When I woke up, it was only 8 AM, and it still felt like I had no sleep.

Getting up, taking a shower then getting ready, it didn't take long for me to find out the news about Amanda, and the fact she had dropped out of her role on the show, which had been her big break, for reasons unknown.

Amanda won't say anything more to the press, not if Donovan already fixed it, I was worried then, but now I realize just how scary Donovan can be, how he could really ruin her career, and mine too if he wanted to.

Texts from castmates and my agent blew up my phone all morning, all about Amanda, it didn't matter how many times I ignored it or silenced my phone, my phone was on fire with questions, asking if I knew anything.

If only they knew the real reason.. shit, I don't even want to think about it.

Sitting down on the sofa, I see that Robbie just sent me a text five minutes ago, so I open it.

Robbie: Evan! I'm so sorry man, I don't remember anything from last night just that crazy chick taking my phone, I just got home and Clara said you dropped by, everything cool? 

Me: Are you free today? I want to do this in person

Robbie: You weirding me out dude but yea, I got no plans, where u at?

I send Robbie the address to Donovan's and send then send Donovan a text, to let him know that Robbie is coming over to his place, hoping that he doesn't mind.

Me: Robbie is coming over to your place, I want to tell him about us, is that cool with you?

Donovan sends me a text back five minutes later, whilst I was eating the bran flakes I found in Donovan's large pantry, making me smile once I read what he said.

ᴅᴏɴᴏᴠᴀɴ: That's fine. 

Do you want me there with you? I could reschedule my day.

Me: Don't you dare. I think it's best I do it alone, you might scare him away, and don't you have important boss things to do?

ᴅᴏɴᴏᴠᴀɴ: Let me know how it goes.

I hear the door buzz so I get up from the dining table and walk over to the door, seeing that the monitor for the elevator is on and Robbie is here, I buzz him in, the elevator doors open and I watch him get inside, making the camera shift to inside the elevator.

Donovan really has incredible security, I wonder if he has a camera inside his penthouse too?

I fucking hope, not after what I did in his bed...

I wait anxiously by the door for Robbie as I think of what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it, to my oldest friend who I think of like a brother, curious about what he might say, or not say.

Fuck, I hate being nervous, and it's Robbie... I know he'll be fine with it, but it still makes me so nervous.

The doorbell rings so I take a deep breath out and open the door, seeing Robbie standing there, freshly showered with damp hair, and a face that looked like he spent all night drinking.

"Did you win the lottery along with fame or something?"

Robbie says, checking out the penthouse behind me. "I thought you gave me the wrong address or something, or that I was still drunk from last night." He jokes, making me laugh.

"It's not my place, I'm just staying here." I say, opening the door wide for him. "Come on in."

Smirking, he looks around once he's inside. "Ok, explain, because I'm seriously doubting my career choice so hard right now."

I roll my eyes. "Trust me, me too, but this isn't why I asked you here."

He looks at me weirdly and checks me out. "Are you dying? or is it money again?" He asks, his face dropping.

"Dude, you seriously need to tell me, Clara wouldn't tell me anything, she just told me to talk to you."

I swallow hard and bite my lip. "Let us just sit down, I swear it's nothing that bad, I'm not fucking dying or anything." I laugh nervously, walking into the lounge room and heading for the sofa.

I see Robbie looking around, his eyes wide with amazement, looking exactly like I did the first time I came here, seeing Donovan's place for the first time, too scared to even touch anything.

"This place is crazy, whose is it?"

Fuck, here it is, here goes nothing.

"My.. boyfriends." I confidently say, sitting down with my eyes on Robbie as he stops walking and stares directly at me.

"That's why I wanted to talk to you first."

My insides are a mess, and my back is sweating with overwhelming anxiety, Robbie's eyes are wide and his mouth is gaped, leaving us in a silence that feels like it's eating me alive, piece by piece.

"You're gay?" Robbie asks, confusion on his face.

"You said boyfriend, right? Or am I seriously still drunk?" He mumbles under his breath, sitting down on the sofa, rubbing his forehead, and looking at me.

I swallow hard and shake my head. "I think I'm bisexual, and Donovan-"

"Donovan Steele?" Robbie exclaimed loudly. "The fucking billionaire? Who gave you the money to pay off your debt? That's your boyfriend?" He asked, mouth wide in shock, and I nod my head slowly.

Shit, is he disgusted by me now? He looks completely shellshocked for words, and I don't know what the fuck to say next, so I just sit there, and let him soak in what I just told him.

Robbie sits back on the sofa and blinks. "You're seriously dating him? Like completely dating him and not making this up?" He asks, staring straight ahead and I bite my cheek, nodding my head.

"I didn't even know you... liked men, I've never- you've never said anything to me." He looks at me. 

"How long have you... known?"

"It's not like that Robbie." I cringe. "I didn't even know I liked men, fuck I don't even- it's just different with him, before him I never- I'm still trying to understand it all."

"Seriously..." He breathed out. "I can't believe it, you're dating a dude, Evan Beckett, and a guy." He laughed out, shaking his head. "You were like, the straightest guy I knew."

"Is that why you wanted to talk?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah." I swallow the lump in my throat. "I didn't want to keep it a secret anymore."

He groans out and his head on the back of the sofa. "I thought it was something serious Evan, I rushed over here thinking you were in trouble, just like last time." He rubs his face hard with his hands then sighs and looks at me.

"So where's your boyfriend?" He asked, looking around. "Do I get to meet the guy who captured my best friend's heart?" He asks, a smile forming on his lips.

"You're not... grossed out?" I ask, desperate to know, despite his calm reaction.

He gives me a look and then snorts. "Evan we're family, I love you more than my actual brother, so what if you're dating a guy? I don't care as long as you're not dying and you're happy."

"I'd never judge you Evan, and neither will the guys." He states, standing up and starting to look around. "I'd never think differently of you, you know that right?"

"Does anyone else know?" He asks, holding a photo frame.

"Is this him?" He asks, his face shocked as he stares at the photo in his hand.

I see he's holding a photo of Donovan, on the cover of a business magazine, the same photo I saw the first time I looked Donovan up online, leaning on his office desk, wearing a black suit with his arms crossed.

"Just you and Clara and yeah..." I rub my neck, getting up and walking over to him. "Donovan is kinda a big deal I guess."

Robbie stands there with a face I can only explain as speechless as he stares at Donovan in the photo like he can't believe it.

"You guess... No wonder he turned you gay." He shook his head, putting the photo frame back, then turned to look at me with a serious expression, making me laugh at how serious he looked right now. 

"He's like, handsome as shit, Evan."

I snort loudly at how dead serious his voice sounds, never hearing Robbie compliment anyone, much less a man like that before.

"Don't say that in front of him." I roll my eyes. "He's already incredibly aware of how good-looking he is, it's annoying."

Robbie grins. "So this is your type, the older intimidating handsome guys, so tell me something..." He puts his arm around my neck.

"Does he have a big dick? Can I ask that and still be straight?" He said jokingly, his eyebrows wiggling.

I shove him off me, feeling the back of my neck get warm and my cheeks feel hotter.

"Fuck off Robbie, I'm not telling you that man."

Robbie throws his head back and laughs out loud and starts walking around, pointing out everything shiny that catches his attention, asking me questions every time he picks up someone before he picks up something else and gets distracted.

"Evan, is this real gold?" He asks, pointing at something, I shrug and release the breath I didn't know I was holding this entire time, watching as Robbie scares in amazement at Donovan's things.

I'm glad I told him, Clara was right, this is Robbie, if there's anyone I should trust, it's Robbie.

I know it was a shock for Robbie, and it was nerve-wracking for me, but this is the first step... and fuck, I feel so relieved, not even sure why I was scared in the first place, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and now I can finally be myself around Robbie.

Donovan was right unless I don't be myself, I'll never move forward... well this is me moving forward.

One step at a time.