for weeks but she has never looked this bad.
His heart was hurting at the sight. They have drained the energy out of her. He feels like crying because he hasn't been here for her when she has always been there for him. He goes near the bed and sits near her. He grabs her hand, it's cold so he tries to rub his palm and warm her up. The friction wakes her up, she is confused, her eyes roam around before they land on her grandson. The eyes that were squinting are suddenly wide open.
The glow is back in her eyes as she stares at her grandson with a big smile on her face. "Jeonggukie...you are here!!" She smiles widely at him as he holds his hand tightly.
"ofcourse, I came running when I heard you are really sick. How are you feeling right now?"
"I am fine, don't worry about me. Its usual. Dr.shin comes and scares everyone when there's nothing wrong." His grandma tries to joke around about her health as usual but Jeongguk cannot even smile right now.
"Granny, you look really weak. It scares me to see you like this. Start taking Dr. Shin seriously and please take care of your health. I won't know what to do without you so please don't leave me with these people." He said, referring to his parents. A light hearted chuckle escaped her lips.
"I am not going anywhere, my baby. I will always be with you, even when I'm gone because one day I have to I will still look over you. You are the best grandson I could have asked for. The only reason I put up with your parents is because they gave me a beautiful grandson like you. So don't worry about me. I will be fine." Her voice was raspy and she had to pause in-between her sentences but she still managed to melt Jeongguk's heart. He hugged his grandma tightly and tried not to cry.
"You are too nice to me. I am not as good as you think I am. I have hurt people I have cared for deeply. I am not a good person, granny." Jeongguk says to her, she pats his back before he pulls away.
"I saw the news. It took me by surprise. When I saw your parents fighting over it and just thrashing around like little kids, it just made me realize they are not very smart people. I was glad when you didn't pick up their calls but inside, I was also worried. Not for our image but for you. Did you want that to happen? do you actually have something going on with the girl?" Granny asked him bunch of questions and Jeongguk couldn't answer anything clearly.
"Jeonggukie, I just want to say to you that if I was the reason you married Taehyung then I'm so sorry. This entire thing is my fault. If I didn't force Taehyung on you, we wouldn't have been in this situation right now. I didn't know you had someone else, if you told me I would have never pushed him to you. I'm sorry. I'm old and I can be stubborn at times so I apologize for that-" He couldn't hear it anymore. He had to step her so he cut her off.
"No, No. It's nothing like that I promise. It wasn't a date granny no matter how bad it looks or however they are exaggerating it in the media. I have no interest in the girl, I barely know her. We had been texting for a while. It was nothing serious, our talk was just banter and business talk. She had some interesting ideas about a new business and I wanted to hear her out on it so that's why the dinner was arranged. that's it. God if I knew the date would have had this outcome I wouldn't have gone at all." Jeongguk explained it to her. Trying to catch his breath because he had to convince one person at least that this wasn't his intention.
"Hey, take a deep breath for me. I believe you okay? I understand. I knew my baby wouldn't do something like that. Especially Taehyung. Does Taehyung know this?"
"I told him but I don't think he believes me. I have tried to explain myself so many times but he doesn't want to hear me out. I don't know what to do.." Jeongguk shares with her out of distraught. Granny just smiles at him.
"Maybe he isn't hearing you out because you are not saying what he wants to hear. You both are smart, I know you can figure it out without my help but don't lose Taehyung. he's a really nice boy who I know cares so much about you. Take care of each other." Her words really made Jeongguk look at his situation with a whole new perspective. He never really thought about it like that.
he wanted to have a longer conversation but he could see his grandmother was tired. Her eyelids were heavy as she tried her best to give her grandson all her attention. "you are right, I will fix this situation I promise. Now you should rest. I will leave you for awhile okay?"
"Will you stay the night?"
"I..I don't know. Even if i don't I'll make sure to come see you everyday until you are healthy enough to be in that golfing court." Jeongguk says to her and she groans in frustration. "Don't remind me, I miss it so much."
"Which is why you should take care of yourself and get better quickly. Goodnight granny." he kissed her forehead and tucked her in once again. Bidding bittersweet goodbyes with her as he turned off her room lights before leaving. Closing the door lightly behind him. Leaving in a clouded state. He felt like he was all over the place. Walking in the hallway he suddenly heard someone call his name. The voice to familiar for him to not stop.
"Jeongguk!! Is that you?" His mother asks him from the other end of the hallway. Jeongguk turns around to face her. Their is silence for awhile. They both are staring at each other, she is glaring at him actually.
"You finally decided to show us your face. Were you going to leave before saying hello to your parent?"
"Maybe, why? Do we have anything to talk about?" Jeongguk answers with the same tone as her. He is tired of being nice to them when the favour isn't given back.
"You just never fail to shock me. Come into the room, your father and I need to talk to you." His mother says before she walks inside his father's home office room. Jeongguk sighs, it's going to be a long day it seems.
His steps made their way to the office. With every step feeling heavy he knew this wasn't going to be usual a catching up conversation. After all there has been nothing usual about Jeongguk's relationship with his parents. His hands grab the door handle as he pushes the door open. his father's cologne is all he can smell as he enters the room. Eyes falling right on his mother who was sitting on the arm chair and then to his father who was working on his desk, typing something out in his computer.
Jeongguk walked forward and stood in middle of them as if he was in the court, getting ready to be judged, to be treated as some kind of villain. "What is it that you guys called me here for?"
His father looked up from his computer,his glasses on the bridge of his nose. He pushed it back to focus on his son who was standing in front of him. "You really are here. I thought your mother had started to hallucinate. Is this what you say to your parents who you haven't seen in a long time? Whose calls you don't answer??"
"I see you everyday at work."
"That's different, you are my employee at work not my son. You are my son in this house so I would like to be treated as your father!!" He raises his voice at him.
"I don't understand what you want from me." Jeongguk answers in exhaustion. His mother rolls her eyes at him.
"Want from you?? What can you possibly give me that I already don't have, Jeongguk? Don't make me laugh." His father chuckles, finding humour in humiliating his own son. "I would just like to know what the fuck have you been doing with the Kims?? Do you have some sort of plan to ruin everything I have done for you??"
"why are you mad?? Mom told me to divorce him some weeks ago! Shouldn't this make you guys happier??"
"I didn't want you to do it by tarnishing our reputation. A cheating scandal?? We have never had anything of that sort ever!!" His mother spoke this time, defending herself.
Jeongguk wanted to laugh, he wanted to bring his own fathers scandal here, why his father takes months long trips to overseas when he has business of no more than a week, why suddenly they lose contact with him for weeks at times and suddenly the company is being contacted by different paparazzis for money or they would leak the pictures. He knows she's not dumb, despite not being in business, she knows but she likes to pretend she doesn't. Jeongguk is the one who has to answer to the paparazzis and pay them off. To maintain their family name.
To hell with a name a like this. He wants to bring it up badly but he knows he is the most mature person in this room now and bringing this up won't help him at all but start a fight he doesn't want to be part of so he lets them have it.
"I didn't cheat on anyone. I am not seeing that girl or have seen anyone else behind my husband's back. I am not divorcing him too. I'm tired of you guys controlling my life. I want to make my own decisions for once." Jeongguk stood on his points, making sure his point get across. He saw his father chuckle at him sarcastically.
"Control you say? Oh I haven't even started to control you, Jeongguk. You have no idea what control is like. Sometimes I wonder why I got a son like you. Just fucking useless. If you can't divorce him at least try to be perfect in front of the press. I don't give a fuck if you sleep with the entire country, I could not care less if you are having affairs but for fucks sake Jeongguk, keep it in close doors. Get that through your head?"
"I am telling you guys I didn't do all-"
"Jeongguk. I don't care. Stop arguing back with me. I'm your father, don't you ever raise your voice at me. I have done it, I have kept my skeletons in the closet why is so hard for you? I am successful and I have a loving family, people are envious of my life. Can they say the same about you? What do you have Jeongguk that you can really call your own??" His father's words were digging into his chest, it was like scratching a fresh wound. It shouldn't hurt because he has heard this at least a thousand times but it doesn't feel better even now.
"I don't know if I can ever be as successful as you but I do know that I would be a better father and husband than you." Jeongguk says to him and he audibly hears his mother gasp. He could see his father's jaw clench. He gets up from his desk, making his way towards his son. His hands on his son's chest as he pushes him.
"Yah! Are you drunk? I am a bad father?? Just what have I not done for you? I have given you everything you ask and you are complaining??" His father nudges him again. Jeongguk thinks it's cheap, extremely so. He is behaving like a gangster.
"What have you done for me?? I didn't need your money when I was 5 and I don't need your money now. As my father your job isn't only to provide for me but also to raise me! Love me, take care of me. You have never done that, you haven't ever even try to do that. You are honestly the worst fucking father ever. Don't even get me started on what kind of husband are you.." Jeongguk trails, making eye contact with his father whose eyes were filled with rage.
"Jeongguk don't." His mother warns him.
"No, let this spoiled brat speak. He has already said a lot, why not more? Get it all out." Even in this moment he is not being taken seriously. Fuck this.
" you are an awful fucking husband. I get your fucking photos, of you with prostitutes in Japan to going into high end hotels in America with girls younger than me. You are absolutely disgusting . Mom knows too but she, just like you, pretends everything is perfect when it's fucking not. Both of you need to wake the fuck up. I am tired of pretending everything is fine. Both of you are horrible people and horrible parents on top of that. The only reason I'm better than both of you is because granny raised me. Not her! Not you. I fucking wish I was never born in this family". Jeongguk ends his argument but that is met by a harsh slap across his face.
The hand is gone but it still feels like it's on his cheeks. It stings, it hurts but Jeongguk doesn't care. He let everything out and he is proud of that. He doesn't care anymore. His mother didn't stop his father as usual and his father doesn't feel any remorse either. It's the same cycle he's always stuck in. His father starts speaking again, taunting him, scolding him but he isn't focusing. Instead he feels someone else is here. Suddenly turning towards the door and he sees him. He's here.
"What the hell is going on here?" The deep voice that feels like music to Jeongguk's ear. He's here in a green cardigan and blue jeans, his hair is a bit messy and he has some gloss on his lips. He looks pretty as usual. He's so beautiful.
"Taehyungie...you came." Jeongguk says to him with a smile on his face. Taehyung immediately rushes to his side, helping him stand up straight.
"You weren't suppose to see that, I apologise for that." His father says to Taehyung. Who is still in disbelief.
"See what?? You hitting your own son? For what exactly? Standing up for himself. You should be ashamed of yourself, raising your hand at your grown up son. Raising your hand at my husband, you are my father in law but I just lost every single respect I had for you. How dare you do that to him ??" Taehyung is understandably angry right now, he points his finger at the old man who is trying to avoid eye contact.
"Taehyung, he is our son and you shouldn't forget you are also our son in law, you should respect us as your elders, don't speak to us like that." His mother adds to the conversation. Taehyung scoffs at her.
"Or what? What will you do? Your threats won't work on me, I don't owe you all anything if you don't respect my partner. Respect is earned after all and you both just lost it. You should be ashamed of yourself. A good parent doesn't behave the way you guys do. I also come from a Chaebol family, I know what it's like. But my father has never raise his hands on me even when I was a child, he has never even talked to me while raising his voice. You have abandoned your son in situations when he needed you guys the most. Doing the most just to get your approval and even now you both are not satisfied. He can never win with you guys because you project your insecurities on him. He's your son, not a puppet for you to control."
"We don't need lessons from a guy who doesn't have children of his own! Don't tell us how we have to raise our son. We know more than you." The old man spoke to him.
"No, you don't. I just saw how you handled things and I don't need to be an expert to know it's wrong. I understand why he barely speaks to you both, because you have never once listened to him. So I won't argue too, it would be like talking to a wall. Me and Jeongguk won't ever come to this house again, even if we do it would be for granny. Don't contact us unless it's to apologize, do whatever you want, both of us aren't going to entertain this type of negativity in our life. I wouldn't ever want to come to a place where I'm not given respect and the same goes for my partner. See you when you are ready to apologise, Mr and Mrs Jeon." Taehyung intertwined his hands with Jeongguk and dragged him outside of the room before giving one last glare to his parents. Closing this chapter of the book for once and for all.
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