Chapter 1 - Waking Up

I hear a constant beep, steady and muffled, but as time passes, the beeping becomes louder and clearer. I can’t open my eyes and I really try, but they are so heavy. I start to take notice of my body and realise how heavy it is, I can’t move it either. It’s like thousands of blokes are above me, trapping me, pinning me against this soft surface. Where am I? What’s happening? I grow desperate by the second but then I stop when I hear something else and this freezes my body.

Sobbing.

Someone is sobbing and this person is close, I know that. Is this person crying over me? Am I dead?

No!

Woah, okay, I’m clearly not dead. I believe you, inner voice. Anyways, there’s someone crying but I still can’t open my eyes nor move my body. I fight, fight harder than I’ve fought before, but nothing happens. I don’t give up. I can’t give up. I need to wake up… or fully wake up. Whatever the case is.

I can finally open my eyes and it hurts so badly. Everything is so bright I have to close them again and open them slowly this time, carefully. My surroundings are so white and immaculate, and unfamiliar. I don’t recognise this place but when I look at my right I see machines, hospital machines. I take another look at the room and it looks like a hospital room, and I’m a patient.

I hear the sobbing again and I remember I heard it before, so I look to my left and I see a girl. She hasn’t noticed I woke up and she is crying. She has this messy and big brown curly hair, with small ringlets. She is pale, I can see that, but she is covering her face so I can’t tell more. She is skinny, almost like a boy before he hits puberty. She is dressed casually, with jeans, a long and comfy cream jumper and trainers.

She is beyond ordinary.

No!

Woah… my inner voice is quite loud now.

I try to recognise her but nothing comes to my mind. Why is she here, crying? I don’t know her. To be honest, I don’t even know why I am here. Wait… what happened? How did I end up in the hospital? What if I lost my memory?

No, I do remember things. I’m Liam Payne, I’m nineteen, I’m studying Aerospace engineering, I’m from Wolverhampton, I came to London for Uni. I have my best mate, Zayn and we go to Queen Mary together. I do remember things, and faces, but I don’t remember this girl. Could it be that I only forgot her? How’s that possible?

My distress affects the machines because the beeps become faster and louder and that alerts the girl. She stops crying and jerks, her hands leaving her face and she looks at me, meeting my eyes that have been examining her all this time. Her eyes are green, so green and framed by long and thick eyelashes. Her skin is covered with freckles and she is really pale. Her eyes are kind of weird, almond-shaped and too intense. I wouldn’t call her pretty.

Shut up, she is beautiful! My inner voice screams, clearly opposed to my other thoughts.

Maybe that’s why I’m in the hospital… maybe it’s not even a hospital and I’m in an asylum because I went mental.

No, but seriously, how did I end up here?

“Blimey, you’re awake!” She exclaims and I blink. Her voice is so soft and warm, like a caress. It surprises me.

Told you! She’s beautiful, like her voice!

Yes, I’m mental.

I try to speak but my throat is horse and it hurts to even open my mouth. The girl hurries as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. She takes a glass from the nightstand next to my bed with a straw and helps me to drink some water as she presses a button. Maybe she is calling someone.

“You finally woke up. People have been waiting for you all this time,” she tells me in a sweet tone, smiling. She has a cute smile, but still, I can’t remember her although a part of me feels like I know her, like I know everything about her when she looks me in the eyes.

“Wh-where… am… I?” I manage to ask, my throat hurting with the uttered words.

“You’re in the hospital. You’ve been here for four weeks, Liam. Do you remember something?” She asks carefully and I close my eyes, trying to remember, but the last thing I recall is going to watch the Manchester United’s match with Zayn and getting a bit drunk after the team’s victory.

“I’m not… not sure,” I answer a bit better this time. The water is helping.

She smiles sympathetically at me and strokes my cheek. The touch feels so familiar yet new. Seriously, who is this girl? “It’s normal. The doctor is coming and he will explain everything,” she promises without losing the smile and putting the glass aside once I drink all the water. “How are you feeling?”

 “I’m fine… I guess. I dunno.”

“It’s fine. You’ll feel better soon, I promise.”

“Wh-who are you?” I ask carefully and she doesn’t react at my question. She doesn’t look hurt or anything. Was she expecting this to happen?

“I’m Cassidy, I’m a volunteer in the hospital. I was just checking if you’re doing fine when I…” and in that moment her voice breaks. “When I had to take a break. You just remind me of someone,” she carries on and I nod, or at least I try to nod.

So I don’t know this girl, she is just working here and she happened to be here when I woke up. But still, a part of me feels like I know her, like I’ve known her all my life. What’s going on?

Then the door opens and a doctor walks in with a huge grin on his face. Walking behind him is my mum, her cheeks stained with dry tears but when she meets my eyes her smile is huge and full of life. Cassidy steps back and my mum is next to me in one second, taking my hand, the one without the IV. The doctor is at my other side.

“Welcome back, Liam. How’re you feeling?” He asks carefully.

“My baby, you’re finally awake,” Mum cries, kissing my face and holding my hand tightly.

“I’m okay… I think,” I answer and the doctor smiles. “What happened?”

“You got in a fight at a club,” the doctor starts and I try to call back the memories. I remember Zayn and I got to the club and we were having fun, drinking and meeting girls after Manchester United’s victory. “Basically, you got stabbed during this fight. Your attacker perforated some organs and we had to put you under emergency surgery. You were lucky, Liam.”

I hear my mum sob so I look at her and she is crying again, but she kisses my hand. “I’m okay now, Mum,” I tell her softly and she nods. I do remember, it’s still blurry but I do remember the fight, the bloke who attacked me. It was because his girlfriend hit on me and I went along. How was I supposed to know she had a massive boyfriend who probably liked to do street fighting? “How’s Zayn?” I ask remembering how he also got in the fight.

“He received many cuts and was quite bruised up, but not as severely as you. He is totally fine now, waiting outside. You, on the other hand, had internal bleeding and although we thought we had everything under control, you started bleeding again during the night and very quickly. Liam, we lost you for three minutes. You were dead for three minutes,” he tells me and my shock paralyses me, I only feel my mum’s hand as I process that information. “It was a real miracle that you came back when we had given up on you already. After that we got the haemorrhage under control but you slipped in a coma. You have been in a coma since then, for four weeks. That was good, don’t worry, it helped you to heal. You’re fine now, all your wounds are healed.”

“I was… I was dead,” I mumble, not really hearing the rest. I actually died. I look past Mum and I see Cassidy. These words seem to affect her even more than they affect my mum, she doesn’t even look in my direction until she feels me, only then her green eyes meet mine and I see so much sorrow in her eyes. Is it because of me?

“But you’re fine now, Sweetie. Now you only have to recover, do physiotherapy and soon you’ll be ready to carry on with your life,” Mum tells me and I take my eyes off Cassidy to look at my mother, smiling encouragingly at me. “Everyone’s been so worried about you, but you’re finally awake.”

“I’ll have to run some tests to see how your body is doing and check your vitals, so I’ll need you to leave us alone,” the doctor instructs and Mum nods, giving me a last kiss on my cheek and leaving my side. I look at Cassidy and she smiles sadly at me before turning on her heels.

“Wait,” I call and both women stop, but I only look at Cassidy this time. “Will you come back?” I ask. I don’t know why this is important, but a part of me needs her near.

“Of course,” she answers and my mum looks at her confused. She doesn’t know her either. “I’m here to help.”

“Good,” I say and she smiles wider before turning and leaving the room. Mum lingers a bit more before she smiles at me and leaves us alone with the doctor.

“You’re a very lucky man, Liam. I don’t know how you did it, but you certainly have an angel with you.”

“I thought all doctors were atheist,” I comment and he laughs as he starts checking all the machines.

“Not all of us, Liam. Many of us believe firmly in God and believe me, he sent an angel for you. I’ll be completely honest with you, Liam. What happened with you was a real miracle. You weren’t supposed to survive on that table, your bleeding was unstoppable, yet you came back. I don’t know if you’re a believer, but you have to thank someone for that. It wasn’t just science, I can tell that.” He looks at me and his words shock me.

I don’t know what to say or think. I can barely process I was actually dead. I don’t even remember a thing. Am I supposed to remember the light? Or seeing me from above? It’s like that in movies, but I don't remember anything. I can barely remember when this guy stabbed me.

“What happened to the bloke who stabbed me?” I ask, only remembering that now.

“Prison, charged with attempt of murder. You’re safe, don’t worry,” he reassures me taking his little torch to check my eyes.

I don’t ask anything else, I just let him do his job as I keep trying to make sense out of everything I’ve found out. I feel different, but that’s maybe because I’m waking up from a coma, or because I haven’t moved in four weeks. I don’t know, but there’s something different inside of me. I don’t feel the same, it’s like there’s something new inside me. I don’t know what it is, I can barely notice the difference, but as I grow more conscious of my body I also notice I’m not the same. Something important has changed.

You’re not alone in there anymore, I hear. A voice, not my voice this time.

What the fuck?

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @AnotherBookWorm1. I'm really happy you liked the prologue so much!

Bel, xx