Chapter 4 - Vocation

After the physiotherapy Cassidy asks me if I want to go outside for a while, to breathe some fresh air and I accept immediately. It’s still cold so we go for a coat for her and for me, and then she wheels me to the garden the hospital has. There are some other people around, walking slowly or sitting on some benches here and there.

“Wanna walk a bit?” She asks me standing next to my wheel chair.

The surgery was four weeks ago, when the accident happened and the wounds are basically completely healed, although my body is still trying to get used to being awake and in use again. Still, I have to be careful. I can’t go running and doing hard work, but walking is a good idea. It will probably help me to recover faster.

That’s why I reply with a simple, “sure.” Cassidy helps me to stand up and we leave the chair aside. She loops her arm round mine in case I need her support, but I try to do it all on my own. Sometimes my own body feels strange to me, like it’s not mine. Sometimes I feel like a part of me fights me, but I just assume it’s a consequence of being in coma for four weeks.

It’s actually really nice to have Cassidy next to me, walking step by step with me. Her contact gives me familiarity in a place I don’t really know. I’ve never been fond of hospitals, but it’s bearable when she’s around. I still don’t know why I feel like I know her, yet I know I’ve never seen her before until I opened my eyes a few days ago.

“So, on a scale from one to ten, how much do you wanna leave this place?” She asks me as we walk slowly. It’s really cold, but it’s not raining or snowing, so we’re good.

“Eleven,” I answer and she giggles. I’m sure she expected that answer.

“Everyone is always raring to leave, and I don’t blame them. Hospitals are not the happiest place, uh? But I like them,” she tells me, with her eyes always locked in front of us. I keep staring at her, paying attention to the way her hair bounces with very step and how the cold breeze moves her curls and she fights to put them back where they were first.

“You’re studying medical engineering, right?” I ask and she nods. “So you plan on spending loads of time in hospitals,” I venture and she nods again.

“I like hospitals for many reasons. The main one is that here everyone is fighting to make people better, to help them. Everyone wants to save lives. I’m not material for being a doctor because I just can’t handle the pressure of having a life directly in my hands, but I like the idea of developing the technology that will help them. Plus, hospitals are always clean,” she adds and smiles at me with her eyes closed for a second in one absolutely adorable gesture. A part of me stirs inside. “What about you?”

“I also think hospitals are clean,” I answer and she laughs, that melodious and lovely laughter of hers. I realise I’m growing really fond of her laughter.

“I didn’t mean that,” she tells me and I know, but I wanted her to laugh.

“Oh,” I pretend and she giggles again. “Well, I like planes. I’ve always liked them. I have a very decent collection back at home, and a few here at my dorm in Uni. Since I can remember I’ve wanted to build airplanes.”

“That’s cool,” she replies and I shrug.

I don’t have further motivation to do what I’m doing, like she does, I just like planes. However, she has really thought about her choices and why she is studying that, she is studying medical engineering because that’s her vocation. I feel like I’ve disappointed her somehow and I know she is thinking of something because she is looking at her feet and she doesn’t seem happy. Again, there’s this halo of sadness around her and I wish I knew what she’s thinking of.

“Everything okay?” I ask and she snaps back to reality, looking ahead and blinking.

“Yeah, yeah,” she replies but she still looks somehow lost in her thoughts. “Just thinking of an old friend,” Cassidy adds and I nod, deciding that it’s not good to go further in that topic. Something inside tells me it’s not a good idea.

We keep walking for a bit more, but then it’s too cold and we decide it’s good to go back. Plus, I’m exhausted. The therapy and now this walk is all I can take for a day. Cassidy looks a bit cheerier when we’re again in my room.

“You should sleep a bit, your mum and friends will come in a while and you did a lot today,” she advises me as she helps me to get in my bed again.

Since I woke up from the coma I don’t like the idea of sleeping too much. Yeah, I can’t fight it, sometimes I’m just so tired that I black off, but if I can help it. I slept for four weeks in a row… I think that’s enough, but everyone is always telling me I should sleep more.

I think Cassidy feels my dread to go to sleep and smiles. “Or you can stay in bed and just watch some telly,” she offers and I smile. “You like that better, I see.”

I feel my cheeks warming so I look away with a foolish smile on my lips. “I slept too much already.”

“Yeah, that’s common,” she tells me, pulling the covers up to my chest. “Oh, by the way, I grabbed this for you,” she adds, taking a chocolate bar out of her pocket. “Don’t tell anyone.”

I grab the bar and smile brightly at her. “I won’t.” She smiles and I notice how her eyes get smaller and she puckers up a bit, which makes the freckles on her nose bridge to gather a bit. She looks really cute. “Can you stay to watch telly with me?” I ask because I don’t want her to leave just yet. I like having her around way too much.

“I have to go back. Classes,” she answers and I nod, trying to hide the disappointment by looking away. “But tomorrow we can watch a movie if you want. I can bring a good one. Whichever you want,” she offers next with a big smile.

“Even Top Gun?” I ask and she really laughs.

“Even Top Gun,” Cassidy agrees with a big smile, which I reply. “See you tomorrow, Liam.”

“See you, Cassidy,” I reply.

“Just Cass is okay. You don’t have to be that formal.” I nod and she smiles one more time before exiting the room, leaving me with the telly on and my chocolate bar in the hand.

+ + + + +

When Zayn arrives he finds me watching America’s Next Topmodel. Yes, it’s an awkward situation, and we stare at each other for five minutes in complete silence, only the noise coming from the telly.

“I can explain,” I say but Zayn is still holding the doorknob and watching me.

“Can you?” He defies me and I gulp. “Can you really?”

“I was bored and I couldn’t find anything good, but then I found this and they are hot, okay?” My friend watches me suspiciously, not fully buying my story. “They were doing a photoshoot with bikinis,” I add and he chuckles.

“Fine, but you gotta know I’ll tell everybody about this.” I sigh and he takes that as a confirmation and walks in, closing the door behind him. “How are you feeling today?” He asks me taking a seat next to my bed. I don’t bother with changing the telly.

“Better, I just wanna leave,” I answer, although a part of me doesn’t like the idea because that means I won’t see Cassidy anymore. Yeah, we’re in the same campus, but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna meet there all the time. Plus, she said she is not taking many courses this term and I don’t really know if I want to see her outside. I mean, she is not exactly my type, so it’s not like I wanna date her or anything.

That’s good, says my inner voice agreeing with my thoughts.

“Well, the doctor said you’ll be cleared up in a few days, considering how you’re improving and everything,” Zayn tells me and I nod, paying attention to the telly for a few seconds and the models there.

There’s a tall one with a great bum and small waist, long and silky golden hair falling in soft curls. She is more my type, I’d totally go after that girl. Next to that contestant Cassidy looks like a girl, short and with almost no curves. She really has the body of a girl, not a woman. Yet I still feel drawn to her somehow and I can’t really explain it.

“And where’s the little girl who’s always around?” Zayn asks and it takes me five seconds to realise whom he is talking about.

“You mean Cassidy?” I ask for confirmation and he shrugs. Then I understand that he doesn’t really know her. He’s seen her, but hasn’t talked to her. “She’s fine. She’s really nice and she’s helping a lot. I found out she’s also in the Queen Mary.”

“I thought she was like fifteen,” he comments offhandedly but I tense.

“She’s eighteen,” I snap, annoyed that Zayn thinks she is fifteen.

I don’t know why I snap at him, I was just thinking she looks like a girl and not a woman, exactly the same. But I do. Why does it bother me so much that Zayn says that out loud? But what worries me the most: how on Earth do I know she’s eighteen? I haven’t asked her and she hasn’t told me either. I barely know her name.

I blink up at Zayn. He is staring at me with shock in his eyes and a confused expression, but I also see curiosity in the way the right corner of his mouth lifts, like he does when he sees something he is intrigued in.

“Sensitive topic, I see. Is she your friend now?” He asks and I know what he is doing; he is trying to make me spill something to him, but I don’t even understand myself.

“I guess. She’s just helping me here, you know? With the physiotherapy and everything and she is really nice,” I answer and I know he wants to push further, so I change the subject. “How’s everything in Uni? Am I missing too much?”

Zayn doesn’t reply for a few seconds and only watches me, but at the end he decides it’s good to let it drop and answers. “Nah, you’ll catch up in no time and I’m sure professors will be more flexible with you.”

“I hope, I really don’t wanna fail any course because of this. You’ll have to help me, bro,” I ask and his smile becomes cheeky.

“Some chicks have told me they’d be enchanted to help you out when you come back. All this gave you a reputation of badass, so you’ll be getting loads of attention, mate. Get ready.”

We both laugh at that, not complaining. If I receive more attention from the female population, he surely will be benefited as well. It’s a win-win situation.

I certainly can’t wait to leave this place.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @MarrySt. Soon you'll see how Jake will react to Liam and Cassidy's new friendship.

Bel, xx