Coming back to the penthouse from pre-birthday drinks, a loud roar of 'SUPRISE' fills the air once I open the door.

My mom, with all of my close friends and my co-stars, and a few people I recognize as Donovan's friends smile widely at me, as each and every one of them releases a balloon in their hands, that has the big letter '23' on each and every one of them.

"Wha-" I look at Robbie to see him grinning from ear to ear.

"You knew about this?"

He nods his head and puts his arm over my shoulders and walks me into the room as everyone comes up to me and wishes me a happy birthday, leaving me completely speechless with a huge grin on my face.

"Happy birthday my baby boy." My mom wraps her arms around me and whispers into my hair. "I love you so much!"

"I love you too! This is amazing!" I laugh and hug her back.

"You did all this by yourself?" I ask as he pulls away, nodding her head.

"With help." She proudly says, as her eyes keep moving from mine to upstairs, where Donovan and my bedroom were.

Donovan wasn't supposed to come until next week, I know because he told me that he couldn't miss getting out of it, being the boss I know how busy he is, and how much he works.

I knew he'd miss my birthday, and I suspected that my mom was throwing me a birthday surprise and that he would know about it, given how great the penthouse looks, I know Donovan hired someone to help my mom.

"Is he here?" I ask my mom, trying to contain my excitement.

"Did he come back early?"

Her eyes meet mine worriedly, she nods her head slowly. "I called him but... it was supposed to be a surprise." She said, worry in her voice. "I didn't want to disturb him... he's been up there for a while now that I think about it..."

I look at my mom weirdly before laughing. "I thought he had work?" I say, walking past her. "I'll go bring him down, he probably just fell asleep on the bed."

I job past my friends, thanking them for coming as I start jogging up the stairs, not believing that he actually came home early for my birthday, the smile on my face wider knowing that he's a few feet away from me.

I fucking missed him so much, my birthday wouldn't be the same without him here.

"Donovan?" I call out, opening the bedroom door, excited to see his face after being apart for a week.

Donovan wasn't inside the bedroom, but I could hear the shower still running from the bathroom, so I knocked on the door.

"Donovan, you in there?" I call out, knocking again. "It's Evan." I say behind the door, my hand on the handle, ready to open.

Donovan didn't reply, and I don't know why, but a sinking feeling of fear filled me because not once had Donovan not replied back to me when he was in the shower, no matter how quiet I was, he always answered back.

I opened the door and instantly, my eyes find Donovan, in the shower but not standing, he was sitting on the floor gripping his chest tightly with an expression that instantly had me panicked.

What the....!

".....Donovan!?" I run over to him, my knees hitting the floor hard as I kneel next to him.

What the fuck happened?

Donovan's eyes were open, but he was shaking violently and he was gripping his chest tightly, a horrible fear set in me that I froze from seeing him, my hands shaking as I touch his face, trying to get him to look at me.

He looked at me but didn't say anything, his hands were shaking violently and he was completely out of it.

"MOM!" I yell out, tears filling my eyes as I hurriedly turn off the shower. "HELP!" I yell louder.

Fuck.. FUCK! No no no...!

Is he having a heart attack? I don't know what's wrong, fuck, shit!

"Donovan, I'm here, can you hear me? Baby?" I ask him, tears falling down my eyes as his eyes close tightly in pain, his hand still gripping his chest, his whole body shaking as I've never seen before, making me scream out louder for help as I grab a towel to put over him.

"Fuck Donovan... don't do this to me dammit!" Tears roll down my face, as my hands started shaking fiercely.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" I cry out, holding Donovan close to me, passed out cold and shaking violently in the corner of the shower, soaking and cold, scared out of my mind that he is dying.

"Please... god!" I sob out.

He can't die, I refuse to let him die. "Donovan." I whimper, as I hear footsteps coming up the stairs, as I hold Donovan tightly to me, trying to keep him warm and awake.

"Don't you dare leave me." I swore out, rocking him close to me as I sat behind him. "Not like this Donovan! Keep your eyes open!"

The bathroom door opens, making my head snap up to see who it is.

I see my mom, and then Robbie in the doorway, staring down in horror at me and Donovan, nearly unconscious in my arms, cold, wet, and shivering feverishly.

"Call the ambulance!" I cry out. "I found him like this, h-he'-something's wrong!" I shout out, my voice breaking and cracking.

"I don't know what happened!" I cried out, trying to keep Donovan's head up and body warm as I rub my hands over his arms.

He's so cold.....

Robbie turns and starts calling the emergency services, as my mom comes beside me telling me everything will be alright, telling me he was still breathing as I held his limp cold wet shaking body close to mine, praying that Donovan is fine, and hoping this is all just a sick joke, a nightmare.

At this moment, I felt like a part of me was being crushed, and dying as I held him in my arms.

What the hell is going on Donovan? Please wake up and tell me... I'm scared.

I don't know how long I sat there with him, but by the time my mom was shaking me, trying to get me off Donovan, I see paramedics enter the bathroom and go straight to Donovan, laying him flat on the bathroom floor, my hands shaking and my eyes never leaving him as my mom pulled me close, away from Donovan as the paramedics worked on him.

I've never felt fear like this since my dad, I thought id never have to go through this again, not with Donovan, not when everything had finally come into place in our lives, we have been in such a good place...

He can't die, I won't let him... he can't leave me.

I watch the paramedics move him to a stretcher, as another paramedic puts an oxygen mask over his mouth, and helps him breathe as they move him out of the bathroom and down the stairs, a thermal blanket over his naked body.

I follow behind them, with my mom close, seeing that everyone downstairs had left, with only Robbie, Clara, my mom, and Donovan's best friend, Stephen Crane still here, all watching us come down the stairs with Donovan's lifeless body surrounded by paramedics.

"Is he alive?" Stephen comes over to me, gripping my arm hard. "Evan? Is Donovan alive?!" He shouts out, hysterical, as my mom moves him away from me as my eyes left leave Donovan's face.

"That's my best friend Evan, please tell me, is he fucking alive!?" Stephen yells out loud, wild and crazed, desperate for questions.

Walking over to Stephen, my mom tries to calm him down.

"He's breathing, they're taking him to the hospital to find out what's wrong." My mom calmly said as Stephen's face twisted in panic, grabbing his phone and calling someone with fear in his eyes as he watches the paramedics carry his lifeless body out on a stretcher.

I follow the paramedics out, not wanting to leave him alone, no way I was going to leave him, someone had to be there with him, and that was going to be me, there's no way I'm leaving him!

A paramedic holds his hand out, stopping me from entering the elevator "Sir, you can't-"

I whack his hand away and step in and glare at him. "He's my fucking boyfriend, I'm coming, just try and stop me!" I threatened, reaching out and holding Donovan's hand in mine. 

"I'm not leaving him." I stand over him as the other paramedics don't say anything else, the elevator doors closing behind me.

Holding his hand tightly in mine, I never look away from his beautiful face, so pale, and lifeless as a sickening dread feeling forms in the pit of my stomach, a toxic fear of losing him consuming me.

To see his eyes looking back at me, one last time... to hear him speak just once...