I jerked as something jingled above my head.

"What was that?" I exclaimed.

And there went my one shot at a cool, calm and collected first impression.

I looked up, and above my head was a bell made of brass attached so that it chimed every time someone entered the door. Why would you do that?

"That's a doorbell."

The voice was soft, tender. I looked up and saw a man of roughly the same shape, size and colour as Izuna, but their faces were very different. This man's face was more angular, not as soft as Izuna's, yet it managed to display a kindness that immediately made me calm down.

"Why?" I asked, which I knew was a strange follow-up question to "That's a doorbell".

"For me to hear if anyone comes in if I'm in the back", the man said. He was holding a beautiful bridal bouquet of pastel pinks, corals and greens. "Also, it makes me happy. Hello, Tobirama. Nice to finally meet you."

It struck me then that the man in front of me had operated on me, implanted the chip in my brain. Or Hermes' brain. He was, without a doubt, a skilled neurosurgeon.

"Thank you for giving me a body", I said. I was still standing in the doorway of his flower shop, not quite daring to come in. He looked oddly comfortable to be a man who had a computer program in his shop. I wonder if anything could ever displace this man. He was, in that sense, Izuna's opposite. A calm bay whereas Izuna was the storming ocean.

Maybe, I was a pier in between them?

"Oh, it was all Izuna. I only did what I was told to do."

"I'm here because I'm worried about him."

I expected Madara to look confused, to ask me why, and then dismiss me exactly the way Izuna had. To my great surprise, he didn't. Instead he sighed, put the bouquet down on his desk, sat down on a chair.

"Me as well", he said.

I tentatively came closer. It hit me full-force what it actually meant that this man had performed neurosurgery on me, that he was responsible for my life, and something within me clicked into place as I realised how intimate the situation was.

"What's your favourite colour?" he asked suddenly.

I decided to just go with it and not linger on the strangeness of the question.

"Green", I said, without having to think; I knew this was a common question so I had put a great deal of thought about what colours were pleasant to me. "I also like white, because snow is beautiful. I wish I could see it at some point."

"You will", Madara said and got up again, opened the glass door of the fridge full with cut flowers behind him.

And after some thought, he started assembling something.

"Tell me", he said.

And I did.

I told him everything that had happened, leaving out the sex I had witnessed out of respect for Izuna's privacy. I told him everything Hashirama had said, what his plan was including the code I couldn't crack, not because I didn't understand how I would go about it but because it was unbreakable. And all the while, Madara assembled a bouquet of dark greens and whites. His brows were deeply furrowed, but out of concern or concentration as he assembled, I couldn't tell. In fact, his facial expression didn't change as I told him that Hashirama had planned to kill his little brother to use his body, which made me worried that Madara didn't believe me. Ice cold dread grabbed at my heart as I realised that I would be completely alone if he didn't.

As I finished, I stood and looked at him. He didn't stop assembling his bouquet, changed places of some white roses until it was entirely to his satisfaction. I bit my teeth so they crackled, waiting for him to process what I had said.

"Izuna..." he began. "He's young. And he's hardly had a partner before. He's infatuated by Hashirama. Hashirama could tell him to chop off his hand and he'd find a way to do it." It saddened me how true I knew he was. "People who love fearlessly like him have two options. Grow out of it, which is the case with most people as they gather experience. Or to be with someone who would never use them."

At this, he looked up at me and held his bouquet out . When I didn't take it, he shook it a little. I tentatively took it, looked down on it. It was beautiful. No wonder humans liked getting flowers; it was incredibly pleasant.

"I won't try to talk to him at this point", Madara said. "I know my little brother, and we'll only push him further away from us if we do. And I'm honestly kind of scared of Hashirama, so I can't talk to him, either. We're running out of time. I think we underestimate Izuna. Send him an e-mail with the code."

I frowned, but decided against asking any follow-up questions. Instead, I would just trust him. And Izuna. And myself.

"How much for the bouquet?" I asked.

He smiled.

"It's yours. I made it for you."

I left with my face buried within it.

I came to the building where the lab lay, my home, opened the door.

As I entered the lab, I heard a crack.

And everything around me just disappeared. 

I stretched my arms above my head and yawned. The morning sun cast a beautiful light in the simple white room, creating different shades of orange on the valleys and hills of the heavy duvet. I smiled, buried my face in the lush duvet; it smelled of him. Of wood and orange and candle wax.

I was so happy. So, so happy. And angry. Angry at Tobirama, and in a way also Madara, for trying to ruin this happiness I'd fought so hard for. They didn't know, did they? Madara was asexual, and Tobirama wasn't even real. They didn't know how it was waking up in the bed of someone you loved.

The word stung just as I thought it. Loved... I wasn't sure how love felt, but if it wasn't this, then what was it?

I thought of Tobirama, his gentleness as he listened to me, his genuine interest, his willingness to share his own thoughts and opinions without fear.

I doubted he did that with Hashi. I doubted Hashi would ever do that with me. 

I stood up, walked to Hashi's fridge which was frightfully empty, even for a man who lived on his own. He had already gone to work, enabling me to choose what I wanted from his meagre supply of edibles. I found some bread and butter, buttered a slice before putting it in the toaster which was a fire hazard but I didn't care, took some orange juice to go with it, added a single green apple I found to enable myself to pretend I was healthy, then sat down and ate. Then, I dressed in a black- and purple checked lumber shirt and black jeans, packed my belongings into my Vans backpack, put on my shoes and left for the Monday lectures.

Including Hashirama's.

He was ignoring me again.

I knew enough by now to know it wasn't a game because when he wanted me, he flirted like a madman. 

Now, he wasn't interested anymore.

I was confused. Hadn't I just spent the night with him? Hadn't I fallen asleep in his arms after hours of love-making? Hadn't I woken again by his hand on my thigh at some point after midnight, caressing me back to sex with him?

I decided I wasn't having it this time, that I would confront him. But as I was about to go up to him in the front of the lecture theatre, he was already gone. When I arrived at his office it was locked, and it was dark inside.

And it went on like that. He didn't text nor call and he didn't answer my texts or calls. I cursed the fact that his front door locked itself so I hadn't needed a key, or I would just have gone home to him demanding answers. Instead, I cried myself to sleep at night. I felt so, so lonely, unable to talk to Madara because he didn't like Hashi, unable to talk to Tobirama because of the same reason, and also because I'd been so terrible to him.

I suddenly missed Tobirama, and hated myself for how badly I had treated him. And how badly I was treating him now. When one man didn't want me, I went to my back-up like a sucker. 

But maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the case. Maybe, what I sought from Tobirama wasn't confirmation or attention or even sex but understanding and comfort.

And love. So, so much love.

I started going to our meeting point again in the evenings. Evening after evening I went there, from one hour before the time when we usually met until late at night. I brought my books and computer and studied while I waited, the studying lined with nervousness as I hoped he would show up. God, I was tired of being nervous. I was so, so fucking tired of being nervous. I sat my exams in the days, nailed them all, came back to our meeting place. Day after day, but he never came.

Of course he didn't. Why would he? I had been terrible to him. But that didn't feel right. No matter what harsh words I had thrown in the way of the artificial intelligence, the kindness and worry had never left his eyes.

I started considering going to Madara. I hadn't heard from him in a while. Maybe, he could provide the support I needed? Maybe, he even knew where Tobirama was?

But I rejected the idea. What point was it when Tobirama loathed me?

Because that's what he did.

It must be.

Because the only other option was much worse.