I bang my fists hard against the front door, not caring if his neighbors wake up.

"Robbie!" I yell out, banging again. "Robbie open up dammit!"

I hear the jingle of the chain on their door, then the door opens, but it's not Robbie, it's his girlfriend, Clara, who looks like I just woke her up and she wasn't expecting me to show up.

"Evan?" She mumbles out tiredly, looking behind me, then sticks her head out the door to check both sides of the hallway. "It's 2 in the morning, Evan."

I swallow hard, my hands shaking as I look behind her for Robbie, but I don't see him. "Is he here? I need to talk to him." I urgently say. "Please can you just get him? I'll be quick." I almost beg.

"He's not here Evan, he's staying at Mark's, with Liam and Justin." She says confused. "I thought you were with them?"

What? Why would I be with them? "Since it's Mark's birthday and all." She clarified, making my eyes go wide.

His birthday... fuck, I forgot... how could I forget? Shit, just how bad of a friend am I?

I feel so pathetic, coming all the way here, being in Donovan's house was suffocating, especially since he didn't come out of his room, I got dressed and then bolted.

After driving around for a few hours, I couldn't go back to his, and with nowhere else to go, I came to the only place I feel safe, Robbies.

"Come on inside, you look like you need to sit down." She says, grabbing hold of my hand and walking me inside, closing the door behind her.

Looking around, everything is the same as it always was, not a single thing has changed since the last time I crashed here. 

"I'm sorry, if I knew you were here, I wouldn't have come." I say pathetically, sitting on the sofa as Clara turns on the kitchen light.

She waves me off and then starts making coffee. "Well, I'll admit I thought we were getting broken into." She joked, turning on the coffee machine. "Do you want me to call Robbie? I'm sure if I tell him you're here, he'll come right over."

The guilt is eating me alive, I should just go, book myself into a hotel and sleep off my pitiful thoughts and emotions.

I sit up and shake my head. "I should just go, I'm intruding, I'm so sorry for waking you up." I say heading to the door.

"Sit down, I'm up now, plus I just made coffee." She huffs out. "I'm not Robbie but I can listen if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?"

Looking back, I really don't want to burden anyone, especially not Clara, she's so good for Robbie, I don't want to drive a wedge between their relationship with my bullshit.

"I insist." She says, smiling as she pours coffee into two cups.

"It's too late to be driving anyways, Robbie would get mad if you left this late, so just stay the night."

She places the coffee on the coffee table and sits down on the sofa, curling her legs, and getting comfortable as she waits for me.

She's right, but fuck if it doesn't feel humiliating to her seeing me like this.

I sit down and grab my cup of coffee. "Do you want to talk about it??"

Resting my head against the sofa I sigh out, not wanting to rant, but I needed to get it all out before it consumed me.

"I... I'm dating someone."

Clara raises her brows, like 'so what?' Which makes this even more awkward and uncomfortable for me...

Fuck it... Clara won't tell anyone.

"He's called Donovan." I slowly say, her eyes widening. "I'm actually living with him as of yesterday."

"Or I was, I don't even know anymore." I force out, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Wow." She just says, making me cringe at this situation.

"Okay." She says, sitting up. "So what happened? Did you have a fight with Robbie or something?" She asks, frowning.

"He didn't say anything mean did he?"

"Nothing like that, Robbie doesn't even know I'm... seeing him." I clarify nervously, as Clara hums. "I was going to tell him today... before this happened."

"So you're having a fight with your boyfriend?" She says and I nod my head, not used to talking to someone with topics like this.

My phone starts ringing, and when I see who it is, my chest clenches.

"I take it he doesn't know you went on a midnight ride." She says humorously with a smile as she sees my phone, and sat next to me.

"No." I don't answer his call. "I think it's over between us, and he knows it... I-I'm just too much of a coward to stay there and face it." I say, my voice breaking as my chest tightens.

"Evan..."Clara comes closer and wraps her arms around my neck, resting my head on her shoulder as she rubs my back I fight to not cry in front of her.

"It's not over, he wouldn't be calling you now if he didn't care about you." She softly says. "You just need to talk to him, I'm sure whatever it is you two fought about you can both work it out."

I shake my head against her neck, her long hair tickling my face as tears escape to fall down my face. "He's the first guy I've..." My voice breaks. "I'm just not that confident, I don't want people to know... and he's-he's too good for me, you know?"

Tears fall freely down my face now as I pull back from Clara, wiping the tears with my sleeve as she looks at me with sadness in her eyes, and her hand comfortingly on my leg.

"An actress from the show found out." I sob out. "It's all over if she tells anyone, I won't be able to handle this by myself, I'm a fucking coward."

My phone starts ringing again, and I ignore it in my pocket.

Clara hands me a tissue from the tissue box on the coffee table and I take it, wiping my eyes. "Thanks." I say pathetically, my throat sore.

"Evan you're not alone, you have friends that love you, and by the sounds of your phone blowing up, I'd say that man loves you too." She says, making me look at her.

"So what if this actress bitch tells people? You're Evan fucking Beckett, and you are the hottest and nicest guy I know, I'm sure she's just sore from you not giving her enough attention." She huffs out, making me laugh.

"Your life wouldn't be over Evan, it'd be a fresh start with someone who loves you, that's freaking awesome, you get to be yourself and be happy, who cares what the bitches you don't know say? Robbie loves you, I love you, your friends and fans love you, and we all just want you to be happy Evan."

Her words helped, and I start feeling myself calm down as she wraps her hand in mine as she smiles at me, and hands me another tissue.

"Thanks."

Looking at Clara and seeing her bedhead and Spongebob pajamas I didn't notice before, I smile.

"You're much better than Robbie, I'm pretty sure he'd just tell me to grow a pair of balls." I joke, sighing as I lean back on the sofa. "Or that I was being a drama queen."

Clara laughs and my phone rings again. "You should probably answer him, he must be worried sick about you."

She says getting up from the sofa.

"You can stay tonight if you don't want to talk to him, but just a heads up, makeup sex is the best." She says casually, then grins out as I sit there dumbfounded.

"I'll give you some privacy, goodnight Evan." She says, before heading into the bedroom, and closing the door behind her.

I breathe out and answer the phone, my hands sweating and my heart beating out of my chest, a horrible feeling in my stomach, afraid of what he's going to say.

"Hello?"

I hear him swear under his breath before he sighs heavily.

"Where are you?" He demands, his voice deep with worry.

"You can't just leave without telling me Evan, I thought something happened to you."

"I'm fine." I swallow the lump in my front and sit forward, grabbing my head. "I'm at a friend's place."

"Why?"

The nervous sick feeling in my stomach comes back, and I don't know what to say to him, because truthfully, I don't really know why I left, he was pissed off and mad at me, and I didn't want to be there anymore, not when he didn't want to talk to me.

"You know why." I whisper out, clenching my eyes shut.

"No, I don't." His deep voice snaps out. "What's the address? I'm coming to pick you up."

"It's really late Donovan, I'm just going to sleep here." I tell him, not wanting to see him, not when I'm so ashamed of myself for leaving without telling him.

"No you're not, you're coming home with me." Donovan's deep voice makes my stomach flip.

'Home with me'

"I won't ask again Evan, you're not running away from me anymore, you can shout and curse at me when we get home, but I'm not doing this right now, so tell me the address."

I swallow my pride and press my palm into my forehead, my nerves all over the place as I tell him the address of Robbie's apartment, and that I'd meet him downstairs, outside the building, not looking forward to seeing him.

I've never seen Donovan like this, he sounded so worried... like he was scared, and maybe Clara is right, he doesn't want this to be over either, or he just wants to do it in person...

Why else would he pick me up? After the mess, I've caused in not only my life but his.

Fucking hell... I'm a mess, why does he want to stay with me?

Donovan is the best thing in my life right now, I fucking love him, and I've done nothing but show him the opposite of love, despite everything he's done, and said to me to calm my worries about the whole thing.

I'm going to make this right, and own my fucking life, even if I fall apart, Donovan will be there, I know he will.