Chapter 14 - Stop and Stare

When I wake up I have a feeling that I should remember something, like my dream. I should remember what I dreamt of last night, but I can’t. There’s a part of me telling me it’s important that I remember, but then another part doesn’t want to. Maybe it’s one of those dreams again, about Cass, and I don’t want to remember so I won’t feel like I’m going crazy.

I shrug the feeling off and leave my bed. Zayn is still sleeping so I try to be quiet while I get ready to leave. I have this urge to go out for a walk. I don’t know where I’ll be going, but I guess I can just wander around, go to some shops. I don’t know. Rob keeps telling me that I have to walk every day in order to keep working on my full recovery. Walking is a good exercise.

We’re at the beginning of March and it’s still really cold, so I put on a coat before leaving the room. I don’t even listen to music, I just walk at my own pace, looking around, taking notice of everything. London is so beautiful during winter and I feel like I never stopped to appreciate that.

Since I woke up from the coma I haven’t done crazy things as to feel like I’m fully living my life. What I’ve done instead is to stop and stare. I don’t just go through the motion anymore, but I live the moment. At my own pace, I don’t feel rushed. I’ve seen things that I never saw before. I’ve stopped to smell  the perfume of the bread just made in the morning, or the smell of coffee when it’s so cold. I’ve stopped to feel the raindrops falling on my skin and then sliding slowing down my cheeks. I’ve stopped to see kids running behind the other, laughing uncontrollably. I’ve stopped to see how the tree branches fight to stay firm when snow is trying to tear them down.

I’m using my second chance to see things I always took for granted, to pay attention to the details and I never thought it would so rewarding.

I visit shops I would never pay a second look before and I’ve found great things. I even have Mum’s present for her birthday already. It’s so different when you stop for a while and look around. You’ll find marvellous things.

During my walk I stop by a music shop. It’s a vintage one and I don’t normally listen to vinyl, but they are cool. I walk around the stacks with so many vinyl, finding amazing albums that I never thought I would see.

In a moment I look up and I see curly hair, very, very curly and for a moment my heart races until I notice it’s not light brown, almost like honey, curly hair but blonde curly hair. It’s not Cassie. I know I just saw her yesterday and I got her number, but I think it’s too soon to call her. Plus, I’m still trying to make sure whether I fancy her or not. Most likely I do, but still.

I sigh a bit disappointed that it wasn’t Cass, but then I hear her name. “Cass, I found it!” A feminine voice says out loud and I raise my head once again to see the curly blonde with a vinyl in one hand, the other waving at someone. I look in the direction she’s staring at and I find another curly-haired girl, with strands like the colour of honey and this time my heart does a backflip in my chest. This time it is Cassidy.

Cass smiles radiantly and approaches the other girl. I watch the exchange between them, the moment the blonde hands The Beatles’ vinyl to Cass and the way she holds it so carefully, with reverence. “You found it! Nessa, you’re the best!”

The blonde, Nessa I presume, smiles cockily before her smiles turns sweet as she sees Cass looking at the vinyl with loving eyes. I smile, too.

In a moment Cassidy looks up and frowns, just before she looks right and her eyes meet mine immediately. It’s like she knew exactly where I was standing before she even turned around. She looks surprised but she smiles instantly when she notices me. Without saying anything, she takes Nessa’s wrist and drags her along as she keeps walking up to me.

“Liam! It’s great to see you again,” she says once we’re face-to-face and letting go of the other girl, she hugs me. Shocked for a second, I don’t react, but then I recover and hug her back, wrapping my arms around her tightly.

“Likewise,” I say as she pulls back.

“This is my friend and roommate, Nessa. Nessa, this is Liam,” Cass introduces us both and the moment Cassidy says my name, Nessa raises her eyebrows in realisation.

“Nice to meet you, Liam,” she says shaking my hand and her voice tells me she knows something, but I don’t know what. “So you are the reason why she spent so much time at the hospital,” the blonde muses and I look at Cassidy right away just to see her widening her eyes in shock and her cheeks turning rosy right before she smacks Nessa’s arm softly. The blonde chuckles but doesn’t say anything.

“She helped me loads,” I tell and Nessa nods, but she keeps a smile that says she knows more.

“So,” Cassidy speaks up to change topic. “What are you doing here? Looking for a special album?”

“Not really,” I reply. “I was just walking around and decided to come in. I was just looking at the vinyl when I saw you.”

“This is a great shop. I always find what I’m looking for, you know, for my collection,” Cass tells me and I smile, appreciating the new information I’ve acquired.

“So you collect vinyl,” I state and she nods with a shy smile.

“She likes antiques in general,” Nessa says. “We usually go on antiques haunting.”

I look at Cassidy as if wanting her to tell me more about that.

“Well, I gotta find an um… album I want so yeah, gotta go,” Nessa adds and doesn’t wait for an answer, she just turns on her heels and leaves us alone. I keep staring at Cass, waiting for her to say something else.

“I like the idea of keeping memories,” she says stroking the album cover with her fingers, carefully. “When I buy an antique I like to imagine all the memories it contains. I like to believe objects keep the memories of the events that happened around them. I know it’s silly but—”

“It’s not,” I cut her off and she looks up, meeting my eyes. “It’s sweet and a really nice theory.”

Cass chuckles softly, her cheeks still a bit rosy. “My best friend used to say I’m a hoarder,” she laughs. “Just teasing, of course.”

I don't really know what to say when she mentions her best friend so I just smile sympathetically. I know she gets lost in one of her own memories because I can see the sad smile on her face and the way her eyes are not focused on the present anymore. I want to bring her back to now, but at the same time I respect the memory of her best friend. I already know how important memories are for her.

“Okay, um,” she says, snapping back to reality on her own. “I gotta go. I got what I needed.” She looks at me with a different kind of smile, not the sad one. “See you around?”

“Sure,” I reply with a smile of my own although I don’t want her to leave yet. “Have a good day,” I tell her and she nods with a wider smile before stepping closer and giving me another hug.

“You too, Liam.”

And then she turns around and leaves to find Nessa and exit the shop. I stay there for a little longer, happy that I got to see her today but a bit sad that our encounter ended already. But I know I’ll see her again and I have her number if I really decide I fancy her and I want to ask her out. I’m still sorting everything out, though.

You’ll see her again, my inner voice supports and I smile because I know it’s true.

+ + + + +

Turns out I do keep meeting with Cassidy and it’s kind of weird already. I swear I’m not stalking her or anything, they are all casual meetings. Sometimes I don’t even see her first, sometimes it’s her saying “Liam?” and when I turn around she’s there, surprised yet happy to see me.

It normally happens when I’m just walking around, without a goal in mind. I end up in a place that she frequents, or that's what she tells me. It’s weird because before I never felt attracted to these places, like small cafes or vintage shops or parks and even some streets. I always went to the places I had to go, the bars my friends and I would always visit, the buildings I was supposed to be at. I would take the normal routes. But now I visit places I didn’t know existed, I walk down streets that are completely new for me although they were always there. I let my guts  guide me and I always end up in a place that Cassidy would visit. Most of the time I find her there.

Don't’ get me wrong, I’m happy to see her all the time and my heart races when I meet her eyes, but it’s kind of creepy. It’s like my guts know exactly where to guide me so I can find her. And I know that if I didn’t take these new paths I wouldn’t meet Cassidy at all. She doesn’t go to the places I normally go to.

“We meet again!” She laughs when we meet again, this time at the grocery shop. This time Zayn and I came together to buy some food for the weekend, I didn’t let my guts lead me. “This is getting strangely common, isn’t it?”

“I’m not stalking you, I’m buying crisps!” I defend myself showing her the big bag of crisps I have in my basket.

She giggles and shakes her head. “I’m not accusing you, it’s just funny how we keep meeting. But I’m glad.” Cassidy gives me one of her lovely smiles and I swear I feel my guts twisting in a strange way. I smile like an idiot when she says that.

Oh yeah, I totally figured it out and I do fancy Cassie. Zayn keeps teasing me about it and telling me I should ask her out but I always remember she friendzoned me. But then she smiles at me like this and I feel like she may have feelings for me, too.

Maybe Zayn is right and I have to ask her out.

That’s not a good idea, mate, my inner voice advices me and I think about it, but Cass keeps smiling at me so sweetly and I really want to spend more time with her, not just these casual meetings where we share a few words and then go on with our businesses.

I should ask her out.

You should not, my conscience insists and I want to shout at it to shut up, but if I talk to myself again, Cassie will think I’m crazy. Or worse, she’ll think I’m yelling at her.

I’m going to ask her out.

No, my annoying inner voice demands but I ignore it. I do what I want.

“It’s funny but maybe we should, you know, meet on purpose,” I suggest and she tilts her head to one side. “You know, grab some coffee together or go somewhere nice.”

She blinks surprised for a second and opens her mouth as to say something, but then stops herself. I panic when I think she may turn me down, but then she smiles brightly. “That’d be lovely.”

I really can’t help the idiotic smile on my face when she says that, but I can’t say anything due to Zayn arriving next to us in that moment. “Oh Cassidy, hi. Now I get why Liam never met me at the cereal hall.”

I know I blush when he says that and I see Cass giggling. “We just ran into each other. My friend is waiting for me, too. I’ll see you around, Liam,” she says, not a question anymore.

“Yeah, I’ll call you,” I tell her and she nods before saying goodbye to Zayn and walking away. I notice my best friend staring at me with raised eyebrows from the corner of my eye, but I keep looking at Cassidy’s figure walking away from me. “I asked her out,” I blurt out and Zayn laughs before patting my back in a ‘well done’ way.

“I knew you were gonna do it one day. That’s my boy,” he says and I laugh, too. “Now let’s go.”

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @jademiori. I'm glad you think this story is unpredictable! I hope I keep surprising you in the future.

Bel, xx