Chapter 18 - Come With Me

When I wake up I have a weird feeling in my guts, making me unease. I’m not sure but it feels like fear and worry. I don’t remember my dream, but I do remember euphoria in a moment and panic in the next one, vague images of this version of Cassie’s best friend I’ve made in my head, but everything is so bright that I can’t really see, even if I focus.

I shake my head to shrug off the feeling and leave my bed. Even if it’s Saturday and I can stay here and do nothing, I decide to leave this place, with Zayn still sleeping inside. Whatever dream I had last night also left me with the sensation that Cassie is in love with Jake, still in love with him and although I know it’s fine and he’s no competition at all, I tell myself I have to help Cassie to move on.

So I leave my room in Uni and walk to Cassie’s dorm. It’s far away from mine in the student village, but a morning walk is good for me. On the way I text her just to make sure she’s already awake and she replies that she’s been awake for a while already.

I don’t have a plan in mind, but I just know that I need to help her. She helped me when I woke up after the coma, she helped me to reincorporate to this world all over again and I’ll be forever grateful for that, so now it’s my turn to help.

When I’m outside her building I text her again.

I’m outside, waiting 4u —Liam

I don’t receive an answer but I keep waiting until I see the big doors of her building opening and I see her walking towards me, just putting the scarf on. She looks at me with a confused expression and a smile that I return immediately.

“Liam? What are you doing here?” She asks me stopping in front of me.

“Hi,” I greet with a foolish grin. “Well, since our date yesterday didn’t go as planned—”

“Date?” She asks but I pretend I don’t realise she’s spoken.

“—I thought we had to try again but this time going to somewhere else. Plus, it got me thinking, you know, all what you told me. I know you’re still in love with Jake, kind of.” She looks away, that sad look in her eyes again and I hate it, I hate to see her sad. It breaks my heart a little. “And I thought I could help you to move on. I’m not saying to forget about him,” I quickly add when I see the horror in her eyes. “I just know it makes you really sad and it’s hard for you, so I thought I could help you to remember him without feeling like breaking inside. To let him go but still holding him dearly. Does it make sense?”

She doesn’t say anything for a little while, she just stares at me with a small frown, trying to understand what I mean. In my head it made a lot more sense and I start to form this weird grimace on my face. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, maybe she’s offended that I even suggested that.

“How would you do that?” She asks me softly and I blink realising she didn’t yell at me.

“Uh… I guess by listening to you until it stops hurting saying his name out loud. Going to different places, making new memories and visiting those other places that remind you of him until you don’t feel like bursting out crying again,” I suggest with a shrug of my shoulders. “I know you need time but I just wanna offer my help, just if you need it.”

She again stays in silence, just staring at me but this time a little smile plays on her lips and I really don't know what she’s thinking and I grow more curious as her smile grows wider. “Thank you, Liam,” she says next and now my smile grows wider. “And I guess you’re right, I still love him.” That confession hurts, although I knew it already. “He died two months ago and you can’t forget about someone that fast and I’m afraid that the moment I stop loving him I’ll forget about him.” She looks down when she finishes that sentence, her voice low and small.

“You won’t because even if you stop loving him that way,” —and I hope you do, I add in my mind— “You’ll still love him as your best friend. No one can take that away from you.”

She looks at me again, gratitude in her lovely green eyes, those cat-like eyes that I’ve grown really fond of. Her smile is as precious as usual but this time it makes my heart race in a different, hopeful way. “Thank you,” she repeats but it has a different tone this time, a more special one.

“So, come with me today? Let’s go somewhere,” I suggest sticking out my arm for her.

“I was gonna go to the hospital,” she says, dubiously looping her arm around mine.

“It’s okay, let’s go together. Is Niall still there? He’s a nice fella,” I tell her and her smile grows wider as she loops her arm more securely around mine.

“He goes for physiotherapy, as well,” she explains me as we start to make our way outside campus. “And he’s nice indeed.”

We keep a casual conversation as we walk calmly to the hospital. It’s not too far away from campus and no one is rushing us, plus it’s really, really nice to walk with Cassidy next to me. I notice how her spirit lifts as we keep talking, how her smile becomes more honest and full of life.

At one point we walk in front of a small café shop and she tells me that she used to come here with Jake from time to time, and like that, her smile is lost. I know it’s going to be a while before she can talk about him without looking so sad and devastated.

“How are his parents?” I ask because I have that feeling in the back of my mind telling me that this information is important.

“Not okay,” Cassie answers. “I call them every other day because they are like a second family to me, but they can’t get over what happened. It’s really hard to talk to Mrs Wood because she breaks every time she hears my voice. I can’t even fathom what they feel like after losing their only son.”

I feel terrible when I hear those words because I saw my own mum feeling terrible because I was in a hospital, because she was so close to lose me. It was terrible for her… how would it be for Jake’s mum? Cassie is right, I can’t even imagine how horrible that is.

“I’m sorry for them,” I say and she nods.

“Me too. We all miss Jake so much. He was so joyful, you know? Always making you laugh, always cheering you up, saying stupid things just to make you laugh. But he was also always there for you, no matter what. He would hold you and let you cry without saying a word because he knew that was what you needed,” she says with so much love in her voice that I feel my own heart twisting. “But he was also so oblivious and stubborn. When he’d get an idea in his head there was no way in hell someone would convince him otherwise, no matter how bad that idea was,” she chuckles as she tells me that.

“Sounds like that gave you loads of headaches,” I comment and she laughs again.

“Yeah, quite a few,” Cassie laughs. “But we also had great times.” She stays in silence again and I don’t add anything else until she speaks one more time. “You know, it’s easier to talk about him with you.”

“Maybe because I didn’t know him,” I suggest and she tilts her head to one side.

“Maybe.”

We don’t say anything else because we arrive at the hospital and Cassie greets a lot of people as we make our way inside. No one complains that I’m here, too, saying that the more the merrier. We go and visit the children, play with them make them laugh a bit. I see her interacting with everyone and she’s so good with kids. With people in general. She’s always kind and she always makes other people smile. It’s like Mum said, she can lift anyone’s spirit with just one smile.

Sometimes I surprise myself by staring at her, with the smile of an idiot on my face. She is so different from all the other girls I’ve met, so honest and sweet yet oblivious at the same time because I’m sure it’s evident I fancy her, and I fancy her a lot, but she doesn’t mention anything, she smiles at me the same way she smiles at anyone else.

After a while with the kids, we go to the gym just to say hi to Rob and to our surprise, we find Niall there. He recognises us immediately and waves at us excitedly. It stills surprises me how bubbly he is.

“Liam, Cass!” He greets us with a big smile. “It’s great to see you guys here. Whataya doin’?” He inquires next.

“We were with the kids for a while,” she answers, smiling brightly at him. “How’s the session going? Is that knee treating you well?”

“I’m smashing this session, aren’t I, Rob?” Niall asks the physiotherapist and he chuckles as he nods. “See?”

“That’s great. Oh, is that Amy?” She asks when someone catches her eye from the right. “It’s her! Be right back, guys. Gotta say hi to her.” And she walks away, leaving us three there.

“How’re ya?” Niall ask me with the same big smile. “Feeling better already?”

“Much better,” I reply before my head turns in Cassie’s direction, who’s greeting a girl with blond short hair. They hug and the other girl has loads of trouble moving, but she really tries.

“She’s a great girl, isn’t she?” Niall mentions and only then I snap back to reality and focus on the blond guy. “Cass, I mean. She’s a good person, a really, really good person. I’m sure she only wishes the best for everyone,” he muses and I smile, nodding.

“I bet,” I agree and he laughs.

“You don’t find many of those nowadays.” I totally agree because it’s true, Cass is really one pure soul, a really good person, someone who would never do something to hurt another person. “And once you do, you gotta hold them tightly.”

I look at him surprised and this time his smile is different, not just the happy-go-lucky smile. “What do you mean?” I ask.

“I’m just wishing you good luck, mate. She’s an amazing girl but there’s something that makes her sad. I don’t know what it is, but I see it. You can’t miss it when it’s someone like her and it’s not okay, someone like her shouldn’t be sad.” Once again, I wholeheartedly agree with Niall. “I can see you fancy her.”

My eyes widen in surprise and he laughs at me. Rob also laughs. “Yeah, I think we all noticed that,” the physiotherapist support and I feel mortified.

“So good luck, mate.”

“So you don’t… you don’t fancy her?” I ask Niall and he shakes his head.

“Nah, I don’t like her that way so don’t worry, I won’t fight for her but, for your sake, I hope you don’t hurt her,” he looks really serious while saying that. “I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one to ask for your head if you do.”

“It’s not my plan,” I say and he smiles again.

“Then good luck,” he repeats once again just when Cassie arrives next to us.

“Good luck on what?” She asks, her smile as lovely as usual.

“With his exams,” Niall replies. “And life in general.” Cassidy smiles to both of us in the same way and I sigh. I hope Niall’s good wishes help me, because she doesn’t look at me any different from how she looks at Niall.

I’ll need luck if I want to leave the friend zone.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @just_me148. Please, don't stop leaving comments. Don't mind the mistakes or anything, your words make me happy.

Bel, xx