Chapter 8 - Her Best Friend

“Is he frying bacon on her?” Cassidy asks incredulously and we burst out laughing. “What kind of movie are we watching, for God’s sake?”

I can’t stop laughing so I can barely speak, but I manage. “I have no clue, you brought it,” I accuse and she throws her hands in the air.

“I didn’t know! It had planes in it!” Cass defends herself and I laugh even harder.

We started watching a film after I came back from today’s physiotherapy session, just to kill time. It’s absolutely idiotic one, it makes no sense and the movie is not that funny, but the way Cass reacts to it… that’s funny. She’s half scarred for life and half amused.

“I think I’ll need therapy after this,” she says looking away and rubbing her eyes, which only makes me laugh harder.

“It’s not that bad,” I tell her waving my hand dismissively but she looks at me shocked.

“Did you see the same disturbing scene that I did?” I laugh again at her reaction but Cass shakes her head. “I’ll never watch another movie with Charlie Sheen in it.”

I take the remote and turn off the telly and with it, the movie is gone. Cass actually sighs relieved and I chuckle. “Told ya we should’ve watched Flyboys,” I remind her and she rolls hers eyes and then sticks her tongue out at me.

Today it’s going to be my last day at the hospital and although I’m very excited to finally leave this room and place, I’m kind of reluctant to it. Leaving means I won’t see Cass as often as I do. I’ll go back to classes and although we’re in the same campus, we study two different majors and Queen Mary is humongous. I don’t think we’ll run into each other every day. We won’t have time to watch movies together and most likely I won’t see her during my physiotherapy sessions anymore.

Cass is a really nice girl, she is fun and Mum was right when she said Cass can lift anyone’s spirit with just one smile or a silly joke. She’s a joyful soul, I guess. When she is around I don’t get lost in my paranoid thoughts and I feel normal, I feel okay. I insist that she feels like home in a place that has nothing familiar in it and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

I’m honestly used to have her around and it’s gonna be weird knowing that we won’t see one another that much. I think we’ve become friends and I don’t have many girl friends, and it’s nice. It’s different.

“Okay, let’s do something different. Cards?” She asks and I sit straighter on the bed and I pat at the end of it.

“Come here and let’s play twenty questions,” I tell her because if I’m actually leaving today, I’d love to know more about her. “No guessing, just sharing information.”

She looks a bit surprised for a second, but then she smiles and approaches my bed, taking a seat at my feet. “Okay, and how do you wanna do it? One question each or something like that?”

“What if I ask a question and we both answer, then you ask the next one and so on,” I suggest and she shrugs and then nods. “Sweet. Then, tell me your full name,” I ask and she giggles, clearly not expecting that.

“Cassidy Jane Morris,” she answers with a sweet smile. “I’d ask yours but I know it, you’re a patient, so let’s go with… what do you wanted to be as a grownup when you were a kid? I wanted to be an astronaut.” I raise my eyebrows in surprise and she giggles. “I like the stars and I wanted to see them better.”

“That’s really sweet,” I say. “I wanted to be a fireman, for a long time I wanted to be that.” Now she looks me as if asking me to go further in that topic. “I wanted to save lives,” I add and her smile is wide and proud. That tells me she liked my answer, very much. “What’s your favourite animal? Mine is the dog, I just like how loyal they are.”

“They are indeed,” she agrees. “Hmm I like Elephants. They are so cute with their big ears and trunks.” She giggles and she automatically takes her necklace in her fingers. I look closer and I notice it’s an elephant necklace.

“That’s a pretty necklace,” I tell her and her smile is nostalgic, happy but sad at the same time.

“My best friend gave it to me,” she replies looking down, not meeting my eyes. Her smile is so sad and I don’t understand why.

“You okay, Cass?” I ask and I slap myself mentally, because she’s not okay, that’s for sure. She nods but I see her pressing her lips in a tight line. She’s lying. “You can tell me, you know?” I say softly, getting a bit closer and placing my hand on top of her knee in what I expect is a comforting gesture.

“It’s just that… I… I lost my best friend recently, in an accident and it’s still a bit hard and I…” her voice breaks and I freeze on my spot as I hear her say that. “It was so sudden, one moment I’m home the next I’m receiving a call telling me of an accident and how it all was so fast and how my best friend died on the spot. Just like that.” I squeeze her knee and one of her hands fall on top of mine, holding on to me. She still can’t meet my eyes. “I… I still haven’t come to terms with it. It’s so hard and…” she raises her gaze and meets my eyes. “I miss my best friend,” she confesses in a whisper and I notice the first tear falling and I see the struggle, how she is fighting the agony.

Cass… my inner voice whines, my heart breaking for her.

I act by instinct. I move and grab her hands to pull her closer, until she lands in my arms and I hug her tightly.

No! Shouts my inner voice. Don’t hug her.

But I ignore that voice and hug her anyways because Cass is crying, because she’s suffering. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked for her best friend, but how was I supposed to know she had lost her? But it makes sense why she looked so sad, why she was crying when I woke up, why she has told me so many times how lucky I am. I survived when her best friend didn’t. Now I get it.

Cassidy holds on to me really tightly, sobbing in my shoulder. Her hair is in my face, but I don’t mind, I stroke it anyways as I run her back with my other hand, trying to comfort her. I feel there’s a part of myself fighting me, telling me to pull back because I don’t have the right to comfort Cassidy, but I don’t mind. Right now she needs a shoulder to cry and I’m here.

“I’m really sorry,” I whisper and she sobs, tightening her grip on my hoodie.

Cass… I’m sorry, my inner voice repeats and I guess it gives up because I feel how the inner fight stops.

“That’s why I decided to do volunteering,” she whispers with her voice broken and still hiding her face in my shoulder. “’Cos life is so unpredictable you never know when you’ll leave and I dunno… I just wanted to help those who can still fight to stay, I guess,” Cassidy continues. “I dunno… it made more sense in my head when I joined.”

“It’s fine,” I tell her still rubbing her back. “It’s great you want to help.”

She pulls back and wipes the tears away from her cheeks and tries to smile, but it’s a broken smile. “You got attacked the same night of the accident.” I blink surprised at the coincidence. “You remember when you woke up?” She asks me and I nod. I always remember the day I woke up.

“You were crying,” I say cupping her face to brush the newest tears.

She nods sadly. “When I checked your file and noticed the date I couldn’t stop asking why… why you and not my best friend. Why you actually came back but my best friend didn’t have a second chance.”

A part of me feels awful. I don’t know why I had a second chance when I was actually dead for three minutes, but I came back. I feel bad because her best friend couldn’t come back like I did.

It tried but I couldn’t, my inner voice supports and I shake my head mentally. That has nothing to with this.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat but she shakes her head.

“It’s not your fault and don’t think I hated you in any moment because you actually made it back. I just wish everyone would have a second chance, you know?”

“I know,” I reply and she sighs deeply.

“I guess there’re plans we can’t defy, uh? When it’s the time, it’s the time… even if we can’t say goodbye. That’s what hurts the most, you know? That it was so sudden that I couldn’t say goodbye,” she tells me and I can’t even fathom the pain she experiences.

“I bet your best friend is looking after you,” I tell her with an encouraging smile.

You can bet on that.

“I hope so…” She smiles sadly. “You’re very lucky”

“I know,” I smile. “And I’m really grateful for that. I can tell you, I won’t waste my life.”

“That’s great!” Cass smiles, this time more honestly. “Okay, now let’s go back to the other uh… seventeen questions. I don’t wanna cry anymore for today.”

And we do go back to the game, just to distract her. She doesn’t smile like she did at the beginning and I know she’s thinking of her best friend the whole time, missing her, but I don’t push any further. It happened a bit more than a month ago, it’s too recent and the wound is still open, it hurts. Things like these take time to heal and a lot of patience. She needs space to breathe, and I’m no one to expect her to fully trust me to tell me all about this.

I’m really sorry for her, for losing her best friend so suddenly. She’s right, life is unexpected and there are plans we can’t fight. I don’t know whether to call it destiny or not, but I do believe there’s a bigger plan for all of us. We have free will, we make our choices… but there are things we can’t fight.

+ + + + +

Later that afternoon doctor Green comes back to tell me I can’t leave yet. The last tests showed an irregularity with my renal system, probably due to all the drugs they have supplied me with, so they need to keep me a few more days just to make sure everything is fine and I’m not under any kind of risk.

I sigh really disappointed, I really wanted to leave, but now I’m trapped a few more days. I hope it’s nothing serious and I’ll be able to leave soon. I actually miss Uni and my classes, even studying for my exams. Having so much free time and not being able to do much is quite stressful.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” Cassidy tells me once the doctor leaves and now she is comforting me.

“I hope so,” I whine and she smiles.

“You’ll see, it’s gonna be all right. Now get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t watch weird movies without me, okay?” I laugh at her last instruction and nod. “See you later, Liam,” she says and leans closer to kiss my cheek really softly.

I gasp internally and blink surprised. Her lips are so soft and tender on my skin, I barely feel them, but at the same time I’m totally aware of the contact. Something stirs inside of me and I’m not sure if it’s a good kind of feeling or like a protest.

She pulls back and smiles sweetly at me. “See you later, Cassie,” I say and she tilts her head a bit for the way I’ve called, but then her smiles widens before she picks her things and leaves my room.

She told you it’s Cass, not Cassie, my inner voice reminds me.

“Whatever, I like Cassie,” I reply out loud and then my eyes widen in shock. Holy shit, I’m talking to myself. This is not okay. I’m too tired even if I didn’t notice it. I need to get rest. That’s all.

Whatever you say…

I need to sleep now. Too tired. That’s all.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @erikaluvsOneD. I like that you grow with the books as well. Thank you for your comment!

Bel, xx